Aeoinn stood in the ever so crowded town square of haven. The bustling heart of the place the knights called home, ever since the calamity of the skylark's crash. Though, history was not was on his mind, it was the mysterious clockworks. He stood, his own palm placed firmly on the chin-guard of his Azure guardian helm. Unlike the rest of the order, he did not so easily adapt to cradle's abundant natural reasources. He found the common practice of wearing skolvers, grotesque and vile. Unlike the graceful ancient art of the Azure armor he wore, a practice long lived by the spiral order. He even held the same legacy within his weaponry, Blitz needles were horribly dangerous, and swords bearing the name "brandish" simply did not have the long-lived tradition of the leviathan blade. But still, his mind wandered, to places most had. "Why are Gremlins so hostile to outsiders? Unlike the welcoming strangers? How does a planet that is a machine, come in to existance?" As he pondered, the knights of the order went on around him. They pushed the economy at the auction house, they crafted powerful peices of technology, and they socialized with their fellow knights. As he idly thought, and witnessed the doings of his fellow spiral knights, an idea came into his mind. It was no ordianary idea, it was diffrent, it was the black sheep in the herd, it was the wildcard among the deck! He ran over to the elavators, the mysterious and unexplained place were knights had been able to explore this strange and harsh world! He moved his legs as fast as he could, going around crowds of people, his expression one of absolute determination. "I'm going to end the war!" it was an obvious war he spoke of, the one against gremlins, but what was not obvious was why he randomly shouted those words, and how he planned to complete such a monumental task all by himself. It was a foolish idea, if one knight could end such a conflict, would it not of happend already? The exclamation would turn a few heads, some conversations broke with the dashing figure, some irritated by the disturbance. But only one knight among all the others would go along with him. Aeoinn would reach the elavators, turning to the usual method of causing it's decent, when a pair of hands found themselves on each of his shoulders. He would be yanked away from the contraption, and knocked over by the sudden suprising force released him. Aoeinn, now on his rear-end, would look up at the stranger that toppled him. It was not the sight he expected, but it was real all the same. It was a brutish knight, one of great stature, clad in armor not fit for those who were smaller, which encompassed pretty much your average knight. It was plate mail that was clinging to the massive personal-space-invador. They looked down at him, their face barley visible through the bars on their headgear. They spoke in a fitting voice, for one so diffrent. "What are you doing?!" the beast of a knight said as he gestured towards the elavator. Aoeinn tilted his head, confused not only by the fact that somone stopped him, but by the fact that they even inquired at his actions. They didn't call him a fool, or bring him back to poke fun at his hopeless endeavor. Aoeinn spoke, in a tone that was one of confusion. "I said, i plan on ending the gremlin-knight conflict." the hulking-armored figure would plant their visor in their palm, effectivly making a display of dissapointment in Aoeinn. Their powerful voice would then rise once more. "How would you do that? We always charge! We are driven back! They charge, and we drive them back!" they would bring themself closer to Aoeinn "What would one knight do to make a diffrence?!" Aoeinn would looked rather shocked. "What's your problem!?" he yelled at the beastial visage before him. The plated figure would back off, and move his arms to a more relaxed position. "I'm sorry! It's a touchy subject! I haven't had the best experiances with gremlins." Aoeinn would then look confused. "Who has not!?" the armored warrior would then sigh. "I lost somone...That's that." He then turned towards the arcade and began to walk off. Aoeinn then felt some guilt, he felt he had spoken harsh words that were unjust, yes the guy had thrown him down, but he was not violent, and he did touch on some nerves. He would chase after the plated-stranger, and jab him in the shoulder. The visor would turn to Aoeinn, sadness being fought back on the face of the other. "I'm sorry, i was angry and my words were empty, please forgive me." Aoeinn held out his hand, the other knight looking down at the azure gauntlet, as he raised his own to meet Aoeinn's. "You are forgivin, and my name is Furiso by the way." Aoeinn nodded, quietly repeating Furiso's name. "I am Aoeinn. Pleasure to meet you." But instead of letting go, he yanked on the plated arm. Furiso looked at him in confusion. "What?" but the smaller knight was ready for just that inquiry. "I have a plan to end the war, it's not me throwing myself at hordes of armed furry foes. But if you come along, i'm sure we can put it in action!" Furiso would frown, and start walking in the direction Aoeinn was leading him in. "What would that be?" the azure clad warrior would then smirk. "Were going to cause a rebellion of course!" Furiso would then pull his arm back from Aoeinn's grasp. "What are you, insane?! They're loyal to their king, they woulden't rebel so easilly!" the smaller knight shook his head. "I didn't say it was easy, i said i have a plan!" another strange look caught his eye, he no longer got words from Furiso, who was obviously irritated with Aoeinn. "Mmmhm." was the noise that echoed from the giant. Aoeinn then smiled, a bright smile. "So there are already gremlins who have allied themselves with the spiral order, am i right?" Furiso nodded. "Do you know why they did?" Furiso shook his head. "Me neither, so my plan starts with us going to emberlight!" Furiso then saw the plan for what it was, foolish, but possibly a beacon of hope for the order. "So how are we getting there? There's plently of vicous creatures between us and the place!" Aoeinn then nodded. "Then we better be on our way!" Furiso shook his head. "At the first sight of huge danger i'm bailing, i'm not wasting my life on your plan!" Aoeinng nodded as well. "I didn't expect you to!" With that, they began to stride towards the elevator, begging their journey, on a quest for to show insight to gremlins, of the wrongs, and the rights of their ways. ~End of chapter 1, next will come out soon.~
The right thing... (Fanfic!)
The pair traveled down through the elavators, going through one floor after another, essentially what the standared spiral knight would do on a mission. But these were not ordinary knights, they were on a quest, a quest that was very unlikely to be achieved. Even with Furiso's promise of leaving at danger, he was still present through the minor skirmishes. This went on, until they finally found themselves in the town of emberlight, the place their plan needed to be the deciding factor for the future of cradle. The gears came to a grinding halt as they reached the dim outpost. Furiso and Aoeinn would both step off the elavator, their boots clanging against the unclean metal in the big empty space. They marched as they went towards the center of town, were the few actual inhabidents lived. The larger of the pair stood out even more in his massive suit, as the smaller still drew eyes with his flashy attire, the fact that they were knights was the deciding factor in how much attention they would recieve, as they appeard to be simple knights, going to the core on a journey for various reasons. This was up until the point that one solitary gremlin would see a massive shadow looming over him, was this it? Was it the shadow of a beast that would devour him? "Hello." Aoeinn said to the shaking gremlin, who immediatly turned around to face him. The bipedal-fuzzy-wuzzy was still shocked at the sight of Furiso, though he no longer felt as if his life was in danger, for the most part at least. "Yes?" the startled gremlin said, now seeming to breath easier. Furiso cleared his throat, but just then, Aoeinn jabbed him on the shoulder, and whispered in his ear. "Let me do the talking." Furiso would look down on him with a confused expression. "But i was just clearing my throat." The little knight would then look up, "Okay, perhaps i registered it as an indicator, chill!" With an eyeroll, the beast would go back to silence, as Aoeinn piped in with his much less impressive voice. "We would like to know what exactly caused you to ally yourself with the spiral knights." Aoeinn then simply stood there, on the ends of his boots, with his hands behind his back, anxious to get the answer that would secure saftey for spiral knights throughout cradle. He could hardly contain himself as the gremlin began to speak, "Actually it wasn't my choice." At that moment Aoeinn felt like his heart sank into his stomach. "What do you mean?" He inquired to the gremlin. "I worked in a munitions factory, when one day they accused one of my co-workers with treason, and they had everyone in the wing cleared out, just in case. Most of them were to nervous to come to emberlight, in hopes that one day they will be accepted again. I on the other hand, was willing to go against my morales, and now i regret nothing. Everything i need is here, we don't all have the same reason for being here..." Aoeinn was enthralled by the story, up until the part were the reason for gremlins outcast was mentioned. "So if they'll boot half a factory for mysterious causes of one gremlin, what do you think they would do if the entirety of the crimson order was accused under such circumstances?" The previously frightend gremlin, would now look frightend again. "What do you mean?! That's litterally impossible! The king would never believe such a sham!" That was when furiso began to intrude, "Actually it wouldent be, isn't there already some rogue gremlins on record?" Aoeinn nodded. "I do think so, perhaps we can replicate the cause, but a bunch more times?" at that point the onlooking gremlin decided to interrupt them. "What are you crazy!? You know nothing of gremlin society, about how the order ticks! I'm not saying i know the latter, but you shoulden't go in blind!" He grabbed Furiso's arm and shook it violently "What are you crazy!?" both the knights looked at eachother, and for once, spoke in unison. "Yeah i guess." The gremlin put his hands over his eyes and shook his head, "I guess it might just work, if the king felt like he could trust no one, he would probably flee, and the empire would melt down in a matter of days. I guess i feel obligated to go with you." the little gremlin turned around to the pipe he was previosly fixing, and turned around clutching a wrench wand. But the knights wouldn't take his help, after all they would feel guilty if he fell prey to his own kind. But with his insesting, they were compelled to take him along. "What's your name?" the largest of the group asked. "Bluespark." the exiled gremlin responded. "Welcome aboard, but now that we know what to do, we need to know how to do it. Anyone know were to start?" it was at this point Furiso put his hand on his own chin. Bluespark would look at the two, doing as Furiso did, "Perhaps we should find one member, to raise suspision on others?" his plot was agreed to by the others, and they would start on their quest of finding a gremlin fortress of some kind, in hopes of it having a computer, or at least one mention of a Crimsion order name.
You might wanna space out dialogue and paragraphs...
That wasn't too bad, and though I only read the first chapter, I couldn't help but wonder why you used "would" when describing the actions of your characters. By doing so, I was under the impression that you were setting up a metaphorical situation in the future, rather than speaking on something that already occurred, as you did also use past tense.
For the actual content and structuring, it was fairly decent. Not much else I can elaborate on, though. I did feel as if it was a bit rushed, but the length itself was good.
But foremost, spacing.
Please, put spacing- It'll make people much more willing to read!
I will hold this in mind next time i upload more stuff. Thanks ^_^
Sadly due to certain reasons, i must discontinue this fanfic. Whether or not you liked it, thank you for reading, and i may write another in the coming months. Enjoy your lives!
Another should be churned out in a day or two, i hope you like it, it's my first! =3