Sky Roseshade: Hi, this is Sky Roseshade, your anchor, with my first post on the Skylark ROFLnews, your source for the 9001st reliable news for the beings of Cradle and our brave Spiral Knights. Each post will have a number and date. Posts will be added every week.
*********THIS NEWS PROGRAM WILL NO LONGER BE BROADCASTED ON CRADLE AFTER THE RELAUNCH OF THE SKYLARK********
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Sky Roseshade: Hello guys, and Happy Winterfest! Sky here with the friendliest slime in the world, Impostoclaus! Say hi to the people Impostoclaus!
Impostoclaus: Ho ho, hello young knights! Strangers and beings of the Clockworks also!
Sky: So Mr. Impostoclaus, what are you doing here on the surface of Cradle?
Impostoclaus: Why, to remind everyone of the Winterfest of course! I'm also telling everyone how you can get Santy Hats by participating in the Snowball Fights held in Frostbite! Best game since along with Pankration and Pac-Man!
Sky: What's Pankration?
Impostoclaus: The great Greek game of fighting each other to death.
Sky: Ok..... Alright! Let's not go to far in that subject! Ok, tell us about your self, Impostoclaus!
Impostoclaus: The Gremlins granted my wish make a Cooling Chamber in the Slimeway, near the Jelly Kingdom. Unlike other places of the Clockworks, this place never changes. That's where I live. I live by myself and just watch TV and go to the Jelly Kingdom to get food and things of all sorts.
Sky: Ah, I see you have glasses and a mustache. Did you pay a visit to Bechamel to look like the GM?
Impostoclaus: F*** no! I am the great Impostoclaus!
Sky: Ooo, even the Impostoclaus is on the naughty list.
Impostoclaus: Ho ho ho, maybe I am.
*Impostoclaus chuckles*
Sky: Okay, that's it for this interview with Impostoclaus, now to Ted the Weather Monkey for the weather!
Ted: Hey guys! Alright, for Haven, expect snow. The low is 23°F and the high is 33°F! Sky said when he was fighting the Jelly King, the Jelly Kingdom was 59°F Sensors from the Firestorm Citadel indicate right now its 90°F and in the Cooling Chambers, it's absoulute zero, that's right, −459.67 °F. Back to Sky
Sky: Thanks Ted, last Monday, Boost accidently fell down the stairs in Bazzar, no injuries reported, thank goodness for him. Kozma was recently attacked by 400 scuttlebots, she safely escaped them. Now for the ROFLmail.
Ok, this first one was from Tom:
"What gender are you?"
I am a male.
From Sandy:
"What bosses have you beaten? Any tips?"
Well I fought Snarbolax, the Jelly King, and the Roarmulus Twins. For Snarby, when he gets close to the bell, hit it. The Twins? Try to get them to attack each other, sometimes both will unleash their lasers at the same time resulting as , and for the Jelly King, just beat the f***ing f***ity f*** out of him! I once beat him by myself, I had to revive 5 times! My party left me. :(
You guys can send me questions to and it MIGHT be posted on my news casts. You can send your thoughts at: skylarkroflnews@gmail.com