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Rise of the Golden Sun (cancelled) Move along, leave, pow lives here

13 replies [Last post]
Fri, 07/20/2012 - 10:01
Kaijuhunter's picture
Kaijuhunter

Hope you like this idea, and Here goes. Enjoy.

Prologue
Long ago, before the Spiral Knights ever set foot on Cradle, there was the nation of Almire, a strong and powerful country destined for greatness. Its people prospered, and for a while, all was good in their world. But then... Catastrophe struck. The two neighboring nations, Brittania and Razosa, waged war upon Almire, jealous of its prosperity, and laid waste to all in their paths. The young and noble king of Almire, Vanaduke, fled from the nation and hid in the mountains, soon becoming a raging monstrosity that destroyed both Brittania and Razosa in the blink of an eye. He now resides in the blazing remains of his once shining castle, the Firestorm Citadel, eager to destroy any tresspassers who dare attack his kingdom.

And then, seven hundred years later, a new threat arose. The Swarm, a deadly primordial vortex of death and destruction was borne from the Core. It took Haven and destroyed everything. The Order was forced out and into the few, already crowded rescue camps. All of the scholars and wisest professors tried to research the Swarm, but none could find its weakness. Until one day, a band of young knights accidentally set fire to a Swarm beast, then froze electrocuted, and poisoned the monster, unwittingly finding the weakness of the Swarm: the elements. Still, even with all their best elemental gear, a whole army of Spiralians would never be able to defeat the power source of the Swarm, a demon known as the Aku. All would be lost, until fate smiled upon the Order once again. They found ancient texts, stolen from the Undead Legion of Almire, that spoke of 4 chosen knights... And 4 deadly weapons that could potentially destroy the Swarm once and for all: the Eclipse scythe, the Solstice Blaster, the Moon bomb, and the most powerful of all, the Sol Blade. Each of them, however, were located in 4 different shrines: the Earth, Fire, Wind, and Water towers. The texts also spoke of a dragon that would be a guide and lead the worthy to the shrines, but the last of the mighty Dragons went extinct from overhunting by Spiralians.

*random epic cutscene of a little boy finding a dragon egg, (like Eragon!) hatching it, taking care of it, bla bla bla, etc.*
Or so they thought.

In the end, the evil was destroyed and all was well again, but as history shows, there will always be darkness and corruption.
The Order ended up fighting over who would control the new nation, and they ended up choosing a young but good and wise ruler to be Emperor of the Order. It didnt work out well. Corrupt officials also rose to power in the imperial court and planned to overthrow the Emperor. One of these corrupt men, their leader, is named Evan Wallace, a rich man who amassed a fortune from drug trafficking, banking, assassinating, and more.

( side note: he owns the auction house now.)

But even thats not enough for Evan. He wants more power and plans to overthrow the imperial family. In his way are only a few brave children (more around teenager age though) that are the Emperor's most trusted, known as The Dragoneyes, and their friends and families, and he will stop at nothing to kill them all.

To make matters worse, there is a terrorist cult that supposedly has the ability to resurrect the evil of the Swarm, the Cult of Oblivion.

(they wont be featured much, maybe not at all, but they will in the next story.)

Its very improbable, maybe even impossible for anyone to even THINK of the notion of defeating a billionaire madman, stopping the imperial government from toppling ITSELF, AND having to deal with an evil group of terrorists, but for some people, improbable doesnt mean impossible.

Reader, i should tell you first.... This is a story of death. Of betrayal. Of savagery, evil, political strife, and darkness. But it also is a story of courage, and the ability to overcome impossible odds. Behold, the Rise of the Golden Sun!

Fri, 07/20/2012 - 10:27
#1
Luguiru's picture
Luguiru
Sounds like Legend of Zelda somewhat

Happy kingdom (Hyrule), jealous/violet catalyst to the plot, someone becomes a giant evil death behemoth (Ganon), destruction of most of the world, new evil arises, other heroes fail, gather parts of something to conquer (Triforce) the evil, different elemental places to go (basically every Zelda game).

Not to bust your buzz or anything, but it seems pretty straight forward. I mean no insult to your writing or intelligence, but the generic story of good aspiring to defeat evil is well overdone. I hope to see the promised dark story you explicitly claim this to be. Happy stories are fine, but it takes a lot more thought and effort to develop an original storyline whether it makes readers feel better or depressed. If you want my help feel free to ask, I can try to check on this thread every once in a while or you can flag me down from here. I am currently working on a collaboration with three other people as well but I have been doing most of the work so far and no one else seems to care.

Fri, 07/20/2012 - 11:06
#2
Kaijuhunter's picture
Kaijuhunter
Side note: i based a lot of

Side note: i based a lot of the countries here off of real ones. E.g. Britain= Brittania Japaos= Japan
And well, i thought almire could be somethin like America. Also, Tayo's name is part of "Noburu Taiyō", the Japanese phrase for "the rising sun". Corny, i know. But i try.

Chapter 1: Making of a Legend

Im Tayo. Yeah, i know, not many people have that many Japanese names anymore. They died out long ago, with the last dragon. Well, what most people THOUGHT was the last dragon. Well, i must sound pretty boring right now, so heres how this story began. And before i tell you, you should know, THIS story may not seem interesting at first, because it isnt. In fact, the life of Suzaku, one of the loyal Dragoneyes, is pretty boring for quite a bit. Just thought you should know. My god, i talk a lot. Yeah, sorry bout that. Even my wife says i talk a lot. My geez... Im starting to ramble again. Ok, without further ado, heres the beginning of the story.... The making of a legend.

WHAM! The wooden sword slammed straight into Suzaku's enemy, hitting her square in the shoulder. His foe let out a small squeal of pain, but Suzaku didnt stop. He barraged his enemy with strikes, punching and slashing at her before he finally kicked her down to the ground. He turned to his father, who smiled. He grinned back, then looked at the fallen girl and helped her up before planting a quick, childish kiss on her cheek. The girl blushed, and Suzaku flipped his Cobalt helmet back on before she could see HIS cheeks flushing with color. She walked back over to the sides with her mother while Suzaku did the same and sat with his dad.
Suzaku grinned again. He had just won his district tournament's semifinal, and he was pumped.

The tournament was to decide who would be one of the legendary Dragoneyes, servant to the emperor. Suzaku always loved heroism, legends and myths, and would always listen to his father ramb- errr..... I mean recount the creation of the four Nova weapons, forged during each of their namesake times and events: the Eclipse scythe was devestating and forged during the darkest eclipse known to Cradle, the Moon Bomb created from actual meteor shards from the moon, the Solstice blaster took a half year to make, beginning on the winter solstice and ending in the summer solstice, therefore earning the fiery powers of summer and the chilly strength of winter, and, Suzaku's favorite among them, the legendary Sol Blade, a weapon powerful enough to destroy legions of monsters, forged in the heart of a dying sun, and finished right when that sun turned into a Supernova, absorbing so much power and making it the most powerful of all the Nova Weapons. He wanted to be a hero, riding into battle and defeating all evil ever since he was young. Now his dream might soon come true. All the rigorous training he went through with his father and girlfriend Sarah (the one he had just defeated) might soon actually pay off.

Suzaku turned around, eager to watch the next match. It was between his best friend Cole and his schoolmate John. Both of them were evenly matched, but after a while John got tired, and so started employing dirtier tactics. He punched Cole's sword away and kicked him in the face, an illegal hit, but the refs didnt stop him. He slashed at his wrist, another illegal hit, and still the refs didnt interfere. Suzaku scowled. The damn cheat must have paid them off....
______
will add more later

Fri, 07/20/2012 - 10:40
#3
Kaijuhunter's picture
Kaijuhunter
@Lugu: ty for the input, that

@Lugu: ty for the input, that helps. Oh and.... Lolz sry bout this, but i dont play Zelda. Besides, the prologue was based on true stuff. Vanaduke DID become a hideous monster, Almire WAS invaded by two jealous neighboring countries, and i just guess here, but i THINK the swarm came from the core.

Actually, i think ill edit the storyline a bit.... Check on the posts later itll be somehwat difrerent.

Fri, 07/20/2012 - 11:08
#4
Isekuube's picture
Isekuube
Quick question,

what's with all the fanfics? :3

I don't even think you finished the whole TBfH Trilogy. :3 I'm still waiting on how that one ends.

Fri, 07/20/2012 - 11:16
#5
Kaijuhunter's picture
Kaijuhunter
@Ice: Ngeh, that one took too

@Ice: Ngeh, that one took too long ans that was when i was a crappy writer. Or MORE of a crappy writer. Anywho, i had too many mistakes in the snarble shadows and TBfH, and i was too lazy to edit them all. And without a first and second, how could i do the third, Rise from the ashes? So i scrapped them. Maybe ill graveyard them today, or save them as a reminderof when i was crappy. Or... More crappy. Oh and.... Im still doin Legend of the Nova, im just thinking of what i should do with the plot now... Planning it out

Fri, 07/20/2012 - 12:00
#6
Hexlash's picture
Hexlash
This is awesome but XD

I love it so far, I mean, I don't know how anything you can make is crappy, but just something REALLY funny, like seriously, do you play Golden Sun? Cause this is, like ridiculous, the most powerful weapon in the Game is called the Sol Blade, and there ARE four towers each symbolizing Earth, Water, Fire and Wind. And your title even says 'Golden Sun' like, that's just too much of a coincidence there XD lolololol
But... Do you need character apps? And... do you have an editor? Or is this rough scratch?

Fri, 07/20/2012 - 12:09
#7
Luguiru's picture
Luguiru
This is kind of pretentious

Was there any preface to these characters? Is there any explanation of why there are weapons or do they come out of nowhere in the story? Why is the main character such a generic hero? Is there a reason characters are fighting to be a servant to the emperor? Is there any preface to the villain faction or is it assumed that someone out there will want to fight them because they are a war nation? What do these people do other than fighting? How are their lives, are they poor and starving or living comfortably? What was the point of creating the weapons?

I had hoped this would be a more serious story.

Fri, 07/20/2012 - 12:29
#8
Kaijuhunter's picture
Kaijuhunter
Ehhh this is just based off

Ehhh this is just based off of a ton of different things a mushed up together. I think ill just Graveyard this and go back on LoTN.... Yep! Ok, this thread is over! Move along! Leave! Pow, spam this thread!

Fri, 07/20/2012 - 12:40
#9
Scamall's picture
Scamall
Well...

That fell apart quickly.

Fri, 07/20/2012 - 12:46
#10
Isekuube's picture
Isekuube
^

^

Fri, 07/20/2012 - 12:50
#11
Luguiru's picture
Luguiru
Before you go to another rodeo

When making a story, be sure you have a story first. Have an idea of what you want to do. When you have that basic concept, then you plug in some characters to see what happens. Does having one character affect the second? Do those both affect the third? When you have the basic skeleton of the story down and some characters to plug in, you need some plot and character development. Why should readers care about the characters? Why do they care about what the characters want? This is usually accomplished by familiarization, relating to the reader; if the character feels like a real person, when anything happens to them readers feel like it happened to a real person. If the character is a horrible person who kicks orphan puppies, killing them is not going to have an impact on anyone. If the main character has had a happy life and suddenly they have to fight all the evil of the world, it makes no sense; why do they have to do that? Is it part of their culture where they just happened to be part of something? This helps develop the characters by making them more realistic as characters rather than whatever the character is supposed to be. The plot also needs to be beefed up. Is there a villain? That counts as a character. Why is the villain so threatening? Why do readers care about the villain? Do they owe you money? If the villain is just a generic evil monster then no one cares when the hero kills it. If the villain was a tragic hero trying to redempt but ends up causing more problems than fixes, it makes readers feel empathy for them because they want to change but have been unable to.

Fri, 07/20/2012 - 12:56
#12
Hexlash's picture
Hexlash
WTH?!

Don't end this! You can't give up on something that hasn't even existed yet!!!! You can't hate something just because it looks grim at first! This can be something amazing! I demand you bring this back to life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or I WILL bump-spam this until you do :<

Fri, 07/20/2012 - 13:01
#13
Iskender's picture
Iskender
Luguiru...

It is nice to have a voice of reason hanging around in the forums.

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