Spiral Knights - Flavor Knights

Flavor Knights

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Jue, 03/13/2014 - 18:50

Dibsville

Basically, we come to conclusions of items based on their description.

Some examples:

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Volcanic Plate Helm: A superior plate helmet forged from volcanic iron. It's difficult to breathe in, but it can resist high temperatures and any number of savage attacks.

Knights are completely invincible to enemy attacks while wearing it.

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Vitasuit Plus: High-tech mail that provides the wearer with myriad medical boons, including bonus health, glossier hair, and fresher breath.

While wearing a Toupee with Vitasuit Plus, it becomes shiny and glossy.

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Grintovec: Your enemies will surely enjoy the cool, refreshing sensation of being hit by a glacier.

Whenever an enemy is hit with Grintovec's charge attack, they will say "[insert enemy name here] is full of joy!"

Jue, 03/13/2014 - 19:34

Sandwich-Potato

Skolver Coat: The ultimate in Wolver-hide clothing, this coat has been expertly crafted to give your melee attacks blinding speed.

You lag a lot.

Snarbolax Coat: A shadowy suit made from the hide of a sinister Snarbolax. Even looking at it too closely is dangerous.

Being blind is good while wearing this.

Vog Cub Coat: This hide garment is so warm and thick that you won't even mind that it reeks of wood smoke.

This should hamper you because it's thick instead of ASI.

Chaos Cloak: A forbidden mantle said to grant the wearer protection within the nameless realm where all elements are said to converge into one and divide into all.

http://wiki.spiralknights.com/Nameless_Poncho

The Bitter End: A shield carried by all members of the Recon Rangers. It's name is a reminder to all Rangers as to precisely when they are permitted to drop it in battle.

They like coffee sticks.

Crest of Almire: A shimmering crest once proudly carried by the noble knights of Almire. It is said to bless those who fight for their homeland, granting them strength from within.

I would say something about internal indigestion and fiber. Let's leave it at that.

Jue, 03/13/2014 - 20:54

Gasguzzler

Vitasuit Deluxe: Four out of

Vitasuit Deluxe: Four out of five Spiral Medics recommend this armor for everyday use. The fifth was crushed by a Tortodrone.
- If we wore this when doing the mission "March of the Tortodrones", we would've wasted no sparks at all.

Jue, 03/13/2014 - 21:27

Asdfhasdga

iron slug: Only the most frightening of foes can withstand the crippling paralysis caused by the magnum force of the Iron Slug's sudden impact.

iron slug deals significant damage

Jue, 03/13/2014 - 21:48

Baconparadox

Shocking salt Bomb: A large

Shocking salt Bomb: A large chunk of rock salt primed with a potent explosive. For nutritional purposes, this particular chunk of salt has been enriched with dangerous amounts of electricity. Wait, what?
-You can feed enemies, but they die

Dom, 03/16/2014 - 10:16

Pipipipipi

Behold, the evil squares take over the world

Heavy Crystal Bomb

A solid chunk of alloy with an explosive surprise inside. Zombies hate surprises.

Zombies never have surprise partys, poor zombies ;_;

Divine Avenger

An uograded Avenger forged from the purest sun steel. There are few foes remaining in this world that are worthy enough to be defeated by such a fine blade, and there are still fewer heroes worthy of wielding it.

1. I can't go around killing things willy nilly with this

2. dispite only a few people can wield it, hundreds of people do wield it.

Stable Rocket Hammer

Designed by Warmaster Seerus himself, this nefarious gremlin weapon is equipped with a rocket engine that can launch the wielder forward with a powerful hammer, hammer HAMMER RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry about that, anyway, smash. This particular model is a mor stable version that blew up gremlin test subjects far fewer times than the prototype.

Wait, is it even legal to use the prototype?

Striker

A fast sword favored by members of the stealthier branches of the Spiral Order.

And yet, they go killing everything willy nilly with it just like me and my Divine Avenger.

Umbra Driver

This horrifyingly powerful handgun fires bullets that are completely devoid of color, odor and mercy.

Is purple not a color

Also, GRAMMER MISTAKE, PLZ FIX OOO

/makes cute face

Dom, 03/16/2014 - 17:47

Poomph

Ice Queen Mail : A regal suit of armor resembling the ever-frigid Ice Queen. In addition to providing great defense, it is said to dramatically boost one's ego and create a cold detachment from those around them.

You're in solo mode, and your party is restricted.

Lun, 03/17/2014 - 18:30

Ardent-Light

Big Angry bomb: An immensely powerful bomb with a terrible attitude.

You wish you got a Nitronome instead don't you?

Winmillion: An ornate blade that propels bolts of energy outward with every swing. Inexperienced users have been known to cut themselves when first practicing with it.

Erm... What? Which users?

Cold Iron Vanquisher: A powerful cold iron blade forged for the singular purpose of hunting down and destroying the undead.

So the brandish family just went missing I assume?

Furious Flamberge: Great fencers can carve their name into their opponents. Legendary ones brand it there.

If you lived in the 1800s you probably weren't an abolitionist.

Triglav: No stories have been told about this almighty blade, but that's only because people are rarely in the mood to talk after having been crushed by a mountain.

Correction: No stories have been told about this almighty blade, but that's only because No one freaking uses it.

Barbarous thorn blade: A mythical blade that lashes out with the fury of the Snarbolax itself. Those who wield it claim to feel the fiery stare of the beast upon them whenever they close their eyes.

These weapon ideas ought to be reviewed by the Special Victims Unit.

Wild Hunter Blade: A legendary cutter feared by even the mightiest of Wolvers and Chromalisks.

Correction: A legendary cutter you got, because you ignored all the experienced vanguards who told you not to.

Dom, 03/16/2014 - 21:53

Jayenna

If the theory don't fit the facts, wear a pair of 3D glasses.

Brute Jelly Shield: A thick shield made from the remains of particularly ill-mannered slimes. It is durable, light, and delightfully berry-flavored.
Portable Jello.

Grey Owlite Shield: A resplendent replica of the shield thought to have been issued to the most eminent of Owlite wizards. Wielding it fills you with righteous vengeance.
It's a replica, not an actual shield.

Dangerous Draped Armor: Loose-fitting armor worn by more experienced Recon Rangers. It's rumored that gear like this is crafted from the remains of armor from Rangers who fell in combat, acting as a reminder to the wearer that they are always within Death's embrace.
You're wearing a dead Knight's armor.
Because that's totally not creepy.

Dom, 03/16/2014 - 22:09

Shocking-Beats

Venom Veiler

Venom Veiler: The ultimate in toxic dispersal devices, the Venom Veiler can be used to destroy pests on crops. Failing that, it can also be used to destroy crops..

Can I mow my lawn with this thing?

Lun, 03/17/2014 - 16:45

#10

Fehzor

So far Ardent has the best post, but maybe I'm just cynical.

Azure Guardian Helmet:

"A noble helmet reserved for the most senior members of the Spiral Order. The technique which weaves dragon scale seamlessly into the metal is a closely guarded secret."

Closely guarded by every single knight on Haven, who is handed the recipe free of charge. Which is a shame, because gremlins would be much easier if we let them wear Azure Guardian.

Bombastic Demo Suit:

"A fine set of armor specially forged for those select few individuals who can handle explosives with panache and flair... while managing to avoid blowing themselves up."

As opposed to the rest of us, who would rather just spam bombs and win-- or better yet, abuse chaos to spam bombs, swords and guns with panache and flair... while managing to charge all of the above in a reasonable time, knowing that we cannot blow ourselves up.

Mar, 03/18/2014 - 22:36

#11

Kyrehx

Skolver Coat Fixed

Looks like OOO's been stealth patching some of these errors.

Skolver Coat: The ultimate in Wolver-hide clothing, this coat has been expertly crafted to give your melee attacks extra power.

http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=239871527

Mié, 03/19/2014 - 06:44

#12

Malkalack

Oh helm yeah!

Stagger Storm- Though it was originally developed by the Spiral Order to harmlessly subdue dangerous species, how you deal with foes unfortunate enough to be caught in the storm is entirely up to you.

Or not use it, as most people choose. Maybe it's not easily spammed.

Shocking Salt Bomb- A large chunk of rock salt primed with a potent explosive. For nutritional purposes, this particular chunk of salt has been enriched with dangerous amounts of electricity. Wait, what?

Mmmm, iodized salt. Errr.... IONIZED salt. That makes more sense.

Nether Shell- A shield alchemized from the shell of a corrupted tortodrone. A tormented howl of rage can be heard on the wind when this shield smashes through your foes.

And it can be used to block shots aimed at my nether regions, apparently.

Mié, 03/19/2014 - 06:42

#13

Usevnsevnsixfivfor

Armor:

Ignition Armor- Light armor augmented to help protect knights venturing into heated situations.
Such as breaking up with my girlfriend?

Cobalt Armor- High performance armor of the Spiral Order suitable for any adventure.
Mkay, I'll meet you in FSC in precicly three minutes.

Firebreak Armor- Upgraded Emberbreak armor further hacked to resist fire.
The ToS says not to hack, so this armor must be removed. Same with Icebreaker and Voltbreaker armors.

Wolver Coat- A thick garment to protect your hide, made from a Wolver who failed to protect his.
I made it from Chromalisks and Gremlins.

Fused Demo Suit- An upgraded Demo Suit fused dangerously with the unstable core from a powerful Blast Cube. Even still, you should feel a lot safer wearing this.
I don't see any Blast Cores needed to make this. Or any material that CAN be dropped by Blast Cubes.

Ash Tail Coat- This well-made hide coat is self-heating, protecting the wearer from freeze attacks. The secret? A tiny pinch of blaze pepper.
And where is this Blaze Pepper?

Salamander Suit- A suit crafted from the hide of a salamander. It grants the wearer the beast's natural resistance to fire.
I made it from a Tundralisk and a Redwood.

(Deadly) Virluisk Suit
Once again.

Dread Skelly Suit- The most fearsome Skelly Suit known to exist. There is nothing humerus about these dreadful duds.
"Humerus"
Also, there are more than one Dread Skelly Suits.

Heavenly Iron Armor- A powerful suit of armor said to be crafted from angelic shields. It retains many divine properties celestial beings possess but lacks their weakness to fire.
Armor made out of shields :/

Valkyrie Mail- A priceless set of armor whose name denizens of the Underworld dare not mention.
This armor isn't even good, let alone priceless.

Volcanic Salamander Suit- A salamander suit reinforced with sturdy plates of volcanic iron. Extremely protective, and usable as a makeshift stove during deployments.
I don't see any Volcanic Iron in this armor.

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