Well, You're in. One long, detailed and good app that is. two things though,
Daring is the coin squad, so they're bad i guess, and I'M NOT A NOOB, I KNOW WHAT LIGHTS SHARDS AND SHIELD CANCELLING IS!!!! XD
Otherwise, back to Mewtwo strikes back. Cya!
Fanfiction: Two paths.
Wed, 06/20/2012 - 09:51
#102
Hey...hey...hey...hey...want an apple?
Wed, 06/20/2012 - 10:03
#103
you mean your not going to do
you mean your not going to do the storu anymore
Wed, 06/20/2012 - 23:50
#104
No! I was watching pokemon the first movie :D
But i'll keep doing the story. If i had stopped, i would have put this is the graveyard. and can you fill up the question marks (???) in that app i made?
Thu, 06/21/2012 - 00:59
#105
....
Aaaah I see. Well I guess I shouldn't be too kind then xP
And you lie. You had NO idea what Light Shards and Shield Cancelling was. C'mon admit it :P
Anyway thanks for accepting him :D I'll look forward to reading more :3
~The Mighty Cheese Knight; WeeGee
Fri, 06/22/2012 - 05:05
#106
I have a vog cub coat, levi blade, and everything else i own
('cept proto gear ;) and guns) is 4*! Course i know what they are, i've studied every in game part of the game on the wiki almost! AND BLLLLLLLLLnAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRoRGGGGGGGGGnGGGGGGHeHHHHHHHHHHHeHHHHH! ALLYKAZeAMMMMMMMMMMfMMMMMMMMMMoMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMrMMM! MEEEEEEbEEEEEEEEEuEHHHHHHHHHHHHmHHHHHHHHHHpHHHHHHHHH!
Oh, Thanks Cheese knight, for the compliments. I didn't see them 'cos i was writing my own comment :P You can thank Kanoka for my improvement :D He helped me a lot.
Fri, 06/22/2012 - 11:19
#107
i did
i edited the post before yours
Tue, 06/26/2012 - 00:01
#108
blue tears....
meh it's back for refurbishment. It'll be longer when you next see it.
Sun, 06/24/2012 - 07:23
#109
Hey Tear
Could you reserve the Striker position in Daring for me? I'll do the app later.
Sun, 06/24/2012 - 09:21
#110
Just remember they don't always follow the knights
code of conduct. Anyway, I don't think anybody is going to post for it soon. Also, edit the app in :P some people don't edit anything in and it gets annoying ._.
Mon, 06/25/2012 - 04:24
#111
Hmm...this one was intriguing
I am going to start off by saying this, simply because it's the most distinct criticism I have to offer as of now: this chapter was not your best one.
Not to say that it wasn't good, per se...but I think it felt a bit rushed, as well as seeming to fit in too much at once. I think that individually, the two new things you added in (Artist's prosthetic and Element's team) would have been good things to share. However, I do believe that the way that you chose to block out the Snarby battle didn't really allow for good detail on either.
Overall, this wasn't your best chapter in my opinion - perhaps I had been expecting something different. I guess, based off of what you've given us as readers, I wish that you had maybe elaborated on Artist's leg and Element's team just a bit more.
The battles, however, were perfectly good. I think that the more you write them, the better you get at summarizing them (which can be both a good thing and a bad thing, based on what you're trying to portray).
I also realized I had to go back to the previous chapter to see where the teams were in Snarby's Lair...hehe
I can be particularly picky when it comes to story-writing, Tear, since I greatly enjoy writing and reading. I wish that more people would give me suggestions on my own works (although I have yet to share some of it with anyone, so that's no surprise there), so I apologize if this becomes overbearing. I really do like your style - every writer has a unique one - and I guess the only reason I give you so much feedback is because my style is different than yours by far. ^_^ I still look forward to the upcoming chapters, and keep up the work! :D
Mon, 06/25/2012 - 10:26
#112
Yeah, it wasn't my best, buuuut
they never went into the lair. I guess you haven't done snarby for a while, but they never went down the lift. (explained below cos i'm weird) I've not been feeling well recently, my head's been feeling a bit fuzzy for quite a while. And I was also concentrating a bit to much on a later chapter, which was giving me quite a troubling time. Isekuube advised it, but as i said in the pre warnings, he might regret it. I never told him what i was needing advice on ._. I might take it back a refurbish it a little.
In the second level of snarby trio, you start off with something, and then go into a clearing with on wave of wolvers. then, you do the two bits on the sides, and then another clearing then the lift. The got to the second clearing but didn't start it.
Thu, 07/05/2012 - 05:55
#113
Just checking up, Tear!
Just curious to see if you're delving into this story more at any time soon. :)
Sat, 07/07/2012 - 08:44
#114
Heres me!
Heres me!
Name: Suzaku, but goes by the alias of Kaijuhunter. Only his squadmates know his true name. (almost everyone doesnt know his name, so they just call him Kai-san.)
Age: 16
Personality: cold and cruel eversince the day his friends and family were killed by Seerus. Hes cold and sadistic to everyone he thinks is weak, holding in his mind that they are a disgrace, but a bit less to his teammates since they are actually strong. Whenever someone makes him especially mad, he slowly draws his swords and says "Ill bite you to death" he is usually seen charging into bttle without even waiting for his squad mates, and in LD is one of those strikers you never see coming. He is actually quote honorable and will honor any bet or agreement that he loses. Basically hes a sadistic, cruel good sport. on a side note, he didnt join the daring squad for the money, he just was in a phase of fury at the time of his sister and friend's deaths and joined them only so he could vent his fury by killing the Gremlins and any other monster in his way.
Gear: truly wears a vog set but uses a fallen crown and shadowsun slicker as his costume. Uses a pair of shadowy, short black swords that can inflict curse with their charge strike, like the faust, only it doesnt backfire and curse him. He also uses a Black Version of the Aegis and an Acheron in one on one.
Sword Link: http://www.northstarzone.com/id5.html
(note: charged move is basically a flurry of strikes, then some impressive coup de grace, like the cutter line charge.)
Skills: has no superpowers and such like angel wings, but has near impossible agility and strength. He can hold onto a tree branch with just his pinky, defeat 10 normal knights with his eyes closed, and he also has great stamina and climbing. But the worst by far is a special technique he uses called the "Death Touch which is a rapid striking of the body's pressure points that causes a quick, agonizing death. (its a last resort kind of thing, like bloodbending in avatar.) He also has extremely heightened senses and can sometimes even spot a recon without even looking.
(Ill explain how this is done later when i edit this post. You can do it in real life, actually.)
Bio: Suzaku was a talented boy from the small village known as Kyora, one of the last reminders of Almire's once great power. He was a great boy who had perfect grades, good manners, was respectful, easy to be friends with, and even took care of his beloved little sister, Akiko whenever his parents had to go out. One day however, the peace was ruined. A whole army of Gremlins, including Seerus himself, came and wiped out the town for unknown reasons, but because of that, Suzaku had a permanent image of them as ruthless, cunning, devilish beasts who would do anything for power which some of them sort of were.. He witnessed the death of his mother and father at the hands of a Gremlin, then grabbed his sister and ran as fast as he could. The two found a nice little tree and lake to hide by, so they set up camp there. A year later, they heard noises. Like... Energy humming. The sound of hacking and slashing. And... Constructs. Suzaku told his sister to get ready to leave and pushed her away. When he was sure that they were safe, he returned to their hiding spot only to find Akiko covered in blood, her body scorched... And a greenish Gremlin standing above her with a Flamethrower in his hand. The same Gremlin who murdered his parents. In his blind rage, Suzaku defeated and drove away the knight in hand-to-Weapon combat. He then returned to his dying sister and begged her to stay alive, but she smiled to him and passed away, a tear running down her cheek. Suzaku caught it in a tiny Vial and put it in his pack. When he left the place, he was confronted by a kind and elderly ninja who said that because of his strength and bravery against the Gremlin "menace", he would teach him how to kill and how to defeat any opponent. Suzaku learned all of his techniques from this kind man. One day Suzaku went out to find food for his friend, but when he returned, his friend was covered in a pool of blood... With the same gremlin standing there. Suzaku was no longer the scared little boy he used to be. He used the Death Touch and killed the monster, but not before revceiving a huge battle scar down his left flank. He knelt by his dying master and did what he did on the same day his sibling died, he begged the ninja to live. Again, just like that horrible day, the man embraced Suzaku, whispered goodbye, and gave his swords to Suzaku. Those were the swords that he still uses. After he left, Suzaku vowed to kill every last Knight as revenge for their crimes.
Addendum: has the scar that streaks down his left side from when he battled and killed Razwog and a small vial that contains the teardrop from his sister. He treasures the small glass and if anyone tries to take it, he will put them in the hospitaal, and thats if theyre lucky. Sometimes hell put them in the grave.
Pet: a small black and white wolver pup with a fiery tail that strangely looks like a mix of snarbolax, skolver, and Vog. It adores him and he lets it follow him around, occasionally even showing an affectionate side by petting it.
Ally: his squadmates, but other than that, nothing else. He only trusts them to have his back on the battlefield, but thats it. Its the closest the squad will ever come to friendship.
Position: is a great swordsman, the striker of the Daring squad
Edit: well, i said id explain how Suzaku can use his super-heightened senses, so here. ok, so this is how you can spot someone without even looking.
Part 1: Sound Shadow: You know how any object casts a light shadow? Its the same principle, only with sound. For example, pin the tail on the donkey. Theres all chattering kids around you... But when you face the wall theres a slightly lower decibel of noise. Suzaku can use this exact same ability, and its super-heightened so people dont even have to talk for him to hear them.
Part 2: Death Touch: Also, the death touch, or at least the concept of it, is real, and traces its origins back to chinese acupuncture. The death touch is exactly the opposite of acupuncture. While acupuncture uses the nervepoints to heal and restore, the death touch can paralyze the nerves and destroy. It was supposedly used in medieval japan by some ninjas but is known better by the ancient monks of china.
All of this is true, although there is no demonstration of the death touch and its effects. So dont try this at home, im a martial artist and i wouldnt resort to it. I dont even know it, so its best for you guys not to either. Im just describing the effects and a vague way of how its done. The "Sound Shadow" effect is true too, so if youre ever playin pin the tail on the donkey, ask everyone there to speak loudly. Its how i cheat at it! ^_^
-----
Fear the marshamallow, for he shall not fear you.
~Tsuna
Thu, 07/05/2012 - 07:24
#115
app
Oh lol sry for double post. Just ignore this....
_____
fear the marshamallow, for he shall not fear you
~Tsuna
Thu, 07/05/2012 - 10:28
#116
God...ima just do this now:
O__________________________________________________________________________________________________________O
*starts reading*
*stops*
Ok. It's another amazing app, with loads of detail and lovely jubbly stuff, I just need time to let my mind churn about it. But it's probably in. It is in.I just need to think about portrail...
Thu, 07/05/2012 - 11:43
#117
Whheeee! My app is good? Thnx
Whheeee! My app is good? Thnx tear.
________
Fear the marshmallow, for he shall not fear you.
~Tsuna
Thu, 07/05/2012 - 15:35
#118
ok so a few thing about the squad i dont like
1: rouge no make it a squad who helps other people 100 cr perperson or a squad who star 4- 5 and they are in the tier 1 because they with iris but then they gone lost so thyr ifning a fay to go find them or something where ever they are .
2: i dont want to be kick out of the order
Fri, 07/06/2012 - 08:19
#119
DERP
@Kai Of course! What I want is long apps with alot of set bases, it'll help right my writing!
@Fire: ¬_¬ The whole point of the cash squad, Daring, is that they will do anything for cash, energy, and whats-a-bar-bar (whateva they can get that is worth cash). Now, are you kidding me!?
"rouge no make it a squad who helps other people 100 cr perperson or a squad who star 4- 5 and they are in the tier 1 because they with iris buthet n they gone lost so thyr ifning a fay to go find them or something where ever they are. "
Explain this using grammar and spelling! User word if you have to! *five hour long facepalm* From mere guesses:
Tier one? Iris will be in Tier two before Daring get in the story.
100cr for each person they help? That's 400cr for one full squad, way too cheap. And they don't do it that way, they are what there paid to be. Prostitutes if needed (though they won't be :P) They'll be contract assassins probably. If you don't want him in it, you can ask for him to be taken out.
aaand i've forgotten what i was going to say.
Fri, 07/06/2012 - 08:39
#120
i have a girl character who
i have a girl character who could be a prostitute. 0.0 whheeeee i can put the app here if you want? mwahahaha
Fri, 07/06/2012 - 10:30
#121
God, I said THEY WON'T BE O_O
that...just creeps me out Kai...*is thinking very different thoughts ;)...jokes :P* It was an example, only an example...
Make sure to remind me you are mental...OK, i'm being hypocritical, but i don't really care.
now, in reply to below:
Well, the allies squad do that job, and the coin squad are there because the "bad" side (rivals and coin squad) need another squad. An equal amount of squad is funner, because I can make a large battle without making one side stronger so they can be equal with the larger one. Inserting two new squads would be good for your idea, but that would upset my plan. Also, I put bad in "s because rivals aren't really all that bad, they'll just use a few sideline tricks of the book to slow selfless down a little, now stop making me give hints.
- Good: Selfless and Unstoppable.
- "Bad": Racers (I think) and Daring.
There. Now, do you want your person to be taken out of my fanfic or do you want to stay to possibly be chucked out?
Fri, 07/06/2012 - 10:13
#122
no yu got it all wroug
im takng about is that make the sqaud fire star in to dont do stuff for money .
also overnight i was thinking of a idea
back up squad:a squad of 5 tier 1 or 2 wil come to help if the ain squad is having troblem
EX: a team the star 3 backup for iris
Fri, 07/06/2012 - 11:59
#123
@ tear cant you ilke idk make
@ tear cant you ilke idk make another a new squad ?
also:
BUMP!
Fri, 07/06/2012 - 12:11
#124
DERP
First, try not to double post.
Second, no I can't. I've already explained why.
Third, there's no need for a bump, we're in the top three for the time being.
Fri, 07/06/2012 - 13:33
#125
@ Angelic-Tear
I thought it really interesting when you said that the Rival Squad (Racers) was "bad"...I never considered them at all evil. They simply thrive on competition, but yet always want to be the victors.
Fri, 07/06/2012 - 13:44
#126
Story's lookin good.
Yo. Why does everyone get to steal my mini jelly idea? ITS not FAIR!!!
Fri, 07/06/2012 - 17:27
#127
I completely forgot I had two characters in this thing until I came across it today, so I read what I've missed, and, I'm going to have to pay more attention, I like it a lot. Keep it up.
Sat, 07/07/2012 - 06:57
#128
Name: Profit
Age: 25
Gender-
Name: Profit
Age: 25
Gender- male
Personality: persuasive, usually happy
beginning equipment: brute jelly helm(cool game face accessory), elemental cloak, pepperbox, super blast bomb, scary skelly shield
current Equipment: Rock jelly helm(cool game face accesory),miracle cloak,fiery pepperbox,master blast bomb, sun shards, sinister skelly shield
Skills: 2 minor skills
1. speak many langueges:from jelly to gremlin, you got it!
2. remarkable persuasion (good for giving people a rip off of 20 faulty blast bombs :))
MINI: Grittle is the Recon of the coin squad, going throught to clockworks selling many items, in mint condition, used, or defected, he is part knight and jelly, his best friend is basil
Other: motto- you want it, I got it! Only if you have enough crowns!
Pets: a pet mini rock jelly, sniffles
Allies: Basil
Postition: recon gunner/bomber in the coin squad
suggestions: this is mostly not a suggestion, but i don't really know why you said that you will implement my last character (guardian), but yet you didn't... besides keep up them good works
Sat, 07/07/2012 - 10:18
#129
Oops...Well, if Fire
doesn't mind being chucked out SK HQ, i'll use him, if he does the first one is in. Really sorry, I forget things like that >.<
So fire, you going to stay or not?
@Kankoa, well, compition against the mains means there against. Really they won't want to kill or anything, but technicly, they're bad.
Sat, 07/07/2012 - 11:14
#130
@ tear yeah
yes
Fri, 07/13/2012 - 04:01
#131
Bump and Update!
Hey, Tear! ^_^ How's everything going? Have you been working on "Two Paths" or other stories as of late?
Sat, 07/14/2012 - 00:10
#132
Derp
Errr... One thing. Or two things. The sword link i had was a bit faulty and displayed more than one sword set, and i cant fix it to show the one i wanted. So, just to make it specific, click the link and the first set of swords u see will be the ones i meant, if u still dont get it, theyll be titled as "2011 fantasy twin sword set & Scabbard"
Second, like i said, Suzaku doesnt really care about money, he just kills for whoever asks. He only charges because he hates the other knights and of course, he has a reputation to uphold as a ruthless killer! Btw if u think its fine, then Suzaku would slowly warm up not only to his squadmates, but to all the other knights as well. Then hed just give a faint smile instead of threatening the people hes talkin to. Unless the person makes him mad of course, then its to the ambulance for them again.
(also, idk if this would work, but there could be a funny blooper thingy where Suzaku is a bit nicer and his swuadmates note that, then a guy accidentally annoys him and gets beat up, then his teammates would be like "Now THATS the Suzaku were used to...". Just an idea, u dont have to use it, i just thought it would be funny.
Mon, 07/16/2012 - 02:41
#133
Er, at school i can only get to page two of this so i can't
reply at any of your comments. Anyway, as said, i'm at school so i can't do much with anything, I'll try to get some writing done. :(
Fri, 07/20/2012 - 14:50
#134
Oh no!
No more apps? I wanted to be in here and have a character try to become the best, alone.
Sun, 07/29/2012 - 04:05
#135
So...
Still waiting to see if another chapter will come around. How are you doing, Tear?
Wed, 08/01/2012 - 13:30
#136
Well, summer holidays came so i couldn't read anything, i
kinda gave up writing. I'll be back writing so enough. I did do a teeny bit, and did post something, but ima edit it. It's going to be a non-app fanfiction if i resume it. Anyway, I gtg, so i'll do proper replies later. Good to be back guys.
Wed, 08/01/2012 - 16:29
#137
hey tear dont for get to read
hey tear dont for get to read my backup squad idea
Fri, 08/03/2012 - 09:41
#138
Blarghy blargh.
Imma try and write something, but holidays make mah brain shut down.
Editz: I've decided to do it 'cos i've been working on it quite a lot and i think it's awesome.
Thu, 08/02/2012 - 17:12
#139
dun care
dun care
Fri, 08/03/2012 - 19:54
#140
Well, I hope you continue!
I was quite looking forward to seeing how these adventures would go. Either way, I wish you luck with your writing!
Note to self: Start working on a Spiral Knights fanfict eventually.
Sat, 08/04/2012 - 16:23
#141
ok and i posting from my dsi
so does the next story show the new people?
Sun, 08/05/2012 - 03:16
#142
Well, it gets the allies in, but i've come to a stand still
I'm trying to work out where to go from there. ^^ Also, I've done quite a lot of work on things i shouldn't: 'Arsh Winds, CHP. VIII. Fighting Fire, with water. and a few other things like getting about 500 (approx)19min episodes of One piece. Finally, I'm thinking of entering Tev's contest.
I've been writing CHP. VIII. Fighting Fire 'cause its got a little bit of writing called "emotional writing". Though i may have loads of emotions that i hide to myself, i still have trouble putting emotions on paper/screen. Probably 'cause i have so many to myself.
Thu, 08/09/2012 - 21:22
#143
ok
so what trying so long it being a mouth man !
Thu, 08/09/2012 - 21:22
#144
ok
so what trying so long it being a mouth man !
Sun, 08/12/2012 - 02:28
#145
*Month
yeah, I know, I just...have no proper excuses \-_-/ I duunah
BTW, if your wondering why I'm slow and not great, I'll tell ya. I really HATED writing last year. English lessons were horrible xD I'm not good with language. Even my two native languages. A friend i made who came to England from France, in less than one year, he became better at me in English. So, this year, I had a really kind and lovely teacher who made me like writing somehow. I'm still slow and a rubbish piece of ****, but I try harder now. The only reason you think I'm OK it because of a great invention; spell check.
Wed, 09/05/2012 - 05:33
#146
1 month later...
OH COME ON IT STILL NOT DONE!????
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Name: Luigart
Age: 17
Personality: A friendly, loud chap who likes nothing better than to have a good laugh. Although he takes encounters with monsters VERY seriously and will lay down his life for any one he meets. Even those he isn't too fond of. He also loves to poison things, apparently, he says it's the best support status period. I guess we'll see.
Equipment:
Weapons: Brandish(To be upgraded to Glacius if possible), Toxic Vaporizer, Autogun(To be upgraded to Plague Needle if possible) and a Blast Bomb(To be upgraded to Big Angry Bomb if possible... whut, that bomb ROCKS!)
Armour/Shield: Drake Scale Mail(To be upgraded to Radiant Silvermail, with a Regal Vitakit acc), Wolver Cap(To be upgraded to Vog Cub Cap if possible, I would like this to be covered by a Regal Stranger Hat, with both Regal Vertical Vents and Regal Plume acc) and finally a Owlite Shield.
Skills: Very skilled at getting in the way of enemies attacks(a skill which causes problems. Note; this is on purpose, he isn't clumsy, he purposefully puts his life on the line for his friends). Poisoning his foes. Bashing enemies with his shield and using it to allow him to attack faster, a technique called 'Shield Cancelling'. Finding a material named 'Light Shards'.
Biography: Luigart; A friendly, talkative chap who is always up for a laugh. He has a great sense of humor and is as noble as a valiant steed. Never one to give up in defeat he will lay down his life to not only help his friends but his enemies too. He learnt everything about being a guardian when from his father, who died of old age a few years before he arrived on Cradle. Having never met his mother, he never talks about her but this doesn't make him shy away from the subject, oh no, this only reinforces the lesson his father taught him as a lad, "Always protect and respect females. If you do not, you bring shame to your mother and our family." Every battle he partakes in may be his last, so he makes sure to never take battle as a joke, which has resulted in a lot of respect from the various people he meets.
He also has a strange power which allows him to find Light Shards, or as he calls them "Cheese". Not even he himself understands it but he goes along with it and doesn't seem to be affected by it at all. Other than the fact he already has over 30,000 of the things in his Vitakit, thankfully those things are quite small.
Additional facts: His final outfit is supposed resemble his nobility and the Light Shards he collects. He is annoyed by pessimism, the only thing other than the mistreatment of women, that actually grinds his gears.
Pets: Mini-Trojan; this little fellow seems to be a young Trojan, although it doesn't seem to grow at all and carries only a shield, which is why it may have been abandoned by it's family. It stumbled into Haven one day, weak and frail. A couple of teen Knights were teasing it with food and started kicking it around. The poor little Trojan ended up face first into the fountain. By this point the teens were starting to draw a crowd. While this was happening Luigart was taking a morning stroll into the town square to get some fresh air when he happened upon this peculiar scene. As he approached he quickened his pace as what was happening dawned on him. He shoved the two teens out of the way, accidently sending them into the fountain themselves. He grabbed the creature and pulled it from it's near death. He carried it back to the guild hall and took care of it. Making sure it was well fed. Unfortunately the only thing it seemed to eat was his Cheese. But it was a sacrifice he was willing to take.
This young Trojan's name came to be "Ignis" due to it's love of Light Shards. It now accompanies Luigart as a fellow guardian of sorts, although this little guy doesn't seem to help anyone but Luigart.
(I may have gotten carried away...... Hope this work though xP)
Allies: (You decide xD Do Daring have allies? If so them.)
Suggestions: Don't really have any >.< Just keep up the good work I guess :P
Position: "Daring's" Guardian if possible :) EDIT: Just noticed you may already have a Guardian, so I guess Medic is fine :P You may have to change his gear a little, I still want the poison shtuff though :P And I think everything else is fine xP