Chapter 1: The Attack (dundundun)
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Once upon a time...
...actually, screw that. You guys all know who Feron is, or at least I would like to think so.
Anyway, Feron was sitting inside the auction house, gavel in hand. A long time ago, Feron was a knight of renown. Unfortunately, all legends come and go, and Feron's case was no different. As time passed and seasons changed, the Solid Snake of Spiral Knights became nothing more than an old man, just like Solid Snake.
"take ur 30kcr fireburst nub," typed Feron, slamming the gavel.
The winner of the bid, legendknight27, replied, "i will throw you farther than a catapult if you continue that scrub."
Feron payed the knight no heed. He checked the auction screen again, soon following up with another slam of the gavel. He typed, "barrus you won the bid lol."
Barrus happened to be offline, so there was no reply.
Anyway, this is the kind of crap that happened during Feron's day: nothing. Each day was a bore, and Solid Sna--I mean, Feron, was sick of it. He wondered when he could get back into the amazing adventures of killing Vanaduke repeatedly since that sucker never seemed to die. It is said that, to this day, some teenager with a Blitz Needle is still shooting Vanaduke. Well, it's not just a saying because it really did happen.
When you're Fe--I mean, Solid Snake, and you are not being screwed (both figuratively and literally) by Konami, you are bound to have a good adventure. Just as Feron was about to auction off another item to a kid who was too lazy to heat up 4* items, a world-devastating calamity approached.
A "4/20" flag raised into the air from the chasm, and the Haven alert blared, sending Haven into instant panic. Or rather, it would have, if it was not the world-devastating calamity of the Hellish Urine-Covered Gremlin Lagbots that Cause Massive Tilting. Every knight in Haven found that they could not control themselves well enough to run away. Feron looked around, and found that everyone was running into the wall. He typed, "well lol looks like its time to come back into the business." Feron snapped his fingers like a badass, and a Warmaster Rocket Hammer flew into his hands. It was decorated with the skulls of Gremlins, with some of the skulls still having eyeballs attached on them.
The Gremlin Lagbots climbed up the steps. They looked like those generic spider-tanks from those crappy Hollywood movies. What was not crappy, unfortunately for the knights, was their Tilt Cannons. The Tilt Cannons shot a barrage of harmless Overcharged Mixmaster shots. The number was so large that many of the servers back at Grey Havens exploded. Feron was unfazed, just because he was badass.
He flew forward with his hammer, and smashed the Gremlin Lagbots with badass fury. Flames spewed out of his hammer as the thruster flared, and Feron got to use a flamethrower implant that he put in his mouth. Even as some of the knights started to disconnect, Feron fought as hard as he could with the agility of a not-old man. Just as the battle was going in Feron's favour...
...The legendary machine Lag Gear Roar, arrived on the scene. It was a bigger spider-tank with the head of a Gun Puppy. "screw this," typed Feron. He would need to grind in the Clockworks some more. He auctioned off all of his gear a decade ago and used it to buy a chair for a guild hall that only he used.
Feron dashed into the arcade, put on a random jetpack he found in the auction house (sorry forgot to add him grabbing it earlier lol), and jumped into the Clockworks. As he jumped, the jetpack suddenly failed! Feron realized too late that the jetpack originally belonged to a F2P scrub, and therefore was not lag proof. "nooooooo," typed Feron as he fell to near certain doom.
To be continued?
um... cool. in a weird, and ridiculous way. :-P