THE DEVILITE'S GUIDE TO OFFICE WARFARE - Winners Announced
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 14:09
Greetings Knights and Ringers,
The Obsidian Guild is hosting a devilishly evil event this month with the aid of the mistress of pure evil, Eurydice.
King Krogmo did not get to the top of the corporate Coliseum ladder by good looks alone!
Here's your chance to devise a deliciously evil office warfare tactic to annihilate the competition and help King Krogmo retain his corporeal Coliseum corporation from scheming underlings.
Details
In one short paragraph of 25 words or less, construct an original evil plan to annihilate, subjugate, eradicate, irradiate, prank or otherwise embarrass corporate cronies into submission. Dogrock of EoS notes the importance of short plans as long monologues give your cronies time to lob office furniture and half eaten donuts at you. Evil plan MUST be Spiral Knights themed.
Example from TheBadger:
Install Quicksilver version T3 in your boss' Mac.
Watch the sparks fly when your boss launches
his Your Fired! e-mail application.
Please keep your submission within the Spiral Knights TOS or your submission will get nuked by a GM or disqualified by the judges.
One submission only to this thread please. The Devilite's Guide to Office Warfare on the Wiki as well as our data entry devilites may explode if you bombard them with more than one evil plan. If our devilites accidentally botch an entry on the Wiki, please post a note to this thread so we can fix it. Please post your IGN (In Game Name) with your submission.
Eligibility
This competition is open to all knights. Only knights are eligible for prizes. Three Rings staff may tender suggestions at their own risk. Remember, the mistress of evil is watching, BEWARE.
Deadline
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Judges
Raspberry
TheBadger
Eurydice
Judging Criteria
50 points Evilness
25 points Originality and creativity
25 points Following details
-1000 points Trolling the competition or pestering the judges
Judging Phase
1-3 weeks
Dependent on the volume of submissions received, real life schedules of the judges, and the few days it takes to stage and create a wallpaper of the winning entry. The wallpaper phase includes training inexperienced monsters into Academy Award actors and field testing evil office tactics on TheBadger.
Rewards
★★★★★President of Vice Receives:
1500 CE Salary
Illustrious Wallpaper Illustration
Vice Management Receives:
★★★★☆Senior Vice ~ 500 CE Salary
★★★☆☆Junior Vice ~ 400 CE Salary
★★☆☆☆Ad Vice ~ 300 CE Salary
★☆☆☆☆De Vice ~ 200 CE Salary
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have fun!
Raspberry & TheBadger (ow, ow, stop prodding me with the pitchfork Eurydice ಠ_ಠ)
PS:
Don't forget your IGN!
If you need to redo your submission, please edit your original reply and then let us know in a new reply if we have already entered it in the Wiki.
Don't forget your IGN!
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 14:36
#2
hehehe
Send e-mail with an "Oiler" virus to your boss.
Watch as flamewalls set it on fire.
Screen shows: YOU ARE FIRED!
Hear your boss scream.
LOL. Get it? Flames ignite oilers, and flamewalls... well, u know.
think of the "YOU ARE FIRED!" sign as a blue screen of death. except worse.
so... yeah.
IGN: Lordofnecromancers
EDIT: e-mail is one word, right?
Wed, 08/03/2011 - 17:33
#3
Mah plan: Try to get your
Mah plan:
Get your boss to leave his office
grab a few Mini jellies to throw at
watch your boss' face-WAIT,
can't see his face anymore!
IGN: Grittle
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 14:38
#4
Evil Plan: Lichenous Chairs
Encase all the junk on you co-workers desk in Slimes
Laugh as he watches in horror as his poor desk becomes a giant Lichen Colony!
IGN: Splinter
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 14:38
#5
Evil Plan: Lichenous Chairs
Encase all the junk on you co-workers desk in Slimes
Laugh as he watches in horror as his poor desk becomes a giant Lichen Colony!
IGN: Splinter
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 14:44
#6
I'll try...
Here goes nothing:
Kiss feet until you get the yes-man position
Earn the complete trust of the boss
Kill him with kindness
IGN:ConeyKrab
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 14:56
#7
Rewrite contracted software
Rewrite contracted software to send off 1/5ths of a crown from each transaction round-downs to secret account.
Baffle the boss by denying him TPS reports while stealing the alchemy machine for revenge.
Take back my red punch gun and burn down office building.
ign: fruits
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 14:59
#8
Mix Impostocube and Toxigel
Mix Impostocube and Toxigel to make disguised laxative jelly. Hand to the boss; watch as he runs to the bathroom over and over again!
IGN: Flists
Thu, 08/11/2011 - 01:07
#9
Here it goes
Well, Im not much for this but I'll give it a try.
Go to work on saturday like everyone else,
bring radiant sun shards to office.
Be sure to wear a skolver coat.
IGN: Migake
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 15:18
#10
Nothing the boss looks
Nothing the boss looks forward to more than sipping on the ol’ mug of misery.
Too bad about that dark briar barrage in his cup…
IGN: Narfle
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 15:39
#11
Hire Trojan Assassins, Watch
Hire Trojan Assassins, Watch from afar as the trojans rip through the offices of your enemies, No cubical Will ever be safe again!
IGN: Kuger
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 19:21
#12
Steps 1-4
Invite higher company members to "Boss Appreciation Event".
Charge higher-up's accounts with "party expenses", for millions.
Fill large event cake with Devilites.
Offer cake.
IGN: Knightydood
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 16:09
#13
my plan
Hack into bosses CPU, transfer all Crystal energy and crowns to Exotic Devilite Dancing Inc. Send details to all employees, police,laugh like crazy!
IGN xuezhou
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 16:25
#14
hmmmm
Wait till its boss' birthday
Give him cake with no fork
When he asks for one
Step back and throw him a pitchfork :D
IGN: Wonderwaffles
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 18:08
#15
Might as well try
Give everybody a monster cage from teir 3
As an apology give them a trip to Almire (one way)
Tell them it's FREEZING over there.
IGN:Indigoraven
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 17:24
#16
Evil Plan
Fill Lord Vanaduke's coffee with sewage sludge.
Leave classic "HAHA UR STOOPID" note signed with the competitors' signatures (fake, of course).
Watch the fireworks.
Profit.
IGN: Adderone
Wed, 08/03/2011 - 19:03
#17
*cackles*
Kill Ultra Blast Cube.
Quickly insert explosive blobs in airtight little cups.
Leave in company fridge with note:
"I made grape jell-o for everyone, enjoy! <3"
IGN: Celebren
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 17:47
#18
BOOM
Hack your boss' bank account.
send all his crowns to "Blast Cube" co.
give him package later
run out the room and hear the screams. :D
IGN: Shadownox
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 17:49
#19
This should when me some evilness points.
Alright, here....we.....GO.
Invite him over. Tie him up and slice off his limbs, toes, and other things.
Proclaim your feelings about him. Feed him to the wolvers.
Ohh I hope I win. They say third times a charm.
IGN The one and only, Guardianknight.
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 18:14
#20
This could be too evil
Dress in Volcanic plate mail
Hide in Higher-ups closets
Watch them all die of heart attacks until you are CEO.
IGN: Itep
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 18:32
#21
Give your boss a Grand Faust
Give your boss a Grand Faust as present to his birthday
Watch him swinging it around, not noticing he's cursed
Revive him and earn 30% of his heat (i doubt thats a good ideas tho lol)
Profit, now u're jobless and can play more Spiral Knights! :D
ign: Vtwo
edited 25 words version:
Give boss Grand Faust for Birthday
Watch him die on curse
Revive to get 30% of his heat
jobless, you can play more SK now :D
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 18:30
#22
Evil Plan:Place a Mewkat in
Evil Plan:
Place a Mewkat in the worker's room.
Watch them go insane as they contemplate getting a few crowns or murdering an innocent Kat.
IGN: NinjaKnight
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 18:33
#23
Learn Old Management pays
Learn Old Management pays negative wages, no overtime
Find compromising pictures of old CEOgre on Obsidian+ (a social networking site)
....Blackmail is a powerful thing.
Eradicats
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 23:26
#24
-
Unbind his gear and sell it. Give away the remaining crowns and CE. Take his position in the company as he has a nervous breakdown.
IGN: Spadger
Edited for length.
Tue, 08/02/2011 - 02:13
#25
event
Friday night,
Fill office mailbox with Red and Purple mineral shards.
Get off work on Monday: blame fiend infestation.... hire cleaners.
IGN: MattxAus (OH NO! my cover is blown! D:)
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 18:36
#26
Purchase a love puppy
Purchase a love puppy disguise
Place rocket puppy disguised as love puppy at the boss' door
Ring the doorbell and run
IGN: Sojuu
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 18:53
#27
Replace co-worker's office
Replace co-worker's office supplies with harmless plushie replicas.
Laugh as their attacks bounce harmlessly off furries invading the office.
Die horribly when furries notice you.
IGN: Xiax
Tue, 08/02/2011 - 07:17
#28
New Company Direction
Convince boss to refocus the company on haze bomb production.
Watch his horrific expression when the update arrives.
Shareholders unhappy, he resigns.
ign: helloxo
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 19:16
#29
Pour a little sleep vial into
Pour a little sleep vial into your Boss's mug,
Sprinkle a little blaze pepper on various body parts of his,
Watch him wake up.
IGN - Smur
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 19:18
#30
Plan:
Acquire firm with loan
Plan:
Acquire firm with loan to Krogmo.
Distribute mist tanks containing lichen slime.
Knights merge into giant slime, destroying Coliseum and Haven.
Krogmo defaults on loan.
Evil extra credit:
Send picture of ruined Haven to Media.
Obtain Foreign aide money.
Use story to shake investor confidence in Cradle Project.
Initiate hostile take over.
IGN: Gllang
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 19:24
#31
Coffee Time Mayham
Become the Yesman. Place party button in Bossman's office when the bossman is getting coffee. Watch the Trojan spawn and you become the new Bossman.
IGN: Wodanct
Sun, 08/28/2011 - 02:10
#32
Give Impostocube a new
Give Impostocube a new disguise that looks strikingly similar to the Pit Boss. Watch, as Yesmen waste there time sucking up to a gelatinous blob.
Drew this for fun :D
http://kylereiss.com/sk-imposto.html
IGN: Svsniper
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 19:49
#33
And so it begins
A Swingline stapler flies at at Patton while he's busy with his monologue!
Spadger suddenly finds a moldy donut mashed into his face; he was distracted by his monologue!
Crimsonsteel steps up to his monologue soap box only to have it kicked from underneath him!
All of you above went above 25 words. Please change your entries to be considered!
All posts up to #32 have been added except for those noted above. Word count is being double checked by my copy of MS Word '07 for consistency. Emotes do not count as words.
Thu, 08/11/2011 - 19:17
#34
Evil plan RSS.
Place Radiant Sun Shards sideways on every office chair of people of higher rank then you. Wait for cry's of pain. Your the boss now!
IGN: Rangerwill
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 20:35
#35
How to drive hated cronies insane.
Lure cronies into office filled with dozens of silkwings, and lock the door behind him.
Take delight in watching cronies go mad from endless honking.
(IGN is Nordic-Oten.)
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 21:26
#36
Alternate Scenario: Rig everything with explosives.
Replace boss's wallpaper with 'lichen.png'
Film reaction and post it on Youtube
?????
Profit!
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 21:47
#37
A Chilling Surprise
Tell your bosses you've brought Enrique Iglesias to "perform" at their party.
Pull out your Glacius named Enrique.
Give them and their cake a frosting!
IGN: Raffoon
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 22:19
#38
For best results, involve disguised toxigel laxatives...
Forget cherry bombs. GRAVITON bomb the office toilets!
Your boss can't fire you from the john - and he'll be there for a while!
IGN: Kaiseryoshi
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 22:19
#39
Just for giggles plan.
Go to Lord Vanaduke's Place
Flood it with smoke detectors.
See his wife to slap him.
He quits his job.
Hit him with a crowbar.
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 22:53
#40
Replace original shipment of
Replace original shipment of supplies with Alphas
Go to work early
Release the Alpha Wolvers into workplace
Hide in vent to watch
IGN- Gimpyo
Mon, 08/01/2011 - 23:22
#41
Carly Mewcat, the spookcat.
Lock the enemy in a room
with you friend Carly Mewcat
wait for him to crack
if he never does, well
"giggles", hire someone else.
IGN halisi
hope that was good.
Tue, 08/02/2011 - 04:02
#42
The plan
Wait for company trip
Summon reapers on corporate jet
Enjoy chaos.
Thu, 08/04/2011 - 05:43
#43
Get LumbarDisguise as
Disguise Lumbar as tree
Give as present
When the lumbar attacks
Polaris
????
PROFIT
IGN: Lethalconcept
EDIT: under 25 words
Thu, 08/04/2011 - 07:47
#44
Money = Power
Release Kleptolisks into Bazaar, they can't fight back!
Take stolen items
Sell on black market (auction house)
IGN: Originallity
Tue, 08/02/2011 - 07:23
#45
I know evil when I see it.
I know evil when I see it. You guys are small time (KaiserYoshi is a strong contendant, though).
"Order a Sloom and Oilers.
Catapult Sloom onto boss' face and set him asleep.
Cover office in oil. Burn everything.
Record boss' horrified awakening."
IGN: Arca
Tue, 08/02/2011 - 08:50
#46
Pure Evil
Set several bombs in your boss's office.
In the confusion have him murder 50 innocent Mewkats.>:D
Laugh as he commit suicide.
Take his precious belongings.
Actual Mewkats were killed in the making of this diabolical plan of mines.>:D
IGN:Beastlikethat
Tue, 08/02/2011 - 10:00
#47
BeveRAGE
Search boss's desk for a booze cache.
Replace beverage with curse vial.
Instigate fight by destroying his desk baubles.
He "fills out his own pink slip."
IGN: Vaerin
Tue, 08/02/2011 - 10:48
#48
They'll get the point
Shove extra minerals in printing machine.
Notify rival co-worker that alloys are printing out instead of paper.
Install remote-control spike trap at desk. Activate when he/she returns to cubicle.
Ouch!
IGN: Green-Onion
Tue, 08/02/2011 - 11:11
#49
Evil plan...Of evilness~
1.) Tell boss you need a raise.
2.) Get refused.
3.) Steal materials from work
4.) sell on streets for 100 crowns each.
5.) Beg cause you sold all of it and relised your still poor.
Ign: Venomthemad
Tue, 08/02/2011 - 11:54
#50
hrmmm...
With the aid of a Mamga Driver, "negotiate" with boss.
kindly "accept" the company's Crowns,
and exhuast all his Energy.
Now run away....
IGN: Necrax
ps: don't get caught
Evil Plan:
Gather all "Yesmen"
Go to Boss's office.
When he ask somebody something call him up and say YES!
Annoy him to death.
Throw pitchforks.
Edit-Forgot IGN and changed to boss
IGN Bigfootm