As the sun sets over the mysterious mountains in the distance, a dark green being in a light set of armor sits on a hillside, the small camp behind him. His bright green eyes glowing as they focus on the beams of light pulling away from the vast field. A thick iron sword rests at his side, and a small, circular shield on the other. Lanterns flicker on inside the camp's tents, one by one, as the alien sky gets darker. Another creature, the same as the green one, only this time with dim purple eyes and an even darker purple body, walks up to the green being.
"Hey, Naut," the purple one says to the green one, who's name is Nautilus, or Naut.
"Oh," Naut says, looking behind him, "Hey."
"Watching the sunset, I presume?" The purple one asks.
"Yeah," Naut answers, "It's always been something I liked. Even on this planet, it's still as beautiful as our home planet."
"I guess so." the purple one comments as he sits down next to Nautilus.
The horizon where the sun used to be was now turning a dark blue from a vibrant orange.
"So, Helix, why are you out here? You're usually somewhere else practicing fighting or something."
The purple one, named Helix, set down his Calibur on the grass. "I dunno," he said, "Practicing fighting against a wooden pole doesn't really help anymore." Naut laughed, and asked; "Why don't you just practice against another Knight?"
Helix glanced at him. "Everybody seems too scared to practice against me, apparently." He said with a chuckle.
"I don't blame them." Naut said back.
They stopped talking for a few minutes as they watched the last traces of orange sky disappear behind the mountains. Suddenly, the two heard a large mechanical screech, like two giant gears turning against each other. The ground started shaking slightly. Naut jumped up in fear.
"What the...?!" he said as he looked around.
Helix looked up at him. "You haven't noticed that yet?" he asked.
Naut slowly sat back down. "No...I guess not."
"Those happen every once in a while." Helix explained, "You must've been asleep when the last one happened. I swear, the ground is haunted."
Helix got up, and started walking back to the tents. "Don't worry about it, though. It's probably nothing we can't handle."
A few minutes later, Naut got back up, the tremendous noise still reverberating throughout his mind. "He's right," he muttered to himself as we went back to the camp, "We can probably handle it...I hope."
But he never was assured about that, not that night, not the next day. What he saw a few weeks later only worsened the worries.
The Clockworks.
The Ground is Haunted - A short fanfic
What do you mean by that?
You write very well. If you had written more I would have definitely read it!
Nice job!
I'll keep an eye on this one for a bit.
I mean, if you're going to post a bit of "fanfiction"(which I'm really not sure is the proper category for this - It is fiction written by a fan, but's not MUCH of anything at all, since the entire fictional premise is "two guys sat on some grass and the ground shook, interrupting their smalltalk, and one of them was paranoid and then cliffhanger allusions to future hardship") at least throw real work into it.
The writing is also a bit poor - ignoring grammatical errors(in before LOL U DOTN HAVE PREFETC GFRAEMMR) - the way things are written and described is highly inconsistent, redundant, and even child-like at some points(""Hey, Naut," the purple one says to the green one, who's name is Nautilus, or Naut."? REALLY?).
Try harder.
Hazel, it is entirely possible to provide criticism without being incredibly condescending or rude.
I swear he's worse then I am.
@Hazel
Yeah, I don't really consider myself that great of a writer. And it was around midnight at the time I wrote this so I probably made more mistakes due to that. Whatever, I just wanted to write something.
And yeah I probably used WAY too many commas.
I might try writing a 'fic again sometime, but with more action n' stuff.
Hazel, it is entirely possible to provide criticism without being incredibly condescending or rude.
It is, but not when posting that way is your intention.
Harden up, broskeet.
@Hazel
Yeah, I don't really consider myself that great of a writer. And it was around midnight at the time I wrote this so I probably made more mistakes due to that. Whatever, I just wanted to write something.
And yeah I probably used WAY too many commas.
I'm just saying more thought going into things(and looking over them a few times!) before posting them would be beneficial for all parties involved. Scrutinizing the hell out of your own work is the only way to improve.
Inspired by this thread: http://forums.spiralknights.com/en/node/6581
I woke up, stars spinning around my head. What happened? I’m told I’ve crash landed on a foreign planet.
“No time for rest. Get out there and destroy those jellies!” Who is speaking to me? I hear a voice but see no one around. Why am I attacking these native creatures? What have they done to deserve my wrath? Never mind, there’s no time for such thoughts.
Snicker-snack! My blade relishes in the pink flesh dripping down its spine. I can almost feel the warmth it radiates as it drops these strange alien beings. It feels good. But it fades so quickly. I need more!
I continue on my way, guided only by the mysterious voice which has no source.
* * *
I arrive at some sort of camp – a chaotic amalgamation of tents that house more like me. How did we all crash here at the same time? Were we attacked by some strange life form? Were we caught in an asteroid field? Never mind, there’s no time for such thoughts.
Someone is explaining to us the finer points of swordsmanship and gunslinging. He sends me on my way banded together with a few comrades, down into the depths of this world. For what purpose? To kill more native fauna? Never mind, there’s no time for such thoughts.
* * *
I am deemed worthy enough to continue. To where? I know not. I cross a gaping chasm only to arrive at a city crawling with thousands more like me. It seems that our kind has been here quite some time.
As I approach the commander I notice several large figures standing ominously around the town square. I am reassured that they are friendly, only wishing to aid us in our quest: to harvest this planet’s core. Why would these strangers want to help us destroy their planet? Surely they realise that our endeavours will inevitably lead to their death? Never mind, there’s no time for such thoughts.
I’m directed to one of the strangers. Apparently they will teach me to make better weapons in exchange for the shapeless bits of metal I have been collecting from the creatures of this planet. I find that I can understand what he is saying. How has he learnt our language already? Or are these strangers just extremely intelligent? Never mind, there’s no time for such thoughts.
* * *
I delve deep below the planet’s surface, searching for ways to expand my arsenal and earn these crowns that are deemed so valuable on this planet. But above all I seek to exterminate all life I encounter so I may feel the warmth that runs through my gear one more time. I have been exploring the metamorphing lands that exist beneath the crust of this planet for several weeks now. Today I went further than I had ever been before. I saw things that I had never seen before: bizarre creatures and odd landscapes. I opened a gate hidden behind some brambles. Covered in dust, with rust eating away at its core I discovered several robots debilitated by the ages. I read the inscription upon their helmets “Mecha Knights”. What was it our species was called again? Spiral Knights?
My hand brushed against its power cell and I felt a sudden drain upon my energy, almost as if it were being drained into the lifeless robot itself. They looked oddly familiar, almost like a lesser version of our own species. Were they our ancestors who had voyaged to this planet eons ago? Or was this our home planet that we had deserted in ages past for another? Perhaps we had never left? Never mind, there’s no time for such thoughts…
I liked it! Because not only does it go through the entire plot, practically, but it's true! We just go in and pretty much don't think about it. Haha. :)
Check please.