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[FANFIC.COMPLETE] The Grinder

11 replies [Last post]
Thu, 08/11/2011 - 23:57
mosonofbo
Legacy Username

The Grinder is a grim adventure into the belly of the Clockworks starring two hapless explorers who discover an ominous gate outside of Haven. When they become stranded, their only option is venture into the foreboding depths to try finding another way back.

This story was written for Zettalux's Fanfic Contest.

Rating: PG-13, Grimdark, some distressing situations
Final word count: ~5930

Available via GoogleDocs:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hNCxExURVOSf5jtNaDeC_5wXH6g3Oow35udI...

An excerpt from chapter 2:

    “You alright, Livy?” He nonchalantly lifted open a panel in his armor and pulled out a cable. Blue light siphoned from his Mist Tank into hers, restoring it to a sufficiently blue glow. “You can figure this out, right? You’re smart. That’s why I wanted you for this job.”

    “This job didn’t involve getting lost on Cradle’s surface!” Livy spun around and whipped him across the face. Callard stumbled back more out of surprise than any real injury.

    “Livy, put the gun down.”

    “You take me back to Haven right now, Callard.”

Fri, 08/12/2011 - 18:43
#1
Nechrome's picture
Nechrome
... i'm going to lose the

...

i'm going to lose the contest with all the pro compettion...

Very good! Keep up the good work!

Tue, 08/16/2011 - 18:24
#2
mosonofbo
Legacy Username
This story is COMPLETE!

This story is COMPLETE! Excerpts from Chapters 3 and 4.

...

Chapter 3: Along Came A Spider

    “Callard, it’s moving.” Livy flattened herself against a wall as the struts near her suddenly shot up, piercing the air just inches from her face. The rest of the structures around them came to life, moving to the drumbeat of a steadily increasing clicking that heralded the awakening of the Clockworks.

    The bridge beneath them lurched, moving through the abyss. They looked at each other, and then at their feet as the platform opened up between them. It was a crooked maw lined with rotating teeth, the multitude of gears and levers peeling their world apart. “Livy, what do we do?”

    “Keep going and don’t fall down!”

...

Chapter 4: The Devil in the Details

    “Look at the gate, Livy! It’s the gate!” Sure enough, when she took a moment to trace the cogs he had just immobilized, the entire mechanism had been trying to close off the elevator before they could ever reach it. It would have sliced her right down the middle if he hadn’t stopped it just then.

    “Callard, I can’t leave you like this.”

Wed, 08/17/2011 - 10:15
#3
Zettalux's picture
Zettalux
Call me interested!

Call me interested!

Wed, 08/17/2011 - 10:24
#4
Guildenberg
Very nice.....and absolutely

Very nice.....and absolutely horrifying. I may need to take a break from Spiral Knights because of this story.

Thu, 08/18/2011 - 04:35
#5
Toxicburn's picture
Toxicburn
Epic Story

This is an epic story. Hope you can continue. It is nice reading it.

Mon, 08/22/2011 - 05:49
#6
Asthix's picture
Asthix
Thoroughly enjoyable. A

Thoroughly enjoyable. A little more polish , such as a bit more exposition about the suddenness at the end, or clarification of revealing the gate in the beginning and I would have absolutely no criticism.

I can provide you with syntax fixes if you wish.

Mon, 08/22/2011 - 17:38
#7
mosonofbo
Legacy Username
re: Asthix

Please do! Now that the contest is over I can go back and edit it without fear of disqualification, and it could use a final pass before I submit it to my deviantART account or other places.

Mon, 08/22/2011 - 20:32
#8
Shrinkshootr
I've only read a tiny bit at

I've only read a tiny bit at the moment (i tend to do things in pieces), but at the moment the only bad thing that jumped out at me was "a lot less floodlights" instead of "far fewer." Other than that, the best one I've read so far from the rest of the ones in the contest.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 18:13
#9
Charibdys
Legacy Username
Ouch. Brutal. A great read,

Ouch. Brutal. A great read, though. My one nitpick would be that the action in the middle of the story, right at its most intense, is unclear, and I'm not 100% sure what Livy and Callard discovered (though I can make a very educated guess).

Keep up the good work!

Mon, 01/07/2013 - 02:59
#10
Cormorants's picture
Cormorants
bump

I greatly enjoyed reading this.

Mon, 01/07/2013 - 16:12
#11
Immortous's picture
Immortous
/sigh

What part of "don't necro really old threads" is so hard....?

EDIT: After reading this (dunno why it's in GC instead of TV), I will say it was a very well done piece though.

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