I am starting a religion called Contrinism. Would anyone like to join? (This religion only applies in-game and forums.)
Wed, 01/22/2014 - 19:01
Feel free to contribute. If you add something I like, I'll add it to the OP.
In the beginning, there was Contri the pony. Swirls of the other elements were in his palms, as he shaped the world as he willed. Twisting and molding reality into what would become the present. Fire, Shock, Freeze, Poison, Stun, and Curse. These were the six elements of the universe. Contri the pony gave life into us Isorans, so that we may slaughter each other in the Coliseum. Without Contri the pony, null would be here. but them there was The almighty Contri the pony-rider. However, there were too many noobs in the Coliseum, so Contr the pony rider, came riding on contri the pony, and dennobified them with his Polaris. Contri the pony had many disciples. Like, Feller, Auto-target-Be-gone, Launcel, Sandwhich-Potato and me myself. (If you want to be added to the list of disciples say so and I might add you.) He had three parts. Contri-The pony, Contri-the pony rider, and Contri. Soon, Contri saw that there too many noobs, so he came in riding contri the pony as the pony-rider and shot his de-noobifier Polaris and eventually raided 60% of the coliseum, and de-noobified them. However, King Krogmo eventually cloned the remaining noobs that they got out of control, and eventually, he sent his son Contri to fight the noobs himself. He was born on Contri Day. He grew up training with his Jelly helm given to him by Krakob, the wise man, and his jelly armor was given to him by Krakob. He trained hard for 10 years too beat noobs, but alas, it was too much. Contri was burned on a Divine Avenger by a fire Polaris. He was respawned in 60 seconds. During those 60 seconds, he faced King-Krogmo himself, who dared him to call himself, a noob, quit the game, or turn AT on. However, he did not listen and defied his noobifer power. He then respawned and pwned all the noobs and won the game and was brought up to the big great Coliseum in the sky. So, just know if you use AT or spam revs, you are a noob, but you are forgiven by Contri the almighty. This is why we give thanks to Contri the pony, Contri the pony-rider and Contri. I'll add more, but now add stuff or ideas, or say if you follow this religion or not.
By the way this hopefully will not hurt anyone. This is a fake religion. Thank you.
Followers:
LauncelAT
Ardent-Light
Feller
Special thanks to:
Sandwhich-Potato for contributing. (i edited it a bit.)
Wed, 01/22/2014 - 19:06
#2
Lol
can i partake and eat the body of contri? I wan't to be de-noobified as well xD (breath of fresh air this is to the ever so grim forum so yeah, sign me up!)
Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:13
#3
Hey we need more people supporting this religion!
Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:18
#4
We must all CONTRIbute! All hail the majestic pony, his glorious powers!
Young Contri-the-Pony is a merry fellow.
Bright red his weapon is, and his heart is mellow.
~Lockdown noob, .163 seconds before death.
Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:52
#5
moo
In the beginning Contri created the heaven and earth.
He has breathed life into the trees.
He has created the essential liquid of life.
He has created the mythical guardians who protect us from harm.
Nah just kidding, Contri is a mediocre wannabe.
Goomy is love. Goomy is life.
http://www.reddit.com/r/ChurchofGoomy/new/
Goomy is love. Goomy is life.
Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:24
#6
I'm already in the Monomi church, so I have to dismiss this contr(i)act.
Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:26
#7
In the beginning, there was Contri. Swirls of the other elements were in his palms, as he shaped the world as he willed. Twisting and molding reality into what would become the present. Fire, Shock, Freeze, Poison, Stun, and Curse. These were the six elements of the universe. Contri gave life into us Isorans, so that we may slaughter each other in the Coliseum. Without Contri, null would be here.
Wed, 01/22/2014 - 20:48
#8
*Gasp!
U7654 How dare you! All people like you end up where all noobs belong! The rescue camp! /e Comes to the church and burns it down with a Fire Polaris.
Wed, 01/22/2014 - 21:47
#9
Shouldn't this be in Gremlin Chatter?
What if I've never played LD and do BN only?
Wed, 01/22/2014 - 23:05
#10
Well, then Poomph...
It means you are a noob, but you are forgiven for your noobyness. May Contri bless you.
Thu, 01/23/2014 - 02:11
#11
Ardent, can you stop
Ardent, can you stop polluting the forums with so much bs? It sounds like you're just trying to be "one of the guys".
I suggest making a single thread and just keep posting there.
Thu, 01/23/2014 - 05:20
#12
This is a fake religion.
ಠ_ಠ
No thanks, then.
Thu, 01/23/2014 - 06:16
#13
Pfft, Contritionists.
Ask any Monomivolutionist and they'll tell you that it was the big Monomi that formed the universe billions of years ago. Remnants of the big Monomi exist all around us in the Clockworks to this very day, all you have to do is take a look around for the scientific proof.
Thu, 01/23/2014 - 18:12
#14
Really?
Thu, 01/23/2014 - 18:26
#15
No laughing matter.
Perhaps this was meant to be in jest, but I do not consider false religions to be a laughing matter. God demanded the death penalty for those who worshipped other gods in ancient Israel.
Thu, 01/23/2014 - 18:58
#16
The 4th wall shall be shattered!!!
Is this based off the three worded game where Contri is evil as always and kills dancing pickles while I get murdered several times?
Fri, 01/24/2014 - 19:59
#17
@ Thinslayer
This is completely a joke, and I said I didn't want to offend anyone. I am a christian and I made this.
Fri, 01/24/2014 - 20:03
#18
@Ardent-Light
I know it was meant to be a joke. That's precisely my point - false religion is not something to joke about, or as I put it, "no laughing matter." I would rather see you spreading the Gospel instead of a joke religion.
Fri, 01/24/2014 - 22:19
#19
Be and let be brother
What you're doing now? it's called enabling Thin, I understand it might upset you, but this is the internet man, %^&* like this will always exsist. Getting angry about it won't help you, and it's not going to kill off the thread any faster. Just leave it be, dont bump it with a response (Which im doin' now ironically) and let the thread die out. No harm done. And personally, I like my video games detatched from my religion entirely.
Fri, 01/24/2014 - 22:56
#20
Friends don't let friends do dangerous things.
I fail to see why disagreement is always associated with anger. I am not angry in the slightest. If there's *any* emotion dominant, it would be...I dunno, sadness, maybe. Concern, perhaps.
But I think both of you fail to see the larger issue here. What would you do if you saw someone publicly insulting your friend on the internet? I doubt you'd just sit there and let the thread die.
Neither would I. I love Jesus. I don't want him to be hurt any more than he's already been. Ardent-Light is making him look...weird, at best. We are ambassadors for Christ; if people see Christ's ambassadors making up new religions, what the heck does that say about Christ!? Does Christ not care whether people go to hell for their disbelief? Heaven forbid it! Ardent-Light is giving Christ a bad name. I can't just sit by and let him do that.
And that wasn't even the original reason I poked my head in. Even if I *hadn't* known Ardent-Light claimed to be a Christian, he's still doing the equivalent of playing with fire. False religion is a CAPITAL OFFENSE in Scripture. That means you could be executed, for those who didn't know. This is DEADLY serious. You do not EVER play with things like that.
Now, for all I know, maybe there's nothing inherently wrong with pretend religion that nobody believes. There probably isn't. But like I was just illustrating, it's kinda like playing with fire, or Russian Roulette. It really pushes the boundaries of religious acceptability.
Friends don't let friends do dangerous things. That's all there is to it.
And before I go: consider the Third Commandment.
Fri, 01/24/2014 - 23:11
#21
One more thing...
Also, I should probably add that I'm not particularly interested in seeing this thread die. This discussion needs to happen. Our minds will never improve, never grow stronger if we simply maintain the status quo all the time. Ardent-Light might never have known that there was a possible problem with pretend religions had I not said anything.
I hope I'm enabling discussion. Have I succeeded?
Fri, 01/24/2014 - 23:27
#22
(Gives Thinslayer 1000 points)
A few notes.
1. I do believe that something like this could be harmless. However, as Thin has pointed out, this does harm; specifically, Christianity. I am not offended, but if I was God I would be (good thing I'm not).
2. The majority of Christians I've heard among-st my friends are just as well versed as Thinslayer. Guys, Christians are good people, and very often wise. However, we are human.
3. What Thin said on the last post is true. If you have an questions regarding Christianity, please ask me or Thin. Still, no offence meant. =]
Sat, 01/25/2014 - 10:20
#23
Teenage Nin-OH WAIT
Sorry, I'm a Silentist. Heil Njthug.
Sun, 01/26/2014 - 09:03
#24
The 4th wall shall be shattered!!!
FUN FACT: Contri's real name is Sam
FUN FACT: Contri is evil
FUN FACT: Contri the pony is probally just a nick name, and may not be actually a pony
FUN FACT: Contri is a tightwad
FUN FACT: Contri is a clone of evil
FUN FACT: I like fun facts
Mon, 01/27/2014 - 15:37
#25
-.-
Tue, 01/28/2014 - 12:49
#26
Swag IS a virtue
Down with thine pony! He doth commit heresy against mine church! CHYYYY-ARGE THE FALSE PONY GOD!
Tue, 01/28/2014 - 22:36
#27
....
Malkalack,
Assuming you were directing that at me and Thin, the point isn't that we are angry, or declaring war on this thread. The point is that this thread is saying the wrong thing, and we do not want this to happen. For example, let's say someone accused your friend of, hmm, why not, plagiarism. Obviously, you would like to speak out against this and defend them, correct?
Fri, 01/31/2014 - 18:46
#28
Swag IS a virtue
Geez, man. I just wanted to talk like a a Templar for a minute, no need to act like an angry psychopath*
*note: Not the technical definition of psychopath, but commonly enough used in this fashion that it is an acceptable word
Fri, 01/31/2014 - 18:46
#29
Swag IS a virtue
Yknow what.... why not,
ALL HAIL THE MAGIC PONY
Sun, 02/02/2014 - 21:57
#30
Your ignorance is showing.
You seem to think that comment will offend me. You misunderstand. Please read the last two of my comments thoroughly.
Sun, 02/02/2014 - 22:00
#31
@Malkalack
I'm not getting a very good impression of you as of late. It's not too late to change that.
Have you something worthwhile to add to this discussion?
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:04
#32
THIS RELIGION IS EPIC. But i
THIS RELIGION IS EPIC. But i have already a reliion wich I won't tell.
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:16
#33
Heart of Gold
I'm a Christian and proud of it. Although no one expects you to spout out every bit of your personal information, I don't feel like you need to worry about discussing your religion. It should be something you're proud of, and not afraid to show.
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:20
#34
Swag IS a virtue
I am, as well. But this is pretty harmless... it's not like bowing to a REAL GOD. It's just for fun, ysee?
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:23
#35
@ Thinslayer
The pope declared *ex cathedra* may I add, that there is no hell.
http://one-vibration.com/profiles/blogs/pope-s-speech-there-is-no-hell-f...
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:26
#36
@Malkalack
That's exactly what God himself said of Israel's idols - they're not real gods. But that didn't stop him from punishing Israel.
Also, the Pope is an antichrist, a damnable Jesus-wannabe deserving nothing short of God's judgment for his open rebellion and usurpation of Christ's rightful authority.
God damn the Pope.
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:25
#37
Swag IS a virtue
Fair enough.
Scratch me off of the pony ledger....
but read my last post please.
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:32
#38
No idea what the conversation here is, but I heard the pope declared he's against racism now, so he ain't all bad
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:34
#39
Swag IS a virtue
I like the pope, actually!
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:37
#40
@Blessid-Bombardier
No one, not even I, is claiming that the Pope is all bad. Nobody is, to my knowledge. But that's irrelevant, because we are not condemned for the number or severity of our crimes, but for whether or not we obey God's command to repent, believe, an obey. Those who do are saved. Those who don't are condemned. The Pope does not. Therefore, he is condemned to Hell, just like every other poor, unbelieving soul.
It's not an end I want anyone to experience, but we all deserve it. Lucky is he who does not receive what he deserves.
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:37
#41
Heart of Valor
I don't want to offend any people reading, but I also don't care for the pope. I find their Catholic's view on God and et cetera to completely differ with my views, and I'll leave it at that.
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:47
#42
Swag IS a virtue
Look, I am Christian as well. I am religious and I am not Catholic but.... is the forums really a place to get into this? Please don't just say everyone is going to burn in hell, everyone has a right to their own beliefs without someone with borderline fanatical beliefs telling them to burn for what they think. I do not want a big fight over this, but the Pope speaks AS GOD. So when you say he is going to burn in hell, you say a prophet is going to burn. Do you think Moses is rotting in a pit right now? I doubt it. Just, chill. Please.
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 15:52
#43
Heart of Facepalm.
Hey ardent, could we bring this to gremlin chatter? The current discussion has nothing to do with the game anymore.
@Malkalack If the forums isn't a place to discuss it, then where to? This is where the topic came up, and we must argue and scream about it here.
"Also, the Pope is an antichrist, a damnable Jesus-wannabe deserving nothing short of God's judgment for his open rebellion and usurpation of Christ's rightful authority.
God damn the Pope."
I do agree, this was pretty harsh. It is perfectly fine to believe that, but it is of no use to offend the people reading.
"No one, not even I, is claiming that the Pope is all bad. Nobody is, to my knowledge. But that's irrelevant, because we are not condemned for the number or severity of our crimes, but for whether or not we obey God's command to repent, believe, an obey. Those who do are saved. Those who don't are condemned. The Pope does not. Therefore, he is condemned to Hell, just like every other poor, unbelieving soul.
It's not an end I want anyone to experience, but we all deserve it. Lucky is he who does not receive what he deserves."
Although I definitely agree with this.
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 16:07
#44
Into the Gremlin Chatter?
Not if I can do anything about it!
And all shall praise the yearling, for this year marks the zenith of his strength. A million more noobs shall fall from Contri's divine power and resilience, and all gazing upon the scene shall weep tears of joy, for the noobs shall be driven back to the Netherlands from whence they once came.
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 16:21
#45
Honestly, why? Answer me with with a truth and I will say something.
Not something to change the topic, not something to make me question my self, not something to turn the question on me. But a honest truth that can be tested, state and proven with out a shadow of a doubt on this topic.
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 17:37
#46
Swag IS a virtue
Alright, put me on the damn pony list!
and He shall shoot noobs with His Polaris of cheap-unnoobifying awesomeness. All noobs are forgiven by the happy Contri, and his... ducklings of swag.
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 17:58
#47
Where ever the popularity leads.
@Malkalack
Not being mean or rude, but what I've heard from you is basically telling me this; you're willing to jump on the most popular band wagon. You claimed to be seeing our point and wanted to stop this, but just now you have said that no, never mind, you guys are still wrong. I think that at some point on these issues, everyone needs to say where they stand and stay there. In the end, you need to figure out where you are and what you think on this topic. I'm not saying your not a Christian, but you need to decide what you think about this specifically; is it harmless fun or a serious problem?
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 18:01
#48
Swag IS a virtue
Harmless fun, I changed my mind.
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 18:10
#49
Replies
@Valorai: My words are lullabies compared to what God himself has said about false prophets.
Ezekiel 13: The word of the Lord came to me: 2 “Son of man, prophesy against the prophets of Israel who are now prophesying. Say to those who prophesy out of their own imagination: ‘Hear the word of the Lord! 3 This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Woe to the foolish[a] prophets who follow their own spirit and have seen nothing! 4 Your prophets, Israel, are like jackals among ruins. 5 You have not gone up to the breaches in the wall to repair it for the people of Israel so that it will stand firm in the battle on the day of the Lord. 6 Their visions are false and their divinations a lie. Even though the Lord has not sent them, they say, “The Lord declares,” and expect him to fulfill their words. 7 Have you not seen false visions and uttered lying divinations when you say, “The Lord declares,” though I have not spoken?
8 “‘Therefore this is what the Sovereign Lord says: Because of your false words and lying visions, I am against you, declares the Sovereign Lord. 9 My hand will be against the prophets who see false visions and utter lying divinations. They will not belong to the council of my people or be listed in the records of Israel, nor will they enter the land of Israel. Then you will know that I am the Sovereign Lord.
10 “‘Because they lead my people astray, saying, “Peace,” when there is no peace, and because, when a flimsy wall is built, they cover it with whitewash, 11 therefore tell those who cover it with whitewash that it is going to fall. Rain will come in torrents, and I will send hailstones hurtling down, and violent winds will burst forth. 12 When the wall collapses, will people not ask you, “Where is the whitewash you covered it with?”
13 “‘Therefore this is what the Sovereign Lord says: In my wrath I will unleash a violent wind, and in my anger hailstones and torrents of rain will fall with destructive fury. 14 I will tear down the wall you have covered with whitewash and will level it to the ground so that its foundation will be laid bare. When it[b] falls, you will be destroyed in it; and you will know that I am the Lord. 15 So I will pour out my wrath against the wall and against those who covered it with whitewash. I will say to you, “The wall is gone and so are those who whitewashed it, 16 those prophets of Israel who prophesied to Jerusalem and saw visions of peace for her when there was no peace, declares the Sovereign Lord.”’
17 “Now, son of man, set your face against the daughters of your people who prophesy out of their own imagination. Prophesy against them 18 and say, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Woe to the women who sew magic charms on all their wrists and make veils of various lengths for their heads in order to ensnare people. Will you ensnare the lives of my people but preserve your own? 19 You have profaned me among my people for a few handfuls of barley and scraps of bread. By lying to my people, who listen to lies, you have killed those who should not have died and have spared those who should not live.
20 “‘Therefore this is what the Sovereign Lord says: I am against your magic charms with which you ensnare people like birds and I will tear them from your arms; I will set free the people that you ensnare like birds. 21 I will tear off your veils and save my people from your hands, and they will no longer fall prey to your power. Then you will know that I am the Lord. 22 Because you disheartened the righteous with your lies, when I had brought them no grief, and because you encouraged the wicked not to turn from their evil ways and so save their lives, 23 therefore you will no longer see false visions or practice divination. I will save my people from your hands. And then you will know that I am the Lord.’”
Mon, 02/03/2014 - 19:28
#50
Heart of Valor.
That is very true, I suppose. I'll need to look at my words a bit differently before I comment.
...What?
This is a rather big Contridiction if you ask me.