Spiral Knights - The White Knight (prologue only)

The White Knight (prologue only)

7 replies [Last post]

Sun, 04/08/2012 - 17:00

Ravenevan

Please not that this is basically to see how well, how creative, and how quickly I can make a fanfic. It will flip-flop perspectives without notice.
WIth out further interruptions, Enjoy!

Note: contains minor swearing

Clang! Clang! Dingdingding!
"Where is he? He should have been here ages ago..."
Clang! Clang! donkdonkdonk.
"Never depend on a knight to do a gremlin's job..."
Clang! Clang!
"If he doesn't get here soon...oh He'll wish he wasn't born."
CLANG!

I don't believe it! I can't imagine how that ended up there! Cranks will be so excited!...OH CRAP! THE PARTS!

"There. another sword complete. I can't repair this defender without those parts...DAMMIT WHERE IS HE?!?!"

Crap. Crap crap crap crap crap! Late! Late! Late! I cannot afford to lose another second! almost...there...!

When I thought I was about to split my hammer in half, Raven finally arrived at the door.
"*pant* Cranks...you will not *pant* believe what I found!"
*DING*
"GAH!"
"And that's for being late again! Do you know how many repairs I've had to postpone because of you? More time equals LESS MONEY!!!"
"I'm sorry! Don't hit me again!"
"You better have a good reason to be this late!"
"I do! I do! I got a...Actually, let me show you!"
He began to take off his backpack and pull out a heavily armored container. I was curious
Upon unlocking the box (repeatedly) he pulled out a white helmet...with the entire front half missing!
"This? You cost us money for THIS?!?!"
"This is no ordinary helmet! It's a-"
"A busted piece of crap."
"...It's an extremely rare helmet from our home planet! Only 3 were recorded on the skylark. Only 1 was found...Until now."
"So its an extremely old piece of crap? And where's the other one?"
"It's also mostly broken, and owned by a man named...uh...cheru....chero...Something like that."
"So what are you going to do with this hunk-a-junk?"
"Simple. Repair it, and finish my armor!"
"That old fantasy? I doubt it'll be any better then my crafts."
"...For the love of Vog, can't you give 1 compliment over this find?"

It's been a week since I found the relic. I've completely repaired it.
"Yes... My armor is complete! I must show Cranks!"
I set up the camera, and saw he was dealing with customers. I've always wondered how he acts with customers...
"...And this stun-gun won't fire anymore."
"Hm...Seems the ignition circuit is broken. Not a big problem. Anything else?"
"Nope, that's all."
"alright. Come back in...3 days. If it's not repaired by then, the repair is FREE!"
He is much nicer around customers. Heh, I guess he has to be, otherwise business would be bad.
"NEXT!"
"Hey there. How much to get this fixed?"
A divine avenger split in twain. What could've caused that?
"Yeesh! sorry sir, Our policy is 3 days, but magic repairs take much longer. I hope you understand."
"Totally. That thing lasted a good year before that happened."
"May I ask what happened?"
"Stuck inside a trojan, broke off."
"Shame, shame. I'll get my associate as soon as possible"
I was tired of waiting.
*KSSHH* "Oi! Cranks! Bring the Avenger up!"
That would be him, you'll have to excuse me."

For the love of-I told him not to interrupt me when I'm dealing with customers! What could he possib-
"Pretty sweet huh?"
Mother of Vog...
"I see your speechless."
"That helmet, I know who has it. Cherub. The creator of almost every single armor! HOW DID YOU GET THAT?"
"I found it."
"BULL[poopoo]!"
"Nope. I literally found it on the side of the road."
"I don't believe you..."
"you don't have to! I finished my armor!"
"Well...You have a repair."
"I totally forgot about that. I'll get it done. First things first though, I need to show my friends this. CYA!"
"WAIT YOU FOOL! THE REPAIRS! graaah...."

Little did I know that little idiot would become a legend. They talk about his stories to this day. And all because he found a stupid helmet and got cocky.
They don't call him "little idiot" anymore. They don't even call him raven
They call him

The White Knight

Hope you guys like it! Please give feedback! I need to know what to improve for the next chapter!

Sun, 04/08/2012 - 17:51

Tevokkia

So much dialogue ...

It looks like it may turn out to be an interesting story, but with nothing but dialogue, it's a little hard to get a good idea of what's going on and who the characters are. My suggestion would be to add some background information, thoughts, gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice, or just plain actions to really paint a picture of what is happening for the reader. Right now it's like trying to read a comic book with no pictures ... just word balloons.

Sun, 04/08/2012 - 18:06

Ravenevan

@Tevokkia

The "Dialogue only" style was on purpose. Do realize I did this entirely for feedback, to see what I can improve. I'll probably not be using this writing style on the first chapter.

Sun, 04/08/2012 - 18:11

Ravenevan

Just throwing this out there

Should this become big enough, I will enlist characters.

Sun, 04/08/2012 - 18:39

Tevokkia

... to see whether your dialogue needed some work?

Well, it's a little difficult to give feedback on a writing style that you don't plan on actually using. XD

Mon, 04/09/2012 - 05:52

Nightstalkerss

Cake.

Maybe a Narrative kind of text with some few combinations of the dialogue would be fine.
Thus this shall be a good story,ol chap.
and one more thing. where do you find that helmet? Ian's Custom helmet for Cherub.
the directory,i guess? Thanks.

-Night

Mon, 04/09/2012 - 16:17

Ravenevan

Just bored so...

Here's a little extra bit Im a write, In a different style.

The new armor certainly gave Raven some odd looks, but nothing could stop him in his mood.
Raven and Cranks where on their way to the local bar, the one eye'd fiend. Grungy, Bad flavor, but cheapest bar around.
"Why do we come here anyway? This place has horrible beer." said Cranks
"Hey, I like it here! Besides, the energy market is rising, I need to cut expenses." replied Raven
"I agreed. Greedy energy hogs."
To describe the One Eye'd Fiend in one word, it's dark. Loads of dark paintings and artwork are displayed. The centerpiece is a petrified Trojan that a knight didn't destroy.
"Hello boy's. Usual?" The barkeep was a Devilite that escaped his office. Calls himself Jets
"Of course." Replied Raven
"Got it! One Black bottle, and for you?"
"Give me Fiend's friend." Mumbled Cranks
Same drinks. Same reactions. Cranks Scowled at the flavor, while Raven loved every sip of it.
"May I ask where you got that armor?" asked Jets
"Made it."
"Really? What material?"
"Pure Silver. Hard to find around here."
"No wonder I don't want to touch it. Pure silver isn't exactly fiend friendly. Funny your using a blade of pure shadow with it."
"HEY YOU! *hic* I CHALLENGE YOOOOUUUU!!!"
Upon turning around, what sounded to be your average drunk was actually covered in Ancient Plate armor. Toughest stuff in cradle.
"Alright" Replied Raven "If I win, I get 5,000 crowns. If you win-"
"I get yoor *Hic* helmot!"
"Deal."
What was unexpected was that 3 other knights arose, all dressed in tier 3 armor.
"heh"
"Those idiots. Don't they know anything about him." said Cranks, and went right on to drinking.
SHNK
SLASH
CHINK
"groooaaann...."
In a short battle, all 4 knights downed, and Raven was untouched.
"They think a Gran Faust is heavy. Raven has had weight training, and can wield a large blade like that as if it where a twig."
"I'll just be taking this..." and Raven became 5,000 crowns richer.
"Come on Cranks. If other's challenge me like this, I'll be rich in no time!"
"*hic* Don't forget your repairs little man! *Hic* be it a little stick or a big stick, I can fix it with duct tape!"
And Cranks collapsed to the ground, fast asleep.
"Heh, such a light-weight." Smirked Raven.

"...He is improving his swordsmanship greatly. What should I do?"
"ISn'T iT ObviOUs? BecOME Like HIm!"
"How?"
"LEt me SHow YoU..."

"Hm. This is...Interesting. Should be fun."

Mon, 04/09/2012 - 16:19

Ravenevan

@Nightstalkerss

The directory is /rsrc/item/gear/helm/doubleploom/model_mod.dat and the texture is in the doubleploom folder. I made a custom texture for the character. I will be including more spiral-spy scenes.

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The White Knight (prologue only)