So, here I start this thread, where we say what we think a certain SK weapon would say if it could talk. I'll start. (By the way you can do a weapon that has already talked)
Divine Avenger- "I..... am....... awesome."
Proto Sword- "hey im tha noow guy an imma pwn u with my uber power lololoz how you like dat?"
Blackhawk- "DAMNIT!!!" Two days from retirement!!! Let me the hell out of this thing!!!" (Would not understand if you havent read it's description)
Another one for catalyzer-Meow(CATalyzer)
Big angry bomb-angry ranting
Snarble Barb: I am the Lockdown king! Get me my Super Brawl Crown!
Levi: GET BACK!!!
Graviton Vortex: FEED ME THE WORLD!!!
Pulsar: Give me a hug!
CIV: I am lonely! Give me a hug!
Wrench Wand: I used to be used by Menders, Then they took an oath. I am now collecting dust.
get your hands off of me or I'll pummel your butt.
the flourish family: I was not crafted for nose picking.
Nitronome bomb called firecracker bomb a whimp.
Callahan : Call-a-Han TODAY! PEEEKHAW!
Polaris : No, I am NOT a bear.
Autogun : Eventhough I'm called Autogun, I can do this manually, yeah!
Frost Gun : "When you have a slag walker nearby, Grab a Frosty! YEEHAW! Grab a Frosty! WOOHEE! Grab a Frosty! And you better hope it wouldn't burnt!"
Cutter says he isn't crazy, its just that he likes to see if he can feel pain.
?????: "I wanted to make entertaining shows for little girls that isn't boring and tea-party-ridden and isn't full of flat, one-dimensional nicety-nice characters who don't even DO anything remotely exciting or dangerous, but noooooo those misogynistic idiots had to stick me in this stupid sword! And why does everyone insist this Royal Jelly is necessarily the JELLY KING? I mean, at least now they've got an Ice Queen but... ARGH."
@Mejezfeld
Cautery Sword
My ideas...
Gran Faust: (LD) "TWO PEOPLE WALK ON THE POINT, GRAN FAUST!!! NO PEOPLE WALK ON THE POINT!"
Triglav: "Forever alone :*("
Final Flourish/Barbarous Thorn Blade: Constant droppings of F bombs...
Divine Avenger: "Destroy ALL the zombies!"
Glacius: "Whats that? Sorry I couldn't hear you over the awesomeness of my charge attack."
Argent Peacemaker: "BOOM! Headshot! BOOOOM!!! Headshot! and BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! HEADSHOT!!!"
Sentenza: "God damn Gremlins and Wolvers, Y U NO STAND STILL???"
Blitz Needle: "Why hello there Vanaduke >:)"
Poison Needle: "Ooo get me, I'm better than Blitz Needle, promise!"
All I can think of on the top of my head...
Credits to Chris for ideas on Gran Faust and FF/BTB.
Guess I thought on the question too hard, certain key phrases such as "stupid sword" and "Royal Jelly" made me think Cautery Sword, plus you had a thread on that sword a little ago, so it was possible you had the idea in your mind...
Also, thanks for giving the answer to everyone else on the forums.
So you glossed over everything about "wanting to make girls cartoons that aren't utter tripe"?
Anyway
Cautery Sword would probably be stoned all the time to try and cope with the depression of being a useless sword and a black sheep of his entire sword line
Sorry, I didn't get the reference to the Faust either.
Can you spell it out for me? I think my understanding of something is severely lacking...
Ascended Calibur: They said you guys name me. Y U NO NAME ME!?
Blaster: Pewpewpew *BOOM* TEEHEE, Didn't see that Blast block there, dija?
Autogun: Oh, you wanted to pick up that item? Well sooorrry. Does the word 'AUTO' Mean anything to you?
Remind me never to try and crack a joke again.
Cutter:zzzzzzzzzz...
Hcrud: WAKE UP!!!!! I GOTTA FIGHT THESE JELLIES!!!!!!!
Cutter:Ok. SLASHASHASHASHASHASHAHS!!!! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..
Three villains are running:
Glacius: FREEZE!
Voltedge: Are you shocked that we found you villains?
Combuster: They are running away! FIRE your guns!
Al the Brandishesl: We lost them.
The Brandish family speaking to their boss after the incident:
The Brandish family: Oh Grand Master, please sir, they were too fast.
Grand Faust: I, the Grand Master says: CURSE YOU!
Wild Hunting Blade: "Arf arf arf arf arf."
Shivermist Buster: "Why don't you guys just chill out?"
Glacius: I had good crowd control when it was cool.
Ash of Agni: Dat ash.
Gravitation Vortex: Me Gusta.
Argent Peacemaker: Me GHOSTa. (if you know what's it made of you'd understand)
Proto Sword: *forever alone*
Divine Avenger: U MAD BRO?
Gran Faust: No. U mad. :3
Divine Avenger: No, I....... am......... aweso-
Garn Faust: The Game. trololol
Divine Avenger:...........FUUUUUUUU- *rage quit*
Divine Avenger: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit... go to HELL!
Fang of Vog: Let me show you true Flame Aura - CHARGE! One more time...
Antigua: I am not really ready today...
Callahan: I am not responsible for your death.
Callahan: Such a weak hands!
Callahan: Get ready you butt, shooting now...
Grand Faust: Curse both of you!
Shivermist: I like winter...
Blitz Needle: It's not Vanaduke, going back.
Acheron: I will drive you to the brink of madness!!! ( Please Read Description)
Levithan Blade: Curse You CIV you always have to be cooler then me...
Callahan: GET BACK UP YOU LAZYBONES AND SHOOT ME AND DESTROY THOSE WOLVERS HURRY UP!!!! (Callahan can knock you down)
Blitz Needle: Im so strong VS Vanaduke oh yea im pro oh yea im pro!
Sudaruska: ZzZZzzzzZZZzzz Huh what breakfast already?
Conversation: Proto Sword VS Combuster: Proto: Llololololololozz i can makez a giant explosianz with meh charge attack loloolololoolol
Combuster: *Sigh* How many times do I have to tell you your charge is WEAK! Proto: it is not loolololololololol. Combuster *Sigh* *Destroys Proto sword utterly* See?
Sorry if they sound unoriginal/bad it's hard for me to think what they would say. I'm very bad at personification in particular. ;(
"You press that Trigger one more time & I'm going to Detonate in your Hand..."
RATATATATATATATATATAATATATATATATATATATATATAT(99999years later)ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATAT
Firotech Alchemer: You spill oil, I flame you up
Proto gun: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sealed Sword: One day, I'm going to evolve into a Divine Avenger and kill zombies!....Or maybe I'll turn into a Gran Faust and curse everything.
Calibur: Whosoever wieldeth me shalt be forever known as King of Engl- wait, wrong sword. Sorry.
Proto sword says he's feeling pokey.
Winmillion: You're just jealous because you wish you could be this AWESOME.
Voltaic Tempest: That was a truly shocking performance... self-inflicted injuries are just terrible, aren't they?
Ash of Agni: Mmmph mmmmph mmmph.
Stagger Storm: Everyone go into bullet time!
Divine Avenger: "Oh hey you made me. I bet you think you are unique for owning me. Let me guess, you also have polaris, gran faust, shivermist and blitz needle. Don't let the originality hit you on the way out."
I lol'd (not really I just registered a slight sense of humor in my head) at Llan's post.
@Llan am I in your guild? I thought I saw your IGN in the guild list or something...
...
Nitronome: *boom*
Fiery Atomizer: Nice, you just BLEW my cover.
@ dirigible
I don't think so, What guild are you in?
Iron slug : Please remember me :(
Calibur: One day I will become a powerful Leviathan Blade and deafeat Lord Vanaduke.
Divine Avenger: Me too!!!!!!!!!!!
FoV: When the truth finally dawns... it dawns in FIRE!
Gran Faust: [Comment removed due to ToS violation. Reason: Excessive cursing]
Voltedge: Ohm my, I'm feeling really charged up about doing an FSC run. There's so much potential gain in it! It's shocking how good I am at killing zombies; they offer so little resistance.
Wild Hunting Blade: I was killing beasts before it was cool.
Venom Veiler: I'm good at spreading a status you've probably never heard of.
Valiance: Derp.
HAHAHAHAHA!!! YOU TRAPPED YOURSELF! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! HAHAHHAHAHAHA-
Plague Needle: You want it? YA WANNIT? COME AND GET IT. C'mere, c'mere... Ooh, you hit the Lockdown again.
Ash of Agni: You shall have no other gods before me.
Gran Faust: Oh, you wanted to spam charge attacks? Well...
Divine Avenger: Oh, you wanted status effects? Well...
Fearless Rigadoon: I can be just as good as Flourish or Flamberge, right? Right?
Catalyzer: VARNING: expansionspluggarna utgöra en kvävningsrisk.
Argent Peacemaker: Feeling lucky, fiend?
Graviton Vortex: I'm always hungry. ;_;
Snarble Barb: U MAD?
Kilowatt Pulsar: You turn me ON.
Hot Edge: I'm HOT.
(The writer was arrested for committing a crime of stale humor)
Divine Avenger: You just like me for my charge attack's spread, don't you?
Argent Peacemaker: Lemme guess, Firestorm? *sigh* Alright, let's just get this over with.
Barbarous Thorn Shield: I SEEEEE YOOOOOOOUUUUUU......
Barbarous Thorn Blade: I bet if you close your eyes, you can still see my stare ETCHED INTO YOUR SOUL.
Nitronome: Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock......
Flourish: En Garde!
Here are some of the swords in the game.
Sudaraska: "Buff me!"
Divine Avenger: "Why the HECK did you buff the brandish line?"
Gran Faust: "I'm used for killing other knights. Great." (Lockdown)
Triglav: "Come on, can't the enemy freeze AFTER I hit it?"
Leviathan Blade: "WHADDYA MEAN PEOPLE HATE MY KNOCKBACK?"
Cold Iron Vanquisher: "I look AWESOME. IN YU FACE LEVI!"
Combuster/Glacius/Voltedge: "We were always better then that punk DA!"
Acheron: "Everyone here is a simpleton. Can I leave now?" (Other weapons annoy him)
Cautery Sword: " ;_; "
Fang of Vog: "What a surprise.. RJP again."
Dread Venom Striker: "My life is ruined." (Before the Royal Jelly nerf the DVS line was great for the RJ, not so now)
Final Flourish/ Barbarous Thorn Blade: "Why won't you take ME to RJP!?"
Winmillion: "Come on! Give me a upgrade already!"
"Hey! Let's find out the average flight time of a Gremlin Mender!"
-Calibur on it's knockback.
Dear Journal:
I've lost count of the days it's been since I was separated from my owner. Or is it weeks? Months? Years? I don't know anymore. This mental journal is the last thing I have besides my sanity. Day after day I'm used to hit stuff, my inner flame abused to light screaming monsters on fire. Sometimes, I get lucky and I use my inner fire to set my captor alight, but the joy is short lived. Both because the fire goes out, and that I know I'm condemned to this fate until Vog-knows-when.
I wondered how she'd come to get me when I was lost by my owner, but the moment never came. Instead, I live on as a meaningless tool; a weapon used for destruction.
Why? Why haven't you come to get me Tooth Fairy?
I have awaited your presence since I was lost, and I continue to wait still.
~Fang of Vog
Why do pros joke around with me by using me in FSC? Terrible knights they are...
-Proto Sword
Wild hunting blade:
Hello..? Anyone..? ....I'm lonely..
POW! Haha!
(i suck at originality. I love tf2 though. not as much as i love SK. Hmmm havent played tf2 in a week now...)
Supernova: (Singing) Blinded by the light!
Blitz Needle: DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA! NEED MOAR DAKKA! (I will literally give someone 500 crowns if they get the reference...)
Acheron: (Singing) Death gloom and dark despair! People dying everywhere!
Final Flourish: OH GAWD! Stop putting me there!
Magma Driver: Fire in the hole!
Winmillion: I spit at you!
Catalyzer: zzzzzz.... HOW DARE YOU WAKE ME UP!
Striker: HEYHOWSITGOINGITSGOINGGOODREADYTOFIGHTMONSTERSIMREADYTOFIGHTMONSTERIMQUICKANDAGILEILLPROAPABLYBEATTHEMFAST!
Faust: Curse you!