16/04/3081…21:40
Artic screamed with pain as his arm was cut off. His arm fell heavy on the floor with his Glacius. Next was to be his leg. All he had left was his shield arm and two legs. His other arm was bleeding, and if he didn't get it fixed up soon, he would die of blood loss. He struck out his arm, using his last desperate strength, and smashed the nearest knight onto the ground. He bent over and drove the shield into another knight's stomach, before ripping his chains off. He looked at the crumpled knights. They were wearing grey gear…he wondered why, and then he realised...they were the darkness clan. The only clan not to work the others, the darkness clan were not known to have launched a ship, and if had, they hadn't crashed into Cradle. But then how had they got here? The Skylark was the Azure clan's main ship. But this wasn't the time; the alarm would go off soon. He looked at his right hand. Of course, his magic would be faulty with that hand - he was a left-hander - but it would work. He tightened his chaos cowl on, and reached out to the invisible forces. His chaos cowl was of the Ice brand, allowing him to reach into cool liquids that would freeze the moist in the air, causing an ice ball to grow. He looked up at the door. Suddenly there was a faint ringing. The alarm. He reached into the liquid and his hand started to freeze. Then, in a slightly less than graceful move he threw the liquids at the door and with a large crack, the door was covered in ice. It had cracked in the process. That was because he was using his right hand. He grunted and looked around, trying not to look at his arm. Finally, he picked up the Glacius and put it in his belt. He knew his only option would be the air vents. Not fun. He braced himself for one-armed crawling in the tight space. He glanced at the iced up door, and climbed up to the shaft using a chair. He froze the shaft and the bolts imploded with the high pressure of the ice. Before getting in, he cooled his wound down to stop the blood flowing out. Then, he shuffled in. His arm was in a blurred state; he was in pain, but he couldn't really feel it much. He was thinking about other things. He crawled to a grate. He looked down. The grey knights were coming in from all directions. Suddenly, they was an explosion and after about half a minuet, a roar. There was a lot of clanging. Artic guessed the knights had found the shaft. He crawled faster…
15/04/3081…19:06
Artic walked along the alleyway down the sides of Haven on the bright afternoon. He turned left into a small opening with a little pool in the middle. Kids were splashing about in it, while mothers were telling them to get out and lay the table. He walked into a final small little path. The path was only large enough for one person at a time, and it was covered by rubbish. He walked down it, and just as he saw the even smaller circle of houses he felt a weapon hit his head with blunt force. Straight away he ducked into a small hole, and got his weapons out. He held his Glacius like a heavy weapon and could use it like one. It had been a special offer from a gremlin – To change any weapon to a different speed, for the cheap price of a jumble of materials. Now its charge attack was a giant leap and three explosions causing a triangle of ice the blow around who ever weld this weapon. He hoped he didn't need to use it. He slashed out at the first thing passing his corner. It was a knight. Then, another hit to the head and it was all blurry. The force was even worse then before, hitting almost where he had been hit before…
15/04/3081…23:67
Everything was dark in his vision, and even if he had been seeing normally he wouldn't see much light. Only the dimmest if all lights were on. The he heard words, blurry words…
"Hey, boss, he's waking up!"
"Already? Hmm…make sure he doesn't try to get up," said a second voice. A few seconds passed before the second voice came back. "How is he?"
"Not shinning…"
"That's good. Now, what should we ask him first?"
"Let me do this," Said a third, worn and gruff voice. One of a sailor. Now kid, tell us your name. Now." Artic tried to say something but all he could do was mumble. The person groaned. "He ain't awake properly yet. Let 'im rest a bit, few hours at least by the look of him, and get a medic in to heal that wound. Then he'll be ready…he better be."
Fanfiction: Harsh Winds
Angelic-Tear is sad.
I guess a non-rolecasting thread never gets any attention.
It can't be expected that a fan fiction will satisfy a reader's interest, especially after a few hours of the original post. It's called the 'Treasure Vault' for a reason!
The story itself was a reasonable read. It starts off rather suddenly and viciously. The main character(s) didn't have much chance to introduce themselves from the urgency of the situation. The Darkness Clan was also introduced rather suddenly and then explained in a different entry date. It would've made more sense to have the explanation with the initial saying, as Artic, Sky Ace, or other characters would know of them since they have renowned recon gear.
The slight hint of a relationship between Artic and Sky Ace was also a tad confusing, as from context they've only just met each other. Unless you were going for the 'Love at First Sight' feel, then I didn't see that coming!
Overall, the plot was established and we can know what to expect. Take the time to flesh out your ideas. Maybe, having their personalities show through, or story boarding on paper beforehand. Don't be afraid to go into detail. It would make your story much more enjoyable!
18/04/3081…03:00Artic woke in a hospitable with two arms. He moved his left as he would normally to get out, and heard a buzzing. First, a door opened and a nurse came out, second he realised his left arm was the latest model in bionic arms. Able to connect with his magic, perfect manoeuvring, water, fire, lightning, ice-proof and no chance of short-circuiting all in the one small arm. Amazing technology. The nurse came in, and told him to lie down. He glanced at the clock and it was very early.
“How long have I been out?” He asked wearily.
“Two days, three hours.” The nurse replied. “You got to the doors of Haven after being chased by something that cut of your arm, and you went into immediate surgery. A surprisingly clean cut for a gremlin, if it was –“
“Not gremlin. I need to get to HQ and tell Captain Ozlo what happened.” Artic said, trying to get up. The nurse pushed him down and said,
“Calm down. Nobody will be awake yet. If it wasn’t gremlin, it’s construct or knight, am I right?” The nurse smiled. “My name is Sky Ace, I’m not a proper medic, but seeing as I can’t go into the clockworks for two weeks, I thought I’d help out here. Now I get assigned to a crazy guy.”
“First, I am not crazy! Second, can I talk to Feron or Ozlo alone as soon as possible?” Artic asked.
“I’ll ask, but make sure you rest. It’s three fifteen.” And with this, Sky Ace left the room. Artic tried to get back to sleep, but he couldn’t.
Sky Ace came back in the morning, and laughed.
“You’ve been up all night haven’t you? It’ll be a renegade knight then, who cut your arm off.”
Artic nodded, and mumbled “You haven’t had any sleep for a while either.” Sky Ace laughed again, her voice a light note, calming Artic down. He had been stressed out all night, trying to think about the knights. Then, the fatigue got him.
18/04/3081…09:50Lieutenant Feron sat down beside Artic’s bed. He had said he would wait for Artic to come round, so he did. But not for long, as Artic would be eating now on a normal day, so he came round from hunger. He blinked when he saw Feron, and then saluted.
“Thank you for coming to see me so soon, it’s just that the knights who cut my arm off were from the darkness clan and –“ Artic started before Feron gasped.
“What? The darkness clan? They had weapons unknown to anybody on Isora, so who knows what they have made here! This is serious. Are you sure about it!”?
“By my dead arm. If you need me, I’ll do anything to stop them. They had swords like Arkus. I want revenge…they killed my sister, my only relation since my parents died. And in that raid, they killed her.” Artic said quietly. Feron knew he meant it, and knew he was going to let him have it.
“Of course. We just need to plan and find them. You’ll also need a highly trained squad. If you have any ideas, on anything, feel free to contact me. I’ll get you a pass as soon as I get back to HQ.” Feron said.
“Yes sir.” Said Artic saluting. When Feron had left, Sky Ace came back. “Why are you always here?” Artic asked.
“I’ve been assigned to this area.” Sky replied, happily. “Why?”
“Just wondering.” Artic said quickly.
“You look happy. Your talk with Feron went well?” Sky asked as she laid down breakfast. “Sorry it’s late, but I couldn’t come when Feron was in.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. And yeah, it went well.” Then an idea popped into his head. “Do you have a squad?”
“No, why?” Sky replied.
“Because soon I’ll need a ‘highly trained’ squad to infiltrate a base. I was wondering, you say you were going to be out in two weeks, and I’m getting out in three, so maybe you would join me? I can explain the situation when I ask Feron about telling people, so there’s no need to answer straight away.” Artic explained.
“I’ll think about it.” Sky said as she walked away, “I’ve got to go now, see you later.” Artic thought about what would happen when they found the Clan’s hideout as he ate. Then, he thought about who should go with him. There was quite a list he knew. He knew he needed good weaponry and armour. If they had made friends with the Morai and then taken their weaponry after they were defeated, they probably had befriended the gremlins. They might even have a set of the Moraian’s typhoon blasters. Artic sat there worried.
02/05/3081…12:00Sky came in again, with lunch.
“I’m leaving now. Did Feron authorise you to tell me about the whole thing?” Sky asked.
“Yup…it’s pretty dark though. He just said, only people who might join you, nobody else.” Artic said.
“I’m all ears then.” Sky laughed. “Darkness is where I play best.” Sky said, referring to her recon abilities.
“Well, it’s starts off with the colours I saw.” Artic started as if he were starting a story. “Every knight in gear that looked like it didn’t come from Cradle, had grey-black gear, and some of the knights eyes were light grey. On this, I knew they were the Darkness clan.” Artic said as if there were nothing to worry about. Sky Ace gasped.
“Th-the Darkness cla- clan? How can that be possible?” She stuttered.
“Well, they're the Darkness clan, a clan with the most advanced recon gear in existence, at least, for knights. And since the colour wars, they’ve hated all knights of Isora. Especially with the death of Amaya the night rain. Scarlet forces to the Indigo assassins. They probably had spies everywhere, in every clan. We’ve warned all the clans within radio range, but ships are spread far and wide over the galaxy. They’ll be warning everybody in their range in till every ship knows.”
“I guess we’ll be fine then. I mean, if they’re spying they can’t have to many spies, or a to large base. So, what you saw was probably just a makeshift base.” Sky hypothesised.
“That would be nice. But while I was running away, I went into their air vents, and found a map that showed a massive complex. Probably gremlin. But anyway, now a select group of recons, will be briefed with the task of finding a large, possibly and hopefully, evacuated gremlin complex. Then three squads will infiltrate. One will be Desna’s recon rangers, another will be Feron’s squad and finally, my to-be-made squad. Hopefully including you.”
“Well…you know what they might have with them right?” Sky asked.
“A few, Moraian typhoon blasters, the most powerful gun to land in a knights hands?” Artic laughed. “We’re getting some special weapons for them.”
“Well then, seeing as you have everything sussed out, I think I’ll join. For a fee of course-“ Sky started, before being interrupted.
“If you want cash, get the hell out of my way.” Artic said in his deepest tones.
“O-OK. I’ll do it for nothing.” Sky stuttered, shocked by Artic’s fake, though she didn’t know this, change in mood.
“Haven’t you got to go?” Artic finished.
“Yeah. Bye Artic. I’ll see you at the end of next week hopefully?” Sky said, trying to lighten the tone.
“ ’Course darlin’,” Artic mumbled.
“Don’t you dare call me that again.” And with that, Sky left the room.