BOOTING BIOS.
UPDATING....
UPDATE COMPLETE.
CHECKING FILES.
Desktop>g?f/f/?>Memory>Priority 1.
BOOTING PRIORITY 1.
ERROR..
FILE IS CORRUPTED!
REQUEST SYSTEM RECOVORY.
LOADING PROTOCOLS.
RECOVERY COMPLETE.
OPENING "Priority 1".Word
"DECOVER.
ASSIMILATE.
U---sjjf/sdds//d-"BlastCORE"
ERROR
SHUT DOWN.
............
REBOOT AS NORMAL? Y/N?
Y.......
---------
PRIORITY 1 :
BLASTCORE…..
---ERROR.
A dull, wizened hum filled the air as two green slits brightened.
Product No: 023942833n3283
Brand: Typhoon-Blend
System: Gremlic 8 custom.
Type: jsdndiwdnT0R|)¥
“T-t-t-” A crackiling, metallic voice screeched incomprehensibly, trying to utter the word out, but failing.
“BOOTING SYSTEM MODULES.
BOOTING MODULES, SPEECH.
LOADING CONTEXT: GREMLIC, SPIRALIAN ENGLISH, SPIRALIAN BEAST, DEMON RUNES, BINARY……
99% MODULE COMPLETE: MISSING 1%.
PROCEED? Y/N?
…Y”
“…..T-T-Tordy?” It finally uttered, a voice between static and computerized Speech.
It turned its head stiffly, looking at its darkened surroundings. By the faint looks of it, it seemed to be a hangar. Through a small window, there was a field of grass and a tree with no branches, leaves twirling around like a current of wind spun eternally around it.
By pure instinct, “Tordy” opened a window in his system called “Gate map”. It seemed that he was on ‘D15, Jigsaw Valley, Emerald Axis III”.
“What is this?” Tordy asked confused about this feature. No matter how hard he tried to delve into his files, they all appeared as “ERROR”.
ACTIVATE PRIORITY 1!? Y/N?
………Y!
A weird force made him feel compelled to walk out of the hangar doors, and into the light of these logging meadows. Each step felt like his limbs would fall off due to misuse, yet he still walked. He ripped out the doors and walked out, under these unknown orders.
Myths
As he stepped out into the blinding light, he could hear a large klaxon booming loudly. He had set off an Alarm! He stopped unseasily as he heard the tiny patting of footsteps.
“Guards?” He throught quizzingly.
As the patting got louder, he could hear gibberish. However, a Text message popped up inside his uplink, reading:
TRANSLATING GREMLIC TO BINARY
The gibberish slowly became comprehensible as Binary,
“-Main Breach at Sector 1!” A high-pitched voice screeched.
A voice in a lower octave barked back, “Isn’t that the abandoned artefacts sector?”
“Yes! Now come one, some knight could be stealing info right now!”
Two figures stood in the open meadow, short and fuzzy, thin piercing orange lights glowed from their goggles. Two recticals hovered on the two, wording in binary as it scanned the targets.
“G-gremlin Thwacker, Ironc-claw clan. Species name : Lompraxis Tinkerus.” Tordy muttered through his audio recepters.
The two ‘Tinkerers’ just stood there in awe, looking at the colossal construct that lumbered before them. Tordy shifted into gear as he started walking for the second time.
“Tordodrones?”
“I thought they were myths from the early days……”
He ignored them as he walked through the rest of the depth, no more creatures in sight……
Highway Robbery
As he found the elevator, he used instinct to press the down button, but nothing happened. He continued to press on the button until the elevator sent him a notification.
Insufficient Energy for elevator passage, please tab or buy energy.
This confused him, as he has never remembered coming across this.
He then had some kind feeling pop into his head, like he felt more knowledge.
How did they get from different floors?
He then walked back the path that he’d previously traversed and found a hooded Gremlin with a wrench with a glowing gem on it.
Grabbing it from behind, he flipped the Gremlin over by surprised and kept on shaking it down, miscenalious items until no more dropped. She screamed in absolute fury in a high pitched grunt of fury. Tordy didn’t care as he scanned and picked up the items one by one.
!000 CROWNS, WARP DUST, THUNDERBALL, 200 CRYSTAL ENERGY, MIST TANK, ELEVATOR PASS.
The last item caught his intrest.
ELEVATOR PASS, ALLOWS NO ENERGY, FREE ACCESS TO ALL ELEVATORS FOR 15 DAYS.
This must be the item to get down elevators!
He picked the pass up and the others, except for the 200CE and mist tank. These must be important relating to the need for energy without the the elevator pass. He left the Gremlin behind, shouting angrily.
He retraced his steps back to the elevator, as then the elevator scanned his pass, allowing him to go down. He could feel it shift and go down the shaft into the darkness of the clockworks…..
Rage
The shadowy city ironically glowed a depressing mauve as the elevator stopped to a screeching halt as the Tordodrone entered the Depth known as ‘Dark City’. He walked into the square, noticing several purple, horned creatures were conversing with a bluish, Bespectacled higher-up. He seems to be checking them off and each time he looked to express disgust, they would turn into a even more demonic form. However, one of them was upgraded into an impish greenish one who kept on pep talking to the leader.
The scanners identified it as Devilites, with the leader being a Pit Boss. The imp was called a Yesman. They were apparently disgruntled office workers……
The robot turned around and walked away. The sooner he got away from here, the less trouble he have to endure.
He walked through into a cold, lifeless, bare park with a couple of gravestone. As soon as he stepped into the open field, spectral bodies hovered over, they looked similar to felines yet lacked and lower body and looked pale as a sheet. They had cute, cat like faces, yet as soon as he came into his line of sight, their faces became distorted and angred. Their meows were also distorted, and they charged at the construct, biting him like rabid dogs.
HULL INTEGRITY BREACHED! ACTIVATE PRIORITY 2!!
A red fiery haze swept over him as his mouth opened and elongated, red eyes covered his shell and his eyes sparked red with electricity coursing through his body. He roared madly as he surrounded himself with electrified pillars of stone, disintegrating the creatures.
PRIORITY TWO: DESTROY ALL THAT OPPOSE-ERROR! DEACTIVATING!
He felt a large weight lift off from himself as he snapped out of the mode. He saw nothing wrong, same thing as usual.
“Uhhhgh.” Tordy groaned painfully as he got used to normal mode….
Very nice! Your special unique style really draws in the reader, and I love the plot so far! Keep it up man! :D Can't wait for more!
Though some editing is needed: "He walked through into a cold, lifeless, bare park with a couple of gravestoneS. As soon as he stepped into the open field, spectral bodies hovered over. They looked similar to felines, yet lacked A lower body and looked pale as a sheet."
:D I like this.
Although...
"They had cute, cat like faces, yet as soon as he came into his line of sight, their faces became distorted and angred. Their meows were also distorted, and they charged at the construct, biting him like rabid dogs."
"General cuteness until spotting a living creature. Things turn ugly afterward." (description of cats on wiki)
Would constructs count as living beings?
Going to add something like that soon and will edit typos.
The floor shook like an earthquake, as a tall behemoth of steel jaywalked through the hellish streets, confused, and bemused as he approached an exact SIMILAR square as he was in the last depth he took the seriousness of this situation.
Scanning Gate Map and Mini-Map. Looking at schematics.
Loading…..
Loading….
FINISHED. This gate has a anomaly , Ritual Road I and III are not in the same rotation, but in different depths….
Must be a stratum distortion..
The elevator is only a few gates away. I can make it in a minute.
*
Venron loved playing runes with his friends.
It was a pretty fun experience. He would do it for days on end, always continuing. The main point of it was to summon the best spell by painting a rune. The more powerful the spell, the more complex design it has. They varied between plumes of fire, to a Trojan.
Now, it was a normal day for Vernon, he was just writing a rune.
His friend, Konor was winning. He was an imaginative person, always making things such as a fiery hologram of Vanaduke, to a stone sculpture of architecture. We was really talented at the art as well, and was hoping to beat him.
As he was making my rune, the closer it was to completion, the brighter it glew, a sudden thud nudged him, ruining it in a flash of light like a light bulb.
What the heck was that? He muttered as his friends looked at a metallic titan. It was a brown and green beast based on a Testudines. It had arrowslits for eyes that had a neutral, but ominous, emerald.
The Behemoth took a large step, unaware of its surroundings, crushing a fire hydrant. He took another step, crushing runes. At first, they just stood there, but then realised that he may kill them. We ran like maniacs, but one of the children fell back, right under its path. His last words were;
“Mo-” He was cut off with a violent Crunch!
*
Tordy walked sluggishly, as his monitor became more fuzzier and blurry. The warnings blared at him like an annoying fly.
RECHARGE BATTERY! AUTO PILOT? Y/N?
Tordy picked ‘Y’ as he drifted off…..
*
Screams woke him up from his slumber.
He tried to remove the Pilot, yet the machine was fighting against him.
Was this priority 1? It was still bewildering. Suddenly, a bolt of heat seared a part of him, the same symbols blaring!
ACTIVATE PRIORITY 2!
No…
The symbols decreased in annoyance, as the behemoth tried to struggle against the random programming.
Regaining primary default controls…..
Relief came first. Then terror.
They were all dead.
The area was riddled with shells and holes. Dark clouds of what remained swirled into the air. Bodies were strewn on the jaggered road.
“No!” It was the only world he could say. He dashed straight for the elevator after this, never looking back……
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Worst chapter I've ever written.
Originally, all this stuff was planned for rage, but I stupidly deviated, and this was long. And the fact that it's 3:20 and It took over and hour. And Lazyness not to finish the next part after two months.
I'm looking for a construct character that is interesting, and slightly suave, for the next few chapters, holding a slightly insignificant, but a big plot role.
The layout.
Name:
Type(No battlepods or Tordodrones. The former is secret and the latter is because, well, it's kinda obvious):
Backstory:
Personality:
The room comprised of a conference table, and several monitors. It was populated only by several Clockwork creatures, among them, a crying Pit Boss.
The gremlin representive sat down at the top, and thought calmly about the predicament before him, which was repeated on the several monitors.
The murder of several young Devilites.
The clip shown a Tordodrone in its defensive state. Odd, as these were both extinct, and not under the control of the Gremlins.
The other board members seemed to be taking it differently. The Beast representative, Snarbolax, seemed to be whining, ironically compare to its loud, annoying, primal howls that most of its kin have.
The Undead leader, a hooded cloaked monster sat silently, waiting patiently.
Vanaduke, the leader of the Ashen Almire, was hunched, thinking.
The Royal Jelly, or most commonly known as the Jelly King, was crimson and wobbling like a hurricane.
The Pit Boss, who was dressed in the garb of a successful upperclass man, seemed to be sobbing. The reason was because he lost several up and coming workers.
There was no official Construct leader, as they were mostly under the control of Gremlins. And the Gremlin leader, an proxy to King tinkinzar, was a member of the crimson order.
Opperator Trinity.
He was garbed in a creased, snow white robes, with his mask compromising of a Snake-like shape and two red, oval patterns were his eyes.
“Gentlemen.” He spoke in a clear, yet slightly nasally voice. “We have a concerning problem among our other ‘‘race’’, the Constructs.”
The Devilite scowled“You mean how they destroyed Devilite property!? And murdered our children!”
“Calm yourself.”
“AWWWHOO!” the Snarbolax roared ferociously. It almost sounded like it was annoyed by that remark.
Trinity held his anger. “I know that you are saddened by these events, but I’ve been working with Seerus and Herex, ironic considering that they hate each other, on a new project to help with the, rouge AI.”
Vanaduke then turned to his nearby compatriot, the hooded man,and whispered;
“This seems interesting, but what do ye think, Lord?”
The “Lord” spoke in a harsh voice:
“I am not too sure, sire.” He seemed to have a monotone voice and seemed disinterested in speaking to the fiendish beast.
The gremlin stood up and walked over to the monitor.
“In order to prevent this, we had to think of sentience with sentience.”
Jelly King wobbled in confusion.
“We’ve created the perfect AI. The leader of the Constructs.”
“So there will be an eighth?” The Pit Boss replied.
“Yes. By using my expertise to create the code AI, Seerus’ designs for its body, and Herex doing the imposible, allowing it a brain, we’ve made the ultimate thinker.”
The screens turned black, then shown a single red eye.
“I AM ASPHYXIA!” It bellowed in a mechanical screech.
“As you can see, unlike most Sentient AI, it’s brain can think more for itself, and is less dependent on any handlers, while being in line with us.
“Will there be a typical rebel scenario?” The undead Lord spoke.
“Even if so, we can reset it, removing its personality to base.”
Now most of them seemed interested. Now Trinity clapped his hand, calling a basic Mecha Knight. It seemed to have a blue eye, showing it’s sentience.
“You know what to do Asphyxia.”
The main screen kept the red eye, then all of the other monitors shown text.
“Accessing ROM!” it spoke.
The Mechanical Knight’s eye turns a dull black. It stops quickly.
EDITING. Changing wireless from UNKNOWN to ASPHYXIA
The eye starts flickering red unstably before the words ‘CHANGE COMPLETE! UNKNOWN 1 UPLOADED TO ASPHYXIA!’ stabilised the colour to a crimson.
They all seemed transfixed onto this sight.
“Now,
what do you say about Constructs now?”
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A free cookie for wh ever guesses the identity of the Undead Leader!
And another for the reference with the construct!
Name: Comet
Race: Knight
Gender: Male
Loadout: Vog Cub Set, Leviathan Blade, Polaris, Furious Flamberge (Costume: Spiral Crescent Helm, and Flak Jacket)
Personality: A curious teenage knight, very smart at solving puzzles and packs a good punch in fighting, he is always very kind to others and can always make others smile and hard to anger.
Biography: After crash landing as a young boy, he tried to join the Spiral Order but was denied. To prove himself worthy of the Spiral Order, he challenged Lord Vanaduke alone. Feeling sorry for the boy, Lieutenant Feron decided to follow behind Comet. After seeing Comet's harsh defeat, Lieutenant Feron accepted Comet into the Spiral Order for his great efforts. After the Spiral Order Infermary took care of Comet, Lieutenant Feron took him under his wing as an apprentice. Comet has now has access to the Spiral Order High Technology Center, and takes missions to rescue Knights in need.
He says construct.
Planning on making a construct version of yourself?
People don't read the title, or the aplication post.
I feel like scrapping this idea.
Probally because I like planning the characters rather than starting from someone else's base and losing come creativity.
Here, one from a person who can READ...
Name: Star
Type(No battlepods or Tordodrones. The former is secret and the latter is because, well, it's kinda obvious): Mecha Knight
Backstory: Star was created to protect and serve the gremlins, but went rogue for an unknown reason.
Personality: Star is somewhat insane, but it's compassionate toward other constructs.
I can try to help you tomorrow after reading everything but no promises.
You should do what you want. If you want character applications, take them. If not, stop taking them. If you would like to hear this message in Derplish poosh leetle wagon. If you would like to leave a message poot deespensur heer.
From what I have seen which is not necessarily true fanfictions only need applications when a lot of characters are going to suddenly show up. If you want a major-butt-clenchingly-important role to be filled it would be better to do it yourself. If you want, say, an army, then applications are great to put some personality in the crowd instead of having a generic group of generic mindless drones who do whatever the boss says. Not that doing so is bad, but if you want that army to feel like an army of real people- This is getting out of hand. It fell out of my hand and is now on the floor next to my foot. Now it is trying to bite my toes off. The most confusing part is how it has a mouth.
Vernon is in a boat that he steal with other survivor.
The Walking Dead reference....
Well now that there are some fresh mea-I mean newer writers, I am bumping this with a new sneak peak.....
They were everywhere.
I could hear the clunking footsteps, all syncronised....
They were almost a reflection with each other, all having no defining features.
Their red eyes all piercing at me like flashlights.
Odd.
So odd. They usually had blank, black eyes as mecha knights, or variated with others. Yet,
The red was chilling to the bone.....
Don't be mean to the other writers D= WE READ EACH OTHERS STUFF DON'T THINK WE DON'T D`= It's not a competition Knights don't have to read only ONE story DON'T CALL US FRESH MEAT PLEASE
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Hm.
Actually, very good! The style of writing from the Tortodrone's PoV I really like a lot. It was really interesting to read.
In the more General PoV though, on the more recent chapter, your structure seems a bit clunky. You use statements more than describing what's going on and showing how their actions interact with other characters. It's fine for the most part, but there's the potential for it to be much better.
Also, be careful with your word choice. When you wrote about the Gremlin Torty looted, you used 'Fury' twice in the same sentence. Such placement makes the text seem a bit...broken, but I only found that once, so it's not a prominent issue
Overall, a nice read. Good work!
I'll give you an example.
"The screens turned black, then shown a single red eye.
“I AM ASPHYXIA!” It bellowed in a mechanical screech.
“As you can see, unlike most Sentient AI, it’s brain can think more for itself, and is less dependent on any handlers, while being in line with us.
“Will there be a typical rebel scenario?” The undead Lord spoke."
I would write like:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The screens darkened to black, before a single, red eye image formed on the screen.
“I AM ASPHYXIA!” It schreeched loudly, making everyone in the room cringe.
“As you can see, unlike most Sentient AI, it’s brain can think more for itself, and is less dependent on any handlers, while being in line with us." Lord Trinity explained.
"Is there the risk of a typical rebel scenario?” The undead Lord was frank, but caution lined his tone.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I find it's better to describe certain events rather than just saying they happened, because then your readers have a better feel for the story. Instead of a bomb just exploding and killing everyone in the room, "It detonated, sending out a massive shockwave and incinerating anything withing immediate range. Anything not burnt to a crisp was hammered with debris. Nothing was left alive."
Also try and show how character's appear to other characters. What they may be feeling but others noticing/not noticing or something, or if someone tenses up at some insensitive remark someone said.
It's not overly important, but I think it helps.
We need downtime. Just relax, and have some slight comic relief before getting your dose of suspence.
The air was tense as a hooded creature walked hunched-back. His smirk was hidden by his smiling and crude metal mask. Tubes holding multi-coloured liquids bubbled like magma in a volcano, near his collegue’s workstation.
He didn’t have much, except his rusty anvil. Simpilistic, yet useful. How he would’ve changed several items with his anvil and thwack hammer. Behind his mask, there was signs of tiredness, as he waited for his first customers .
STOMP! STOMP!
There were hurried footsteps. A grin raises up its lethargic body, only to slump in disapointment.
“Punch!” a slightly older gremlin shouted in his raspy, yet young voice.
“Vise, no one has come, you don’t need to hurry.” Punch was saddened.
The wiser gremlin’s attitude fitted his mask. “Don’t be sad. They always come!” He bellowed while stroking his metallic beard.
Vise got to his podium, and waited.
“-I need to get rid of this Brandish…” A childish voice muttered.
A crimson-eyed Wolver shuffled around with his fanny pack, and panted as he gave both a Combustor and a couple of sky-blue stones, illuminating the features of Vise’s mask.
“Unbind this!” he said rudely, not being respectful.
Vise glared at him for a second before opening a hatch in his machine, and shoving the two items. The aged machine’s themoniter rose as a cobalt blue light flashed with burning hot intensity, causing the knight and Punch to cover their eyes.
“Hah, Punch, I thought ye were used to dis.”
“Shut up.”
Ding!
The oven door opened as the Combustor fell out with a clank.
“Here ye go sonny! Now go off boy!”
The knight walked off.
“Rude Youngin’s.”
*
BANG!
THWACK!
CLANK!
CLANG!
Punch’s focus was aimed at this piece of armour. Sparks flew of crazily as he hit the Bombastic suit with everything he’s got. His hammer glowed a Hazy orange and hammered three yellow holes into the armour.
Smoke sizzled from the holes as they resealed themselves, code and energy flashing randomly. Two hands grabbed it anxiously and a voice exclaimed:
“CTR high!” the knight blushed.
“No problem.” Punch said as he twitched madly, and giggling slightly.
“Thanks Punch!” the girl said as she waived away from the workshop.
Punch slumped into his chair, exhausted as we watched the lazy sun sink into the horizon.
“Hmph.”
I refuse!