Basically, we come to conclusions of items based on their description.
Some examples:
---
Volcanic Plate Helm: A superior plate helmet forged from volcanic iron. It's difficult to breathe in, but it can resist high temperatures and any number of savage attacks.
Knights are completely invincible to enemy attacks while wearing it.
---
Vitasuit Plus: High-tech mail that provides the wearer with myriad medical boons, including bonus health, glossier hair, and fresher breath.
While wearing a Toupee with Vitasuit Plus, it becomes shiny and glossy.
---
Grintovec: Your enemies will surely enjoy the cool, refreshing sensation of being hit by a glacier.
Whenever an enemy is hit with Grintovec's charge attack, they will say "[insert enemy name here] is full of joy!"
Skolver Coat: The ultimate in Wolver-hide clothing, this coat has been expertly crafted to give your melee attacks blinding speed.
You lag a lot.
Snarbolax Coat: A shadowy suit made from the hide of a sinister Snarbolax. Even looking at it too closely is dangerous.
Being blind is good while wearing this.
Vog Cub Coat: This hide garment is so warm and thick that you won't even mind that it reeks of wood smoke.
This should hamper you because it's thick instead of ASI.
Chaos Cloak: A forbidden mantle said to grant the wearer protection within the nameless realm where all elements are said to converge into one and divide into all.
http://wiki.spiralknights.com/Nameless_Poncho
The Bitter End: A shield carried by all members of the Recon Rangers. It's name is a reminder to all Rangers as to precisely when they are permitted to drop it in battle.
They like coffee sticks.
Crest of Almire: A shimmering crest once proudly carried by the noble knights of Almire. It is said to bless those who fight for their homeland, granting them strength from within.
I would say something about internal indigestion and fiber. Let's leave it at that.