With the latest patch, the game's become too easy. Alphas are like Lockdowners that use full combos: bested by a sleight of hand and feint of foot. Retrodes are laughable, like fighting a person who insists on only using brandish charges when you have a flourish and a strike shield to counter. Zombies are status monsters, as neither claw nor jump is threatening with the speed decrease and lack of lockon.

So how to make it harder? Simple. Put together an arsenal of SK's most useless, most redundant, and most fail-logic set. Use the underdog weapons, and defend with the outclassed shields and armors, that nobody ever buys the recipes for.

Thus is born a Spiral-Hipster.

Warning: here follows a huge wall of text that's a diary of progress. Sorta.

Day 1: I crash land in Haven on January 03, 2011, with 100 mist. I beeline through the intro level and join a friend in Haven, bypassing the 10 mist journey to get there. My friend, who sponsors my cause to as much as I will allow him to, hands me a cutter and full spiral plate. On 95 mist, I find the snarby gate and get to work.

It's a party of three: two cocky wolver noobs, and I. They're using a hot edge and a bolted brand, respectively, and flounder like fish out of water. I admit the idea of increasing difficulty by actually using useless weapons hadn't crossed my hipster mind. The cutter sends me flying into the brush, and taking both gunpuppy and lumber hits. Shield canceling is horrendously slow with -ASI med.
The two wolver noobs begin begging me for 2* weapons. I leave them some...hipster suggestions and continue solo, thwacking my way through D5 as I struggle with the cutter. I'm surprised it's not comboing noticeably faster than a flourish. A brother from Unity aids me at D6, and we finish snarbolax with flying colors. The profits net me a defender.

I'm 5/15 levels to T2 access, but already bored. I petition Unity man for an invite, and he gives at the D13 of a JK. We're joined by two of his guildies, and blast through the remainder of the gates. I do next to nothing but try and figure out how to work this cutter.

I'm at 8k cr, so with the mats I've found and a donation of a 3* recipe, I pop the mist, grab 100 CE, and craft the striker.

One day, two bosses, and a 3* weapon. Damn it feels good to be a hipster.

Day 2: I get to work with 80 mist and jump into the snarby gate, hoping for the best. I land at the end of D1. Useless, but at least the level completion will help me progress.

The guy here is a newbie looking for a snowball. I instruct him that we must finish the run before finding it. He stays with me the majority of the way through, but proves to be dead weight. Luckily with Spiral Plate, high normal defense helps in T1. We end up talking about TF2 and how it's turning into a horribly pointless MMO. I realize he's a collector of the hatless hats and cease conversation with him on the spot. As I'm writing this, I realize that to this date I have not told him where to find a snowball. Hopefully he figured it out.
My brother petitions me for an invite, but I respectfully decline. I'll need the practice without him two shotting everything. Instead, we're joined by a wolver man and a proto newbie. So mainstream.

Snarby goes down and, with 20 mist and 5k cr, there's not much I can do. I'm done here.

Day 3: I'm ready to finish up snarbolax and gain T2 clearance. I crush another snarbolax, with two other proto newbies. They don't speak a word the entire run. Robots.

My depth requirement is complete, but I'm at 9 frumious fangs. Not that I need them, the weapons are too mainstream, but I'd like to at least have something to sell. An Aurora friend talks me into finishing it up, and she runs down with her elevator pass and reivintes me for D6. I hit ten fangs, and recline to the music of awesome.

After a short break I run through Jelly King with a Unity friend, but end up going AFK in the middle. Luckily I retain the crowns, and don't hold them up for too long. His friend criticizes my equipment, and I realize he's probably the first of many. I also realize I don't care at all. Damn, it feels good to be a hipster.

Day 4: I log on, buy 50 CE for 2.5k, buy a trinket slot, and log off. It's sold by the time I get back on. I use the profits to net a Magnus for the awesome price of 9.7k. I'm still surprised I won.

Day 5: In progress.