This is my first fanfiction so please do not make fun of me if it is bad
Fanfiction:The Horrors Of The Past
Wed, 04/17/2013 - 17:28
Thu, 04/18/2013 - 00:09
#2
o_O
This would make a good mystery story, the mystery of the Missing Chapter.
Thu, 04/18/2013 - 17:26
#3
Yay
People are reading. Don't worry the first chapter will be out soon
Thu, 04/18/2013 - 17:44
#4
Chapter 1
4 knights were sitting around a campfire.one of them was complaining loudly
Why the (censored) did Feron have to sent us to this(censored) hell hole of all the places in the whole (censored) clockworks!? Complained the knight sitting on a log
Calm down Arc it could be worse. Said the knight leaning against a tree
How Zero !? We can barely see a thing, monsters are everywhere and even the plants are trying to kill us!What did we do to deserve this!
Well yesterday you almost blew up the auction house. Need I say more? Suggested Zero.
Shut up! Snapped Arc. That was by accident.
Accident!? You were trying to shoot a snipe.
Now now guys stop fighting. said a girl knight tending to the fire.
Yeah, if you guys hurt each other we ain't gonna protect you from the monsters said a knight polishing 4 swords : a glacius a combuster a voltedge and a Acheron.
Well Gale. Said Zero. It is natural for a genius and a idiot to fight.
Well. Said the girl knight. Neither of you are close to smart so you shouldn't fight
Avery. Said Arc sarcastically. You are so nice
I know right? Said Avery
Guys lets stop insulting each other and get some rest. Said Gale
Sure I was tired of talking to these idiots anyhow. Goodknight
Thu, 04/18/2013 - 17:44
#5
Yes.....
Yes the pun was intended
Thu, 04/18/2013 - 18:03
#6
Chapter 2
Wake up rise and shine!
Okay. Said Gale groggily. Coming
The 4 knights met around the remains of the campfire
Okay. So today we're gonna scout out a exit of this forest. Said Arc.we're gonna split into 2 pairs: me and Gale and Zero and Avery Do you understand?
Yessir the 3 other knight saluted split in to the assigned pairs and trekked of into the deep forest
.....So which way should we go first Arc? Said Gale.
Lets try the right. Suggested Arc.
Walking the 2 knights started a conversation
You like Avery don't you Gale? Asked Arc
Wait wha uh no of course not. Said Gale
Dude your my best friend I know what going on in that tiny brain of yours. Said Arc impatiently
So what if I do. Confessed Gale. is that any different to you being afraid of snipes?
I'm not afraid of them they just creep me out. Snapped Arc.
You know what lets stop revealing each others secrets there might be people listening.
And indeed there were
Thu, 04/18/2013 - 18:05
#7
I'm not....
I'm not posting a other chapter until I know if my chapters are good or bad
Thu, 04/18/2013 - 18:38
#8
Well.
It's a good story, but it's a little difficult to read. It needs work, though, but I'll just point out one major error of yours.
Always use quotation marks when describing dialogue.
I'll use an example from your story.
[Calm down Arc it could be worse. Said the knight leaning against a tree] is not the correct form.
["Calm down Arc, it could be worse", said the knight leaning against a tree.] on the other hand, is the correct form. I took the liberty of adding a comma in.
Also, while you have been doing this already, make sure to start a new paragraph when making dialogue.
One more thing. Make your chapters longer, and spend a little more time on them. Writing something isn't to be taken particularly lightly, so make sure there aren't any errors or redundancies or anything that would make the chapter in question unpleasant for reading.
Otherwise, the concept is pretty good.
Fri, 04/19/2013 - 17:02
#9
What Aekuryi said.
Sat, 04/20/2013 - 17:43
#10
Chapter 3 1/2
The 3 three eavesdropping gremlins started to whisper to each other. "When should we release the weapon ,Scourge?"
"At midnight, at the earliest ,Raven."
"When is it to be delivered?" The other gremlin had joined the conversation.
"Soon,Grey,soon "
"Can It take down 4 experienced knights?"
" We will keep one unconscious till the others are dead just in case ,then lets see if it can take down "It" by itself."
The 3 gremlins laughed and faded away into the darkness.
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At the knight campsite.............
"So guys did you find anything cause me and Arc didn't?" Gale asked.
"Same with us. Zero answered . "Unless monsters count."
"This is strange a depth can't go on forever, can it? Arc asked.
"We might be missing something,maybe a key to a secret door or something." Avery said.
"Well lets continue the search tomorrow." Gale said.
And the 4 knights went into their tents to wait for the tomorrow that would never come for 3 of them
I don't see a fanfiction anywhere.
Or could it be you haven't posted the first chapter?