Boulevards. (~={Fanfiction}=~)
Di, 06/25/2013 - 12:19
Meh, I'm gonna do more slice-of-life as I can get it in SK. Screw all the stories, as usual, and off we go!
~~~
Apps [One character per account, and your FAVORITE character to use in an RP or fanfict. If you had multiple variants of a character, I'll choose the version I like best].
Name :
Race :
Gender :
Age :
Personality :
Appearance :
Tends to wear [usual outfit(s), what kind of armor and weaponry, and any objects like glasses, hearing aids, etc.] :
Bio :
~~~
Alright, a prologue to give you guys a rough idea of the style I'll be writing in.
~~~
Prologue :
"Hm, what would you make of it?"
"This? Possibly a crepe, but it reminds me of a croissant, oddly enough."
"An eclair, maybe?"
"More like a cross of all three..."
A two pairs of eyes were staring at a queer pastry sitting on the table. True to their speculation, the oddity looked like a cross between an eclair, a crepe, and a croissant all put together. The signature crescent shape of the croissant gave an impression, but the smaller end had a bit of chocolate cream trailing out, and the top was drizzled with chocolate frosting. It looked quite like an eclair, albeit a very...distinct eclair. But what was really confusing was the texture of the bread, which was in the likeness of a pancake, but only an eighth of the width.
One pair of eyes, a distinct amber-brown color, had squinted intensely at the thing in curiosity. A sigh came, and only one pair of milky jade eyes was left to behold the queer thing, which had sat upon a clean, white plate. Eventually, the other pair of eyes, too, left, and the pastry was left alone to display itself to no one.
---
Outside, the two girls were walking through the cobbled streets of downtown Moorcroft, huddling next to each other to provide warmth in the supernaturally cold air. Their boots clapped against the solid stone, creating eerie echoes that came from every which way.
Yet, despite this spooky presence, it didn't faze them in the slightest.
The Moorcroft estate, as well as its neighboring provinces, were all free to roam. The Devilites were in the middle of holiday work season, and so they couldn't come out to hassle the girls. The glorgos had recently been cleaned out, and the punishment was deemed too inefficient for the fiend society. Rather, the lazy workers would be sent to the Lockdown arenas, a much more entertaining fate. Of course, the occasional Trojan stared intently at the girls, but Moorcroft was otherwise empty. Most of the employees, including Montague, had taken the time off, trusting their work to a temporary 12-day shift of Knights. They had all gone to rest at their Keeps, and so the fiend world, for once, was relatively peaceful.
The two girls had recently left a bakery, owned by none other than a former Champion of the Order. The young man there had been befuddled by his own odd creations, and the girls, newcomers to the store, were asked to try it out. Unfortunately, they left behind that one pastry, and didn't bother to touch it; they were full from the hundreds of samples to try.
As they were making their way towards the elevator, the green-eyed girl stopped, and opened up her HUD. A small message popped up, the subject saying [Re : The Prom]. She tapped it, and smiled at the message. The only two words reflecting her eyes was : "I'll go."
She closed her HUD, and then whispered into the other girl's ear. Snickers and giggles arose, and the girls left Moorcroft in good spirits.
---
Vin, the bakery owner, sighed as he set his eyes upon the half-delectable, half-mortifying invention he had made with his own hands. It was, like the girls said, a cross between three pastries, but it was unique in itself. He pulled out a fork from the drawer behind the cash register, and cut a piece for himself. After mouthing the words of a certain prayer, he took a bite, and immediately regretted it.
Chocolate practically exploded in his mouth, covering his tongue in a flurry of distate. Then the too-sweet whipped cream made him cringe, and only the bland, salty crepe-bread could take him out of the frying pan, and into the fire. He spat the disgusting the concoction out, and trashed the pastry.
He was a better sous chef than baker, after all.
Di, 06/25/2013 - 15:05
#2
deleted---
-please ignore this comment XD--
Di, 06/25/2013 - 13:36
#3
CRAP!
Erm, this is a fanfict story. Sorry...^-^'
Di, 06/25/2013 - 15:03
#4
hahaha sorry XD!
:O lol sorry i thought it was an RP! XD btw you write really well! keep up the good work :3
Di, 06/25/2013 - 15:51
#5
A day in the bakery.
Author's Note: I had three stories before this on the site, so it took a bit of experience to get my mind ready to write.
~~~
Nai was tired.
He had finally finished approximately three-hundred days' worth of physical conditioning within the week, causing his muscles to twitch, cramp, and ache in ways humans should never twitch, cramp, or ache. It would explain why his grandma was carting him around Haven on a wheelchair, and it caused more than a few prolonged stares from the passer-by's.
He seemed frail, and although both O Ba-chan [Grandma in Japanese] and Nai knew that wasn't the case of his temporary ailment, some of the more curious adolescents asked anyways, to which he replied, "I had a lot of exercise..."
---
"Ba-chan..." the young man asked, leaning back and trying to make himself comfortable.
"Eh?"
"Is there anything to eat?"
"Nothing in the ice-box."
"Ugh, and I thought there would ice cre-"
"Da-me, that isn't allowed anymore. You get cavities from that."
"Ba-chan, I get cavities from everything I want to eat."
"All you want to eat are sweets. Not good for you."
The young man grumbled, and looked up at Grandma again.
"Please, Ba-chan?"
And she had to give in. It's simply the feminine quality in his face that kills most men and young boys, as well as every senior there is on Cradle. Those dual-wielded knives of innocence could pretty much knock down all except Vanaduke, who could easily be defeated with a tilt of the head. The old lady grumbled some more, and carted off towards an elevator.
"Ba-chan, aren't we going to eat at the Bazaar?"
She said nothing.
---
Back in the Moorcroft Province, Vin was already dozing off at the cash register, taking in the several dubious scents from the kitchen behind him. He was baking a blueberry pie and peach cobbler at the ovens, while his soup, a nice French-onion broth, was simmering on the stove. So, there wasn't much to do but wait for an hour or so, save for staring at the occasional Kat, or dozing off; he chose the latter.
Suddenly, the familiar twinkle of a Ghost Bell woke him, and the door opened to reveal the old lady and...a young girl? Upon another glance at the youngster's body, he had to stifle his laughs at his own realization; it was a young man he was looking at.
When Vin was around a younger age, even until the fourties, he retained a look that to most, appeared feminine. He, for reasons unknown, never grew any facial hair for the whole of his life, and his long missions away from Haven had resulted in semi-long hair, which was styled into a neat ponytail. Of course, that was twenty some years ago, and he had lost that feature since then. However, he only appeared a day over eighteen, and his facial hair had yet to grow out. It figures, being one of the first of his odd generation, being born on the tumultous year of [?]999. Everyone born in that year had suddenly possessed the trait of extreme longevity, and it raised an uproar for many.
To find a kid in a similar condition was more than amusing; it was hilarious. The man had pondered a bit, but the old lady's throat being cleared got him back into focus.
"Ah, if it isn't Old Lady Ba-chan!" Vin greeted, putting on a welcoming facade.
The old lady grunted, and pointed to the young man.
"What does he want? I don't know; I haven't seen him before."
Nai spoke up. "U-um...I'd like to get..."
The young man looked at the racks of pastries, and found himself thoroughly confused by the selection. 75% of the names he didn't know how to pronounce, and the sweet pastries were down to an eclair, and a small blueberry cheesecake.
"...a-an e-eclair?"
Vin nodded and got it out for the young boy.
"You remind me of myself..." Vin commented.
"E-excuse me?"
"Heh, I know you're a guy, but it's getting harder every year to remember what I looked like. Same feminine face, beautiful skin, and so forth. Practically every kid born in my era had that look too. Wonder what happened to those guys...?"
A long silence followed.
"Erm..." Vin mumbled, "is there anything else? Wanna try out your pastry, or...?"
Nai was already digging in.
And.
It.
Was.
Heaven.
Di, 06/25/2013 - 18:01
#6
Apperoni
Name: Sitek.
Race: Isoran.
Gender: Male.
Age: 46.
Personality: Angry most of the time, when with friends, he opens up much more, with strangers though, he speaks in short sentences, being very gruff, when he feels threatened, he automatically reaches for his revolver.
Appearance: Sitek has red eyes and a slightly lighter shade of red for his skin, he is taller than usuall. Sitek has a coarse gray beard and short gray hair. He is usually seen wearing the nameless set with two Sentenzas holstered at his hip, his only other outfit Is a surge crescent helm and a surge flak jacket.
Bio: His family not being the richest or the poorest, he had a good childhood. Up until their untimely death at the hands of a serial killer. At the age of eight he vowed to avenge them, in the following years he moved from town to town, scavenging for food and money. When he was sixteen he lied and joined the military. One day he and his squad were sent to a small outpost that they lost contact with, when they got there, they were ambushed by gremlins, only him and his squad leader alive. When he returned to Moorcroft he was shunned by his superiors for cowardice, he was dishonorably discharged. Since then he has tried to forget his past, although he is still angry at himself for not saving his squad.
I kinda rushed this,so sorry if it's not the best. :P
Di, 06/25/2013 - 22:04
#7
Meh...
That's fine, that's fine...
After all, it's my job to make your character feel alive, right?
Di, 06/25/2013 - 22:57
#8
My turn.
Name: Gwenyvier Valentine
Gender: Female
Race: human avatar of the Core
Age: 562 cycles
Appearance: Grey Feather Cowl, Grey Feather Mantle, Shield Bracelet, long silver hair, twinkling gray eyes, athletic body, warm & kind face
Personality: observant, intelligent, developed sense of humor, articulate, cheeky
Bio: if you've ever wondered what the Core does when she isn't getting involved in epic conflicts, then you're about to find out. She likes to observe humanity and learn from them. She can often be found standing on the sidelines, watching random people that catch her eye and interest, and recording her findings in an Echo Stone. Sometimes, she'll pop out of cover to help out when things go wrong, under the guise of "Enforcer Valentine," the helpful law enforcer. She never harms criminals, preferring rather to entrap them in skillfully-placed force fields and arrest them.
Mi, 06/26/2013 - 00:24
#9
App
Name: Xindao
Gender: Male
Age: Since thefirst storm of the universe.
Personality: Clever, withdrawn, sad, wonderful, lonely.
Appearance: Slightly tan. Here No armor.
Bio: Xindao, older brother to Gwen, has been trapped in the Core since Cradle. He's been giving instructions to the Gremlins fod many years, without his Mother knowing that someone other than her was constructing Cradle. He escaped, his means still unknown.
He's been studying Haven's newest occupants. And watching his sister aid them in their needs. He has watched, never knowing if they needed another hero. He helps them in little ways with their evolution on Cradle, giving suggestions in complex ways. Appearing in the form of a Darkfang Gremlin Healer, who was a seer who willingly gave himself to Xindao. Through this body, he hinted a way to Haven from the Rescue Camp by giving himself away and running across the Chasm. He showed the Alpha Squad the piwer of minerals by throwing dark crystals at jellies when the Alpha Squad was still standing on the Party Button, and quickly disappearing. He gave the Stranger Basil recipes to sell to Knights who made it to checkpoint. He has helped in so many ways for so many years. He stands as a shadow standing in front of a light, never asking for thanks.
Mi, 06/26/2013 - 08:15
#10
Gwen shipping? NURP.
What the heck was Vin doing on the floor of his bedroom again? Why was he even sleeping there?!
Vin, the sixty-some year old man, had pondered this to himself as he curled up on the floor mat, but he didn't bother answering the question; he already knew who was in his bed.
A cascade of sterling silver hair danced down the ripples of linen, ending abruptly in a cut-off. As Vin turned over to face the bed, he could only see the back of her head and her snow-pale neck. The light breaths coming from the guest was all that was needed to cradle Vin into sleep, and he began to drift off into his peaceful world...
Until a loud knock abruptly woke the two.
"I'll get it; you can go on sleeping..."
Vin went downstairs, and lit a sizably large candle with a simple snap. He then opened a door, to find...
---
Gwen was restless in Vin's bed. She was curious as to find out who exactly was the intruder, but she had to take Vin's advice and sleep. Of course, it was too late for that, and so she found her svelte body out of bed, clad in her usual grey nightgown, and down the flight of stairs.
Vin was talking with some grizzled, old veteran, both of them sipping on black coffee, to which Gwen observed with great plasure.
"...and you want my combat services for...catching him," Vin clarified.
The man nodded.
"You do realize that he may be dead by now, with his age and all...."
The man nodded again, until his pair of amber-crimson eyes stared at something past Vin. He, too, turned around, and they both found Gwen making herself a cup of tea to drink. She was patiently stirring the concoction with a charming silver teapsoon. She warmly waved, and resumed her business.
"Who's that hot chi-"
"Gwen. She's an old friend of mine. Lets herself into my place all the time, even if I change the locks and put up the ironwood shutters."
The guest nodded thoughtfully, and finished his coffee.
"How many crowns do I need to pay?" the man asked, wiping his mouth with a napkin on the table.
"Three hundred CE, or 21k."
"I'll come tomorrow."
"Alright..."
---
Gwen, as obnoxious as usual, had already made herself a batch of croissants, which would be far too cold by opening time. Vin muttered a curse word, and slid down to a seat next to her.
"So...'hot chick', didn't I tell you to go to sleep?
Gwen snickered, but stopped as a serious glare was aimed, silencing the sneers.
Mi, 06/26/2013 - 01:11
#11
THAT IS AWESOME!!
thanks so much for sharing this story so far n.n ! its way too awesome XD haha and yeah its ok i understand japanese ^^ you're really talented hehe keep it up! :3 (((( btw vinnydime, is that your in game name as well???? (((--wanted to give you something for writing such incredible pages so far hehe---)))
p.s. i drew nai for fun, maybe it can help you know what he would look like (i dont draw that well but yeah XD):
http://puu.sh/3oCg3.jpg
p.s.s and with glasses:
http://puu.sh/3oCgC.jpg
Mi, 06/26/2013 - 06:12
#12
I would've eaten that half-delectable and half-mortifying pastry
I eat strange stuff. But that's not the reason of why I'm here. I would like to have my character either work in the bakery with Vin or be a regular there.
Name: Travid
Race: Isoran
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Personality: Cheerful and a joker
Appearance: Black hair that grows longest on the right side of his face. Brown eyes and he's thin.
Tends to wear: A blue jacket, jeans, and glasses. When it comes to armor/weapon it's the dusker coat, elemental hood, and a nightblade.
Bio: Born on the Skylark, life wasn't half bad. Aside from the fact that the Skylark was like the Isora. It was divided into class groups. First class, Second class, Third class, and so on and so forth. Being born into the Fifth class he had to steal from the rich to live. Sure he was caught from time to time but he always got away. The biggest heist that he had ever pulled was when he broke into Museum of Isora. He kinda stole the last suit ever made by the master suit craftsman, Hegrand Fraghonce. Hegrand poured his heart and soul into that suit, and I mean that literally. The only suit with a soul. So you can imagine how bored it was just being behind glass. And you can imagine how shocked Hegrand's descendant was when he discovered it stolen. So now Travid keeps the suit in a secret room in his home down in Moorcroft. He also has conversations with it, or rather, with him. The suit's name is Hegrand.
At least Travid has a more stable life now. And what ever Vin makes that people don't want to eat, pass to Travid. He'll take if you don't want it.
Mi, 06/26/2013 - 08:25
#13
Replying to posts!
@Nai
Ah, my IGN is Antworker, because in the past, I've bombarded the forums with obscenities, and I've got plenty a warning from that. Too scared to log back on to see what I find there XD
@Travid
THE OLD GUYS ARE BACK! YOWZA!!!
Mi, 06/26/2013 - 14:52
#14
Well...
It's only me so far. I just hope more will join. And just a small question, will my character be a regular or will he work in the bakery? And yes he will eat your cooking monstrosities. He has a strong stomach that rivals that of a Chromalisk. I mean seriously, have you seen those things eat? They have a stomach of steel.
Mi, 06/26/2013 - 18:08
#15
XD
@TRAVID
He's gonna be a regular there. Let's just say...his handsome face gets him into trouble with some jealous adolescents XD
Mi, 06/26/2013 - 19:55
#16
Former hit...woman?
Here, have an application! Your story is really good so far too, keep it up!
Name : Elizabeth
Race : Isoran
Gender : Female
Age : 27
Personality : She's incredibly kind, almost to a fault. She does not hesitate to help someone in need, no matter the degree. In general, she's pleasant to be around, as she's very social and conversational. However, she can become quite scatterbrained at times, often not worrying about important things until the last minute and making a big fuss about things that aren't such a big deal. She's usually not very serious, and jokes around.
Appearance : Her body shape is relatively average, but leans towards athletic. She's not too skinny though. Her brown hair is cut a little short, but is usually styled with a short tail on the top of her head (not a literal tail). She has blue-gray eyes and a sleepy look on her face. On her left arm are self-inflicted scars in the form of tally marks. They seem to count up to 47. She prefers to wrap a bandage around her arm to hide these.
Tends to wear: She usually has a t-shirt (usually striped) and a pair of jeans on, but she can be spotted every now and then wearing a striped blue and yellow dress. Did I mention she loves wearing stripes?
Bio: In her younger days, around the age of 16, Elizabeth was an assassin, a hitman, and a mercenary. She would take jobs from shadowy clients, killing people in exchange for money or gifts. Her aim was, and still is quite spectacular, taking out a target with ease. However, her stony personality couldn't stay up for long. At 23, after killing one of her relatives, she lapsed into depression, cutting her left arm, tallying up all the people she's killed in a fit of anguish and insanity. Thankfully, the kindness of strangers and psychiatrists alike, she was recovered from her mental condition, and gained a better outlook on life and personality in the process. She used the money she had kept from her jobs to buy an apartment in Moorcroft Manor. As of right now, she keeps her old rifle up on the wall and a couple pistols. They still work, but no ammunition is loaded into them while in her home. Occasionally, she goes out to keep her aim sharp for when she travels into the Clockworks. Elizabeth also has a small makeshift shrine dedicated to her victims in her apartment, but it's very... odd.
Do, 06/27/2013 - 07:12
#17
Age of Characters :
Vin : 65+ years [Black hair, short; five feet, seven inches; lightly tanned skin-tone; cobalt-blue eyes; lean, wiry, well-defined; looks more like 18 years old]
Gwen : 562 + years [Silver-grey hair, ponytail / loose bun; five feet, five inches; pale skin-tone; ice-blue eyes; svelte, graceful, delicate, definitely of contradicting strength, looks around 19-20 years old]
Nai : 16 years [Silver-rainbow hair, five feet, four inches; pale skin-tone; no definite eye color; lean, but hard to tell gender; androgynous appearance about 15 years old]
Sitek : 46 years [Pepper-gray hair, army-cut; five feet, eleven inches; tanned skin-tone; crimson-amber eyes; wiry, lean, weathered; looks like in his early 50's, but with a lot more muscle mass]
Xindao : ??? [Dark-gray hair, short; five feet, eight inches; pale-gray skin-tone; amber / gray heterochromia; average build, youthful; looks about 22 years old]
Travid : 21 years [Black hair, layered; five feet, six inches; fair skin-tone; brown eyes; bony body; has a sort of pretty-boy face that attracts schoolgirls.]
Elizabeth : 27 years [brunette, ponytail; five feet, five inches; fair skin-tone; blue-grey eyes; average build, slightly skinnier; 47 tally marks on left arm]
Uni : 20 years [Black hair, layered w/ pink highlights; five feet, four inches; fair skin-tone; cobalt-blue eyes; average build, slightly skinner; no additional comments]
Thus came the League of Adults, plus one teen.
Mi, 06/26/2013 - 21:53
#18
Xindao
I would say he looks 15-18, but...it's your call
Mi, 06/26/2013 - 21:53
#19
Well...
You want an older brother to look younger than Gwen?
Mi, 06/26/2013 - 22:16
#20
Hmm?
Well...never exactly thought of that...due to me never figuring out Gwen's birthday and not really reading the age post as much as....skimming it. Continue XD
And I'm going on how their pics look so...
Sawwy
Do, 06/27/2013 - 02:44
#21
An older kind of Uni...
Name : Uni
Race : Knight
Gender : Girl
Age : 20
Personality : A flirt with the guys her age or a little older in this fic :) but sometimes awkward or serious.
Appearance : Pink hair, pink eyes, cute smile, tiny chest average body kind of thing
Tends to wear [usual outfit(s), what kind of armor and weaponry, and any objects like glasses, hearing aids, etc.] : Regular ol' T-Shirts and jeans, wears a frilly dress and knee length pants. Armors such as Vog Cub Set and Justifier, Elemental Weaponry, be it Swords or Guns. Has a pair of headphones with cat ears as design :3
Bio : You know her story, and lemme add a little more in transition to age. As she grew, she became more and more prestigious, yet with her growth in the Order, she begins to worry of her relationship with Zero, who is now a somewhat powerhouse of a brute, because of the rage that built up when she accidentally broke the pair of headphones Zero's mother gave him. She thinks of him during sadness, because he had formed a pact with the duke of Almire, actually a part of the duke now. Anyways, she abandoned her courier job to be a knight of the Order truly, just to find Zero and make peace with him.
Do, 06/27/2013 - 03:15
#22
Well then...
I love this fanfic already XD
Do, 06/27/2013 - 04:50
#23
すごいい！
@vinny ah i see XD hmmmm (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o))) this story is going to be so interesting---*w*
Do, 06/27/2013 - 06:26
#24
Morning.
Vin had left some time in the middle of the dawn, and had closed all the ironwood shutters. He had locked the door on the way out, leaving a note and a key for Gwen to use.
She was just about to clean Vin's bed when a familiar rhythm of knocking clikced on the wooden door. She sighed in annoyance, and contunied to fold the linen sheets. Sure enough, a strange crackling noise scraatched at her ears as something, or someone, entered the premises. Someone Gwen would rather not have in Vin's two-floor building.
Xindao, her worrywart, overprotective, clingy brother.
He was the only person in the world capable of irritating her, and today would be no exception.
Gwen finshed folding, and glided down the stairs, only to find her brother sitting at the bottom of the steps, on one of Vin's chairs.
"Hello, brother..." she muttered as she bumped by him.
"Is something bothering you?" he asked, his voice already tainted by that pleading tone of his...
"Someone other than you? No, does it look like I'm being bothered?"
"Hey, I just don't tru-"
"You checked him again and again. This is the sixth time yo-
Oh...VOG CURSE IT. Did you have to melt the lock?"
"I haven't the time to practice my abilities, so I'd thought I'd ju-"
"XIN! At least RESPECT the people who live on Cradle. Even if we are practically the queen and king of this pla-"
"Gwen, I don't give respect to murderous boyfriends like him."
"THAT WAS FORTY YEARS AGO. He...he changed ever since he arrived here."
"And how do you know?"
"How did you NOT know?! He practically jumped into the Core. How many years have you known him? Twenty? Fifteen?"
Xin grumbled, and shoved the chair back into its former place. There were deep gashes in the wooden planks. Gwen sighed again in frustration, and walked out of the building. Xindao followed her, phasing through the windows with no abnomralities, and floated outside while waiting. Gwen, meanwhile, took a deep breath, and inhaled. As she exhaled, she raised her right hand, lifting two clumps of metal without so much as touching them. With a twisting kind of gesture, the shards of steel formed back into a lock shape, and cooled down to its normal state.
"Don't you ever learn how to clean yourself up?"
Xindao shook his head, and sunk into the floor. He was probably going deeper into the Core, attending more Devilite's democratic congresses with the Kngihts. Not that he trusted either of them...
Do, 06/27/2013 - 07:04
#25
Bump
Let's see...
Do, 06/27/2013 - 07:31
#26
A-a D-date w-with T-tr-travid?! EEEEEH?!
The next pre-dawn, Vin returned to the bakery, nothing unusual about his appearance. He only had a bulging sack of cash hanging on his back, to which he went upstairs and plopped into his footlocker. Inside, there were a multitude of pure gold crowns, payment from his last endeavors.
With a sigh, he opened up his HUD, which glowed crimson red in his eyes. He casually dismissed the [ACCESS DENIED : UNAUTHORIZED USER] sign, and unequipped his equipment, most notably a Voltaic Tempest.
The baker then fell onto the soft bed, and fell asleep for a few good hours.
--
When he came to, he heard a knocking on the door, and peered through the grey morning light to find...
...oh Vog, her again.
Vin tisked and clicked his tongue in disapproval, and braced himself as he opened the do-
Never mind, even bracing himself wouldn't work against Uni-chan's assault.
"VIIIIIIIINNN!!!" was all she shouted as she literally tackled him down, to which she then proceeded to bear-hug and snuggle with the baker like a little puppy-dog to a mother. Of course, it raised more than a few eyebrows to the passer-by's, although the baker himself wasn't embarrassed by this strange greeting. Of course, when a young man, about 21 years old tried to enter, Vin grinned mischeviously.
Travid shook his head back in reply, his eyes fearful.
Neither of these men wanted to go out with Uni.
"Uni..."
"Eh?"
"Remember Travid?"
"The little thief that stole your crowns that day on the fou-"
"He's right behind you; date with him."
"Sure, whatever you sa- HOLD UP A MI-"
Vin flipped her on her back, a pushed her off...right into Travid. The both of them keeled over, and this time, Uni was on top of Travid. Might've been awkward if she was on top of a sixty-year old baker in an 18-year old body.
This raised more than a few heartbroken cries from the usual flirtatious schoolgirls, which snapped both of them out of their awkward trance.
Unfortunately, the baker closed his doors, pulled down the ironwood shutters, and locked up the bakery, leaving the two alone to their own devices.
---
And so, the two acquaintances were walking side-by-side across Haven's bridge silently, Uni only bothering to look down at the Chasm below with some disinterest. She was used to the clinking gears since her birth on this planet, and the Clockworks were familiar to her. However, people like Vin would still stare out at the Chasm in shock and amazement, mainly because they simply weren't accustomed to it.
A gust of cold air rose up from below, chilling the two of them to the bone. Uni materialzed a Vog Cub coat around herself, but Travid kept on walking, shivering.
"Hey...um...Travid?"
"Yeah?"
"Here," she said, and pressed closer against him.
He was surprised at first, but nodded his head in thanks.
Do, 06/27/2013 - 07:17
#27
EEEEEH?!
What just happened?!
Do, 06/27/2013 - 07:32
#28
Ah-ha!
Fixed it!
Do, 06/27/2013 - 09:09
#29
EEEEEH?!
That doesn't change my reaction, EEEEEH?! And what happened to my Dusker Coat?
Do, 06/27/2013 - 15:40
#30
poosh
Shipping? DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HARBOR TO YOU?!
I kid. But seriously, you're pretty good at writing. I think I mentioned that several times before.
Do, 06/27/2013 - 17:42
#31
Amazing fanfiction. :)
Though I'll give you some critique:
Try to SHOW, not TELL. For instance, instead of TELLING the reader that it was cold, SHOW them that it was cold.
Other than that, I have no qualms whatsoever with your amazing fanfiction. Keep up the good work! :)
Do, 06/27/2013 - 19:15
#32
Addressing an unanswered question
"Why isn't this an RP?"
In the recent text-RPs, most of them focus on violent conflict. Thus, stereotypical characters were common, and illogical, bipolar character interaction was deemed "okay".
Now, for beginning roleplayers, that's "okay", but it was never "great" in the first place. Not sure why that wasn't, and still isn't enforced.
Additionally, some of the roleplayers, who I won't name [just watch their posts; identifying their mistakes is a cinch], aren't exactly learning from their past mistakes. It's not alright to find a logical break, and go with the flow, and I've seen too many hosts let it go by.
Frankly, I can't RP if all that this group wants are "coin-characters" in a poorly made storyline. If it is character-driven, then I'd like characters to be more "spherical", more gradual in terms of change. I'm sure that someone pointing a knife at an insult would be annoying at some point to another player, but such bipolar characters are allowed to gain a lot of power. There would be no way to remove them, mainly because the character would "fortunately" avoid it, or the player would rage enough so that the attempt would be rendered useless.
That translates into having the more realistic, sensible players getting killed off within the first chapter of the RP [because they're the only even willing to accept loss], and any remaining characters who are infinitely more flesh out are thrown into the background
Now, if I had an RP to cater specifically to the players I want, I'd be criticized for being an elitist, and I might as well be justified for it.
That's why I'm not gonna RP on this site anymore, nor will I host any more role-plays. I simply don't have enough trust for this site.
Do, 06/27/2013 - 21:36
#33
O///O
Okay... So like, Uni
O///O
Okay... So like, Uni bearhugged the character of our beloved Writer, then dates the thief that took his money?
Goodjob :)
Do, 06/27/2013 - 22:35
#34
Next Chapta
Travid honestly had no idea, NO IDEA whatsoever, why he was in an alley, surrounded by six thugs.
All he had done was sit down at Haven's fountain, and chatted a bit with Uni. Moorcroft was too cold for the both of them, and so they moved upwards, towards sunshine and warmth. Of course, he wasn't interested in her, nor she to him. As a date, it failed miserably. As a friendly conversation, it was a perfect example. She got to know a bit about his past, and about hers, and how she used to be madly in love with a boy named Zero...
...but times changed, and she along with it.
And so it was the same for Travid. He used to steal for his family, and it became a bad habit afterwards. However, after securing a stable job in the Order, he made plenty of money, enough to last his family for generations, and so he retired at the young age of 21.
Times had changed, and he had too.
And so, the "date", or what Vin had labelled it, wasn't a "date", but a proper introduction to each other.
But right after she left the fountain, he found himself being pursued by a couple of brawnier men. Uni wasn't a black-hat hacker, but was now a cyber-security designer. This wouldn't be related to her...
Travid already cut all his ties to the mob bosses and the thieves. He made enough money to pay off all their debts, so it wasn't a grudge against him either...
And then he remembered the money he made.
Reality came to hit the young man like a hammer against a nail, and for the first time in months, beads of sweat rolled down his skin, and a chill ran down his spine.
But in his missions, he had learned that his fear turned into deranged bravery. Today would be just like that...
The young man took a defensive stance, and his breathing slowed.
Even if there were cold iron bits in his stomach, too much fear would make him jittery. Jittery would mean losing. Losing would mean losing a home.
If he lost a home, his family would have nowhere to go. Vin was under the radar, and the money he made could only support himself. He didn't want to be dependent on his friends, who were saving up for their own lives.
And as the first thug stepped forward, Travid realized it all boiled down to survival. Even a mugging would bring disaster. Another step, the familiar, slow twist of the waist, the path of the fist coming towards his face...
Lean back.
Grab forearm.
Pull inwards.
Strike Adam's Apple.
Grab head.
Slam knee into eye socket, add another knee strike onto temple.
Drop him to the floor, and wait.
The other five formed a half-circle around him, and the rushed in all at once.
Duck under flying knee kick, elbow backwards, onto spine. Temporarily disabled.
Pivot body to flow with the punch's path, minimize damage.
Grab neck, squeeze. Wind up for a harder punch, slam into nose, break cartilage. Head-butt.
Pivot again to flow with the next punch. Spin, elbow strike to the temple.
Drop to the floor from a kick from behind. Roll to the left to avoid stomp.
Pull up sleeve, bite Achilles tendon. Pull, tear, spit.
Curl upwards while being pulled by the legs, raise arms to block punch.
Pull sleeve, bite wrist. Pull, tear, spit again.
Curl up further, slap both hands onto ears, causing debilitation. Cup left temple with free hand, hammer-fist right temple until submission.
---
Under half a minute. Blood was dripping out of the young man's mouth, bits of flesh stuck between his teeth. A bruise was forming around his cheekbone. A cut eyebrow, dripping blood into left eye. Minor bruising on arms.
Considering he had zero contact with combat for a third of the year, it wasn't terrible.
Travid sighed, and slid down the wall. Half-consciously, he activated his HUD, and signaled an alarm beacon, and waited.
He got more and more tired, and then all seemed warm, comfy, and dark.
Do, 06/27/2013 - 22:58
#35
Gobbeh
Glad to see someone's doing something at these hours. LOVED the fic so far, great writing.
Do, 06/27/2013 - 23:25
#36
Wooooah
That was a pretty awesome fight scene. Describing each of the moves in little, yet sufficient detail, is an awesome touch. Bravo.
Do, 06/27/2013 - 23:55
#37
Ehrmm....
I'm a martial artist myself(and a student in the top of the science stream), so I saw some mistakes in your action-packed scene. However, overall, I'd say your information on weak spots are not bad. :) Wanna know what my martial arts foundations are? Taekwondo, Kickboxing and Dim Mak.
Still, I'm pretty hooked with the story right now. DON'T LET IT DIEEEEEEE EVERRRRR
Fr, 06/28/2013 - 00:26
#38
Ultima
So, you expect an ex-soldier, who had neglected any training for THREE MONTHS to remember how to beat the living crap out of six guys perfectly? After all the time he's spent devoted to trying to fit in back in civilian society?
Six guys who are incompetent fighters, but buff nonetheless?
#unrealisticexpectations
Fr, 06/28/2013 - 00:58
#39
haiz vin
Nope. I don't expect him to beat the living cra* out of six guys perfectly. I expect him to at least know more about counter attacks, grapples and pressure points than ordinary people. Because I see many flaws in his counterattacks and his knowledge of the weak points of the body.
You use #hyperbole
Fr, 06/28/2013 - 01:08
#40
Meh
Consider that the thugs were all taller and heavier built than he.
Fr, 06/28/2013 - 03:33
#41
Yaaaaaaaaaaah...
Gj...
Fr, 06/28/2013 - 03:35
#42
He's gonna need an Ectojelly
He's gonna need an Ectojelly pie to get him back on to his feet
Fr, 06/28/2013 - 03:46
#43
interesting!
--haha vin i agree completely with you, i used to do RPs on other forums and everyone was trying to get their character in the center of attention, yeah an interesting story DOES need second characters and stuff XD --
As for the fight, um yeah i havent done karate for four months and i STILL remember some counterattacks and grapples i could use in a fight, (i mean you dont forget stuff like that) but no, not a chance against six buff angry people, if this is realistic and not a hollywood movie that is. XD
either way i think the fight is very well done and realistic, since the character was trying to be more ordinary or just like any citizen(trying to avoid at all cost from going back to being a soldier and all). I've read a few mangas where this happens many times too, the person would decide not to fight, no matter what! because that meant going back to fighting/being soldier-like again and thats a no-no :O so yeah!
let the awesomeness continues @A@! ~ (btw vinny the commission i have to draw, its the character vin right?)
Fr, 06/28/2013 - 09:39
#44
Yap!
Vin in a similar style to Nai you drew. The teen Nai, not the chibi one.
[But it's ADORABLE THE CHIBI ONE IS. COMING FROM A GUY YOU'D HAVE TO CONSIDER HOW WELL YOU'VE DONE CHIBI THINGS. >3<]
Fr, 06/28/2013 - 14:23
#45
haha thanks! :DDDD
*W* hmmm no problem! i enjoy drawing in that style the most :D it should be done by tonight and if not tomorrow.
[ITS BECAUSE CHIBI GUYS ARE MORE FUN TO DRAW XD]
ANNNNDD its done :3 hehe it was fun to draw ^^ here it is, i hope its ok and reaches your expectations @A@---: http://puu.sh/3qzL9.png
Sa, 06/29/2013 - 01:01
#46
Hey-a!
Nice piece! Wasn't expecting his personal color to be green, but it works!
[If I was a real (rusted), I would've been whining about his proportions, but the only thing I could really consider a change to would be his hairstyle. Just kind of...push his hair down, give him bangs. Maybe clip off half a centimeter of hair on the sides?
Sa, 06/29/2013 - 01:27
#47
haha no problem :3
sure thing! :3
Sa, 06/29/2013 - 14:54
#48
Awfully familiar...
"...hey, you alright there?"
Huh, who's talking?
"Hey! Are you awake?"
Travid snapped open his eyes, and inhaled a gulp of air. Sores on his arms and legs were brought back out again, and he groaned from the aching. He didn't even bother facing the woman who was talking to him.
"Thank goodness you're alright," the woman sighed. "You activated a beacon, and I came running as fast as I could. It looks like six guys tried to mug you. You beat them all up."
The young man nodded his head.
"Yeah..." he mumbled, and was about to continue, when he saw the woman. Ice-blue eyes, pale skin, silver-white hair...
But she was tying it all up in a bun, and had on an Enforcer's outfit. Her dirtied sleeves indicated she was in combat with someone else, but is was nothing unusual for a cop. Still, that voice...
"G-gwen?"
She said nothing, but stepped out of the way to show 12 more thugs on the floor, all handcuffed face-down.
"I'll handle the rest, go nod off somewhere else."
Travid was about to ask, when he realized he realized she had a different tone in her voice.
Get going, now. Vin's bakery. I'll meet you there later.
He looked at Gwen weirdly for a second, as he wasn't familiar with her telepathy, but nodded. He stood up, and hobbled away from the scene. He activated his Dusker coat, and wrapped himself around it. The warmth of the armor would ease the aches on his wounds.
Meanwhile, Gwen materialized 18 handcuffs, and cuffed all the unconscious thugs. She pulled out her radio, ordered two teams of ambulance and a police unit, and then departed herself.
Sa, 06/29/2013 - 12:01
#49
done! :3
haha i ended up doing something better that i had in mind, i hope you like it with the bangs as much as me ^^
here it is : http://puu.sh/3re0t.png
btw keep up the good work as ever :P!
Sa, 06/29/2013 - 17:11
#50
On a different character POV
"You needed a job?"
"Yeah! I just bought the building right next to yours, and I don't really feel like opening up a business on the bottom floor. At least, not until I can get familiar with the people here."
"Well, I'm not hiring right now...but..."
"But..?"
"Let's say I knock down this wall, and make the bottom floor of yours a larger catering area..."
"H-hey! I'm not sure if I'm gonna be here for the long run!"
"Just kidding! Look, I'll let you help out for a couple of months, and we'll see if you like it. If you want this business to be yours, knock down the wall. If not, we can leave it as it is. By the way, I didn't catch your name."
"Just call me Elizabeth."
"My full name is Vincent [???] [???]. The people here just call me Vin. Pleasure to meet you."
They shook hands.
---
Twelve hours later, Elizabeth was hard at work kneading bread, pounding and twisting at the dough. Small clouds of flour drifted off of the table and dispersed as they dropped, dusting her white apron with the creamy streaks. Her hands were caked with the stuff, which smeared onto her hair and face as she rubbed the developing itch with her wrist. Once again, she resumed her work, and she finally plopped the dough into a pot, similar to a French Oven [look on Google Images for reference]. She brushed the top with butter, and sliced three streaks across, and slid it onto the scalding rack for baking. She then took a folded cloth, and gently pushed the rack into the oven.
"Next time, don't bother to knead the bread, and you forgot to add the wheat bran," Vin sighed.
Elizabeth finally took notice of the container, and facepalmed.
"Flour's all over your face," he pointed out.
"What?"
"Did you forget to wash?"
Elizabeth reddened at this, and strode to the sink. A great deal of splashing lasted for a few minutes, and she was all clean again. Except her hair was drenched.
"Elizabeth, I think I'll take back the apron now. You're hired."
Elizabeth squealed in delight, and ran out of the kitchen.
With the apron.
The baker slammed his head into the wall. He was going to have a hard, hard time making her learn how to bake.
wait what's the application thingy for then? :3 hmmmm @a@...i'll wait for a reply befor i delete this lol ^^"
Name : Nai
Race : 1/2 human 1/2 spirit
Gender : male
Age : 16 approximately in appearance
Personality : a bipolar personality. most of the time he is very nice, friendly and patient, but quite clumsy. (If pushed to a corner he can become very dangerous and agressive but this is in very rare occasions--he will bite lawl.) and most of all: VERY childish no matter the personality. people would confuse his personality as one of a pet: adorable almost all the time, but it can bite if scared!
Appearance : a very cute face, almost like a doll, many times one cannot tell if he's either a girl or boy, almost transparent ice blue eyes with some pink/violet/ light yellow reflections. not too tall, even a bit small in stature for his "age" very pale fair skin, whitish hair with slight rainbow like ends, his hair reaches his neck but not long enough to reach the shoulders. ((((his hair is usually a total mess)))) slightly long nails in his hands, reminding oneself a bit of a cat. he gets sometimes even mistaken for a girl :O!
Tends to wear [usual outfit(s), what kind of armor and weaponry, and any objects like glasses, hearing aids, etc.] : he likes to wear comfortable clothes such as: pijamas, cloack, clothing too big for him, sweaters, sweat pants, ect...he usually only wears socks or is barefoot. he uses glasses sometimes, usually upon waking up or for going to sleep lr while watching tv/reading books...ect.. ( he plainly doesnt see well from afar or up close and doesnt tend to recognise people easily: so yeah he has a very bad vision overall but he doesnt like people knowing of his incapability so he usually wears contacts during the day)
Bio : he has lost his memories when he was around the age of five, where he found himself alone, without parents or friends. A master of Martial Arts and other combat styles found him and trained him for 4 years without rest. One day when he collapsed from training somewhere nearby the bridge, a kind old lady found him and took care of him. However, he still continued training with his old Master...Ever since that day he has been living with the elder lady and calls her "grandma." His master and Grandmother dont get along well with each other as one forces Nai to train until exhaustion and the other cares for him most of all in the world.