The first batch of letters is back! Let's see what we have here...

"Dear Brinks

Why don't the trinkets bought from you work as advertised?

Sincerly, Polishhammer."

Well it seems Brinks didn't feel like answering, because he sent a flyer back.

"Hello all! Got some tokens from bosses that you don't need? Something clogging up that infinite space inventory of yours? Come on down to Brinks!
He'll exchange those tokens for something really awesome! Trinkets, weapons AND materials! He's got it all!

So come on down to Brinks token trades today! Located in Haven bazaar, Morcroft Manor, And Emberlight!

Warning: We are not responsible for any broken bones, injured organs or loss of life due to use of our products."

I honestly couldn't make heads or tails of it. It's just gibberish to me.
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"Dear Chromalisk,

How do you feel about your low attack speed and slow movement?

Sincerely,

Acid Snow"

Aha Well, when I got the letter back, there was a big glob of spit on it. After I whiped it off, I saw the most weird thing. I'm still not sure if it was real or not. Seems the spit that didn't come off the paper, formed words! Here's what they said:

Dear Acid Snow,

Our slow movements and slow attacks makes it a bit hard to hit intruders in our domains. But that's why we hide with our special color ability! We can camouflage and blend in to any environment, and stealthily make our way behind knights and ambush them! Another thing that helps is those big globs of spit! Those stay on the ground, and those poor knights slip and fall on their behinds! It's so fun to watch!

Well I hope that answered your questions!

Sincerely,

Chromalisk.

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And finally, I got these two letters that were covered in lots of goop. I was shocked at how advanced Jellies are at writing, but here we go!

"Dear Jelly King

Hello there GELATINOUS MONARCH.
How did you gain a ROYAL POSITION, when you are admittedly a just a much bigger SLIME?
Is it your GLORIOUS RED CROWN? If we wear that CROWN will we CONTROL slimes?

Sincerely, Weibbles/possible USURPER."

Dear Weibbles/possible usurper.

While I respect your glorius complements to my gurth and glorious crown, I must say what an odd name you have!
And to answer your question, I was born into a long long line of Royal Jellies that all started with my glorious great great Grandpapa, Siberius the Slimey! He passed his royal crown, which I wear atop my glorious form now, down to his son, Glutton Von Gooey! Who then passed it to his son, and so on! My loyal subjects follow me not because they want to, but because they have to! MUAHAHA... ahem. Also, my glorious crown does impose a bit of fear in those who try to go out on their own. Although some may abandon me, they all come back eventually.

Sincerely, Royal Jelly.

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"To the Giant Lichen Colony,

I have been informed that you are made up of numerous, lesser lichens. I wish to inquire about your psychology. Do you think as one, or are you a gestalt consciousness? Or are you just really a mindless barbed slime?

Intrigued,
Enrique Alberto Fernando Ricardo y de Acha, III"

Dear Enrique Alberto Fernando Ricardo y de Acha, III,

Us lichens love to fuse together to pound you knights into oblivion! But whenever we fuse together, it might seem like it happens in the blink of an eye, but a blink of an eye to you is a long time for us! While we are fusing, we determine who the smartest lichen is and then appoint him as our "Hive mind" who will control all movements of the main body! Did you ever notice how we take so many hits to kill? That's because all of the lesser cores take the blows for the smart one! Until we all faint, the main lichen core will never die!

We all hope we'll meet you on the field of battle so we can show you what we mean!

Sincerely. Lichen Colony.

Well then, Keep those letters coming! Who knows what kind of crazy answer you might get back!

Two more letters for tonight! Keep em comin' guys!

"Dear Gun Puppies,

Im soooooo curious about you guys. I mean, look at you guys, scary sentries on the batlefieild, man. Taking down the most feared players! But a few questions.

How are you guys like shooting plasma-star-like-shots?

Do you eat cake?

Do you have a birthday?

Have you stared at cake?

Does cake eat you?

Whos Love puppy is whos?

Have you kissed a Love puppy?

Do Love puppies kiss you?

.....And THis goes on to finally...

Is your cousin Monomi?

Sincerely, EpicYarn"

Dear EpicYarn,

EXTRACTING ANSWER DATA.

EXTRACTION COMPLETE.

Woof! Hello! ERROR GREETING #347 NOT FOUND. I have electronically emailed this to the user ERROR USERNAME NOT FOUND. and requested that it be put on the newsletter.

ANSWERING QUESTIONS IN 3....2....1

Energy is conjured from the many gears and circuit that connect us to the clockworks, which is then funneled through the cannon barrel inside of our main mouth mechanism. The energy is swiftly broken into multiple orbs if our software is updated to it's latest number. Our programmers seem to leave Tier 1 puppies out of the update loop for some reason.

Cake is not edible by robots. However I have heard that it is quite ERROR TASTE DESCRIPTION NOT FOUND.

All gun puppies have a date of creation, and a date of activation. I can only conclude that the date of creation is the date of which you speak. Our date of creation is logged deep within each of our mechanical brains.

I have focused my hyper sensitive heat based vision on a cake before. I may be mistaken though, it may have been a Gelatinous life form.

Love Puppies are not manufactured by the same organization who manufactured us. They are created by a group of outcasts in an attempt to befriend Knights. Our programming is to destroy these "Love Puppies" on sight. This is why there are so little of them.

No. But I believe a Love Puppy is described as "Blowing kisses towards any knight that it sees." This is what makes them a threat to our programming.

See above statement.

And for your last question, ERROR 404: CLOSING STATEMENT NOT FOUND.

Sincerely, Gun Puppy Unit #975248
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That message was quite something, after receiving that I was about to close up shop when I discovered a tattered piece of paper shoved into my window pane. I un-crumpled the letter and knew I should post it here.

"Dear Trojans

How does it feel to attack your teammates? Do you have any regrets or are you proud of sacrificing everything for a good fight?
What do the other monsters in your near act like? Are they afraid of you or mad at you?

Sincerely, Asteroia"

Hail brave warrior Asteroia!

It has taken you great courage to ask these questions! The line of Trojans is one of noble steeds! Those who stand in the way of our targets must be punished with the swift sting of our heavy blades! While we care not for the soulless husks of the undead that we may crush as we attack our foes, we always remember to take a moment after a long battle to pay our respects to those who have fallen. Our mere presence inflicts panic and fear among monster kind, and any monster who is smart enough to know about our orders clear out as fast as they can! However, some of us Trojans do wish at times that our magical battle cry's would inspire other monsters to fight harder. But this is simply how the world works.

I hope to meet you one day on the field of battle Asteroia!

Sincerely, A brave Trojan warrior.
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Wow! What a productive day! 5 letters already answered! Well, I'll be seeing you all soon! Don't stop writing those questions!

Now I'm starting to see letters pouring in! Alright, so this next batch of letters looks interesting, let's see what we've got!

"Dear Gremlins,

what is it that makes you so adorable despite being in love with destruction?

Sincerely,

Iskender."

Dear Iskender,

Grrr... We really hate it when you people call us adorable. We are a proud and advanced technological race! We are not adorable! Our destructive nature is not destructive at all! We destroy in the name of science, then create new technology from the ashes! You people fail to comprehend our lifestyle, and for that you see us as monsters. One could say the very same about you! You knights just march through our planet that we built, wrecking everything and taking what you want! You are a plague that needs to be purged from Cradle, and we shall see to it that Haven is completely buried in rubble! Best to sleep with one eye open Iskender, we'll be coming for you next!

Sincerely, A gremlin demolition expert.
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This next letter has the Almirian seal on it. I wonder who it could be from?
"Dear vanaduke

When will you fix your roof?

Sincerely:

Klipwc"

Dear Klipwc,

How dare you write this letter to me, the leader of Almire, when our great nations are at war! Almire shall never again fall to the likes of you!
I see no problem with the roof of my domain, as I thrust my mace into the earth and crush all who oppose me. Perhaps you are simply seeing things, I have been known to knock the senses out of some pathetic soldiers heads as I smash them into the ground. The only sounds and sights I see when fighting, is the crack of thunder I hear when I crash my weapons into the ground, and the burning corpses of my vast army.
I will tell you this however, I can not remember placing these strange wells within my kingdom. Your spies have done well to infiltrate my domain and plant them here, but it shall serve you no purpose. Almire will prevail in this war!

Sincerely, Lord Vanaduke of Almire.
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This next letter came to me in another email, straight from the Ironclaw Munitions factory.
"Dear roam Twins

How the heck can you get so many rockets to fire out of your mouth?

best regards,
icycloud"

Dear Icycloud,

Protocol standards inform me that the roarmulus twins are not allowed to interact with outsiders unless they are in offensive mode. So I will be writing on their behalf. The Roarmulus Twins are connected to the Ironclaw Munitions Distribution System, or the IMDS for short. This gives them the ammo they need to pepper the battlefield with an endless amount of rockets. However, they seem to enjoy toying with their prey by firing rockets in certain patterns, a program that was never entered into their systems. This worries us, as we fear they might be becoming self aware. We constantly monitor their speech and data logs in case we have to do some "Rebooting" to their system memory. I do hope this answered your questions! Once again I apologize for not being able to send this to the Roarmulus Twins.

Sincerely, An Ironclaw Engineer.
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This next letter was written in some sort of weird language that I couldn't make heads or tails of. But, I saw Basil and showed it to him and he was happy to translate it for me. For a fee. I wonder where he gets his information from...

"Dear Tortodrone

Where did you disappear to?
Please meet me in FSC tomorrow. If you won't come, then will hunt you down and scrap you myself!

Sincerely, Bekjan."

Dear Bekjan,

I write this letter as I slowly rumble across the vast lands of Cradle, searching for somewhere to rest. It has been a tiring journey, and I must complete my sacred mission for the rest of my race. I must not let their deaths be in vein. I am sorry, but I cannot meet your request. The land of the King is forbidden land, and I shall never walk across the forgotten ashes of that kingdom. You may not see me for some time after you read this. Only the sands of time and the will of the world control when we shall once again meet.

May peace forever follow you.
Tortodrone.
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This next letter was once again covered in goop, only this time it was a lime green color. Weird.

"Dear Jelly Green Minis,

It has come to my attention that your fearsome leader, Jelly Green Giant is missing. Where is he/she? Or is it that you all ARE him/her, just bits and tiny pieces roaming the Purple Jelly Kingdom? Is there a Green Jelly Kingdom? Do you all taste like lemon?

Sincerely,
Xiger, Frequent Photographer of the Royal Jelly Palace."

Dear Xiger,

What? Our leader is missing? Do we even have a leader? That one big Jelly that used to hang out with us is gone? Oh right! Now I remember!
We ARE that big green guy! Well, the Royal Jelly didn't like the idea of us fusing together and becoming bigger. So he put a stop to that as soon as he found out about it. It was fun being big though, we could body slam into all sorts of things! Maybe one day we'll be able to fuse into a big green jelly again under Royal Jelly's non existent nose! Oh right. There's no Green Jelly Kingdom. All us jellies live under the ever watchful eye of Royal Jelly! And I once saw a knight taste one of my fallen comrades once. He said it tasted like a Lie-me? I don't know what that is, but maybe you can figure it out.

Best wishes!
Green Jelly Minis.
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So many letters answered, so little time! Keep those letters coming people!