I put up my shield just in time. A tongue bursts from the bush and bounces off the blue sphere helplessly. Remembering that only a chromalisk has a tongue that long, I ready my sword to strike back. I smash the weight of the blade into the monster’s skull, and feel a liquid spurting from the chromalisk onto my hand. If this is what all the monsters on cradle are like, then I should have no problem afterwards. Ha! However, my laugh is short lived. I barely react as another chromalisk tongue lashes out at me. This time, I put up my shield too slowly and the attack stabs me in the shield arm. I feel a surge of pain, but I instantaneously gather the will to lift my shield and block the second tongue thrust. Once the tongue bounces off of my shield bubble, I strike swiftly and stab the chromalisk in the chin. Another stupid prick down. I look around under the burning glare of the sun and find the area empty.

Stopping to think, why would those creatures want to kill me? Why couldn’t they be smarter? They just went straight to attacking me without understanding the consequences. Why couldn’t humanity be smarter? Why CAN’T I be smarter? I hate how I made the decisions I did! It’s all my fault that my arm hurts like hell and that I hurt someone else like hell all over their body. Dammit! Maybe I’m the real creature here. Maybe...

Stupid pessimistic me. I’m not dead yet. I still have to meet up with the knights Rhendon told me about and get to the rescue camp. I must keep moving along the path. I shove my sword into its sheath forcefully and continue a boring journey with bad air, bad weaponry, and hot sunlight. And sweat.

Wait. I hear chatter in the distance. That must be the rescue camp! Lucky me. Hmph. I walk a few paces when I almost trip over the edge of the platform. No, I did not forget to turn. It just happens that the platform has become minced and destroyed with holes in this section. A mechanical groan sounds in the distance, most likely inside a nearby dirt pile. A robotic hand stretches out with a rusty creak from the pile, and then the rest of the robot comes tumbling out.

“I don’t have time for this.” I mumble to myself. Instead of slashing metal-on-metal, I shield bash into the Retrode. It attempts to strike back, but it is already stunned. I throw the unsentient punk over a hole in the platform, and the pitifully weak machine falls into a terrifyingly powerful machine of death. Before the thought of Cradle’s terror becomes clear in my mind, the effort of the maneuver pains my already injured arm. Now I have to do the second-to-last resort. What is the second-to-last resort, you say? Well, it’s a morphine shot to the neck. Every knight received a pack for use since the beginning of time to relieve pain in the middle of battles, as remedy capsules were only invented recently. Now, I know morphine isn’t exactly the exactly the “best” drug, but it works. On the topic of the VERY LAST resort, I am afraid I can not discuss that. I would get put into jail if I did, because it is a highly inappropriate action. Seriously kids, don’t do the last resort. Seriously.

Anyway, it’s not much more walking before I get to an area where the platform is solid again. Something is definitely wrong. Hey, where are the three knights that Rhendon talked about? Surely they didn’t die, or get injured or hungry while waiting for me. All of a sudden, a revelation hits me. There were never any knights waiting for me. Instead, I was supposed to hallucinate a scenario where three knights helped me overcome a tough enemy. It’s a classic team building exercise engineered by the Spiral Order with the hallucination initiated by nano-machines. Let me explain.

It all stems from a group of people known as the Philosophers, who are an expert group of knights that create advanced pieces of technology called Spiraltech. Spiraltech are meant to completely revolutionize both daily life and warfare. A few of these include faster than light travel, teleporting quadcopter communication, and the nano-machines every knight is injected with once he or she begins their duty. As of right now, there are two generations of nano-machines. Both of the generations memorize the identity and genes of knights, but there are still key differences. The first generation, which I have, utilizes health sharing and mist energy revival. The second generation, which the Spiral Order finished off right before the flight of the Skylark, utilizes Sparks of Life and limitations of equipment based on rank. During the journey over to Cradle, every knight was injected with the second generation of nano-machines, and the newly introduced machines destroyed all of the first generations within the knights who received the shot. I saw that the first generation of machines were clearly superior, so I avoided taking the shot.

And that’s why I didn’t hallucinate the scenario. The only reason I talked about Spiraltech was because it was weird that the Spiral Order would decide to do the exercise now of all times. Whatever though, I’m only a minute away from the camp. I do a light jog, go inside the camp, and boy, am I up for a surprise. Left and right, wounded knights arrive and yell constantly. Friends weep for friends and siblings cry for siblings. The shouts are deafening, and I approach a cloaked female knight carrying a seemingly dying person to the tented area.

“Need help with that?” I ask, intending to help.

At that, the knight, who seems a few years older than me coldly replies, “Not everyone is as lucky as you, prick. Some people landed in much more dangerous areas. I don’t need your help, so go away and do something more productive.” That wasn’t nice. I can’t exactly blame her for getting angry with me though. I don’t think I would happy either if I had to drag a dying kid. Still, I would rather not be yelled at.

Crap. It’s a kid. He looks like he only barely entered his teens, and he already serves in the military. With the economy crashing, poor families have to become families of soldiers to stay alive. Unfortunately, not all of them stay alive for long, just like the one I see right now. I can barely stand seeing him, so I shuffle onward through the camp. Left foot, right foot. The sun shines brightly on the tiled ground. I continue shuffling, left foot, right foot. The air still sucks, and then the inevitable happens.

“JADE! JADE!” Rhendon yells right beside me. I’m so shocked, I trip on my foot and hit the ground head first.

“Screw you Rhendon,” I mutter while pulling myself off the ground. “Stop scaring me like that.” I groan loudly, and ask, “What’s going on?”

“I will tell you later. But first, we have a more important problem.” Rhendon tosses me what looks like a glowing-hot red Proto Sword. “It’s called a Hot Edge. You can keep it. A few hunters went out soon after the crash and brought back Wolver meat dinner, so now we have to cook it.”

Rhendon points towards a group of nearby knights repeatedly beating up the so-called Wolver meat with their Hot Edges. They clearly have no idea how to cook. That said, I don’t know how to cook either. The next hour is going to be terrible.

Once she has my attention, Iris begins, “The message says, ‘Welcome to the Takers, Jade. The Spiral Order has called the special group the Takers, because you shall take Cradle for us, what is rightfully ours. Your first mission is to restart the generator, as Iris has probably told you. Iris will lead you to an elevator leading into the mechanism known as the Clockworks, which is a series of dungeons that change with time. Also, you are allowed to take one companion with you. Signed, Feron.’”.

When Iris finishes reading the letter, I ask, “I don’t want to waste any time, so where the hell is the elevator?”

She replies, “Just follow me. I don’t want to waste any time either. We don’t have much time before night falls. I expect you want to take this dude with you.” Her quadcopter faces Ronnie.

I nod and motion for Ronnie to follow as the quadcopter flies through the camp. It’s actually really fast, so we have to sprint to catch up to it. Huffing and puffing, I hunch over when the quadcopter finally stops beside a giant open-walled elevator. Do I have to ride down that thing?

Iris, seeing my expression, says, “Oh yeah, yes you do. I used the elevators myself a few times lately. Before you ask where I am, I must make it clear that I CANNOT reveal my personal details. It is forbidden for this mission.”

Wow, it seems like everyone is shady. I’m not standing on the elevator, but Ronnie is. I seriously don’t want to get on. It appears that my opinion has not effect, however, and I see an electric wire hanging out of the quadcopter. I hold up my hands in surrender while holding my breath and walking onto the elevator. As soon as I get on, the quadcopter floats over to the elevator console and hits a down arrow button. The elevator voice says, “Descending into Depth 1.” Ronnie unsheathes a sword that looks like...a normal, grey sword. A Calibur. It’s frustrating that I don’t know anything about Spiral weapons other than the most basic gear. I mimic Ronnie’s movements and look at the Hot Edge once the elevator begins its descent. I search for the power button on the handle, press it, and the sword glows with heat. While staring in wonder at the weapon, I fail to notice the time going by and after ten minutes, the elevator stops. Is this the place I shall die? Of course not, I’m just being way too dramatic. I’m only one depth below the surface, so how hard can the monsters be, assuming that I didn’t just jinx it?

Ronnie notices my sudden mood change, and snidely remarks, “Jade, are you bipolar?” His question didn’t exactly make me feel good, but Ronnie is Ronnie. What else should I expect from a guy like him? Anyway, it turns out that the monsters are still comically weak. The only difference I notice is that there are more monsters than before. Bah, give me something interesting to do. Ronnie and I battle through the area, with me burning through four-legged robots with my Hot Edge and Ronnie slashing with quick, decisive strikes. Along the way, Ronnie shows me a trick.

“If you shake a weapon for a short period of time, it starts to glow yellow and prepares to do a super-powered attack. I have no idea what or how it works, but it’s cool.”

At this, the quadcopter pops in front of us and Iris says, “Um, you really don’t pay attention, do you? I indirectly explained it earlier to Jade and you. You just did a charge attack, a phenomenon made easy discovered by Solemn. Us Philosophers have investigated something called ‘The Science of Reality’ over many years. The Science of Reality is a puzzle over how the world frequently behaves as if it has its own mind. For example, if I sent you back in time, then the Law of Conservation would be broken and your time travelling self would be destroyed. According to studies doing similar experiments however, there is a one second delay until reality realizes the change. So, when you shake a weapon, reality thinks the weapon is attacking when it’s not, increasing the energy acting within. Of course, Spiral Order weaponry needs special components in order to accomplish this feat.”

I used to think that the Philosophers were just a bunch of people inventing random things like refrigerators. Boring but useful. Now, I’m not so sure. Apparently, the Philosophers are also mad scientists for destruction. Ronnie and I walk on over the platform, kicking constructs we already brutally deconstructed. Eventually, I see the reason we came down here; the generator lies just beside a button that says “Party Button”. Iris explains, “The party button is a weird Clockworks thing where a whole group has to stand on it.” We all get on the button, including the quadcopter, and A LOT happens. The party button sends out an electric signal up a wall, over a terraced area, and into a console. A console! A rat-shaped figure reveals itself from the shadows in an enraged fashion.

“Scum! You pesky alien knights out to destroy the gremlins shall not destroy me, Razwog the schemer! If you are trying to steal the Artifact, then you will surely fail. Prepare to die!”

At that, the gremlin who calls himself Razwog slams a button on his console which sends an electric pulse towards the generator. I see the generator smoothing out its rough edges, and grow and grow and grow, eventually launching out dozens of guns onto its sides. This is going to be a challenge.

As soon as I register the situation, this dark section of the Clockworks turns into bullet hell. Slow moving bolts blaze from the machine. I try to dodge the bullets as much as I can, but I am still forced to block half of the shots. After the first salvo, the machine de-powers itself and the armor wears off. Ronnie and I jump forward and repeatedly slash it while expecting it to power up again, but it doesn’t turn back on. In the background, I hear Razwog scream, “Get off me!” I turn around and see the quadcopter ramming into Razwog while a wire hacks into his console. Despite the hectic situation, I can’t help but laugh. Razwog gives up his resistance and shouts to us, “You haven’t seen the last of me. You may steal the artifact and survive the attacks of my Battlepod, but I will have my revenge!”

Yeah, yeah. I walk around the Battlepod and watch as it degrades back into its simple generator form. Razwog then disappears back into the shadows, desperately trying to avoid getting gutted by the quadcopter’s rotors.

I say to Iris, “Now that you beat up that gremlin guy, what do we do now?”

“We turn the generator on, obviously.” Iris says, “I will stay behind and find out how this thing works. See you in Haven.”

Haven? I’m not comfortable with leaving Iris behind, since Ronnie and I would probably be dead if she didn’t beat up Razwog. I don’t know what Haven is, but it sounds like a really far place. Ronnie and I walk along, and we come across a...an unexplainable object. It’s a cylinder shaped gadget with pulsating squares. It must be the Artifact Razwog mentioned. What could this possibly do? Well, I can’t just leave it here. I pick it up and head for a conveniently close elevator, and we ascend back up to the surface.
-------------------------
Later, in the rescue camp, Ronnie and I are roasting Wolver sausages under the beautiful night sky. I almost doze off when Rhendon with the Artifact shows up.

Rhendon says, “Nice job on restarting the generator. I know you’re really tired, but there is still one last mission before you go to sleep.” One more mission! Come on! Rhendon continues, “Now that the generator is back, elevators all over the area are powering. Missions to send parties over to Haven, a small town of strange people over the chasm, have already begun. You, Ronnie, and I will depart in five minutes.”

Dammit, what kind of sadistic script writer forces characters to do this? Overloading me with information? It really pisses me off, so I complain, “Rhendon, why can’t it wait until tomorrow? Please don’t tell me it gets worse.” As soon as I say that, I know I jinxed it.

“Well, yeah it does. I believe you met the twins Solemn and Simo a few hours ago. They will join us too. I am afraid you do not have a say in this matter, as I have to transport this giant Artifact.”

I’m about to open my mouth again, but Ronnie interrupts, “No Jade, let’s just get this over with.”

Rhendon leads us towards an elevator overlooking a huge cliff. The night wind blows into my face and I feel an aura. A special atmosphere of peace. However, I have to give up the feeling as we walk onto the elevator.

“Where are the twins?” I ask right before I see a red Cyclops eye appear in the distance. Seconds later, I see a cloaked silhouette. The twins sprint towards us at breakneck speed. I almost squeal, but they do a complete stop right beside me. Arrogant crap.

Simo groans, “Sis’, what will you bet that these losers fall asleep?”

Solemn, laughing obnoxiously, replies, “Ha! Wait, I need to get a loan from the bank so I can bet more!”

This insults me so much that I decide not to reply. The elevator descends. I see Solemn leaning on the barrier around the elevator and Simo standing straight up, frozen like rock. I can’t help but look under Solemn’s hood again and see her face. Luckily for me, she doesn’t notice. What am I doing with my life.

AN: Wow, I really haven't worked on this fanfic for a while. I hope I will find the "drive" to work on it more in the future.
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It’s been a week since we crashed. In that time, I really haven’t done much. I toured around Haven, hung out with Ronnie, and met shady morphine dealers. Unfortunately, I have made zero progress in the pursuit of skills that truly matter, like the ability to find something fun to do(there is basically nothing), the ability to hit on women(lack of women who will let me live after I do that), and basically the ability to be a functional human being. Still, a lot of stuff can happen in a week, which is something reality doesn’t seem to think applies to me.

I walk over to the breakfast stall in the town square while wearing plain clothes. Seriously, who the heck wears armor everywhere they go? Well, the twins technically do, but they’re just really weird people. Anyway, Ronnie and I are eating minced wolver meat by the fountain when a red haired girl starts walking up to me with a Cheshire cat grin.

I whisper to Ronnie, “Dude, this can’t be good.”

Ronnie whispers back, “You’re shaking. What the...oh. Isn’t that the chick who’s been making fun of you for the past week?” I stay still. “Yup, I thought so.”

She stops right in front of me and laughs, as if in a seizure, points at me, then says, “Haha! Look who it is! It’s Jade piss! Your green eyes have the texture of piss! Loser! Loser! Haha!”

I curl my eyebrows and respond, “I hate you too.”

The girl runs away to some other place, unable to stop laughing. I ask Ronnie, “That was comically bad, but why does everyone seem to hate me? Even that redhead who is probably ten years younger than me can bully me. Your jokes aren’t always nice either. It’s just so...ugh!”

Ronnie answers even before I finish speaking. “Um, er...It’s just that you are really easy to make fun of.” Ronnie notices my expression and quickly says, “You’re naturally a cynical, jaded, wang-sty person. Of course people will make fun of you.”

I’m not!- Well, I kind of am all of those things, to a certain extent at least. I say to Ronnie, “Yeah, I am an idiot, I admit. But how do I stop being an idiot?”
----------------------------------------------------
In the afternoon, Ronnie and I are walking through the garrison halls and finally arrive at an entrance to a classroom-like guild hall. I stop and tell Ronnie, “I’m not sure about this anymore. I have a feeling I should just be an idiot.”

Ronnie replies, “Come on, you’ll love it. I’ve been part of the Class of Cool club for years! What can possibly go wrong?”

A lot of things. I take a deep breath and we walk inside. In the centre of the double sized classroom, there is a circle of about ten chairs facing inwards. The rest of the room looks fairly normal with desks facing away from the entrance door in nice, neat rows. Six of the chairs in the circle are already occupied, and one of the sitting knights, who is wearing a business suit and a Skelly mask, has an attendance sheet. Ronnie and I walk up to him and the knight looks down at his sheet.

“Jade,” the knight says in a deep voice while checking off my name,”and Ronnie! I knew you would come back man! So many things happened after you left.”

Ronnie says,”Thomas? Wow, you’re still here. I hope the club has evolved well, especially since the meetings degraded into ‘trades’ over time.”

Thomas looks out a window on his left side and says,”Yup, the meetings really have changed. Oh yeah, the meeting is about to start soon. We’re only waiting for two people now, so take your seats.”

Ronnie and I sit next to each other, and I whisper to Ronnie,”What does he mean, like when he said that you left?”

Ronnie, clearly not expecting me to ask this, says,”I sort of left a few years back when the meetings ended up being drug dealings. But no matter now, it’s changed.”

He really should have told me that before I came here. I slap my forehead and rub my face. While Ronnie, Thomas, and a Skolver knight catch up on the recent events, I hear the entrance door opening behind me. The sound of footsteps become louder, and Thomas looks back down on his sheet.

“Hello new people! So, here we have Hypress,” he says while looking at a short female knight in full Wolver,”and Samuel Deimos.” Samuel Deimos? That’s a very weird name. I face backwards. What the hell is Simo doing here? As suddenly as they came in, the two take the remaining chairs on my left.

Thomas claps, stand up, and shouts,”The Class of Cool club has been called to order! We shall now begin with pre-main topic discussion. Does anyone have anything they would like to say?”

I slowly put my hand up in the air. Thomas nods. I say,”Um...um...well...I’m a cynical, jaded, wang-sty idiot, as two of you may already know. So...I was just...um...wondering if anyone has any advice?”

The Skolver knight, Final Flourish in hand, laughs. Thomas glares at him and says,”Beck, we all have problems. I think we should discuss this.” The other members of the club all murmur.

Hypress leans forward and yells in a slightly-higher-than-average voice,”You could always, SLICE THE PEOPLE WHO INSULT YOU IN THE FRICKIN’ THROAT, JUST LIKE I DO!” She whips out a small sized Cold Iron Carver and makes stabbing motions. “Am I right anyone? Aww.” Her shouting stops all of the conversation. Great, now I can’t get any actual advice. While she looks around seeking reassurance, I make a hidden obscene hand gesture that only she could see.

Thomas claps again and announces,”Ok, does anyone have anything else to say? No? Good, now we can get to the main part of the meeting. Beck, did you bring the stuff?” Stuff? Oh no. Ronnie, I’m going to remember this for a long, long time.

Sure enough, Beck takes out a packet and says,”Yup, pure and worth a hundred per gram.”

Simo looks at the packet. He says,”Hmm, good.” A ring sounds from his pocket, so Simo looks down and takes out the alarm.

Hypress, surprised, says,”It’s time already? C’mon Sam, let’s go.” Hypress grabs Simo by the arm and they run out the door. Everyone else, obviously confused by the situation, shrug at each other, but I turn back in time to see Hypress and Simo pumping their fists. I’m saying it again, but oh no. This is going to get so, much, worse.

I take a gulp of air and say,”Do you guys think there is a possibility that they’re...cops or something?”

Ronnie says,”Impossible. I’m pretty sure us knights ARE the cops.”

“I’m not sure,” Thomas says while leaning back,”we’re not exactly acting like police, but we still technically are the authority. Could there be a police of the police?” Silence. “Recon Rangers maybe, but they probably have better things to do.”

I put up my hand again. There isn’t any response, though I guess I can speak anyway. “I didn’t exactly have better things to do this week either. It’s kind of likely.”

BANG! A giant explosion sounds, and I almost fall off my chair. Everyone looks around rapidly before eventually settling their gazes on the door. “Recon Rangers, this is a raid! We know you have illegal substances. Get out of there with your hands up, or we will breach the room!”

Beck snorts and says,”Bah, this is a really bad prank. Hey idiots, go away!” Beck, despite his confidence, grips his Final Flourish and starts creeping towards the door. Fortunately, I am far away enough from the door to avoid a deathly event. Unfortunately, a deathly event happens. The hinges on the door explode, revealing a knight holding a Blitz Needle. A hail of bullets fly across the room. Beck falls violently onto the ground screaming, riddled with holes and writhing in his own pain and blood. I turn to the right and see Thomas running through a side door. More knights begin running into the room, firing their guns all over the place.

“Holy crap!” I yell,”We have to run Ronnie! Just follow me!” Ronnie doesn’t dare stop to think about it, so we both run after Thomas through the side door. I slam the door open and we enter a large office room. Ronnie and I run straight through the screaming crowd of workers, and a few seconds later a squad of Recon Rangers come into the office.

Ronnie points left at a door and shouts,”Dude, over there!” A moment after Ronnie points, Thomas crashes through the door. We run as fast as we can and follow him through the door, finding ourselves in a dark corridor. Of all the things that can happen, Hypress runs into us.

She quickly says,”Idiots, just go over to the exit that way.” She shoves us into a run. After a few seconds, Ronnie and I hit a dead end.

“She tricked us,” Ronnie says,”We’re screwed now. There’s only a human sized window.” Just as I turn around, Hypress walks up to us, picks us up, and then repeatedly bangs us on the window until it shatters, throwing us out at the same time.

“Oww,” I moan, pulling myself off the ground. “What now?” The moment I say that, Recon Rangers approach the window. Without having to communicate, Ronnie and I sprint out of the garden we found ourselves in. We climb over a fence and after a bit more running, enter the town square.

Ronnie huffs,”Let’s wait for things to quiet down, then go straight to our rooms.”

I bend over while clutching my knees and nod. I say,”I’ll just ask Iris for more missions instead of doing messed up stuff tomorrow. Tomorrow is missions day, isn’t it?”
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The next morning…

Ronnie and I are sitting on some chairs in the media room inside the Takers guild hall eating our breakfast while watching the Haven News Network.

“We have news on the shutdown of a drug dealing group known as the Class of Cool.” the reporter says. “The leader of the group, Thomas Blake, has been found dead inside the Garrison East Wing. There are multiple stab wounds around his upper body, probably inflicted by a Cold Iron Carver. If you happen to know the vigilante who did this, please report him or her. Also, there are two young men who have escaped, and-”

The announcer is cut short as a Cold Iron Carver flies out and lodges on the TV screen, disabling it. I look on my right and say,”You!”

A short wolver knight is sitting right beside me. Hypress breathes a laugh, and says,”You can thank me later.” I look around randomly. How the hell is she doing all of these things? I am about to ask her a million questions, but she is already gone.

Ronnie whispers to me,”She really creeps me out.”

I reply,”I know, same here.”

The environment is silent for several minutes, with Soren’s eyes illuminating the grey. I break up the silence and say, ‘If I’m not dead, can you at least send me back?”

Soren, in a significantly quieter tone, replies, “Yes, why not? I have no use for you now. I find you annoying, you find me annoying, and Perilous here finds me annoying after speaking me for several eternities, so everybody wins!” The room goes cold, and my vision slowly fades.

Perilous says to me, “Young man, every single event in the past has led up to this moment. You don’t understand, but one day I will tell you the truth behind your existence. Never lose your Transcendence Ball. When the Philosophers ask you what kind of knight you want to be, choose to be a bomber. Bombs are in large supply and I know you like them. When you want to come back here, blow yourself up with the Transcendence Ball on you. If you die with the Transcendence Ball, you will come back here. Good luck.”

What’s going on? My voice has gone, and now all I see is white…

“Hey, he’s back.” I hear Iris mumble. “I sometimes wish you would die, Jade.”

Ronnie shouts, “Iris, what the hell is wrong with you?! This guy’s heart stopped several times, and all you’ve talked about was losing a bet!”

I find myself in a hospital bed when Iris replies, “It was a very big bet. Now Solemn gets to reap the rewards in her new ‘Combat Class’ when I’m forced to send ‘Jade prick’ over here into her class. So much paperwork for me.”

I immediately jump out of bed. I feel strangely fine, but still pissed that I have to go this “Combat Class.” Ronnie stares at me, shocked, and says, “Um...let’s just get out of here dude, no one’s going to stop us.”

We open the door to leave, and before I exit I tell Iris, “Just so you have one less excuse to electrocute me later, I want to be a bomber.”

At this, the screen on her quadcopter flashes, spins around, while Iris apparently jumps from her chair shrieking, “A bomber! That’s fantastic! I can make a grave, write the best obituary ever! Wait, doesn’t that mean extra paperwork for me to send to Feron? On top of the already enormous load of letters telling why this guy should get deep Clockworks clearance despite dying? Doesn’t that mean...”

Ronnie and I leave before she finishes, although we can still hear her shouting. We find ourselves inside a long white corridor with doors leading to other rooms. I tell Ronnie, “Let’s go get a drink at that beer vendor later, I have a class to go to and countless more electrocutions.”

Ronnie nods, but he runs off quickly saying, “Crap, bathroom.” I’ll just wait here for him, what’s the worst that can-

“Don’t resist, just let me, pull, you, dammit.” Hypress whispers into my ear, covering my mouth and trapping me in a headlock. “Solemn is waiting.” I reach behind my head to break free. She kicks my leg to trip me off balance and elbows me in the back of the head.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Knocked out again. The back of my head is still in pain when I wake up, just in time to find myself pushed onto a chair right in front of a desk. With Solemn behind it. Hypress says, “He’s here, do you still want me to search his armour? Okay. I can keep the stuff? Great.” She searches my gear before leaving the room, apparently dissatisfied. Good thing she didn’t find my transit ball, or whatever it’s called.

Solemn, once she makes sure Hypress is gone, says, “So, I know that you know about the bet. I have started a combat class, to carry out smaller missions and turn pricks like you into strong, independent, and bold pricks. The Takers program is trash, but my class will also be trash if I don’t get funding. Fortunately, I get funding from taking in students. All I need you to do is sign here, and then you can leave.”

I say, short and simply, “No.”

“No?”

“The last thing I want is to be under the teachings of a cold, heartless person like you. You don’t care about what happens to me. You don’t care if I die. All you Philosophers do is try to profit from the existence of others. Prove me wrong Solemn, I know that you don’t back down from challenges.”

“Just sign here.”

“See what I mean? I will not si-”

“Then I guess you will like having a Cold Iron Carver in your spine.”

I put my hands up in the air. “Fine, I give up! Stupid slut.” I snatch the pen out of her hand, look at the paper, and sign the bottom.

“See you tomorrow at 5 o’clock in the morning. You have exactly 19 hours. The classroom is where that Class of Cool thing happened, I’m sure you remember. After you leave my office, turn right and walk until you reach the exit. You are dismissed.” She waves me away.

“B*tch.” I get out of the chair, follow Solemn’s directions, and find myself in the arcade. I’m going to find Ronnie and fill him in on my new education, and then I’m going to my room. I need a break.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ronnie says, “So wait, you got knocked out, a raving sadistic lost a bet to another sociopath, and now you`re doomed to a death class for the rest of your time on Cradle? Without me?”

We are right outside my room. I respond, “Yeah, that about sums it up. I need to take a nap right now, frickin’ class at 5 in the morning.” We say goodbye to each other, with me entering my room and Ronnie entering his.

What’s on my bed? I walk over to it and find a note on a rather large package.
==============================
Spiral Demo Gear:
Includes Blast Bomb, demo suit, demo helmet, and that’s it. It’s all yours sucker, I hope you choke on your joy. I’m still working on the paperwork. Why did you have to die?
I watch your every move 24/7. Don’t try anything funny.
-Iris
==============================
Yay me.

It’s at this point that I realize I’m still wearing my armor. Crescent helm crap. I change into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. So what if I bought them for one crown each at the bargain vendor? It would probably be a good idea to take the transit ball with me, with my luck a little murderer will probably stick a carver into my back. I reach into the pocket of my armor…

...and nothing’s there! No, no, no! How did I, oh, now I get it. The little murderer must have faked her disappointment when she searched me, and now she has possession of my ball. This is bad. Screw naps, I have a much bigger problem.

First, I have to find her. A short person wearing Wolver should be easy to spot. Thinking back, she always had a special aura. Her strange behaviour naturally stands out from the others.

Second, I have to stop her. This is the second step in a two-step operation, but I’m going to guess it’s virtually impossible. Whether I can stop her or not doesn’t matter, weird stuff happens all the time on Cradle. Like the time when a jelly cube bashed me in the balls, or the fact that every female here likes killing.

Hypress could be selling the transit ball at this moment!I I immediately sprint over to the auction house, but there isn’t a single person in Wolver.
How about the vendors in the bazaar? I run over there, but still no Wolver person.

Maybe she’s taking a nap! Or something! I’m running out of options here. I lightly jog, now that I’m tired, over to the garrison. I start with the Takers hall, taking quick peeks through the doors. Then I go over to the “Other” knight hall. Still no. I even search the D-team hall.

Still.

Not.

There.

This is hopeless, but I have to try. I either find the ball now and get shanked, or not find the ball and get sent to a permanent grave. Clearly, searching like this is not going to work. Think, Jade, think! What other way could I find her?

What an idiot I am! I even thought of the solution earlier! Hypress is probably smart enough to switch gear, so I have to find someone who naturally stands out. Intuition is my last chance. Mercenaries have lots of money. I should wait at the auction house, since people with lots of money buy things.

Hopefully.

I go back to the auction house and sit down on the fountain steps. A knight wearing some heavy armor walks past me. A knight wearing Skelly walks past me. Elemental knight, slime-like knight, Chroma knight. This strategy sucks as well, what kind of planner am I? Grey Feather knight, Azure Guardian knight, Skolver knight.

There’s something weird about the Skolver person. Short stature, check. Feminine shape, check. Feminine walk, oh what am I doing. Feminist activist groups would be hanging me right now, but thankfully none are on Cradle right now. Here goes nothing.

I tap the Skolver on the shoulder. The Skolver, a girl, says “Huh?” and turns around. Yup, that’s her voice. Intuition, you are the most amazing thing in this whole universe.

I say, “Hypress, I would like it if you gave back my stuff.”

“Damn. I will give you back your spike ball in hell.” She grabs me and punches me in the gut. Ah, she’s strong! The blow knocks the wind out of me, and then she has more than enough time to run away. The rest of the knights in Haven refuse to help, those bastards. I spend the next half hour clutching my chest, waiting for the pain to go away.

Eventually, I get off the ground. Good thing she didn’t stab me, or break one of my legs. If I find and confront her again, the same thing will happen. I have to find someone to help me. I have precisely...let me see...one decent friend.
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Ronnie and I sit on the fountain steps, beer bottles in hand. In less than a minute, the bottles are half full. It’s 4 in the afternoon when Ronnie asks, “What are we doing again? I’m confused.”

I say, “Tell me if you see Hypress. Don’t ask.”

“Heh, I never took you to be interested in little girls, especially killers.”

“No Ronnie, just do it.”

The rest of the day goes by ever so slowly. We down two bottles, four, then six. The fast food vendors have the best sales they’ve had in years. Instead of just fried Wolver meat, they now sell Wolver meat mixed with mustard, asbestos, ebola, and cheese. Gross.

It’s sunset, but no one has come to attention. In fact, there isn’t anyone else around. Everyone went to go to some drinking party in the Geo-Knight bar.
You know what? I give up. This is absolutely pointless, as much as I would like to get my transit ball back. If I die, I don’t care. It’s at this precise moment a Cold Iron Carver flies by my ear and drops right by Ronnie’s left leg. Ronnie screams, “Crap. run!” He runs away to the garrison, and I’m about the follow him when another carver flies in front of me.

“Hypress…” I say. I look everywhere, until I finally see a little girl in Wolver on top of the auction house.

She says, “It’s about time you noticed. I was up here the whole day after you saw me wearing Skolver, waiting for you to see me. It eventually got boring though.”

“The whole day?”

“Follow me.” She jumps down and lands silently. Literally no sound. I have no choice but to follow, and a bit more running seems a lot better than death. Hypress can run fast. She is already far ahead. She goes through the unoccupied bazaar and says, “Lazy. This is like walking for me, old man.” After a very short period of time, not even a minute, I find myself back inside Solemn’s office.

“Well, well.” Solemn says. “Looks like his first lesson was a blast. What did you learn today, hmm?”

“What?” I reply.

“I said, what did you learn today?”

“I have like, zero idea about what you mean.”

“You have been rather productive today. What did you learn while trying to find Hypress?” That explains a lot. This day has just been an extreme example of learning from doing by being manipulated. I learned how to find better solutions, that I will sometimes need friends, and that friends can be abandoning chodes. Solemn continues, “You don’t have to answer. You clearly learned a lot. By the way Hypress, give him back his Transcendence Ball.”

Hypress says, “Huh?”

“I still remember you taking something from his armor. Give it back.” After a moment of contemplation, Hypress takes out the ball and chucks it in my face before leaving, arms crossed. It stuns me for a moment, making me feel like my nose broke. Feminist groups can get lost, I hate all women on this stupid planet. I am about to leave as well, but the door suddenly closes. Solemn says, “I know what happened when you died. I know more about you than Iris, and I don’t even have to watch you. I am a Philosopher after all, so I don’t back down from the quest for knowledge. You may leave.”

I reply, “Solemn, you are such a cold whore. I will hate you for several eternities. Your quest for knowledge has been banging me up the ass.”

“Don’t talk about ‘several eternities’ in front of anyone except me. I have a reputation to hold, and a student that says too much about beliefs that I may share is unacceptable, especially if Iris figures out what they mean. Leave now.”

I’m going to say it again, but I need a break. The door opens and I walk down the hallway to go back to my private room. Except it’s not really private, since it’s an energy-based transparent door. These office people get solid doors while I get a window. I see something very, VERY, concerning on one of the doors.
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Philosopher #7
Genetic Coder
Iris
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Right behind this door is Iris. The person who watches me day and night is behind this door. I look through the window on her door, and I see a figure bending over, signing paperwork with one hand and tossing a knife in the air with the other.

I’m getting out of here.