This is my first fanfic I have posted here on the forums, so things might be confusing, but constructive criticism is appreciated. Enjoy.
Booting up map of firestorm_citadel...
Done.
A map of the Firestorm Citadel came up on the Striker knight's radar, needing it since he was going alone without his squad. Now, going alone inside a place like the Firestorm Citadel is crazy enough as it is, but some things needed to be done. Plus, the Striker knight was looking for something he needed to find.
To put it specifically, a lost Knight who had went into the never ending inferno of fire and ruins.
Spiral HQ had already marked the lost Knight as KIA, but the Striker knight thought otherwise. So, because of his squad calling him crazy from the Striker knight saying that the (presumed to be) lost Knight was still alive in the Firestorm Citadel, and didn't join him on his trip into the oven. So, he left the others and went it alone.
Map: blackstone_bridge
The Striker knight's code was S-243535, but you can just call him Stabby, as everyone else calls him.
Stabby donned the Snarbolax Cap and Coat, along with wielding a Divine Avenger, Argent Peacemaker, Blitz Needle, Dread Venom Striker, and using a Barbarous Thorn Shield to protect himself from blows with. He had several accessories, such as Shadow Wings and a Shadow Party Blower.
Stabby got a message from Spiral HQ, telling him to back off from the Firestorm Citadel. Of course, Stabby always made a goal and always stuck to it until he finished it, so he ignored the message and walked into the blazing fires of the Firestorm Citadel.
Stabby: "First floor: Slags, fire, Wheel Launchers, buttons..."
Stabby encountered the Slag Walkers and Oilers after stepping on the Party Button, but ran past them towards the Wheel Launchers to shut them down and so they wouldn't get in his way. After he had shut them down (obviously with brute force) he came back and took down each and every one of the Slag Walkers that had come up to face him, then moved on to the next Party Button. He fought off the Slags and put the statues on their respective buttons, and then moved on. He repeated the 'beat up every enemy in sight', 'push the buttons', 'smash some wheel launchers (if possible)', and 'get through the area' rules until he reached the elevator at the end.
Stabby noticed that the medical boxes were broken, and its contents gone, as well as most of the treasure boxes, but there were a few left for Stabby to pop open, himself. He grabbed the loot from them and went down the elevator, to the next floor.
Map: charred_court
Stabby exited the elevator once it came up and started to walk forward until he almost tripped on a Leviathan Blade, which had been burned and worn beyond recognition, its blade being damaged and burned and the hilt being equally as worse.
Stabby remembered that the lost Knight had been called KIA for at least two days now, but it was safe to assume there was a squabble and that the undead and the hazards got to the weapon first. However, Stabby did not see the ashes of Slags around the weapon. And, the wells were blessed with water from the Spirit Mother. Stabby went to the spirit that was floating near the already opened gates.
Stabby: "Excuse me, spirit, have you seen any knights walk by here?"
Spirit: "Yes, one. She was fighting against the lost here, but dropped the sword that you almost tripped over. She extinguished the flames that lead to the exit, you should check there."
Stabby thanked the spirit and ran towards the elevator at the end. He found the prize boxes had been popped, however, so he was slightly disappointed. He boarded the elevator and went down.
Map: ashen_armory
Stabby found another weapon once he exited the elevator. Specifically, a Blitz Needle.
Stabby: "Great. Her Blitz Needle..."
Stabby went towards the arena, seeing the ashes of Slags and what remained of Trojans. However, he noticed a small patrol of Slags heading his way, so he butchered them with his Divine Avenger.
After going through the really really painful trek through the Ashen Armory, Stabby approached the elevator at the end. Most of the prize boxes had been broken, but there was no sign of any medical boxes along the way. He was about to board the elevator when he noticed something move in the heat waves of the Firestorm Citadel. He shrugged it off and boarded the elevator.
Stabby could've sworn he heard a voice that didn't belong here.
Map: smoldering_steps
Stabby exited the elevator and found yet another weapon. It was a Hail Driver.
Stabby: "I must be getting close..."
Stabby started to go up the Smoldering Steps, noticing some of the fire had been put out. This time, he felt like someone was stalking him, aside from all of the enemies in the Firestorm Citadel. Stabby shrugged off the feeling and pressed forward. He fought and slaughtered any enemy that were still active and in his way. He couldn't waste any time.
Stabby kept hearing the voice he heard back in Ashen Armory, this time increasing in pitch and going from rarely being heard to almost constantly. He kept going forward, feeling he was getting closer to his goal.
Stabby was halfway up the last stretch of the Smoldering Steps when he could've sworn he saw the knight he was looking for, but apparently floating in the air while walking.
Stabby: "I must be getting crazy..."
Stabby finally reached the elevator when a couple of Trojans appeared behind him, forcing Stabby to leap for the elevator as the Trojans charged forward. The elevator went down just as the Trojans struck the elevator machine, which made the elevator itself become broken from the brute force of Trojans and made the elevator freefall really fast to the Throne Room.
Stabby remembered seeing a familiar face as a loud crash enveloped his senses.
Pma: hrtneo_moro
Stabby woke up after about 30 minutes after the elevator crash. He noticed most of his equipment had gotten broken, and only one of his weapons survived the fall. His armor wasn't going to help him for much longer if he went into combat right now.
Stabby stumbled forward to the health dispenser, managing to restore his damaged state from the crash. He looked and noticed that Vana wasn't there. Or, at least, Stabby didn't know right now if there was supposed to be someone there. But, he did hear the actual voice of a knight, not the one that sounded ghostly. In fact, he saw someone on the floor. After Stabby healed himself, he went to the party button. Once he stepped on it, the gate behind him flew up. However, the gate in front of him had been crushed, so Stabby stepped over the badly bent gate and went over to the knight on the floor.
???:"They left me here... they left me here... they left me here..."
Stabby slowly approached the knight he was looking for. He noticed a card on the floor and picked it up. It had the picture of the knight, its code, its name, and squad role.
G-536732, known as Gunni. The squad role part seemed to have been scratched out. Stabby looked at the rest of the card and noticed a creepy message (or at least, it was creepy to him).
They left me here. They left me here. They left me here. They left me here. They thought I was useless. They threw me away for me to rot in this place. I hope to find peace. I will wait here until the flames take me. I will get revenge on them one day. They left me here. They left me here. They left me here. They left me here.
Stabby looked at Gunni to see her staring at him with vacant eyes.
Gunni had a Pink Battle Chef coat and hat, and her personal color was purple. The battle chef costumes had several accessories on them that weren't worth describing. Gunni apparently had no weapons on her (since Stabby found them all broken and tossed away) aside from the Proto Sword she always carried with her in case of her weapons being broken. And even then, the Proto Sword's already breaking blade was completely cut off, leaving only the hilt.
Gunni slowly got up, still repeating 'They left me here' over and over again. She started to walk towards Stabby, although at a very slow pace, having gone crazy from all of the trauma she has faced thus far.
Stabby: "Stay back..."
Stabby took the weapon that wasn't broken from the elevator crash and aimed the end of it at Gunni, which was the Argent Peacemaker.
Gunni kept going forward, reaching her arms out to Stabby, still repeating the 'They left me here' line.
Stabby looked at Gunni, finally noticing the wound in her chest. Stabby flinched and stumbled back from the wound, since it was basically a large wound. Stabby guessed it was from a Slag Walker. Stabby shook his head and grabbed Gunni, and started to carry her to the elevator at the end. Gunni had stopped saying the 'They left me here' line and stayed silent until Stabby got to the elevator. There was one medical box that hadn't been broken. So, Stabby broke it and applied its medical contents to Gunni, trying to heal her wounds. Once there weren't any medical supplies left, he carried Gunni onto the elevator as it went down to the Core.
Apm: ocer
Stabby was still ticked at the fact his radar and other equipment had broken.
There goes most of my Crowns... Stabby thought.
Stabby wasted no time in getting to the elevator that lead back up to Haven, still carrying Gunni.
After he boarded the elevator, he looked at Gunni, who was still breathing, and then looked up as the elevator ascended back to Haven.
Several days later...
Stabby was looking over the recorded videos from Gunni's helmet, noticing things that weren't there when Stabby had gone through the areas. After Gunni was interviewed after her recovery, she mentioned a squad had gone with her into the Firestorm Citadel, but they had ditched her due to her getting struck by a Slag and thus making her squad think she was going to be a waste of time trying to get her out of here, so they ditched her.
Stabby then looked at his own helmet camera to notice the changes from Gunni's experience to his own experience. He noticed bodies of Knights on his run, but the bodies weren't there on Gunni's camera. However, Stabby was pretty sure he was hallucinating, because the bodies disappeared ever so often from his recorded camera, which was weird to him. However, he noticed the body of the knight over and over again from the videos his helmet camera had recorded.
After Stabby's run, squads of Knights who had been sent into the Firestorm Citadel perished around the Charred Court and Smoldering Steps, but reports say it wasn't by Slags, Trojans, Oilers, Rocket Pups, Red Rovers, Blast Cubes, and whatever else is in the Firestorm Citadel.
It was apparently from something that had left this world, and it wasn't any of the monsters known to Spiral Knights.
Knights who had survived these encounters also noticed it wasn't only one thing attacking them, more rather there were 2 others alongside the entity they're calling the 'Wanderer in the Fire'.
And Knights are guessing the Firestorm Citadel isn't going to be accessible to visits any time soon until these entities are eliminated, somehow, even though it will grant access to the Core.
Gunni said that her old squad had gone ahead, and finally mentioned that she saw the bodies of her squad scattered around the Core room. She guessed their spirits came back to haunt the Firestorm Citadel (for some reason, not the Core) and deny access to any squad in the area.
The Wanderer in the Fire holds a grudge now, and it's not gonna back off any time soon.
Until someone is eliminated from the picture.
And that someone is Gunni.
Thanks for reading, and again, this is my first fanfic, so things might not sound right or might sound confusing, or both. Hope you enjoyed.
Haha, to be brutally honest, I'm not one for the creepy/horror themes, but well done!
For starters, I like how you had the map interjecting between the parts, and it took me a second or two before I realized that it broke when it feel down and all the letters were scrambled. You did a good job of building up suspense, especially at the end. I got pretty antsy around the end, when the mystery was building up. You also used adequately descriptive and varied words.
Now, the main thing I would suggest improving is your descriptive voice. You should strive to describe what's happening, rather than telling me what's happening. Consider the five senses: what can be seen, felt, smelt, heard, or tasted (if applicable ;P). Also include what your character feels, or what they're thinking, because then it allows the reader to sympathize. If you're okay with it, I can make suggestions about specific parts from the story.
Hope to see you participate more in the forums. ^.^