(Ok, this is my first time making a creepypasta, so I am trying my hardest. And note, this was based on a true story, maybe.)
It was just a normal Friday night. So, as usual, I would turn on my gaming desktop and turn on steam to play something. It was then I saw on the front page this game titled, "Spiral Knights." It was when I clicked on it I found out that it was F2P. I decided to download it. The download was pretty fast. When I turned the game on, it was logging in through my steam account. The screen faded to the "create a knight" screen, which is where I created my avatar. I chose how my armour looked and my personal color. Then, I named my Knight, "Mr. Muggles" (since it was basically the only thing floating around in my mind.) Once, I created my Knight, I started playing.
A week later, I got my rank up to Knight. Whenever I ran out of mist energy, I either turned off my computer or spent an hour chatting with other knights in the "Advanced Training Facility."
Eventually I got bored of the game and stopped playing for a month or two. Soon, I found out the game had gotten better with new updates. So, I decided to update it and turn the game back on. The log in screen was normal at first but then, it faded to a dark red stactic. You could hear some noises in the backround, some were Knights screaming, as if they were about to die with no energy to revive. The screen skipped the Knight files screen, Haven loaded. I was horrified.
It was raining. Dead bodies of bloody Knights everywhere. The Haven Auction house was burned down. There were no snipes, and then, when I was walking around, I found Rheydon sitting against a wall, on the brink of death. He said some final words,"WHY......why....why did, you...let..this..HAPPEN!" It was then my Knight, Mr. Muggles, went up to him and stabbed him the chest with a proto sword. I was too freaked out, so I proceeded to leave my basement, which is where my desktop was, through the door. Even though the door didn't have a lock, it wouldn't open. I hid in the corner of my basement, crying for help. I couldn't cry or scream for some reason, as if the game had something to do with it.
Then the screen went to the view that lets you move your Knight around. I tried to control my Knight, but he just kept running around slaying innocent snipes and strangers. I said into the chat, "STOP!" Mr. Muggles responded with "NO, YOU LET THIS HAPPEN." I typed, "What do you mean?!"
He responded with "YOU ABANDONED ME!1!" I typed, "But why would you do this?" Mr. Muggles didn't respond. Suddenly, a scarring high pitched sound pierced my ears! I held down my power button down for as long as I could. My desktop wouldn't turn off. Mr. Muggles then proceeded to slaying the population of Haven. "NOOOOOO!!!" I typed into the chat. I pulled the power plug on my computer, and it turned off, allowing me to escape my basement, crying to my parents.
So, this is the end of the creepypasta. I hope you enjoyed. Reply away!
I'm going to be honest, that was a pretty bad creepypasta. I'm going to offer some criticism though.
1.) Try to make it a bit longer, when something is short like that you leave no transition for readers to think "Okay, this is normal, okay...now its getting a bit different...and okay..now thats just wrong!"
2.) Try to avoid the whole "my computer was posessed and i couldn't stop it", the fact that your door was "locked", well, was just......not well written, and things like that honestly tend to make readers not care.
3.)Try to (and this is contuing my first point)avoid skipping from a normal scenario, right into messed up scenarios. I mean, you literally jumped from "Okay, this is boring, i'll take a break" (which is very realistic, even i felt the same way!), to "suddenly the game was either posessed by satan, or something of equal scaryness".
I mean, this might not help you, and you might not be super into writing creepypastas, but honestly, I would rate this as...maybe a 2/10?
Biggest problems: (Try to take this lightly):
1.)"Knights screaming"- Spiral Knights is, for the most part, a mute game...so how would you know its a knight screaming? (Somehow, this reminded me of "and the blood was so realistic!", a generic creepypasta thing)
2.) Avoid things that would also just seem....stupid...no offense, but someone running around with a Proto Sword smacking people wouldn't be able to bring down even half the community, let alone stand up to the ones near his rank. It just seemed...well, silly, but i'm sure if you elaborated more on how this happened, it would sound better.
3.) Door was locked? ehh. that seemed...odd...I mean, on the chance that my computer ever became posessed, and my door was locked, it'd be scary...but to read about it on this, well....didn't really help set the mood for me.
Sorry for any harshness, i just enjoy creepypastas, and i really think you could do better man!