This suggestion reminds me of a dark past, or maybe a dark future.

Setting: Giant bathroom with no discernible features.

Mike Dawson has the ability to bore a knight to death.

Attacks:

Scotch: Makes the arena extremely flammable and can power alien motherships, too bad Mike doesn't use fire.

Hoop: Mike throws a hoop at you for 0 damage. Oh joy.

Conversation: Mike will talk to the knights about his dead hoe he found by the garden. He suspects one of the knights may be the murderer and will ask repeatedly.

Supercharged Hammer: Knights hit by his only good attack will receive 1 mist energy. Mike has to sleep on the floor and regain his stamina for 24 hours to be able to do it again.

Coat Hanger: Nothing.

Mike is invincible. His tactic of winning is to wait for knights to click the "Return to Haven" button. If Mike cannot persuade the Knighst to leave, either he will die of Alien Embryos in his head or his Mom will pour Boiling Water on everything, killing everyone.