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[COMEDY] The Adventures of Feron

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Sun, 11/18/2012 - 23:39
Yttriu's picture
Yttriu

I've taken a look at some fictions rolling around lately and there was one thing that really stood out to me. They are all too epic! Yes you heard me right. So I've set out to create the silliest thing you have ever seen on Spiral Knight! And as a result, I made this. Enjoy!

Table of Contents:

Book I- The Jar
Part 1 (Scroll Down)
Part 2

-----

The Adventures of Feron
Book I- The Jar

“Where is it?!” thought Feron as he tore the room apart piece by piece. His office was a mess now, but Feron did not care, for that jar contained the single most important item on Cradle. Even the Almirian codex did not compare to this. In fact, Feron had to send a squad down there every few days to retrieve another copy, due to Feron’s tendency to “misplace” things. However, Feron was absolutely certain he had not misplaced the jar this time.

He finished rummaging through the final crevice of his office and stormed out of the room. He was sure it had been stolen, but who knew about it? It did not matter now. He had to find it.

I suppose now would be a good time to tell you just what this jar that is so important contains. I should not be telling you this (Feron would gut me like a fish if he knew I omitted this information to you), but it is necessary to the story. Inside that jar are the most delectable, sweet and heavenly pastries to exist: the last batch of shortbread cookies made by Biscotti before she left. The ones that didn’t try to eat the faces of children and burn Haven to the ground.

Any of you who now think this is absurd and just plain silly obviously have not tasted Biscotti’s cookies. They hooked most people, including Feron. He went out of his way to protect those cookies, for they were always in danger of being stolen and they were his cookies, no one else’s.

So Feron set out to interrogate every last soul on the planet if he had to. But he couldn’t just charge in without rhyme or rhythm. People would discover his secret, and then they would all be after the jar. He needed to be stealthy, inconspicuous yet thorough. He needed a plan.

“Kozma!” he thought as he entered the Town Square and sales-girl on the other side of the fountain. He made his way over to her. “If anything goes across trade or on the black market, she will know about it.”

“Kozma, my dear,” said Feron. “I am in need of some assistance. I need to know if there have been any trades recently concerning a standard issue Spiral Order jar. The jar may or may not contain something stunningly delicious, too.”
Kozma eyed him teasingly. “No,” she said, “but I do see something delicious right here.” As she finished her sentence, she began to walk her fingers up Feron’s chest until she caressed his face.

“Hold on,” thought Feron. “Is she… flirting with me!” This was ridiculous! Well, not the fact that she was flirting with him; he knew he was rather dashing and irresistible, actually. But he was on a mission! He could not stop for love, except for his love for Biscotti’s shortbreads, of course.

So Feron gently told Kozma the importance of his quest, and she understood but looked considerably gloomy afterwards. So Feron promised her that he would be back, and without another word, he turned and left.

He realized now that nobody in Haven could help him. No one had the opportunity.

Then he suddenly remembered. One day as he was retiring for the day and stowing away the jar. Just as he was tucking it out of sight, he caught sight of a distinct blue glow drift into his office. It was a silkwing. It had seen the jar, so Feron whipped out his Final Flourish and quickly and silently killed it. The poor creature was dead before it hit the ground.

Feron had definitely killed it. He had checked, but there were theories that they could communicate with each other through over fifty miles of solid rock.

He had always known those things were evil. And now he needed his revenge. So he turned on his heel and high-tailed it to the Arcade.
------
A few notes first:

  • This is only the first part. Stay tuned for the conclusion.
  • I'm enjoying making this. So if you guys like it, I might make it a series.
  • This story is open for criticism, so go ahead if you would so choose.

Mon, 11/19/2012 - 03:01
#1
Topoyozada's picture
Topoyozada
Nice

Nice work, Yttriu!

I'm sure this will result into a great Novel. For MY novel........http://forums.spiralknights.com/en/node/68052 its okay i guess........

Fri, 11/30/2012 - 20:08
#2
Yttriu's picture
Yttriu
Finally, sorry for the wait.

Feron skidded to a halt in front of the closest gate. Onyx Lion. It sounded decent enough. It hardly mattered though, for those evil winged creatures were found anywhere. So he hurriedly jumped on the elevator and went down.

The elevator clanked and rattled along as the lieutenant’s eyes wandered desperately for a jar among the eaves of the mechanical tree that was the Clockworks. No luck.

It eventually shuddered to a stop at Jigsaw Valley, and there stood an intel knight clad in Draped Armor and that distinguishably odd Angelic Helm. Feron had been dreading this, but he tried to play it out safely. He had to keep that jar a secret.

“Hello, Kora,” said Feron. “What brings you here this fine day?”

Kora brought a small sheet of paper and a pen. She answered him while swiftly jotting something down. “Nothing special, I’m just charting the new gate and adding it to the map.” She paused and looked up and him. “And you?”

Feron froze. He couldn’t lie! It was against his morals, and besides, Kora could read facial expressions. That got on his nerves at times.

“I… I lost something… something of importance,” Feron managed.

Kora adopted a look of curiosity. She put away her paper and slowly walked toward him, her eyes examining his face the whole way. She stopped an inch from him. Their eyes locked for a few seconds.

“Did you lose Grantz’s recon module, again?” she said disapprovingly. She paused again. “No. It’s something important.” She analyzed his face once more, and then a mischievous grin spread across her face.

“I know what it is,” and with that, she skipped onto the elevator as it flew upward.

Feron was even more worried now. “Intel knights!” he shouted furiously. “Why is it that they know everything!”

He began to race to the elevator. His mission was useless now; it was more important to track Kora and keep her from getting to the jar.

He rounded the corner and bumped into another knight. It was odd, for he didn’t know of any other knights on this depth. “So sorry,” he apologized as he reached to pat the knight on the shoulder. “I didn’t see…” He drifted off; something was not right. The arm he reached was not like a knight’s. It was thin as a rail, dusty, but strangest of all, it felt ancient.

Feron glanced up, and found himself lost in the dark, soulless, infinite gap of a zombie’s eyes.

He had heard stories about this, only stories, though. Knights lost their sanity in those eyes. They could bring out your worst fears, eat your peace of mind, and twist your heart so that you were not sure what you loved, who you cared for. And here was Feron, faced with the most horrible fate on Cradle.

His mind began to drift in, and he stopped it. He stopped and believed. He believed that his cookies were close at hand. He would soon have them. There was still hope. Hope for those gooey, delectable treats that crumbled on your tongue and warmed your heart. And then-

Feron’s vision filled with a fine yellow fog, then black. The last thing he knew, the ground was rushing toward him and then nothing more.

When Feron woke, he was lying on a hospital bed staring at a white ceiling. He jumped up frantically. The medic knight tried to calm him, but Feron pushed him away. Then he realized she was trying to tell him something.

“Lieutenant, you received a package while you were unconscious.” The medic handed him a blue-grey jar.

This was it! He had found it!

Feron could not believe his fortune. He quickly lifted the lid and reached in, but all his hand encountered was ceramic.

He peeked in and there was nothing. Feron’s face drained of personal color. He sat down on the bed. Just then, the Kora slid into the room and saw Feron’s face.

“Gone?” she asked in a frightened tone. He nodded. Kora took a seatnext to him. They were devastated. They sat there for minutes… or maybe it was hours. They did not keep track.

Feron finally asked, “What do you think happened?” Kora only shrugged. Then Hahn walked in.

“What’s up guys?” he said through a mouthful of the last cookie.

Fin!

Fri, 11/30/2012 - 21:24
#3
Fallenhope's picture
Fallenhope
This is... really good!

You, madam, have made me laugh out loud.
I salute thee.

Fri, 11/30/2012 - 21:41
#4
Artistbma's picture
Artistbma
Very well written. :)

Very well written. :)

Fri, 11/30/2012 - 23:02
#5
Doctorspacebar's picture
Doctorspacebar

Lol. Feron got trolled.

Hey, don't worry, Feron. Biscotti will be back next year. So, is this going to continue at all?

Sat, 12/01/2012 - 14:46
#6
Yttriu's picture
Yttriu
Thanks everyone :D

I'm glad you liked it.

@Doctorspacebar If you guys really like it, I might make it a series. I enjoyed making it, but I can't promise that it will be entirely active, with school and all. I'll try, though.

Sat, 12/01/2012 - 21:22
#7
Grittle's picture
Grittle
LOL, Best SK Comedy yet

LOL, Best SK Comedy yet

Mon, 12/03/2012 - 20:00
#8
Toah's picture
Toah
Oh Hahn, always taking the

Oh Hahn, always taking the cookies.

Also Feron+Kozma is now canon.

Mon, 12/03/2012 - 20:03
#9
Doom-Xx's picture
Doom-Xx
+1

Nice comedy lololol Yttriu
PS are you actually a girl?

Mon, 12/03/2012 - 22:52
#10
Yttriu's picture
Yttriu
Wow, I can't thank you people enough!

Well, I was going to wait for some more feedback, but I got kind of bored. So I ended up writing half of the next part! I'll have it up as soon as I can, but with school I may not have too much time. You can still expect it soon, though!

Also Feron+Kozma is now canon.

I tried to make that a bit bazaar and unexpected. It was fun writing that part. I wanted the reader to feel a strange disruption in the "intense" story. XD

PS are you actually a girl?

Yes indeedy.

Tue, 12/04/2012 - 02:24
#11
Topoyozada's picture
Topoyozada
GOOD

Good Work, yttriu

P.S comfirmation, is your B-Day on dec 15?

Tue, 12/04/2012 - 04:29
#12
Artistbma's picture
Artistbma
I wanted the reader to feel

I wanted the reader to feel strange disruption in the "intense" story. XD

You did well.

Tue, 12/04/2012 - 19:20
#13
Doctorspacebar's picture
Doctorspacebar

Feron+Kozma is now canon.

And the shipping wars begin... will the Feron+Vaelyn battleship hold its ground? Or will the Feron+Kozma destroyer, uh... destroy it? Or will the Feron+Vaelyn and Brinks+Kozma submarines destroy them both? (Though subs are called boats, not ships... NO MATTER.)

And remember, put your life first and this fic second, if you continue it. We can wait.

Thu, 12/06/2012 - 10:42
#14
Doom-Xx's picture
Doom-Xx
This story is kinda weird in

This story is kinda weird in a good way

Sun, 02/10/2013 - 20:13
#15
Yttriu's picture
Yttriu
Book II- Blade of the Fallen

“Maybe I can jump it,” thought Feron as he glared at the floating island and the Final Flourish that pierced the dirt there. It looked out of reach, but Feron could not give up hope.

It all started one evening when Rhendon caught traces of an unusually large gremlin population in a Wolver Den. Feron accepted the task of investigating and if need be, put an end to whatever was going on.

Feron was strolling through the den tranquilly, letting miscellaneous thoughts drift through his mind. He was not exactly paying attention to his surroundings, so when he was ambushed by a team of gremlins, it came as quite a surprise.

One particularly large gremlin raised his axe into the air in a blur, and just as swiftly as he raised it, he brought it down on Feron. Feron managed to lash out his Final Flourish just in time to parry the strike, but the impact sent his blade flying. It soared through the air until it landed on the island directly behind him.

Feron drew his Callahan and unleashed a torrent of bullets unto his foes. They all scattered, but Feron was still left with the problem of his lost sword.

Feron really liked that sword. He had to get it back, so he readied himself, and before he could think better of it, he leaped.

He stretched his hands out and reached for the island. He was almost there. It was just a bit further. “I’m going to make it!” thought Feron. His fingertips scratched the earth…

And then he fell.

When he woke, it was dark and dusty. Numerous monitors lied haphazardly around him. The screens emitted faint light, but the brightest light was a beautiful bluish-white somewhere off in the distance. Feron was suddenly aware of a familiar face looming over him.

“Oh hello, Vaelyn,” said Feron. “What brings you here?”

She stared back at him bewilderedly. “What brings me here? Feron this is my post. What I’d like to know is why you just fell from the sky and crashed here at the Core.”

“Oh is that where I am?” asked Feron. “Well, I suppose I owe you an explanation.” So he told Vaelyn the whole story.

“So let me get this straight,” she said pointedly. “You risked your life just for a sword that Spiral HQ can easily fund you?”

“Um…” Feron hesitated. “Sure.”

Vaelyn stared into his eyes. “I just know you are hiding something, and you know I have the means of forcing it out.” She flashed a smile that made the statement all the more terrifying. “But for now, just go.”

So Feron jumped up and hopped into the elevator. Vaelyn frightened him at times. He was surprised she had not been able to open the Core with just a furious glance.

The elevator ascended until he hit the den. He glanced around and almost immediately spotted a young wolver staring at him from across the clearing, a Flourish glinting in its maw.

Feron cautiously crept up to it, whispering things like “I don’t want to hurt you, buddy,” and “All I want is that shiny sword you’ve got there.” As he got closer to it, it began to back away, so Feron lunged.

He missed the blade and fell on his face. He dusted himself off and sprinted toward the wolver. He was nearing it and reached out to grab it. It was almost in reach when it made a sharp turn. Feron realized he was heading for the edge. He tried to stop himself, but he had too much momentum. He scrabbled on the dirt for a second, trying to get some kind of hold. He dangled from the precipice for a moment.

And then he fell.

When Feron woke, he saw Vaelyn watching him unexcitedly. She let out a deep sigh and shook her head.

“Ah, Vaelyn! We meet again, I see,” said Feron.

“I don’t know why I didn’t see this coming, the first time, fine. It has happened before. The second, outright idiotic.” Vaelyn sighed. “Feron, how did you ever become a lieutenant?”

“A little bit of blackmail, a little bit of lying, a lot of trickery. Look! The point is I need that sword.”

“You can have one of mine. See, I have two!” she said as she waved her flourishes in front of Feron.

“No, this one is irreplaceable.”

“Fine, then you had better go before a Tortodrone sits on your precious blade,” Vaelyn said with a facetious smirk.

However, Feron did not find this funny and immediately rushed toward the elevator at this new and horrifying prospect.
-----
Part 2 of Book II coming soon.

Mon, 12/24/2012 - 07:59
#16
Newbek's picture
Newbek
My logic of jumping to floating islands in SK

1. Strap 2 autoguns onto your back.

2. Attach a wire to the triggers.

3. Pull when wanting to fly.

4. Let the fun begin :D.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 21:34
#17
Onoa's picture
Onoa
yeah, that sounds

AWESOME! If only the GMs let us make mods. Autogun flight would be just like Jetpack Joyride! We could finally indulge in lulz on the Spiral nets.

Sat, 02/09/2013 - 23:44
#18
Mzculet's picture
Mzculet
Dat necromancer.

Dat necromancer.

Sun, 02/10/2013 - 00:00
#19
Fleet-Miss-Gun's picture
Fleet-Miss-Gun
Necronecrodnjercnronjcenornce

Necronecrodnjercnronjcenornceoronecronefocrnerocnecropcomedycomedycomedycomedy.

Sun, 02/10/2013 - 10:10
#20
Yttriu's picture
Yttriu
Nice Necro, but...

I am nearly done with the next part. I've just had one problem after the next so sorry for the long time between updates. Bear with me and we should be alright XD

Sun, 02/10/2013 - 10:15
#21
Artistbma's picture
Artistbma
Hey Yttriu! I voted for this

Hey Yttriu! I voted for this in Isis' fanfiction competition! :D

Sun, 02/10/2013 - 12:09
#22
Yttriu's picture
Yttriu
:D

I just looked at it, and thanks a lot! It means so much to me.

Sun, 02/10/2013 - 15:09
#23
Onoa's picture
Onoa
Let's play 20 questions!

Yttriu, was your knight's name inspired by that shiny metal called Yttrium?

Just a question.

Sun, 02/10/2013 - 20:15
#24
Yttriu's picture
Yttriu
@Onoa

Yes, it is! There is a longer story, but I don't believe I have ever told it. Oh well, that's a story for another day.

On another note, here is the final part of "Book II- Blade of the Fallen". Enjoy!

Sun, 02/10/2013 - 20:21
#25
Yttriu's picture
Yttriu
Book II- Blade of the Fallen

So this pattern repeated several more times: Feron would rise to the den. He would fall to the Core due to tripping over a fallen tree- that particular tree became a lumber which Feron later befriended, but that is a different story- a Blast Cube shoving him off of the edge, the same Blast Cube blowing up, and a new class of gremlin which Feron dubbed a gremlin pusher. Then Vaelyn would wake him up – sometimes more violently than others - and the vicious cycle would begin again.

Once, Feron woke, but something was different. The first thing he noticed was that the ground was not cold and solid, but flaky and hot. Extremely hot!

Feron jumped up as the scorched earth singed his face, and there, staring into the distance with eyes as if the world had crushed and he was the only one who had survived to see the cataclysm, was Vanaduke.

Instinctively, Feron’s hand went to his Stagger Storm, but there was no use; the Lord of Almire already looked defeated. He merely crouched there, hardly even noticing that Feron had just landed there.

“What’s the matter Vanny?” asked Feron politely.

There was a long silence and not once did either of them move. Then Vanaduke finally replied, “I have been defeated by those bothersome knights of yours so many times… I just cannot take one more bit of it.”

“I wish there were something I could do-“

“It’s like I am not even a threat anymore. They come in laughing like my empire is a party, whip out a few Blitz Needles and beat me to death, smiles on their faces the whole time!” Vanaduke stood up, flustered and began to pace around the room. “Yesterday, a group with full Proto armor came in. And to think that I, the almighty lord of this world, had to grant my precious Almirian Seals to those prancing, self-centered, blood-thirsty brats!”

“I-I am sorry to hear that,” Feron stammered. “Some people just want to see the world burn. I suppose you are one of them, but… I will try to get my men to lie off, but I’m not making any promises.”

But that was apparently enough for Vanaduke. “Really? Thank you so much, Feron. I knew I could depend on you. Now how about a hug?” he said, stretching his arms wide.

“Uh… I’m not really comfortable with hugs from large, fiery lords of the dead,” answered Feron, backing toward the edge of the platform.

“Oh it is no big deal. I-“Vanaduke began, but Feron had already leapt off of the edge.

* * *

Feron woke up in the Core Terminal as usual “You’re late,” said Vaelyn as if watching her comrade fall from above was a normal occurrence now, which it was. “What kept you?”

“I was speaking to Vana,” Feron replied casually.

Surprise and fear spread across Vaelyn’s face. “About?”

“Not really sure. All I heard was ‘blah blah blah’ and then he started crying.”

“Fair enough,” said Vaelyn.

Then Feron was on his way to the blade again.

To Feron’s surprise, the Flourish was there right beside the elevator, perhaps waiting for him. Without hesitation, he grabbed the hilt of the sword and jumped back onto the elevator before he lost it again.

When he arrived at Haven, he sprinted to the Town Square as fast as his feet could carry his beaten and bruised body. He almost fell down the stairs as he rushed to where Kozma made her sales. He skidded to a halt in front of her, panting and aching.

“Oh dear! What happened to you?” said the worried Kozma, glancing at the rugged, dirty Feron.

Feron waited a few moments to catch his breath, and then he presented the sword to her. “Here, you have no idea what I had to do for that.”

“A Flourish?” asked Kozma curiously.

“Not just any Flourish, look closer. It was fashioned with a miracloth on the hilt,” answered Feron, indicating the shining surface.

Kozma gasped. “Is that-“

“Yes, it is. It is the same miracloth that we found on our first Clockworks expedition together. Do you remember how you marveled at its beauty?”

“Yes, I do.” Her eyes sparkled with delight. Then she reached out and wrapped Feron in her arms. She looked into his eyes and said, “Thank you, Feron. This means a lot.”

So they released each other from the embrace. Feron put the blade in Kozma’s hands, and-

He couldn’t let go. No matter how many times he opened his hands, the hilt stuck firmly to his palms. He began to pull and shake it off with no luck. It simply would not budge. He looked up to see Kozma laughing with so much gusto that she held he stomach as if it may burst from joy.

“What’s so funny?” asked Feron, still struggling to tear the Flourish from his grip.

Kozma stopped laughing but kept smiling merrily at him. “It has been bound to you, silly! You cannot just give someone a bound gift. Haven’t you ever wondered why it is so difficult to celebrate birthdays on this world?”

Feron thought for a moment and it made sense to him now. “Then I will go to Vise. He can unbind it as long as I have-“ He stopped abruptly as he reached for his pouch in which he carried his Crystal Energy. It was not there; it had vanished from his belt. “It must have fallen off while I was chasing that wolver…” muttered Feron.

“You’ve been chasing wolvers again? I thought you were out of that habit.” Kozma looked at him skeptically.

“No it’s just…” Feron recognized how odd his story sounded and stopped himself. “Never mind that. I will be back soon.” Then he sprinted back into the Arcade.

He looked to the elevators and shrugged. After all he had been through, he was tired of using elevators; they are unnecessary and aggravating. Plus, he wanted to see Vaelyn again.

And then off the edge he leapt.

Mon, 02/11/2013 - 18:57
#26
Cobalterian's picture
Cobalterian
Awesome!

Wow! Awesome story! Me wanna see another chapter! Me wanna!

Tue, 02/12/2013 - 17:27
#27
Shotjeer's picture
Shotjeer
Nope.

nuclear BOMB........................I dont get Feron very well.

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