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[Mini Fanfic] Unsung

16 replies [Last post]
Thu, 10/18/2012 - 03:37
Sir-Tuddle's picture
Sir-Tuddle

This is my first attempt at a fanfic, this is also a terrible excuse for procrastination.
Bear with me if there are any grammatical errors

*I honestly didn't expect to write a "Part II" for this, I thought i was complete enough as it was xD
*It was complete enough, deleted part II for ridiculousness.

ah well, it's definitely finished this time
Hope you guys can find it enjoyable :)

===========================================Unsung===============================================

The core was still closed, the world was still dormant. The many screens that littered the room still showed nothing, offering only the static that they had been giving ever since those knights had embarked on their mission. A single knight stood before the core, gripping a single object. He put his hand forward, and dropped a bronze bolt onto the cold desolate floor.

==Part 1==

"Where am I? How long have i been out?"
Is what he would've asked, if he could talk.

This time four new faces had greeted him. Four faces filled with innocence, yet empty with dread.

"They're obviously new to this!"
Is what he would've said, if he could joke.

He would've laughed a little too, but laughing only brought pain.

The clanking of their armor was the most prominent sound as they treaded the level. The four knights that followed him were quiet now. When they had first met, the air was much more welcoming.
The four knights were hurling jokes at each other, kneeling over with laughter and enjoyment, their faces glowed with a sense of determination and camaraderie.

Everyone was silent now.

He sort of preferred it this way, if they had been walking around screaming jokes at each other, every gremlin on the floor would've come after them.

But it's not like he couldn't handle it though; he fended the last few groups off quite well. The way he shielded the four knights from the wrenches and gun puppies was uncanny.

"Years of practice!"
Is what he would've called it, if he could boast.
"Or was it more out of habit?"
It felt more like the latter.

They were near the end now, he could feel it. And if he could sigh, he'd probably be sighing alot. The four knights had pretty much abandoned any sort of formation and just stuck to walking directly behind him.
He looked back at the four knights. Four skronney looking pitiful excuses for knights. They were all wearing proto, sporting a green gun and a green shield. He wondered how in the world they had gotten this deep into the clockworks without losing anyone.

Were there others they relied on?
Others from other floors that hadn't made it this far?

"These damn moochers"
He would've complained, if he could care.

They had reached the Lift, the four knights were exhausted, he was just fine. The elevator hummed and flickered as they approached, a tv faintly showed a symbol for what awaited them below.
He watched as the each knight got on one by one, and then it was his turn.

It was funny, he'd gotten this far yet the lift still made him uneasy, it seemed so foreign to him.

Suddenly a surge of energy ran through him, pierced every joint in his body, emotions flooded into him. He was astonished, he couldn't move.

"What happened? What's going on?!"
He thought, his mind was racing.

He could only stand there and watch, as the fence was raised and the lift whirred into life without him. The elevator seemed to ooze down to the next level, as if to taunt him and his inability to do anything about it.
What was even more disturbing was the four knights. They seemed completely unphased by what had happened, their bleak, scared faces had once again lit up with joy. They had finished the level, one of them even got a lockbox from the prize wheel!
They had completely forgotten him.

"But why?"
He wondered.

He was still right in front of them, he was sure they could see him suffering; unable to move as the lift carried the rest of the team farther down. A small sense of agony shot through him and he screamed.
It was a small scream, it was as quiet as a whisper, and the voice was oddly metallic.

The four knights were long gone.

The surge had left him, and so had his feelings. He was once again indifferent to everything. He wandered around the empty level for what seemed like days, everything seemed so familiar to him. Just how long had he been stuck here?

The surges came back, each time getting progressively weaker.
And he noticed that he too was getting weaker. Was he hungry? What did he eat?

"How did i survive this long without food?"
Is what he'd probably ask, if he cared.

He was tired; his final moments were upon him. The Mecha Knight found a wall to lean against and sat down. It was quiet, no signs of movement anywhere. But he knew that in just a couple of hours this floor would be bustling again. Filled with a new set of Gremlins and a new set of their rag tag creations.

As the light from his visor flickered and died, he looked out into the clockworks, to what awaited him below.

Hopefully the next set of faces would be kinder to him.

Thu, 10/18/2012 - 03:42
#1
Artistbma's picture
Artistbma
Nice. I like how you made the

Nice. I like how you made the reader assume it was a knight who couldn't talk at the beginning then revealed it was a Mecha Knight. I was surprised and doubled back after I read that.

Thu, 10/18/2012 - 19:30
#2
Sir-Tuddle's picture
Sir-Tuddle
Thanks lol, I was a little

Thanks , I was a little scared that the surge would give it out early, glad to hear that it didn't. xD

Thu, 10/18/2012 - 19:58
#3
Nechrome's picture
Nechrome
THE SWARM SEES YOU

D: Sad story. Poor Mecha Knight. Sort of reminds me from a piece of art in 'Fan Art Ahoy!' But that was good. Pretty good writing for your first attempt. :3

Fri, 10/19/2012 - 13:42
#4
Hexlash's picture
Hexlash
Amazing!

|I love the suspense and the way it makes you wanna keep on reading! I too had to read it again, like twice, so I knew what exactly was was going on and, no the surge, didn't give it away! You did a really good job of weaving this together so that it's really emotional and mysterious, Hurry and for the next part and good job! lol, for editing, all I can find are capitals. Also, your story makes me wonder if this is a 'breaking the fourth wall' story, or 'just in-world story', as in is this supposed to imitate the actual game, or the world within the game? When you say "But he knew that in just a couple of hours this floor would be bustling again. Filled with a new set of Gremlins and a new set of their rag tag creations." Does that mean that the game will reload the level with new things, or does it mean that in their world Gremlins will actually come back?

Sun, 10/21/2012 - 01:48
#5
Sir-Tuddle's picture
Sir-Tuddle
@Nechrome thanks man, and

@Nechrome thanks man, and what piece? O_o where? links! :U

@Hexlash Sorry bro, its the one and only chapter. Figure another one might be kind of pointless because mecha knights are incapable of navigating depths, it's just how they are. As for breaking the fourth wall, i didnt have that in mind lol, he just knows o_o

Mon, 10/22/2012 - 16:09
#6
Hexlash's picture
Hexlash
WHAT!?

IT JUST ENDS!? Wow, talk about tragic D_D well, if that's that then, I hope you do something else! Cause it's clear you have a special talent!

Mon, 10/22/2012 - 21:29
#7
Nechrome's picture
Nechrome
@Sir-Tuddle http://forums.spi

@Sir-Tuddle

http://forums.spiralknights.com/en/node/23657?page=2#comment-272336

:3 First link in the post.

We needz moar Mecha.

Mon, 11/05/2012 - 03:24
#8
Sir-Tuddle's picture
Sir-Tuddle
Poke.

Holy carp, this got buried all the way into page 3 O_o

"Mecha Knight

Unlike its brethren, this loyal Mecha Knight will fight the enemies of Spiral Knights who assemble or free it from its imprisonment of the deconstruction zones until it is defeated. Comes with built-in teleportation instead of a leash. Unfortunately, it cannot follow you to the next floor. "

Found a bit of a loophole and decided to revisit this
working on part 2, the final part for any who are interested :d

Tue, 05/28/2013 - 12:31
#9
Sir-Tuddle's picture
Sir-Tuddle
extr

Reserved

Mon, 11/05/2012 - 20:30
#10
Artistbma's picture
Artistbma
:D

Nice job.

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 16:13
#11
Hexlash's picture
Hexlash
What a work of art :"(

Wow, JUST wow.... Such powerful writing, yet wouldn't ask for more... it is perfect as a short passage like that :D Hmmm.... that skill is just awesome... I'm speechless.... (Ignore previous sentences ^ to confirm statement) lol yeah.... cool.... :)
How do you do it!? Weave it together like that? Are you like a university student taking some kind of super advanced writing courses??? lol, I can tell that the layout was very thought out... something simple yet strong... I'm gonna stop talking now... :D
EDIT: Just remembered that this was your first fan-fic, which ,means you are inclined to do MOAR! oh btw you wrote 'are', but pretty sure you meant 'or'.
EDIT: Wait, I jut realized the end of your fanfic changed, the part with the mecha knight saluting is gone... o.O

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 21:07
#12
Sir-Wuddle's picture
Sir-Wuddle
thanks guys

@Artistbma- Thanks man!

@Hex- I sorta felt the story was better off without it
I can put it back if you want x)

Tue, 11/06/2012 - 22:13
#13
Hexlash's picture
Hexlash
Okay, phew, I'm not going crazy! XD

Well, yeah, I'm not exactly sure as to how it really didn't seem right, but I see your point, even though I'm starting to forget what it even said, but hmm... the part where you repeated the cycle, and had the laugh, then the salute. :D Maybe add it in a separate section or something.

Wed, 11/07/2012 - 02:31
#14
Sir-Tuddle's picture
Sir-Tuddle
Maybe you are crazy...

jk, its added as an extra chunk :3
thanks again, Hex!

Wed, 11/07/2012 - 21:43
#15
Hexlash's picture
Hexlash
Either you're right about me going crazy...

...or you accidentally removed the entire part 2!!!!! XD
EDIT: Nope, I'm crazy, you smooshed it into the first thing.

Mon, 10/28/2013 - 09:00
#16
Malkalack's picture
Malkalack
LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT

I LOVE IT ALMOST AS MUCH AS I LOVE CHEESE

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