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The Life Of A Knight

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Portrait de Tuhui
Tuhui

Part 1: Life As We Now Know It

Mornings are always so nice. The air is crisp, the snipes are singing, and there is always the promise of a fresh new day. Today is extra special though. I finally get to join my friends at the top of The Spiral Order(as it exists on this planet). The work will be harder from now on but I’m proud to serve the order and excited to work with my friends again.

My name is Rebecca. Our group has been on this planet called Cradle for almost two years now, though we did not come here by choice. On our journey to explore unknown stretches of space our ship malfunctioned. I had finished my training for the day and was going to my room to rest when suddenly there was a loud boom and the walls around me shook. After a moment of silence the emergency lights turned on. The voice of our ship’s captain boomed throughout the ship, “Please go to your assigned escape pod, this is not a drill. I repeat, please go to your assigned escape pod, this is NOT a drill”. Everybody in the hallway I was in froze. Many of us thought the time to use the training we had received would never come. When we started moving again we moved quickly. For most it was fast and efficient. For a sad few it was a scattered, time-consuming, and life-ending experience.

The door to my escape pod door would not open until it had checked the outside air and seen if it would have any negative effects and do what it could do to make it less harmful to me. While I waited I checked my MID to see if there was anybody around me. There was nobody in a 400 meter radius. We were told to gather in small groups and survive while the commander and his officers would search for a place large enough to sustain our group. With a group as large as ours it would take some time, we were told it would take around three days to two weeks. We just had to survive until then.

Portrait de Tuhui
Tuhui
Things to know

This is a story I've been spending a lot of time thinking about. I don't know if I'm all that comfortable with what i have right now but if i don't get started some time it will never get done. It's going to be a long story with possible large gaps in between progress. The first part is going to be longer than i wanted at the start but i think it is necessary to get a feel for the story? I'm just doing things as i go along so some things might change but I will try to keep them to a minimum.

Things to note:

-This is not the Spiral Knights you know: obviously it can't be that much different but it will be my own version of things.

-The world of the knights: Spiral Knights have evolved from human like creatures. (i removed this so i could work on it some, will be put back in later, just some history. Maybe in different comment?)

-Very disciplined people

-MID: Multipurpose Interactive Device, standard issue knight equipment. It has scanning abilities, can hold lots of data, and displays a knights status. It is located on the right forearm of each knight. During the evacuation these were used to find a path and a pod for each knight to use.

If you want to know anything that you thought of i will try to answer it as best i can, some answers might change as i go though the story, but probably won't happen for a good time to come.

Portrait de Tuhui
Tuhui
...

As the door to my escape pod finally opened I saw I was in a grassy clearing surrounded by trees. I held up my MID and let it scan the sky. After it got the data it needed I saw that the time on this planet was two times as slow as ours. Oddly enough the air around me allowed me to burn almost two times less energy. If it had been a different situation I might have read a book under one of the trees and maybe even had a little nap. But night was coming; I had only 1(2) hours before I would be left in the dark. Staying at my escape pod was not an option, I did not know what creatures inhabited this planet and my escape pod was bound to attract wanted attention. To make it worse my body was below the recommended energy levels at that point. My body was steadily growing weaker as it started conserving what energy I had left.
I checked my MID and saw that there was an upward slope to the north. A higher view point might help me decide where to go. Although I did not want to I said goodbye to my escape pod and started walking. I did not realize how tired I was until I noticed that I had been going uphill for awhile and not even noticed. I could feel my body resist every move I made. As I went on the number of trees increased and shrub like plants covered the ground. The shrubs made me lose my footing and the trees made me want to lean against them and rest, but I did not have the time. As I saw the sun go down I started to panic. I tried to scan the area but my MID was not functioning right.
I had only minutes of light left and I had no Idea of what to do. My legs were starting to shake but in a daze I continued my trek. If I did not find shelter I would not make it through the night. Even if I manage to wake up if something hostile comes I won’t even have the energy to stand. It keeps getting darker and darker; the light is cut off from me even more from the trees that surround me. At this point I can’t even tell if it is actually dark or my eyes have stopped working from lack of energy. I walk into a tree and fall backwards and I feel a sharp pain on my back as it hits a tree behind me.
I can’t see anything now. I stay awake from the fear that if I fall asleep I might not be able to wake up again. Time seemed endless then; every moment felt like it would never end, that I would be in the dark forever. I came to accept that I was going to die over a dozen times in that period, just to convince myself that this could not be the end. I suddenly noticed that I thought I could see some things, dark but still brighter then the darkness I had accepted. I thought I might have finally cracked and what was left of my sanity left and replaced by something seeking to give me comfort for what was left of my conscious life, but it grew brighter. Every so often I could focus and see that it was growing. My mind had taken in so much of the dark that the light even started to blind me. After I got used to this beckon of hope I could finally see again. All the fear I had in me vanished when I could see a cave in the light. It was far but I had already made to here and this new light gave me a hope that I had forgotten. I slowly stood up. One step after the other I walked. Stumbling every so often but always catching myself. I increased my pace as I went. I eventually made it to a steady walk. As the light that saved me vanished after I entered the cave I fell down, out of energy, but the hope that it gave still remained as I left the waking world.

This part might need some editing but i liked what i felt as i was typing it so i'm gonna look at it later after I'm not so tired.

Portrait de Valorai
Valorai
Heart of Intrigue

Very interesting writing style! I look forward to seeing more.

Portrait de Colray
Colray
wow

Is this your first fanfic? If it is, then great job! If it isn't, then... Great job!
Um, by this version of Spiral Knights, do you only mean the things you just listed, or are you making other changes to the world of Cradle.

Portrait de Red-Galaxy
Red-Galaxy
Rebecca

has already been taken

Portrait de Malkalack
Malkalack
Oh helm BOOGA BOOGA

I read... err... well I can't read, exactly. It's because I'm a caveman. But I can hunt Sabre Cats! That counts.... right?

Portrait de Tuhui
Tuhui
Thank you for the comments

This is the first think i have written of my own free will. Some papers in college but honestly i did not really care for them.

There will be lots of differences, somethings can't be told right now for plot reasons. I have not really made a base for the entire world yet though, i need to work out how i want things to work and how to make them work.

If you read my first comment before i edited it you would have gotten a history of the knights, but there were somethings that did not exactly work how i wanted so i took it out for now.

Portrait de Feline-Grenadier
Feline-Grenadier
Very good.

Love the detail and first-person you put in, but...

You're right, it does need some work on sentence structure and fluidity, not to mention a bump up in the diction of your writing. I'll just go ahead and take a sample to revise...

"As the door to my escape pod finally opened I saw I was in a grassy clearing surrounded by trees. I held up my MID and let it scan the sky. After it got the data it needed I saw that the time on this planet was two times as slow as ours. Oddly enough the air around me allowed me to burn almost two times less energy. If it had been a different situation I might have read a book under one of the trees and maybe even had a little nap. But night was coming; I had only 1(2) hours before I would be left in the dark. Staying at my escape pod was not an option, I did not know what creatures inhabited this planet and my escape pod was bound to attract wanted attention. To make it worse my body was below the recommended energy levels at that point. My body was steadily growing weaker as it started conserving what energy I had left."

into

"As the door to my escape pod finally opened, what I saw was...startling, to say the least. Grass, and plenty of it, made up the clearing inside a forest, or at least a spinney. To confirm this, I got up, and found that the gravity of the planet was comfortable enough to stand up in. In fact, it felt just the same as the Skylark did. I then took a few steps forward, and out into the clearing I went.

The forest was beautiful, and the trees, tall and comforting, seemed inviting enough to sit down on and nap or read. As tempting as it was, though, to think of doing so, there were other more important priorities to focus on. By following the survival classes I took during training, I held my wrist up to the sky, and spoke into my MID.

'Initiate atmospherical scan.'

Minutes passed easily enough, and when the MID had finished its job, some rather intriguing results came up.

[Solar Cycle (1 Revolution) : XX hours.]

That was double the hours we had back Isora...

[Atmospheric Energy Content : 192%]

Almost double the energy efficiency...

'This...is great...' I mumbled to myself...

If we could bring this back to Isora...

Suddenly, my MID flashed yellow thrice.

[Warning : Below-Average Energy Levels. Allocating resources to organic internal systems.]

And almost instantly after that, my knees buckled. Now that wasn't good. At. All."

Portrait de Tuhui
Tuhui
...

I'm gonna take a break, I don't know this story well enough to start writing it. I'm glad for the positive reviews but i need to make it better. I like what it is now but I know it can be better. Thank you Feline-Grenadier for making me realize that. I'm sorry to people wanting more but I just can't do more right now. I have things happening here but I feel it does not have the life that I want it to have right now. I know it is new but for people that like it so far I apologize for having to take a break. It may take along time but I hope you will read what I come up with, and I hope it is something you and I can enjoy. This all kinda seems kinda sappy but this is something I care greatly for.

Portrait de Feline-Grenadier
Feline-Grenadier
Hm...

Well, I usually would advise you to write more and improve by applying whatever you learned, but whatever floats your boat. Good luck! :)

Portrait de Malkalack
Malkalack
Oh helm argh!

Feline-Grenadier. Has it occurred to you, that when you pick apart their story like that? I don't mean to instigate a fight, but nobody has invited you to their story to criticize it.

Portrait de Tuhui
Tuhui
...

I was not ready to start this honestly, too much work still needs to be done. I also need to take a different approach on it. I'm making this choice because it is one I think I need to make.