You've got bits and pieces everywhere with dialogue problems, from what I can see.
Remember that dialogue goes like this :
"placeholder text," placeholdertext said.
Also, it's loose, not loses (unless you have that abomination that is autocorrect).
Though I would like a tad bit more description, it seems fine. Execution is fine as well. Though a little reminiscent of your average FPS opening, I'll live with it.
Yeah, I think word might have screwed my over a little bit. I'll see what I do about patching up the dialog goofs and description (Why do I always mess that up?) when I get home. Editing on a smartphone is not a good idea.
I've gotten comment about the FPS thing before (or at least stuff like it). I think the issue is that the combination of a quick action scene and the quick way you establish exposition in a story like this. It seems to be an fundamental issue with the genre/my writing style. Maybe both.
@lordofnercomancers: I considered have a gremlin or two strive the ambush, but since this is part of the same continuity as "For the Order", doing that would introduce complications that I'm not wanting to deal with. So I decided to slaughter them all without mercy.
Very well written. :3 Although frankly I would have preferred if the Gremlins had won the fight, or at least some had survived. :U I'm a Gremlin kind of person, not a Knight.
But still, very nice story. :D