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Betrayal (Fan-Fic)

5 replies [Last post]
Wed, 09/30/2015 - 02:44
Gunnerific's picture
Gunnerific

Contents:

  • Entry 2

She cradled her arm in front of her chest while the other held the sword firmly. Ducking behind a couple of boxes, she eavesdropped on a group of gremlins. The language incomprehensible making the effort useless. But from their tone they were trading commands to each other. She poked her head out from cover to get a better idea what the furry monsters where up to.

The fur balls were too occupied demolishing the depth for scraps. This gave ample cover for her escape.

“Cloak,” She whispered. And on prompt she vanished from plain sight. Undetectable by any radars they or their constructs were equipped with.

Then she made a dash for the elevator. Quick and nimble but with light footing, she maybe invisible but any sound she made was heard loud and clear. She also sheathed her blade in case it cut on of the gremlin's eye out while she was withdrawing herself from the scene.

“Where are you going?” A voice muffled by static rang in her ears. But she ignored it. It repeated its question. Still she didn't reply. She wanted him to not know. It was her plan all along.

She reached the golden elevator. She pushed the button: Back to Haven.
“Hey wait up!” the voice repeated but there was an echo to it. But the echo was more crisp. She saw a figure making a dash towards her. Skilfully dodging every attack the now alert gremlins are throwing at it.

Darren was catching up, she pressed the button a few more times to make sure that she was going up, without him.

“Lucy!” He didn't bothered to use the intercom this time. His screams was heard over several explosion. However she was already gone before his cries for help reached her ears. Zipping upwards. A sigh of relief left her dry lips. She calmed her trembling arm. It was easy, there was only one that was shaking. The other was numb and covered in crimson.

“Welcome back team... Lucy. Where's Darren?” Feron was there awaiting his favourite scout team but he was only greeted by only one of it's member, bleeding profusely.

“I-I... t-they overwhelmed us,” Lucy putted up her best act. Feron was a bright one but she was much more crafty. It was what got her on Feron's good side in the first place.

Feron order a medic to move her to the med bay. He stressed the command again before the medic that was running towards their direction laid a finger on Lucy. The medic, Jonathan he introduced himself, waited for his colleague to bring the stretcher they needed to hoist her to aforementioned med bay.

It was defiantly more than a flesh wound. As they were patching up her arm she took a quick peek then quickly flinched at the horrible sight. Odd fleshy bits jutting out and bone shard barely hanging onto strings of muscles – No, enough. Out of sight and out of mind.

“Did you at least get the intel?” Feron sat beside her. He too looked away from the gash. He had the stomach to look at it for hours but he understood that staring was rude.

“We have to save Darren.” She bolted up. Bad move, she yanked her arm while the doctor was patching up. Opening the wound wider; Good move, it made the deception more believable.

Feron ordered Lucy to rest herself while he sends out his second best team to rescue her fallen team mate. That comforted her, not that she wanted Darren back alive but to know that she was the best in Feron's eyes.

“You have to bring him back. Alive,” another deception she deployed. It was harder now with the immense pain coursing through her left arm. Feron reassured that they will as he was shooed out of the room as the doctor now need a a sterile environment to further work on the cut. Anaesthetic kicked in, Lucy needed to ease the pain and her mind. The crime she did costed a chunk of her conscience, she pondered how she would able to cope with the guilt interrupting he peace of mind. But that train of though was halted as her consciousness was robbed by the drug in her veins.

---

“Hold position. Only fire on command,” Lucy whispered on intercom as she saw Darren posted on one of the higher points of the map with his Callahan. The extended barrel he was offered gave him the necessary range to get Lucy out of trouble in the field if the time called for it but it was hard to tell when you're dealing with Lucy. So he only relied on her command to fire. Which sometimes she never give seeing how she think requesting help is a sign of weakness. She never wanted to be weak.

“Hey, I'm here. Just a reminder,” Darren admonished. She responded with a scoff.

She reverted her focus back on the mission. Not the one she was given, the one she planned: First lose herself amongst the crowd of busy gremlins. Use them as fodder to lose line of sight with Darren's all sharp eyes, fake injury by stabbing her own arm and rush towards the elevator.

It all when to plan, as she remembered. But this time Darren stood between Lucy and her exit. He wasn't the Darren she knew, he was mangled. His jaw-

“Lucy. Why?” his voice was wet, like he was gargling.

“No...” she muttered to herself.

“What?”

“You're dead!” She snapped.

“Really? Why don't you come see for yourself,” he disappeared into the darkness with the floor. Leaving Lucy alone, afloat in a dark abyss. The gravity kicked in.

---

She bolted up from the nightmare. Too fast, her arm suffered a stab of pain. Lucy panted vigorously. The nightmare took a sizeable toll on her and the injury was a dash of salt on the wound. She got up. Hung her coat lazily over her injured arm. While ignoring the rest of the armour. She was wouldn't ask anyone to put it on her even if both her arms were dismembered. Furthermore no one would let her back into the Clockwork in her condition.

She sneaked back into the Arcade. It was night, she had to work fast before the stratum cycles.

Lucy contemplated with her finger hovering over the button. With the commotion Darren drew when he tried to catch up with her, he would've had a generous amount of gremlins hot on his tail. But Darren was no small fry, they were on the same team after all. And he got his position through actual honest and hard work. He could've lost the army in a blink of an eye and engaged them one by one at a safe distance. He was as silent a sniper as she was a cunning recon. But then why hasn't he come back?

Lucy had to make sure. No witnesses. All she need was to see his corpse. That and she could sneak back into her place.

She pressed the button. The elevator jerked as it slowly gained speed. Falling multiple floors.

---

“It seems even with Project R halted, the gremlins still are continuing to demolishing floors to recycle its materials,” Feron stated.

“Aren't they just recycling the floors for their own bases or something?” Darren sighed.

“It would be so but our geo-knights are seeing anomalies in certain strata where are reportedly dense in gremlin population,” Feron paused for effect. “We won't want to make assumptions that is why I am sending you two to execute this reconnaissance mission.”

The two nodded as they armed themselves for the task given.

Writer's Notes: Feedback is always appretiate. So is patience as I am currently working on two stories at the moment. This fan fiction and another self-made story. Plus school.
Thanks for your time!

Wed, 09/30/2015 - 02:53
#1
Gunnerific's picture
Gunnerific
Requesting help:

I actually write the story on a program on my laptop because I'm used to they certain keybinding.
But the problem is that the paragraphs do not break. I try removing them in the program then adding them here on the froum but pressing 'Tab' just moves moves the highlighter away.

I was assured that it wouldn't be a problem as mention below: 'Lines and paragraphs break automatically'
Help?

Wed, 09/30/2015 - 03:39
#2
Midnight-Dj's picture
Midnight-Dj
:/

WARNING: IF YOU DON'T LIKE HARSH CRITIQUE OR RANTS - SKIP THIS

Oh well, I think I just found Lotus's long lost twin sister.

Who is Lotus?

Another psychotic 'Oh I am so traumatized by my past, watch me as I fix my mistakes in all the wrong ways possible' female protagonist made by another writer in this vault.

Geez, why is it, that every time I read a fan fic (not even specific to SK), it has to have some kind of female in it? I mean, it is not that having females is bad, but why do they always have to have some kind of mental weakness/defect?

Don't get me wrong, if it is necessary for the plot, it is totally okay, but WHY in the snarble dropping can't Lucy just go to Darren and say "Darren, look I panicked, I am sorry, here shoot me in the arm ARGHHH!!! There... are we even now?" Instead, she wants to go out and hunt down Darren (while making him more convinced that she is an irredeemable [REDACTED]) Risking more people die in the cross fire and the further degradation of her mental well being.

This story could be over before it even started, but I know, plot devices.

Wait, Midnight, in your fan fics, don't you have a lot of nonsensical amnesia as well?

Well, at least most of the times they were wrote off quickly after once I realized that they do not contribute to the plot one bit. And sometimes making a character recall the past is a good way to keep the readers informed and recapped about some of the events as the story becomes long. It doesn't matter how good you are as a writer, you should always keep readers informed of what is going on in some way.

Hey Midnight, I think you are jumping the gun too quickly, maybe you should wait for another chapter or two before making the critique?

Sorry, I just really need to get this out of my system.

Wed, 09/30/2015 - 04:01
#3
Gunnerific's picture
Gunnerific
@ 12 o'clock at night-Disc Jockey

"Don't get me wrong, if it is necessary for the plot, it is totally okay, but WHY in the snarble dropping can't Lucy just go to Darren and say "Darren, look I panicked, I am sorry, here shoot me in the arm ARGHHH!!! There... are we even now?" Instead, she wants to go out and hunt down Darren (while making him more convinced that she is an irredeemable [REDACTED]) Risking more people die in the cross fire and the further degradation of her mental well being."

Well for one Lucy left Darren to die in the Clockworks on purpose. Maybe it's my fault that the point didn't get across as well?
She wants to hunt down Darren 'off radar' not to save him but rather make sure he Is dead. Which would raise alot of question if you were to tell Feron "Hey, I kinda left one of the members of your favourite team to die in Clockworks and i wanna double check bro."

But nonetheless. Thanks for critcism. I like it rough <3

P.S. As little as this means: I just joined the T.vaults so I wouldn't know if I'm rehashing used material.
P.S.S. Sorry Lotus.

Wed, 09/30/2015 - 04:10
#4
Midnight-Dj's picture
Midnight-Dj
:/

Well for one Lucy left Darren to die in the Clockworks on purpose. Maybe it's my fault that the point didn't get across as well?

In that case, sorry I may have thought too highly of Lucy (no insults intended), she is now DEFINITELY Lotus's long lost twin sister, back stabbing is in their DNA.

She wants to hunt down Darren 'off radar' not to save him but rather make sure he Is dead.

But this would still make the scenario in which Lucy pretend to apologies to Darren possible, because why hunt someone down when you can lure them out into the open with their guards dropped? Or is Darren too smart for that? Okay, I am thinking WAY too much, carry on with the story.

Edit

P.S. As little as this means: I just joined the T.vaults so I wouldn't know if I'm rehashing used material.

Don't worry, as someone who studies in creative bachelor, I can tell you right now that the first lesson on my first day was teaching me that nothing in this world is original, what you made may have already been done somewhere else.

Wed, 09/30/2015 - 06:52
#5
Gunnerific's picture
Gunnerific
Entry 2

“Son of a Snarble-looking piece of garbage better be dead,” She muttered. Furious at herself why couldn't she just slice this pathetic head clean off his goodie-two-shoed shoulders. Well it would be trouble if they'd find the body, and a fire stratum would be too far away. By the by, cleaning of the blood of the bright golden floor of the elevator would be impossible.

The Arcade is heavily guarded. Guarded by knights with an IQ of a goldfish and hearing of a bat. She barely had to cloak herself to get past them. With a few more lines of cursing that she spat to the floors flying past her. Lucy reached the one that she left Darren in.

It was abandoned. No sign Darren or gremlins. Lucy pulled out her map from the coat she was draped in. There was his blip. A cyan dot on a blue screen. He's here. She just need to know whether dead or alive. She raced to close the distance between her and the dot.

Lucy was standing on the dot on her map. She hid it back into her coat and stared at the microchip on the floor, bathing in a pool of scarlet liquid next to Darren's map, her magenta blip was blinking on it. Lucy cringed as she held back a barf, it was eagerly waiting at the edge of the throat. The microchips that the Order use to track their knights are tucked nicely between the bone and layers of flesh of their left arm. But how would a gremlin know that?

Her answer came on a bullet that scrapped her shoulder, ripping a hole in her coat. Darren ripped his own chip so he could get a nice clean shot from a hidden position. However that advantage came at the cost of his aim.

Lucy ducked for cover while trying to track Darren's position through sound. Rembering his gun was silenced, it was a idiotic idea to pursue that idea. She then look at the scratch mark left by the bullet that missed her. He was due north of her. Which meant she was open for another shot.

She jumped clumsily and landed on her bad arm. Knowing his location, she just know had to kind him. She peeked around her newly found cover to be welcomed by a cloud of splinters as the bullet found home in the boxes she was hiding behind. It was only by chance it didn't pierce the box then her skull.

With the previous hideaway compromised she made sprint towards a more sturdy one. Darren was not type for seeking revenge, he was more collective of the two.

“Darren it's me! Lucy!” She yelled.

“Lucy?” She heard his voice through he intercom that she forgot she had on.

“Yes,” Lucy reconfirmed, using the intercom rather than destroying her vocal chords to send the message.

“Sorry... a bit on edge. Did you come with meds? I could use a patch up.”

“Why did you pull out your chip,” Lucy had to quench her curiosity on this lingering mystery.

“They tracked me when I had my cloak...”

“Gremlins?” She was surprised that she was not caught during her daring escape.

“I don't know, probably some new constructs,” he was gasping for air after each sentences. He was bleeding out. “I sent info about them before going off radar.”

Her plans were foiled. Lucy had to bring him back. There was too many evidences stack against her odds. With her disappearance and his log sent to HQ would be enough to discharge her. Last time she checked, 'semper fidelis' meant forever. A discharge would come with the severance package of execution.

'There is always next time,' Lucy comforted herself.

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