Spiral Knights - How to be THE BEST at Spiral Knights

How to be THE BEST at Spiral Knights

51 replies [Last post]

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 16:44

Trihelix

Well I have been watching the "good" players for a long time now, and I've finally figured out how you achieve god-like status in Spiral Knights.

#1: REMIND EVERYONE THAT YOU ARE THE BEST
This is the most important step to becoming a legend in Spiral Knights. You must let everyone know that you are the best. Sure, you might get some haters, but that is a small price to pay for your new-found fame!

#2: POST LOTS OF PICTURES/VIDEOS OF YOURSELF WINNING
It doesn't matter what you are doing, if you are winning, video it and put it on Youtube. It seems there is a recurring trend in MMOs that the players that post videos of themselves are instantly treated as superheroes. Had a good Vanaduke run? Put it on Youtube. Beat the snot out of some guild in Lockdown? Post a screenshot. Just make sure you always win before you post.

#3: IT IS NEVER YOUR FAULT
The best players never die. They lag. When you think you are in a situation where you might die, quickly tell everyone that you are experiencing a lot of lag. Then when you die, swear a lot and make sure that you curse lag somewhere in your rant. I don't know why it works, but all those guys running around in those fiery dog outfits do it.

#4: BE A BETA TESTER
If you aren't a beta tester, odds are you'll never reach god status in Spiral Knights. It's common knowledge that, when you tell someone you were a beta tester, they fall to the ground and worship you. Be a beta tester and you are instantly a top player.

#5: NEVER BACK UP YOUR CLAIMS
Last but not least, never ever communicate with your haters. When it's inevitable, only insult them and make them mad.

These are the five ways to becoming a top player in Spiral Knights. Follow these tips and you'll be there by this weekend.

...yeah. It's a joke. What can I say? After all the drama that has been bouncing around the forums lately, it seemed time for a humorous thread. No offense was intended to anyone with the above post, by the way. The tips were not directed at any particular player (I have no doubt you can fill in the blanks yourself); they were just taken from what I've observed over the past few months.

Enjoy!
-Tri

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 17:41

Hova

I can think of someone whos

I can think of someone whos name starts with a C...*cough*.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 17:51

Nodocchi

You forgot name dropping OOO

You forgot name dropping OOO staff in every post you make so that people think you know the developers personally. :P

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 17:52

Dogrock

We really don't need anymore

We really don't need anymore petrol for this fire. Sure this is a joke, but I think the timing is not very good on this one.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 19:04

Speetz

Crappy thing is is the

Crappy thing is is the chugging and lag in this game is responsible for a lot of deaths, at least for me. Hence 5 matchs in LD against the same players with 10k damage then another 5 with the same ones with like 2-4k lol. But, I totally understand what your getting at.

Looooottttaaaa lame floating round hur

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 19:12

Negimasonic

well at least I got one of

well at least I got one of those...now to actually become good...

nah, too much work

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 19:13

Shoebox

GROUNDBREAKIN', BETA TESTIN', MEAN ASS SONS OF BITCHES

Last but not least, never ever communicate with your haters. When it's inevitable, only insult them and make them mad.

Thanks for the advice, man.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 19:14

Benb

standupcomedian.png

Great thread. Truly amazing.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 19:28

Eldibs

Does it count if you take

Does it count if you take pictures of interesting things you saw? Or can it only be pictures of you winning?

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 19:30

Jim-Dale

Seems like a normal day to

Seems like a normal day to me.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 19:31

#10

Dirt

#4: BE A BETA TESTER This is

#4: BE A BETA TESTER
This is the most important step.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 19:41

#11

Speetz

@ Eldibs It has to be that

@ Eldibs

It has to be that ONE time you won something without using 500ce.

And btw, I beta tested every MMO ever.

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 20:09

#12

Redmania

Sorry, but I can't see any

Sorry, but I can't see any other person fitting this profile than Chris...

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 20:17

#13

Dairi

it's like i'm playing

it's like i'm playing ragnarok online all over again =|

Mon, 10/03/2011 - 20:24

#14

Speetz

lol This kind of crap happens

lol This kind of crap happens whenever PvP is involed in an MMO. That's why I LOVED super high rated (At least 2200+) WoW Arena. I got to meet really cool people and it was SO much fun, everyone was super cool and competition was super friendly. You pointed out each others errors to help out and complemented each other etc.

If Blizzard does better with this season, I might go back. T13 looks amazing, and FINALLY everyone won't look the same.

Tue, 10/04/2011 - 07:04

#15

Avixi

Tue, 10/04/2011 - 03:31

#16

Tadician

why do u want to be

why do u want to be recognized as the best???O_O
it doesnt matter what others think about me bcoz that wont chage what im really r

when pretending to be lagging thats a lie(unless im actually lagging)
beta tester??? im not a beta tester, u dont need to be a beta tester to be a good player, plus if u r not and say u r then u r lying

and its not fun playing a game and just lying around, its a MMO(Massive MULTIPLAYER Online) make friends instead *face palm*

this post is aimed for whoever thinks of seriously doing whats in the 1st post

Tue, 10/04/2011 - 03:53

#17

Sunless

Sorry, but I can't see any

Sorry, but I can't see any other person fitting this profile than Chris...

thatsthejoke.jpg

Tue, 10/04/2011 - 05:26

#18

Expunged

If I can ever find one I will post a video of me soloing a love puppy without revives and no exploits.

(Does anyone know any exploits for love puppies?)

Tue, 10/04/2011 - 05:35

#19

Shoebox

Oldest trick in the book.

(Does anyone know any exploits for love puppies?)

If you wait three days before you call them, they will say yes to anything you ask.

Tue, 10/04/2011 - 05:37

#20

Velcro

You forgot that you need to

You forgot that you need to eat from the tree of courage and slay the beasts of boredom.

IDK

Tue, 10/04/2011 - 05:37

#21

Sawkush

Lol...

Call me mean but I thought this was funny; most famours people do that XD.

Tue, 10/04/2011 - 06:16

#22

Lanieu

GOTTA TRANSMUTE THEM ALL!

I wanna be the very best.....

Tue, 10/04/2011 - 07:16

#23

Rwar

Oh Snap !

Hella Funny.

Nice 1 Trihelix. Thanks for the laugh this morning.

Tue, 10/04/2011 - 07:37

#24

Spamisalreadyinuse

yo, apparently leopards are

yo, apparently leopards are real afraid of chimpanzees. why? because they like to throw rocks at them and they would start running whenever they see chimps walking towards them.

Tue, 10/04/2011 - 10:33

#25

Mejezfeld

Sir I think you forgot a

Sir I think you forgot a few

#6: YOU PAID MONEY FOR THIS, DAMMOT.

You should pay for CE with real money and anyone who does not pay real money for CE is a lazy welfare leech and is probably a communist, or even a FOREIGNER!

You are automatically superior to anyone who is taking the "Free to play" label literally, and you must let them know this every time. Except don't. They're communist spies. They'll hax you if you do, so just sit in the background and dangle the CE in front of them and yank it away when they try to reach for it!

The "lag" THEY complain about is because they have no money for a REAL computer possibly because they frittered the welfare money away on crack or because they use The Democratic Free People's Republic Nationalized Internet Connection. And you should do your best to make sure they never get their dirty socialist hands on CE unless they participate in the God-blessed Infallible Free Market. Make sure to create huge walls of offers so that the dirty liberal traitors letting the communists have the CE for less than the most windpipe-crushing prices don't succeed in turning SK into a socialist welfare (and possibly pagan!) banana republic.

Prove me wrong in less than 500 words, beatboxing as you type :D

Tue, 10/04/2011 - 09:35

#26

Mr-Spiral-Knight

be the best THE BEST I AM THE BEST >:0

THE TRUTH IS THERE IS NO BEST GAME OR REAL LIFE PEOPLE THE BEST IS WHAT YOU ARE AND WHO YOU ARE YOU CAN BE THE STRONGEST PERSON ALIVE CAUSE OF WHO YOU ARE IN THE GAME WELL JUST BE THAT PERSON WHO CAN DO A HIT AND RUN I MEAN THIS IS A MMORPG USE STRAGERTY NOT STRENTH

Tue, 10/04/2011 - 10:23

#27

Expunged

Mr-Spicarl-Knight

You sir are the best at Caps Lock.

Tue, 10/04/2011 - 10:28

#28

Mr-Spiral-Knight

expunged

LOL
;-)

Wed, 10/05/2011 - 04:33

#29

Lepreal

BUMP THIS UP. LOL!

Wed, 10/05/2011 - 05:02

#30

Alice-In-Pyroland

"wanna be the very

"wanna be the very best....."

Like no one ever was?

Wed, 10/05/2011 - 05:28

#31

Expunged

Snipe herding

Based on what I can find on youtube Morbuzka, Masterlaugh, and Vulpizgirl are the best snipe herders.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8wVPLAOExw
It appears they took no damage but they didn’t show the video of the herding (could have used exploits) just that they were all in the room. Could be possible that they saw all the snipes in the room and started recording but the odds have to be astronomically against that. Also didn’t see a run through of the haven for random snipes.

Wed, 10/05/2011 - 06:55

#32

Noobowns

I only read up to Dogrock,

I only read up to Dogrock, cause I was worried about what the rest might say, but please. We do not need more of this to resurface, especially so soon.

Please lets let this "best player" thing die down a lot before even making jokes in regards to it.

And Hova, why would you even do that. You know it will only stir it up again.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 12:40

#33

Njthug

Thanks for the guide I

Thanks for the guide I realized what I was doing wrong. I have to do a lot more of #1, #3, and #2 for sure. Yes now everyone will know me in Spiral Knights time become the E-Brad Pitt.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 12:47

#34

Feedmefire

Free bump for absolute

Free bump for absolute hilarity :D

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 13:15

#35

Trihelix

I'm glad I could make a bunch

I'm glad I could make a bunch of people rethink their Spiral Knights lives and aspire to be very best like no one ever was.

To everyone saying this thread needs to die, I'm going to call you children and tell you to grow up, because that's what the best players do.

On a serious note, if the conversation keeps up the way it is (i.e. no "filling in the blanks"), I don't think anything bad will come out of it. I had originally thought of the idea of making a thread like this long before the events of late; I just never got around to it. I can honestly say I made this list without picking on one person in particular, there are plenty of guys that play/act like this.

@Njthug I admire your ambition.

Happy trolling!

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 13:30

#36

Leafxc

ha i love this post . bump

ha i love this post . bump bump bump ! :)

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 14:18

#37

Jim-Dale

@trihelix

Where is the rest of the credits reel? Oh wait, I found it.

Cast:
Chris as Chris
Chris as Chris
Chris as Chris
Chris as Chris
Chris as Chris
Chris as Chris
Chris as Chris

Director:
Chris

Recording Software:
Unregistered Hypercam 2

Special Thanks:
Chris
Chris
Chris
Chris
Chris
Chris

In loving memory of:
Chris

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 14:51

#38

Good-Spirit

1/5, i'm 20% BEST

I only have the video part down, and my mistake was having it be the whole match start to finish :(

I MUS MASTER THIS TO GET BEST!

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 16:57

#39

Buckdida

"Be a Beta

"Be a Beta Tester"?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Now I'll never be a good Spiral Knights player! I'll always be looked down upon as one of the nooby Steam players! *sobs*

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 17:12

#40

Crazywave

Dran!

Darn! im the best player around =O) You know it, i know it and everyone knows it and if not, your just plain Envy of me jejejejje...
im Playing Spiral Knights since Beta Times, yup i started on November 25, 2009 and never stop ever since, im all 5 stars complete Level 10 on everything i have (exept if im making something new for fun), everyone knows me and everyone is my friend unless your new or your just just plain Loco jejjejejje i love making new friends and love to help others if i have the crowns or and energy... look at the brite side this is a game to have fun and make new friends online and have a grate time, why not do it with style!

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 17:14

#41

Brawl

DECEPTICONS!!!! >:|

Thanks for the tips will be using these for sure :P

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 17:17

#42

Njthug

@Crazywave

Do you remember the little towns in game what we had back in the day?

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 17:24

#43

Nechrome

@crazywave

um, no intentions to offend you or anything, but...

http://forums.spiralknights.com/en/node/19087

i hardly believe that the best player in Spiral Knights would make a thread like that. =P

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 18:10

#44

Crazywave

@ Lordfsomething

hey we have freedom of speech and if i dont like the new PVP well i say it, maybe three rings change thing a little.... that's why i play when Three Rings have SK test server days, to tell them what i dont like or dislike....

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 18:12

#45

Crazywave

@Njhug

do you remember the coming soon east world ejejjee Never happened! remember the elevator in the town square fountain yea good old days!
and i use to love The Turtle Boss that shoot missiles at you! Superb time!
and the real PVP during Beta! yea!

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 18:29

#46

Xcleb

darn it

now i feel like a total douche for having a laggy computer

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 18:49

#47

Ethrx

This tread is full of lulz

This tread is full of lulz and win ^_^

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 18:49

#48

Ethrx

This tread is full of lulz

This tread is full of lulz and win ^_^

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 05:38

#49

Elithan

Dammit!!!

Now I understand where I have been going wrong, thanks Tri.

Or should I not thank you and instead call you a n00b and a child? Have I already blown my chances before I even began...?

Dammit! I'm just not 1337 =(

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 18:10

#50

Nechrome

@crazywave

hey man, just saying...

@everyone

in my opinion, the best player would...

1) be nice to noobs
2) not complain when they lose a pvp match
3) help others
4) dont insult others
5) don't scam anyone
6) accepts everything OOO gives us even if they don't like it
7) give advice to noobs who have no idea how to do anything
8) not make fun of the other team when they lose pvp
9) not swear
10) not kill everything and let the rest of his party do nothing
11) not stand by and laugh at his party members as they all die
12) boss others around
13) when he/she dies doesn't blame lag or anything of the sort, takes full responsibility
14) doesn't troll

and so on and so forth. i don't care if they're a noob who just arrived from the rescue camp or is Teir 3 and has the mostly epic gears in the game, just so long as they have these qualities, I dub them the best player in the game. but i still yet have to find someone who is worthy of that title.

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How to be THE BEST at Spiral Knights