I'm joining the fray. Even though I expect not to win, I shall try my best.
Oh, and congrats to those who have put thought into their posts. :) You've made this entire thread fairly entertaining to read through.
See you in a few hours.
[ce prize] Last post wins!
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 00:48
#902
Greetings, CE seekers!
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 01:09
#903
Greetings, Spiral Knights player!
All Spiral Knights players seek CE, so I figured I'd generalize that for you.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 01:21
#904
Thanks for the clarification.
I should've realized that all Spiral Knights players seek CE.
By the way, Manalicious-Knight, your posts have proved most entertaining.
I'll be curious to see if this contest ever ends.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 01:23
#905
hi lol
hi lol
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 01:31
#906
Greetings, Jenny!
Welcome to the thread!
What interests me about this thread is that every time someone posts a new post, it gets bumped. Then, even MORE people are added to the competition. Thus, a neverending competition is created, unless the whole world blanks out for approximately five hours.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 02:11
#907
Oh, the possibilities!
What if OOO releases a superpatch that creates so much player traffic that the OOO has to get new servers and transfer its old servers to the kitchen to work as as sous-chefs for approximately five hours? I'll have to make sure I'm the last poster!
...That's wishful thinking, probably. Last time OOO tried a food-related patch, it was a total caketastrophe...
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 02:17
#908
Quite punny, you are.
Bumped.
(Feel free to set it or spike it)
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 02:30
#909
No subject line spam here, move along
nu.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 02:31
#910
:3
Usually it's bump-set-spike, but since I'm now in the front, I guess I'll just spike it.
Maybe someone else already spiked it, though...I'm feeling a little drowsy...
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 02:34
#911
Sleep is not bad.
Feel free to go take a nap, preferrably one over five hours. ;)
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 02:54
#912
No subject line spam here, move along
In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house you can get yourself to. Gaze at the ceiling with a bored expression as you walk up to the front desk, and with a voice that sounds like it is halfway across the world ask to see the "Holder of War". You will get a light tap on the shoulder; it is now safe to look down. The attendant will smile politely and begin walking, giving a speech that sounds almost mechanical as he describes the history of the asylum. Do not react to his speech- it is insanely bloody and filled with rather graphic descriptions, but reaction at this point means a one-way trip to hell.
After some time of walking, you will come to an elaborately carved door of mahogany and gold. Stop in front of it. Keep your bored expression on your face, possibly adding a blank grin, but do not react as the worker grabs you by the back of your shirt, or he will change his grip and you will be without your head.
The worker will pitch you through the door, and you will hear it slam shut behind you. You are on what might have once been fertile farmland but is now a ravaged, blasted battlefield. Soldiers clad in two colors- a horribly bright, yet somehow stained, white and a filthy, sickening black- are battling in the most horrid manners possible, fighting with rifles, cannon, swords, bows, all the weapons of war that have existed since the dawn of time.
Do not shrink from this battlefield, or the soldiers will notice you, stop their quarrels, and turn upon you with a ravenous hatred, for you are what they have been fighting over, and in their fevered, battle-crazed minds, that means that you are the cause of all their bloodshed.
Also, do not try and go back through the door. It has fallen flat in the mud, pushed over by a screaming infantryman wielding a bayoneted rifle. If you let him get the better of you, he will rip you to pieces in seconds, but somehow not manage to kill you. The pain of the experience will undoubtedly drive what is left of your mind mad.
Instead, drop your bored expression and put a grim, determined one on your face. Walk in measured, military-style steps straight ahead until you see a three-story tall structure of blasted concrete that might have once been a command bunker. Do not turn around while doing so; the armor has arrived to the field, and if you stop, or change your pace, the tanks will run you down.
Once you have entered the bunker, do not give any notice to anyone who makes a request of you or tries to talk to you, no matter how desperate they seem. They each think you are the enemy, and the moment you respond, you will be rewarded with a knife to the face. Instead, go straight up the stairway in front of you, to the second level of the bunker. As you mount the stairs, a crash will be heard behind you- that's the fire doorway sealing as a flamethrower detachment attacks.
On the second level, there is only one man, sitting at a desk, yelling into a phone. The stairs to the third level are a mass of twisted concrete. The man at the desk wears the stars of a general, but does not seem to notice that the phone, as well as all those on the level, are dead.
Walk up to him, salute, and in your finest military voice, yell "SIR!" He will snap around to stare at you. If he thinks you are not worthy of his army, he will slowly dismantle you with his hands, and you will join him in his oncoming death. If he thinks you are worthy, he will nod and stare pointedly at you. He does not like slackers, so quickly ask him your question.
The only one he will respond to is: "Where do I go, Sir?"
He will tell you. He will tell you in such detail, such horrifying detail, that you will be tempted to strangle him. Do not try it- he is a far more experienced fighter than you could ever hope to be, and should you break salute, you will meet an extremely messy demise. When he is done, he will say "at ease", and hand you his pistol. This is your cue to drop salute. Take the sidearm and put it in your holster- if you did not have one before, you do now.
An explosion will suddenly decimate the far wall and atomize the general. Through the hole you will see, on the horizon, the long, thin shape of a missile rising.
Shut your eyes tight and open them for nothing. The sounds of horrid battle will fade away until, out of the silence, a single gunshot rings out. Open your eyes.
You are standing in the middle of a field of waving wheat. Somehow, you know that this is where the horrific battle you walked through will take place. And you also know, somehow, that you will be in the general's place.
The pistol he handed you is Object 44 of 538. Learn how to use it- it has one magazine left. If you fire the last shot at the right time, you will avoid the fate of the general. If not, you will join him.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 03:01
#913
What a story.
I don't quite know how to respond to that.
So I will just say hello and that I like spamming Snarbolax runs.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 03:23
#914
Not bad, not bad.
I guess it's storytime before bed, so here we go~
___________________________________________________________________
She actually did come back. I don't know how long she was gone, who she had been with, or what she was doing, but she was back now, and that's all that matters. She's back now, standing on the porch, looking the same as she did when she said goodbye. Her body is turned slightly to the side; her long, black hair bunched up funny because her head is tilted down as she looks at me out of the corner of those sort of frustrated, sort of sheepish, sort of cute eyes; her neck obscured by the pale pink scarf I had given her so many Christmases ago.
"So...you gonna let me in?" she asks, eyes moving to the snow on the ground for a second.
I stand there for a little bit, then slowly move aside to let her shuffle inside, eyes glaring all the while. She makes sure to call me stupid, like she knows exactly how I'm feeling.
"Aren't you gonna ask where I was? Or do you not even care anymore?"
Yeah, I should probably at least be doing something with my mouth before it falls off from lack of use. All I manage to say is, "No, I ah..."
She scoffs, then plops on the couch like usual, like nothing happened. Her hair trails freely after her before getting caught in her crossing arms.
I'm still standing there with my mouth open as wide as the door. I don't know what to say. It's not that I don't care, because I do. I always cared. But it's just...I didn't think she'd be back. We had been together since high school, so when she left, I thought that she...
Oh jeez, now I'm crying? Yeah, these feel like tears. Now she's walking over here. She probably just wants the door shut because it's freezing outside. That's so like her. Ha, she really is closing it...
"Jeez, I walk all the way here to spare the world from your ridiculous crying, and now you're just laughing. Such an idiot..."
She turns instead of steps, and now she's hugging my waist. Her head turns up to show her own tear-streaked face.
"I'm sorry." she says. And we cry.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 03:29
#915
No subject line spam here, move along
I was gonna paste another Holders story but decided against it.
Let me tell you my story, since I have nobody else to talk to.
I know it's not the most sinister, or even creepy story, but regardless, it is all true. It is the story of what I have been through in the last few, terrible months.
You see, the thing is, for quite a while already, I had began to think I was getting paranoid. Very paranoid, not just a little. I have the feeling that people are following me, and they are getting more every day. I get the feeling they want to know everything about me, every last little detail. I have already tried to make my life as boring as possible in an effort to make them loose interest, but it seems to have the opposite effect.
I know that the number of people that spy on me grows larger each and every day. They are everywhere now, and I really... I don't know what to do any more. No matter where I hide, they find me, so quickly. It's horrifying. You know, at first, I thought it was all in my head. But not now. Now I have proof.
I can't deny it any longer. There are literally thousands following me. Thousands! Every waking hour, and perhaps even while I sleep, they are there, lurking in the shadows, waiting to pry every last secret from my mind.
What could I have possibly done to deserve this? Am I being punished for the sins of another life? All I want is a peaceful night of sleep, but they will never, ever leave me alone. They have even started to send me little messages, demanding more information, demanding that I lay open my very soul to them. Demanding more and more and more!
While I sat here and writing this, I realized that I have finally hit the end of the road. There is only one thing left I can do.
Only one way out.
I have already written a short farewell note, explaining my final act to those that are left behind. Especially to my friends, all those who have stuck with me through good and bad times. They deserve an explanation for why I would do this.
I am simply too afraid to loose my sanity. I can't stand this pressure any longer.
I will end it all, and then they can't follow me any more. Nobody can ever follow me again!
I will finally have my peace back.
Tonight is the night.
The night I finally delete my Twitter account.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 03:36
#916
My response to these works of literature
To Manalicious-Knight:
That was beautiful.
To Pladypus:
XD
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 03:36
#917
Well played, sir. Well plad.
Have another short one, titled "Dust".
______________________________________________________________
The world lay still, a wasteland of dust. He made it stir, with the careless way his feet shuffled through the layer that covered the ground. He knew not for what he walked; he just wanted to find something. Then he did. He had been climbing a hill, only now he knew it was not a hill. From it rose broken beams and crooked lampposts, monuments to a village that was no longer. Suddenly, he stopped shuffling; he came to rest in the murky twilight. With others at last; not alone. Then the world lay still, a wasteland of dust.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 03:39
#918
No subject line spam here, move along
Credit does not belong to me. I pull everything from somewhere on the intranet.
Anyway:
There is a man.
He is obsessed with those animals. Those powerful, seemingly cute animals. They are taking over his head. He doesn't talk about anything BUT those animals. Those horrible animals. After a while, he started playing with them all the time. They are taking over his mind. He has six of them.
One of them knows everything.
One of them is so beautiful that to gaze upon it, is to know divinity itself.
One of them is so strong.
One of them is the only kind one.
One of them is insanely happy.
And the last one, oh the last one. It has a great fury deep inside it.
And one day, that fury was released. A great sonic explosion of doom was unleashed on him.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
He was a brony.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 03:51
#919
Hmm. *reads*
Too tired to write literature.
Got any threes?
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 04:08
#920
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 04:10
#921
A wild Gunpuppy appeared!
Oh, look, Duskfinder's back!
Hello again :)
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 04:19
#922
hello hello hypnotio
hello hello hypnotio
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 04:24
#923
And so it goes
I suppose we'll continue this for quite a while.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 04:37
#924
Having fun, posting on stuff like usual.
I am the one and only Vader.
You stand no chance to my evil button pushing powers!
* Looks at control pad*
_________O_____________O________
-------------^------------------^
Self destruct-------------------Blow up Hypnotio
BEEP!
Uh, oh...my eyesight is failing me..i do hope i pressed the right one.
KABOOM.
.
.
.
Oops.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 04:41
#925
Right one, indeed.
Just look what you've done!
Now I'll have to bring my alt here just to re-assemble the scattered bits and pieces of myself.
:)
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 04:42
#926
No subject line spam here, move along
It has been reported that some victims of torture, during the act, would retreat into a fantasy world from which they could not wake up. In this catatonic state, the victim lived in a world just like their normal one, except they weren’t being tortured. The only way that they realized they needed to wake up was a note they found in their fantasy world. It would tell them about their condition, and tell them to wake up. Even then, it would often take months until they were ready to discard their fantasy world and PLEASE WAKE UP.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 05:02
#927
Having fun, posting on stuff like usual.
@Hypnotio
The joke was- I blew myself up..that was the whole point of the "Oops" at the end. -.-
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 06:35
#928
It said
32new posts
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 06:42
#929
...
I have no-idea what's going on, so I'll just assume we're posting stories now.
....
He couldn't. There was just no way.
His breathing was laboured. His armour was battered and damaged. His limbs would barely move themselves. His lungs were on fire, and his vision swam before his eyes.
Here he lay. A once-great warrior, on his knees on the battlefield.
How had it gone so wrong? He was one of the best, how could he fail so badly? With all his ability and skill...it was useless, there was just no way...
Then again, that's what she had said. She knew this was going to happen, and she warned him, didn't she? But did he listen?
He shook his head, trying to clear it.
No. He didn't. He wouldn't. He was one of the best, after all. Who would expect him to lose?
He tried to regain his footing. He tried to stand up. One failure after another, he just kept collapsing, exhausted to the ground.
"I can't..." Tears filled his vision as he gave up trying. "I...I just...can't...I can't do this..." He stammered, the tears flowing freely now.
"Why?" He whispered. "How? How did it all go so wrong? Why did...why did it have to end like this?"
He gripped the hilt of his blade, in both anger and sorrow as he squeezed his eyes shut.
"WHERE DID I GO WRONG!?" He screamed, his voice echoed across the barren field, littered with the dead.
"Why..." He pleaded to no-one. "Just why..."
A loud *click* caught his attention, and he warily lifted his head, too tired both physically and mentally to see the Blaster muzzle infront of his face.
"...I told you it was useless." Her voice was as cold as ice, piercing through the cloud that covered his mind, as he finally understood.
Then there was a single shot. And all was still once more.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 06:58
#930
No subject line spam here, move along
The Sprite Routine
-Get thrown in cell
-Get busted out by Knights
-Get cured
-Get left behind by Knights
-Get picked up by Slags
-Repeat
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 06:59
#931
^
cool story bro......to bad I didnt read it and no one will once we reach page 20
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 07:02
#932
Hurp! Hurpa! DURPO!!
I was kidding :'
WHAT?! A new -SIG(H) (Someone inspired Optimalism!! YEAH!)
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 08:05
#933
hahahahahhahahahahahah!
hahahahahhahahahahahah!
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 09:26
#934
Victory will never be mine!
[Insert vague, hilarious pop culture reference here]
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 09:52
#935
Hi
I'm Serell
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 09:55
#936
Hi, Serell.
I'm Hypnotio.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 11:14
#937
derp
new page needed
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 16:16
#938
TIME UP
*thread explodes in favor of Kive.*
GG
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 16:17
#939
afa
ads
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 16:18
#940
I have won
@ varmin I want to thank you for not posting any earlier for that Ill give you 100 of the 800 . thx dude
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 16:49
#941
FF
Forgot about this.
Wow, it really did end.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 17:20
#942
Gj Bro. Now all we have to do
Gj Bro. Now all we have to do is find guardar...
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 17:29
#943
Not having fun, posting on ce prize threads like usual.
>:(
Im gonna explode!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ive been trying SO hard to win!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
NO NO NO!!!
Kive won!!!
WHY NOT ME!???????????
NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
D:<
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 18:53
#944
pokes
pokes
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 20:39
#945
This
has had too many posts
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 20:48
#946
I just lost the game!
I just lost the game!
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 21:13
#947
I love how many pages this
I love how many pages this has... and how it beats out all of the petitions etc.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 21:25
#948
Wow
Congrats, Kive.
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 22:48
#949
What i miss?
...
Sat, 05/12/2012 - 23:00
#950
asdf 5 watch it everybody epicals