I made a new Fanfic based around my character. I have it based before the game and it also has a fantasy side to it all. My Character is part Gremlin and has a "special friend" and "Certain" things will make the rating go up for those of you that are interested check Arisana's Spiral story on Fanfiction.com
I've written a review of the problems with your story. I'm not very good at understanding the strengths of a story, so I think I'll leave that to someone else.