Welcome all, to Topo's Short Story Thread. Here, you'll find some stories I have written in my spare time.
That being said, some of them are OK, some are..... not that good.
I appreciate ALL criticism and comliments (If there are any)
Thanks.
Table of Contents:
1. Feron the Hero: Feron the Hero
Concept of LD in fanfiction is still strange to me--how does it work?
Past that, the only thing that bugs me is that you could do better editing. >.> I know your ability and you can edit a bit better. IMO, lesser repetition of words should work better, like rather than:
"Took you long enough," I grumbled.
"This guy was trying to spawn camp me, I dealt with him." He grumbled back.
You could say:
"Took you long enough," I grumbled.
"This guy was trying to spawn camp me, I dealt with him." He retaliated/retorted/replied. (Although the last option is a bit bland so any of the first two will do better)
Editing also encompasses how you arranged paragraphs and dialogue, and what that only really bugs me is my OCD. <.<
Content-wise: good read, short and enjoyable. ?/10.
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Purdy good, my friend ^-^ Also, if anyone else can make sense of this post, feel free to elaborate--I'm not entirely sure I'm even talking about the same thing. +.+
-Meth
This is how Lockdown works in fanfiction. Don't underestimate Topo's creativity. ;)
@Thinslayer
:o Thanks for the example ^-^ I'll have a read :3
Feron The Hero:
“We’re pinned down!” I ducked down behind a sandbag, as Blaster shots flew where my head was seconds ago.
My buddy Skye peeked out of cover for a second, “Can’t see them.....” When his head suddenly snapped back from a sniper’s shot, and he fell.
I ignored his body, and fired off shots from my own blaster.
Skye ran back to my cover, shield up, until he finally came back to my side.
“Took you long enough.” I grumbled.
“This guy was trying to spawn camp me. I dealt with him.” He grumbled back
A recon knight uncloaked right on the point, and stood for a second before both of us filled his body with bullets.
Our entire team was trying to take back our capture points, while me and Skye defended this point. We were all hoping for one of Krogmo’s Blast Heads, and this battle was the key to us getting the hat.
Suddenly, there was a rumbling in the ground.
Three guardians rounded the corner, shields up, no doubt Recons already flanking our location.
We were going to get demolished.
We closed our eyes, ready to be sent back to the respawn room, when a loud battle cry was heard. “VICTORY!”
I opened my eyes to see Skye face-palming, muttering, “Here comes the hero.”
Feron jumped over our heads, brandishing his two Valiances.
He landed, rolled and shot at the enemies approaching the point.
He managed to fire off two shots before being filled with enemy bullets, just as the enemy captured the point.
The Announcer shouted into the PA system, “EPIC FAIL! VICTORY GOES TO THE BLUE TEAM!”
I sighed as I was teleported back into Haven.