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THE FUGLY TRUTH
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This is going to be a raucous parody for the MOST part.

Disclaimer :
I have underhanded intentions to insult, undermine and bring-down many person, guilds, and monsters
associated with this game.

I will discuss matters for FUN, and anyone can leave their CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK.
Maybe each week or 2x a week I'll have something to parody about the idiocy found within the Spiral Knights forums.
Anyone who does NOT have a SENSE OF HUMOR or OPEN MIND , this probably will NOT
interest you - because the truth can be FUGLY!

So shall we begin * Hocks Loogee into Spitoon*

The topic for ridicule
• GUILDS .
We are not always into guilds but when we are we get a "team aspect" to this game. Either you are
in a guild or not... Now this is what I find is utterly amazing on teh lowest of levels! See how the FUGLY TRUTH just smacks you in the face and laughs at your tears?!?!
- The guild's promotional slang . Most read " we [slap] Jellyking, short circuit romulus twins and douse out vanduke!! even failhard in shadow lairs and lockdown!!!!!"
REALLY???? NO REALLY???? EVERYONE does either one of those bosses including snarb, because the FUGLY TRUTH is it's a game and it has a limited number of things you can do if all you can do with your life is play this one game so basically all guilds will be pretty much doing the same crap! UNLESS of course they do nothing and sit and stare at the clockworks , discussing whether to grow a cool moustache like an impostocube. And they don't even to that. Guilds need to incite racial division and animosity amongst the membership they should mention something that other guilds don't do like elaborate pranks in Haven. or make runs fun by playing with a 3d glasses on methamphetamines. So if you are in a guild , or have thoughts of joining a guild and you see
nothing different or standing out about that guild...then that guild isn't for u unless the FUGLY TRUTH is maybe it is gor you because you are puny! So go find that guild that makes you wanna shake that volcanic wolver tail of yours!

• - Then there's a recruitment application .... HAAHAHA I laugh when i read this for I know and accept the FUGLY TRUTH about myself. I've been in over 500 different guilds, most have a handful of active egomaniacs. A recruitment appl was needed to assist them in finding the outer realms of their ego , but now I see a few guilds starting this off..and MANY COPYING their format, which
for some parts are MOST ridiculous as I'll mention below.
" What previous guilds have you slept with?"
" Have you done tier1/2/3 solo and with a blindfold on while french kissing a tiger?"
"What is your age/sex/location/phone number?"
" Can you tell us something about yourself that will stroke my massive ego?"

Since when is past history important?Certainly not the holocaust nor the burning of Rome, FFS. Does it affect game play? Will someone turn into a gremlin because they were once in rival guild and saw you eat if from a gremlin mender back in the day?
I think not, so why the irrelevant data? If someone is truly honest of joining a guild and apply , I see no reasons do dig up old skeletons!
On the 2nd question - joining a guild ..mainly for team/guild runs, so what does it matter if someone has done an entire tier solo or not, I've done it while sitting on both hands!!
It surely means they are capable of handling themselves, no doubt, but guild runs are with teammates so even if a trojan got the better of a knight and man down..surely the other teammates can pick up the slack, right? So irrelevant, unless the guild members intend to run off and
leave u during expeditions like I do for fun, got that?!?!

Last two are rather personal information...and according to the rules you are supposed to be over 13 years, and giving personal information is not allowed or encouraged (ingame). This is a double blade sword with 4, count 'em, edges IMO , as knights are controlled by us real life persons and Jim Dale (with a job in my case, other with school or such), and we will have priorities like eating ice cream, playing solitaire at work and hiding our porn collections from our parents. Playing with teammates you will eventually befriend them in the game and supposedly will eventually ask personal questions or make such comments e.g " I have a raging hemmorhoid and I can't sit in one spot more than ten minutes" ..or "my cousin and I are getting married so no FSC this weekend". THIS IS LIFE, and questions of such arn't necessary. If someone joins the guild and becomes friends with guildies
and decide to share personal information on previous guildies they have slept with that is up to them. There are a few LAME questions asked..but guild should be for the most part FUN, and FRIENDLY with an ever increasing chance over time of getting some IRL bedroom play. Applications should be in the bins, next to the big blast bomb that makes us all angry and weep, and i'll leave it as that.

On and end note , I can understand guilds seeking ACTIVE and in some cases EXPERIENCED players, but what about the "new" recruits fresh into HAVEN and who are ripe for exploitation and virginal debauchery? Are we saying that n00b ye aren’t coming in my guild so sit with the rejects and that loner basil ????? Same on those of you who nodded their heads....

So yes knights and wolvers alike, this was the FUGLY truth. Next talk would be "beggars and free-loaders such as myself" :D