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[Fanfic] Dane and Co.'s adventure.

8 replies [Last post]
Sat, 01/07/2012 - 01:09
Simiaby

Chapter 1)How it all started…

It was a windy Saturday,five months after the Skylark’s crash.

Dane was selling things at the Auction House.Those Strangers were very friendly with him.
Who’s Dane? A Spiral Order’s Knight,a simple fighter: Cobalt Helm,Armor, a Tempered Calibur and a Blaster.He was one of the most liked Knigts because of his Patriotism,his generosity and his valliance in fight.

After all the sells he went to the Arcade,he was at the Emerald Phantom gate,saying:

“Well these gates aren’t very good since the last week!

-Well you’re right”
It was a feminine voice.Dane turned around and then he saw her:Kozma,the spiral’s Attendant.He was getting red,she was his love since they met.

“Oh,huh,hello Kozma…
-What are you up to?,she said.
-I…am going to Gloaming Wildwoods,he answered.
-Always ready to kick that giant Snarbolax’s backside,huh?
-Huh,yeah!”
Then he went into the gate.At depth 4 he was healing and buying recipes when he heard a huge “CLANGG!!” coming from depth 5.
“By the holy names of all the Walkyries”,he screamed,then he rushed to the next depth.

When he got there,he saw an Alpha Wolver flying!!
“What the hell was that?!”he shot.

He rushed and saw a Wolver-like Knights swinging a huge a big and long sword.Dane was surprised:5 Alpha Wolvers,10 Wolvers and 15 Chromaliks beaten in a single minute!
After the end of the rampage,the Wolver-like knight turned around and saw Dane.The latter was about to faint out.Then the unknown guy yelled
:
“Finally! Someone in those huge Woods!Come here,Comrade!”

Dane approached and said:”H-hello,who-o-o are you?
The unknown man lift off his Helmet.Dane understood he was a knight just like him.

“Sorry,said Dane,I thought you were a mutant Wolver!
-AHAH!,good joke man,yelled the other knight while laughing.I’m not Wolver,I’m a Knight of the Wolver Order.
-The Wolver Order?
-Yeah,it’s a group of people,we live with the resources that the Beast Family’s Monsters give to us,we’re a wild group of Knights”

Dane was listening and looking at the Knight,then he asked:

“And who are you?
-My name is Trotski, First class Soldier,Kamarin and Spur,Bristling Buckler,Wolver Cap and Armor.
-Woah,you deal a lot of damages!
-Da,a ton, answered Trotski,but,come with me Comrade,we’ll destroy that Snarbolax!”

Dane agreed and followed Trotski.At Snarbolax Lair,after a long fight due to the previous Depths(damn wolvers <_<),they were healing,when Trotski said:

“First time you kill this Skatina,huh?
-Skatina?
- Yeah,”maggot” in Wolver Order’s language,answered Trotski.
-No,fifth time I did,I do it to impress a…girl.”

Long silence.When suddenly Trotski laughed so much he was about to loose breath.

“A GIRl! Screamed Trotski,you kinda love her right?
-Huh,yeah…That’s it…
-Don’t be such embarrassed,I’m in love too.
-What,you do?!
-I’ll explain it to you at Wolver Order’s Campement”

Dane and his new teammate Trotski entered and activated the Dark-looking button.And at this moment appeared the horrible-looking Beast,covered in darkness.
They activated the Beast bell at the right moment,making the Snarbolax very vulnerable,at this exact moment Trotski unleashed a extremely powerful Charge Attack.The Snarbolax was flying for 2 meters! Dane was shooting with his Blaster at the Shadows Beast because of the extremely powerful hits from Trotski’s Kamarin.
When the beast died,Trotski said:

“Horosho,Comrade,good job!
-You too,said Dane while laughing.
-We take all the rewards and I’ll bring you to Wolver Order’s Campement.It’s not far from here.
-Okay,said Dane,I just hope your teammates are friendly.
-But,said the Wolver men,how’s your love called?
-Well she’s named,huh,Kozma.”

And after all this Trotski hold his promise and brought Dane to a part of the Gloawing Wildwoods that Dane had never visited...

Thu, 01/19/2012 - 03:45
#1
Simiaby
I'm sorry for every problems

I'm sorry for every problems such as Grammer error or problems to read.
If you have any proposition to "Buff" the quality of the Fanfic,please say it,it would be very helpful.
Thanks.

Sat, 01/07/2012 - 06:00
#2
Duskfinder's picture
Duskfinder
I like it :>

I like it :>

Wed, 01/11/2012 - 08:59
#3
Simiaby
Chapter 2

Chapter 2) The Wolver Order’s Campement
On the road to Trotski’s « home », Dane asked :

“How do you live in your Campement?
-We live thanks to the resources the nature give us : beast’s fur, plants rocks ,etc…Horosho!The Campement is ahead!”

They both looked ahead and there was a huge rocky and metally fort.
Dane looked with a impressed face. When they reached the fort’s entrance, there was two knights wearing a Wolver set-like Armor just like Trotski’s one,but dark grayish .

“Da Astitanya, Comrade! Said Trotski.
-Trotski! Said one of the guards, happy to see that you’re still alive! Go on, Polka! Do your job!”

The other knight smiled and blew into a small Conch-like thing. The doors opened and the two guards said:

“Go on, comrade Trotski,the fort is for you and friend!
-Thanks for that, Polka and Stricka! Said Trotski”

They entered,and Dane saw a lot of people working on dead beasts, rocks and he even saw a weaponsmith working on a huge shield!

“Holy Defender , what a lot of people!
-Da! Hey, let me introduce you to the Chiefs!”

They went to a big house, who seemed bigger that any other houses, protected by two knights wearing two very heavy clothes:

“Isn’t that Trotski! How are you men? Asked the first .
-Very good! Answered Trotski.
-But, who’s that guy? He’s not wearing any of the official clothes…
-I’m Dane, I’m from Haven, Spiral Order.
-Holy Bacon! Spiral Order?! Yelled the two guards. Long time we didn’t hear anything about you guys!”

They opened the door and they let Dane and Trotski entered .When they reached the top floor, they entered the Throne Room...

Fri, 01/13/2012 - 15:40
#4
Frostrex's picture
Frostrex
YYYAAYYYSSS!!!

HOLY BACON!!!

Thu, 01/19/2012 - 03:44
#5
Simiaby
Chapter 3

Chapter 3)Kozma’ s problems and Trotski’ s mission.

“Damn it! Are you invincible or just lucky?! “

It was yelled by flaming Wolver guy, standing near the Throne.

“Lucky: yes. Invincible: No. Answered Trotski.
-And who is that guy? You know we don’t have the right to…
-SHUT THE DAMN UP Napalmo!!!!”

Dane was about to faint out, that voice was incredibly deep. Dane looked and saw a white Wolver guy, standing on the other side of the Throne .

“Excuse my brother Napalmo… He’s a little upset since a Earthquake …
-No problems, said Dane afraid of the calm voice.
-So Trotski,who’s that Knight, Comrade ?
-His name’s Dane, he come from the Spiral Order, Comrade Blizzko, answered Trotski .
-Spiral Order…? Said Blizzko.

Blizzko and Napalmo were two brothers. Blizzko was 35-year-old, Napalmo was only 29-year-old. They had different personality, physics, and on top of that different voices.

Blizzko has always been a calm, tall, strong and serious man.He was vaillant in fight, ready to destroy everything that dares attack the Wolver Order. He’s also very calm, he can wait for things during hours!! He was the tallest but also the strongest of the two brothers, and the most experimented too. He also has a very deep voice.

Napalmo is like the magma: never patient nor stoppable. Smaller, weaker and less experimented that his brother, but was way faster and way more violent. He only fight to kill his enemies, ready to cheat if it’s necessary. He’s jealous of Trotski because he was his brother’s favourite fighter.

Blizzko went up some stairs and two minutes later came back, yelling:
“Bow before the Wolver Order’s king !”

Dane did it, same for Trotski. The king sat on the Throne and said, with a really old voice:

“Raise now, so that I can see you.”

The two raised, and Dane was having spams: he saw a Wolver men, yes, but it was a Snarbolax coat and cap!

“Holy Calibur… said Dane, excuse me your Majesty for my behavior.
-That’s not a problem, answered the king.So, you’re from the Spiral Order, right?
-Yeah, that’s right, answered Dane.
-How did you met Trotski? Asked the king .
-I was in the Woods to kill that Shadowy-like monster to get Frumious fangs, when I saw Trotski fight a bunch of Beasts,then he decided to bring me here, at the Wolver Order’s Campement.
-Damn you Trotski,you did a miracle again! yelled Napalmo. It’s like the fourth time you do it! I’m going to…
-Say something again and I transform you into a meat for beasts, you hear that?! Yelled the king.
-HAHA! Laughed Trotski,Comrade, you can’t see, don’t you?
-Shut up, said the King, Trotski, for the first time I’m giving you a mission: go to Haven and make me a report on how things are going for them, understood?
-Da, roger that, answered Trotski.
-Ok ,Dane, good luck.
-No problems, your Majesty, answered Dane.
-Now, leave,please.”

Dane and Trotski bowed before the king and ten leaved the King’s house.

“Good luck for your mission, said the two Heavy-Clothed guards.
-Goodbye comrades! And thanks!”

Dane and his new Wingman, Trotski, leaved the campement and went to the Snarbolax Lairs elevator. They were about to take it when Dane’s military phone was ringing:

“Dane! Dane! Do you receive me?!
-Yes ,Sergeant Feron! What’s the problem ?!
-Thanks god you’re alive! Come here quickly, Kozma has a lot of problems!”

Dane and Trotski rushed to the elevator.
Once they got to Haven, they saw a medic yelling:

“Go here,NOW!”

Dane approached and saw Kozma having horrible convultions .

“Let her here, comrades, I’m taking care of her! Yelled Trotski.”

He approached her, looked at her, put his hand on her Forehead. Then he took a kind of plants from his pocket, crushed it into his hands, and drop the liquid on her head.And slowly she started to stop shaking. Everybody was impressed. And all of a sudden, Kozma yelled:

“The Core…Alpha Squad…The Swarm!!!”
And then she fainted away…

Thu, 01/19/2012 - 04:35
#6
Outnuendo's picture
Outnuendo
Some stuff

Aside from formatting, you could try showing, and not telling things as much.

For example, instead of saying "He's jealous of trotski," Try saying something like, "Whenever trotski was mentioned, his heart turned green with envy. Thinking of trotski made him think of where he shoul be: where trotski is now."

Or use dialogue

Fri, 01/20/2012 - 17:26
#7
Simiaby
Chapter 4

Chapter 4)Bechamel and Kozma’s memory

Kozma was at the hospital. Her wounds weren’t heavy but she was not here (in terms of conciosness).The medic was looking at the temperature, the Heart-beats. Suddenly, at the hospital’s entrance, a huge scream was heard:

“Let me enter in here, for the Walkyries’ Name!
-We can’t mister!! Holy bacon!!!”

The two guards were brutally ejected out of the door. The yelling men rushed to the guid and said, brutally:

“Where the hell is Kozma, huh?!
-Roof 3, room 5! Answered the guide, afraid.”

The weird men run very fast at the specified place, blowing the door.
“Medic, IS she alright?!!
-Don’t worry, her days aren’t endangered… Answered the calm medic.
-Ah, thanks god… Replied the angry men.

On the hospital’s hall, everybody was scared. Dane arrived at this moment:

“By the name of Feron!! What’s happening here?!
-An incredibly angry men rushed to Kozma’s room, he seemed very afraid of something!
-Kozma’s room, please?
-Roof 3, room 5, answered the guid.
-Thanks for the information!”

Then, Dane rushed at Kozma’s room, avoiding people the best he could.But once he entered Kozma’s room, he yelled:
“God damn it, Bechamel! What the hell are you doing?!”

Bechamel turned around to face Dane. Bechamel was naturally a cool guy, but something seemed to disturb him:
“Medic, could you leave the room for five seconds,please? Asked Bechamel”

The medic thought about it for a moment, then he replied:
“Ok, then. Take good care of her, please.”

He got out and Bechamel started by:

“I got some secrets,men. I want you to hear them, but you shall never tell them to anybody,OK?
-Oooookkkkay…Replied Dane.
-First, I’m maybe an accessoriser, but once I was one of the most respected Spiral Order’s Senior.
-No, seriously?! Said Dane.
-Yeah, seriously. And the most important of all,Kozma is actually my… Sister.
-WHAT?! Yelled Dane.
-Surprised, aren’t you? Now don’t tell it to anybody,understood?
-Okay… Now I understand your insane rush here…”

And all of a sudden, Kozma woke up,yelling:
“HHHEEELLPP!!”

The two mens were incredibly surprised. Kozma was breathing loudly, then she asked:

“Where are we?
-Don’t worry, Kozma, we’re at the hospital, answered Bechamel.
-Who’s Kozma? Asked Kozma herself!”
-What?! Yelled the two mens. You don’t remember who you are?!
-No,wait.”

She looked like she was forcing to retrieve her memory.

“What do you remember? Asked Dane.

-I was in a dark place, with three other Knights, when suddenly a blinding light hit us. Then we saw a horrible creature: a dark floating creature enveloping my friends. I tried to help them, but I couldn’t approach the creature, then I felt like I was bent by a invisible force. And suddenly a unknown men took a bullet at my place. The forces let me alone and the creature disappeared. I looked at the unknown men and I saw he wasn’t going well. I approached and then… I don’t remember.
-What did this man looked like?”

At this exact moment, Trotski entered the room:
“Comrade, you’re okay?”
-Yeah, I present you Bechamel, the accesoiriser.
-Happy to met you,Comrade.
-Me too, said Bechamel”
Suddenly, Kozma yelled:

“Oh MY GOD! The unknown men, he looked like your friend, but he has flames around his body!!
-God Damnit! Trotski, Napalmo is in Troubles!!! Yelled Dane.

Tue, 01/31/2012 - 09:51
#8
Simiaby
Chapter 5

5)Brinks.

“You’re sure Comrade Dane ?! Yelled Trotski.
-Yeah, of course. Answered Dane. Bechamel, stay here and help Kozma , Trotski, come with me.
-I’ll join you in a minute. Answered Trotski.”

Dane got out the room, and went to the spiral HQ. Trotski then said:

“Listen, comrade: if she doesn’t feel good or doesn’t say anything, give her this.” He took a dark-purple plant out of his pocket. “To give it to her, crush it into powder, put it in hot water and make her drink the result, okay?
-Okay, thanks Trotski.”

At the Spiral HQ, Dane was talking to Feron:

“I need help, sergeant.
-What’s the matter?
-After what Kozma said, I think that Napalmo, one of the Wolver Order’s King’s son, is in troubles.
-Ok, said Feron. Brinks, come over here!
-Yes, sergeant Feron!”
Dane looked around and saw Brinks, the Spiral’s Token trader.
“Oh hi Brinks, it has been a long time, men! Dane said.
-Yup! Answered Brinks.
-Soldier Brinks, Feron said, I need you to go and help Dane in his mission to the Wolver Order. It will train you. Take all you need, Okay?
-Roger that, let me five minutes and I’ll be ready. Answered Brinks”

He went to his shop, and came back with some important materials and his special weapons: a Bolted Blade, a Spiral Helm, Armor and shield, who were yet less resistant than the other equipments, but he was a new Knight, it was perfect for him.

“Okay, now get to the mission!
-Yes, sergeant Feron! Answered the two soldiers.”

Trotski joined them before they got into the Cloaks Works. It was the first time Brinks got into the Cloaks Works. Everything was good. At depth 4, it was healing time.

“You’re a very good fighter for a new one, comrade! Said Trotski
-Thanks, mister umh… Trotski? Replied Brinks
-Yeah, that’s my name.
-I think Feron will be proud of you, Brinks. Said Dane.”

They were making her way into the Gloawing Wildwoods. They reached Snarbolax’s Lair with ease.

“Brinks, to kill this beast, you have to wait until he gets close to the bell. Then you hit the bell, making the Snarbolax weak to all your attacks, until he become invincible again. You repeat it over and over. Understood?
-Yes, mister Dane! Answered Brinks”

They pressed the dark button, and the Snarbolax appeared. Brinks listened to Dane’s advices, allowing the group to make him weak quickly. He was very weak and vulnerable, when Trotski yelled: “ATASPIKA, SKATINA!” before releasing his powerful charge attack, killing the Snarbly directly. They took the rewards of the elevator.

“Now, it’s road to the Wolver Order’s Campment! Said Trotski.
-Okay, said his two friends.”
And then they took the Wolver Order’s Campment’s road…

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