Spiral Knights: A Death He Could Live With
Sun, 08/21/2011 - 18:59
This is a fanfiction for the contest. It involves what happened aboard the Skylark shortly before failure of all onboard systems and subsequent crashing onto Cradle, seen via the perspective of an electronics tech on the ship and his two closest friends.
Keep in mind this is only the FIRST part of the story. The second part is not completed; Zetta stated that he may have a second contest, so I'm going to save the second part (and its conclusion) for the second contest, if ever there is one. This can stand on its own, however, hence why I'm submitting it.
This fanfic is rated M for Mature. You've been warned.
Pages: 11
Words: 6977
Link: https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=explorer&chrome=true&srcid=0B-K9O...
I would suggest changing the view settings in Google Docs so your eyes don't bleed from tiny words while reading.
Feel free to post questions, comments, or haiku about cocktail shrimp for any reason.
It's quite long, and it took me around twenty minutes to proofread (an estimate of how long it will take you to finish it), so if you do make it to the end I both thank you and tip my dapper gentlemanly hat to you.
Hope you enjoy.
--shrink
Sun, 08/21/2011 - 23:15
#2
I agree with you, but I
I agree with you, but I decided to err on the side of caution. I know mature implies graphic violence and sex, but while my fic doesn't get that much into it, I don't know how strict the rules are on the forums about that kind of content. I figured a disclaimer was the least I could do to cover my bases.
Mon, 08/22/2011 - 20:35
#3
shameless self bump so others
shameless self bump so others might get the chance to read it
Mon, 08/22/2011 - 21:22
#4
Woah! O:
It's super long compared to many others! I even cut mine down to make sure it wouldn't suddenly become as long as yours :D
But your story got me hooked with the first sentence and I enjoyed it completely to the very last. It had a good mix of talking and action [pure talking bores me out of my mind]. Would you care to start on that second part so I can read that too? :D Haha.
Congratulations on winning first place! d-(^_^)z
Mon, 08/22/2011 - 23:57
#5
This, the winner of my first
This, the winner of my first Fanfic Contest, deserves to be read more!
Tue, 08/23/2011 - 05:51
#6
I enjoyed this story
I enjoyed this story thoroughly, despite the fact that it was very long ("despite" isn't maybe a good word for this, because I didn't mind the length at all). You did a great job on the world-building while you were telling the story of how the knights ended up on Cradle, describing the environment and atmosphere of the ship and the effects of failing equipment in vivid detail, without slowing down the pace of the story. The characters were very well written and sympathetic in their own way. While I could use Jaxin as an example of this (the type of character Jaxin is usually just annoys me in works of fiction), but I think the captain is, for me at least, a better examples of this: While he only got a brief introduction in the story, his character was described very well, and that his death following shortly after was quite tragic.
The only comment I have is in conjunction with one of Zettalux's comments (in the previous Fanfic thread, which I can't find now for some reason). He mentioned that the story wasn't only good, but that it should/could be canon. When I read this story last night I absolutely agreed with him on both accounts because the story does a very good job of explaining how your pod crashed on that strange planet, and why the same thing all of a sudden happened to hundreds or thousands of other knights as well. But after letting the whole story sink in a bit, I'm not sure anymore if I'd agree with the part that it could or should be Spiral Knights canon, simply because the story is very dramatic and mature for a game that strikes me as light-hearted and whimsical. It could work well for any kind of sci-fi fantasy game where you find yourself stranded on an alien planet and you need an explanation that works for both yourself and everyone else, I just don't think Spiral Knights is one of them.
But that's really more about Zetta's comment rather than your story. Eleven pages long and it didn't feel like it was slowing down or dragging on even once. You put a tremendous amount of effort into this and it shows, and you definitely earned that first prize. Congratulations :)
Tue, 08/23/2011 - 08:32
#7
Nice
Great story man. I hope you'll continue this.
Tue, 08/23/2011 - 10:19
#8
@korenwolfe: It is a bit
@korenwolfe: It is a bit long, but I usually disregard length when writing. I find that the best quality you can produce showcases itself when you take an "it's done when it's done" approach. As I mentioned above, I was actually planning on making it much longer, but time constraints and the possibility of a second contest cut me short. Which, I think, was probably for the best!
@Bumbly: I agree with you on the contrast of presentation. Spiral Knights, as it is, is a colorful, vivid, whimsical, somewhat humorous game, with chibi knights and disproportionately huge weapons and shields (and incredibly tiny feet). I wanted to give it a more serious, realistic atmosphere; I was having trouble relating to a story wherein a character could flop over and lose some glowing orange orbs, but jumpstart himself (or get a helping hand) and be right back where he was before. I tried to compromise as best I could between what's known about Knights lore and my extensive artistic license taken on the presentation of the reality in their universe.
@Keosermer: Haha, that depends if Zetta is kind enough to make a second contest. I work better with deadlines.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Tue, 08/23/2011 - 10:33
#9
@shrinkshootr actually Zetta
@shrinkshootr actually Zetta is having another contest: forums.spiralknights.com/en/node/22115
Wed, 08/24/2011 - 07:30
#10
Yeah...
I derped a little bit. I saw it on the first page after I replied to this one.
Also for bumbly: http://forums.spiralknights.com/en/node/20196
You probably don't need it anymore but I had it saved anyway.
Wed, 09/07/2011 - 22:04
#11
Bump for great justice. This
Bump for great justice. This needs to be read more.
By the way, shrinkshootr, I took into consideration on having your input on the submissions for this second contest. I'll figure something out, I definitely like the idea.
Sun, 09/11/2011 - 14:53
#12
Do want moar!!!
It was nice reading that, would really like to read the second part.
Any updates on that?
Sun, 09/11/2011 - 22:18
#13
Zetta: I can weigh in if
Zetta: I can weigh in if you'd like, but I wouldn't be giving any in-depth rationalizations for my choices, just a short blip of "I chose this story for this award due to x, y, and z." Mainly because I don't have a whole lot of time on my hands, I would give you generalized suggestions with reasonings but nothing like long or review-ish. Any final decisions on what story receives what award would be entirely yours.
Tim: Yeah. I don't know when, though. I will try to have it done for the contest deadline, although I don't really mind whether it wins anything at all. I have two jobs and graduate school to worry about at the moment, and while "A Death He Could Live With" was actually typed almost in its entirety in roughly eight hours straight, I'd prefer not to do that again. ;) I think I can manage before the deadline, though.
I didn't think that you could call it M-rated.
I probably would've before, but then I got blazblue, which despite all it's
swearing, violence, and nudity, managed to get a teen-rating.