I'll start with the first joke -
So, guys, what do you call someone who is addicted to playing Vanaduke?
A Vanadict! LOLOLOLOL
(Don't post unless you have a joke, yes that is the only rule ^_^)
I'll start with the first joke -
So, guys, what do you call someone who is addicted to playing Vanaduke?
A Vanadict! LOLOLOLOL
(Don't post unless you have a joke, yes that is the only rule ^_^)
These are the various signatures I've had on forums that actually allow signatures...
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"I see," says the blind man.
"So I have heard," responds his deaf friend.
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I would love to have a battle of wits with you! However, it appears that you are unarmed.
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If life gives you lemons:
MAKE ORANGE JUICE!
And leave people wondering how you did it...
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Save a cow, eat a vegetarian!
what looks like half of a butterfly? (the other half!)
what goes: black white black white black white black white black white black white black white black white? (a nun rolling down the stairs)
what is purple and goes: slam slam slam slam? (a four door grape)
what is black white and red all over? (a sunburned zebra!)
how do you get a giraffe to fit in your refrigerator? (cut a hole in the top and shove him in)
how do you get an elephant in your refrigerator? (take the giraffe out and put the elephant in!)
how can you tell if there's been an elephant in your refrigerator? (you can see his footprints in the jelly)
Who murdered Captain Crunch?
A cereal killer!
There once was a perfect (but snobby) little girl who lived in the most perfect mansion. She slept in a perfect bed, and ate a perfect breakfast every morning. She had perfect (and equally snobby) parents. She went the the most perfect school and only made friends with other perfect kids. she had the perfect 'insert other stuff here.' but the only thing that she didn't have was the perfect pet.
one day, she was doing her perfect walk back from her perfect school (her lime was broken and her parents were having a hard time locating the perfect mechanic to repair it) when she saw the most perfect tiny cute doggie on the other side of the road. she thought, "I must have that perfect dog!" and ran across the street, was hit by a cement truck, and was smushed to pulp under the tires.
what is the moral to this story?
wait for it...
wait for it...
wait for it...
the moral is...
LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE YOU CROSS THE STREET. *ba-dum smash!*
a dude named john goes to visit his grandad for the weekend, and they do kid/old dude stuff, ya know. so lunch time rolls around and as they eat some ham sandwiches, john notices some little bits of egg and biscuit on the plates. he asks the old man, "what do you use to wash the plates?" and pops replies, "cold water." they go for a hike, and when they get back for supper, sees bits of ham from lunch on the plates. again he asks, "what do you use to wash these plates?" again his grandpa replies, "cold water." they have fun over the rest of the weekend, but at every meal, there was bits of food from the meal before. when johns parents drive up, and john tries to leave, the dog starts jumping all over him and making a fuss. so grandad comes out and says, "Cold Water, lay down!"
Guild Member I /e shot at: I am a zombie! "/e eats Playerman's brains"
Playerman: You can't steal what was never there! :D *deeerrrppp*
Yep that's it, good enough? :p
I asked for jokes and it looks like I got them lol.
Here's my joke:
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."
-1 personal opinion point for Handlabor
but that is besides the point *cough cough*
I spilled spot removal on my dog......now he's gone
Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?
it was dead
Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree?
the first one pushed him
Why did the third Koala fall out of the tree?
he thought suicide was in
Why did the Kangaroo drop dead?
Because three Koalas fell on him
I'd put in a meaner, ruder joke but guess what, I don't have any at the moment.
Wow, that actually got a chuckle out of me...however cruel it was.
The Grim Reaper and a zombie are having a conversation. Death says to the zombie, "You know, as if I don't already hate my job, I see people like you who just won't stay dead."
-by Larry David
You may have heard this one but I still think it's pretty funny here it goes!: Three people get on a plane: a Skateboarder, a Biker, and a Terrorist. The three guys were walking around in the plane and the Skateboarder notices a girl crying so he walks upto the girl and asks, "What's wrong?" the girl replies, "My dad got hit in the head with a skateboard!" The Biker notices a girl crying as well so he asks, "What's wrong?" the girl replies, "My dad got hit in the head with a bike! Then the Terrorist sees a laughing so he asks, "What's so funny?" the girl replies, "My dad farted and the house blew up!"
~ http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/233/778/c36.gif lol thanks Psychodestroyer! :P
I'm not sure if you have heard this one
There once was a kid named Buttitches. (Pronounced Butt-itch-es) This kid went to school and the teacher asked for his name.
Teacher:"ok, what is your name?"
Buttitches:"Buttitches!"
T: "Whats your real name?"
B: "I told you! Buttitches!"
T: "Go to the office young man!"
So buttitches goes to the office...
Principal: "What is your name?"
B: "Buttitches!"
P: "YOUR NAME!"
B: "Buttitches!"
P: "You are expelled!"
So buttitches goes outside and get's hit by a school bus.
When his mother arrives, She notices the police cars
Mom: "What happened?"
Police: "Your son got hit by a bus."
Mom: "Oh my poor Buttitches!"
Police: "WELL SCRATCH IT LADY!"
There was a kid named Shut up, who had a brother named Trouble. One day, Trouble went missing, so Shut up called the police, who asked for his name.
Shut up: Shut up
Police: Excuse me? What did you say?
S: Shut up
P: What is your name?
S: Shut up
P: Are you looking for trouble?
S: How did you know?
You have 100 bricks on an aeroplane. How do you get 99?
Throw one out the window.
How do you get an elephant into the fridge in 3 steps?
Open it, put the elephant in, close it.
How do you get a deer in the fridge in 4 steps?
Open it, take out the elephant, close it.
Queen Lion is having a party and she invited everyone except the deer. Why?
It's in the fridge.
Someone has to cross a river of man-eating crocodiles but they wade in, cross the river and wade out. How?
All the crocodiles were at the party.
But once they get to the other side, they die. How come?
They got hit in the head by a brick!
So two friends come home from camping and one of their mothers asks:
"So, did you and Shiver enjoy your camping trip?"
"Yes, but maybe we should take the dog next time."
"Why's that?"
"Because Shiver Missed Buster!"
Alright here goes... a waiter, a joker... a ... guy... er let me start over
There was a waiter, a joker, a spy, a doctor, and a... no no wait the waiter was serving them. right right
A joker... no wait wait... a spy with a deck of cards, a doctor, and a... er ... oh right right an elephant. yeah and an elephant walks into a bar. And the waiter was serving them. The spy says "I'll have a BLT," no wait, its a deli, yes a deli not a bar.
The spy, a doctor, and an elephant walk into a DELI, and the waiter is serving them. The spy wants a BLT and the doctor and the elephant both order ham and cheese. Then the elephant says "Put it on my bill" ... you know what forget it.