We need to give people a reason to buy Energy (excuse me if I say CE at all, old habits die hard) with the coming update. Trinket and Weapon slots and Shadow Keys are all well and good, but they aren't the only things paying Three Rings's bills!

This is where Datalogs come in. To explain them, I have to explain something else: Strange Weapons. In Team Fortress 2, Strange Weapons are rare weapons that count how many kills are achieved with that weapon. So, say you've got a Strange Flamethrower. It'll count how many saps you burned to death with that particular Flamethrower.

Furthermore, there's "Strange Parts" that you can add to a weapon that track additional statistics. For example, adding a Strange Part: Robots Destroyed will count how many robots you've destroyed with that weapon in Mann Vs. Machine, while adding a Strange Part: Sappers Destroyed will count how many Spy sappers you removed with that wrench/robot arm/maul/neon sign.

Datalogs will be pretty much the same thing. They'll track different statistics.

Whoa, really? Where do I find them?

Not sure. Maybe you'll be able to find them as drops. Or maybe you'll be able to buy them from the Supply Depot, or open Lockboxes for them. Either way, they'll cost Energy; if they're drops, it'll cost Energy to attach them to your weapon.

So how exactly do they work?

An NPC (either Bechamel or someone else) will attach the Datalog you find to any of your weapons. The first datalog will define the main statistic of the weapon, and give it a title.

So say you're lucky enough to have found a Datalog: Constructs Disabled. You also have a Cryo Driver that you love to blast Constructs with. Go to this NPC, and for a small fee, Bechamel or whoever it is will slap that Datalog on your trusty sidearm, and voila! You now have a Small-Time Deconstructive Cryo Driver.

The part in italics, of course, is related to the first Datalog attached; in this case, since it counts killed Constructs, its title is "Deconstructive". If you later added a Datalog: Undead Laid To Rest, the Deconstructive Cryo Driver would not become a Ghostbusting Cryo Driver, it would remain a Deconstructive Cryo Driver; however, it would still count both Construct kills and Undead kills, regardless of which Datalog was applied first. The order datalogs are applied only matters in regards to the title.

And the part in bold, "Small-Time", is related to how many constructs you've killed. So say you go out and run through the Clockworks, and end up mowing down 50 Constructs. At that fiftieth construct, the Cryo Driver will no longer be "Small-Time", it'll be "Adventurous"! In fact, here's an idea for a list of ranks as well as the number of (insert statistic) required to reach said rank!

Small-Time: 0
Adventurous: 50
Slightly Heroic: 150
Fairly Mighty: 300
More Than Adequate: 600
Dashing: 1000
Fierce: 1500
Heroic: 2000
Elite: 3000
Vanguard: 5000
Legendary: 6500
Alpha: 7500
Coreseeker: 10000

Note, however, that this only counts the main statistic. In our Cryo Driver's case, it'll be Constructs. You can kill all the Undead in the world and still have a Small-Time Cryo Driver.

Now suppose you upgrade your Cryo Driver to a Hail Driver. Don't worry! You'll keep all your Datalogs intact.

If you trade a weapon with Datalogs on it, this will reset the Datalogs, meaning it will once again be Small-Time, but the new owner of the Cryo Driver will be free to count his own kills.

What all can I track?

Well, here are some datalog ideas, complete with their titles!

Beasts Hunted Down (Predatory)
Slimes Killed (Liquifying)
Constructs Disabled (Deconstructive)
Gremlins Killed (Dismantling)
Undead Laid To Rest (Ghostbusting)
Fiends Struck Down (Exorcising)
Knights defeated in Lockdown (Gladiatorial)
Enemies killed by Fire (Incendiary) [Only applies to weapons that can cause Fire!]
Enemies Frozen and killed (Glacial) [Only applies to weapons that can cause Freeze!]
Enemies Shocked and killed (Stormbringing) [Only applies to weapons that can cause Shock!]
Enemies Poisoned and killed (Vitriolic) [Only applies to weapons that can cause Poison!]
Enemies Stunned and killed (Head-Rattling) [Only applies to weapons that can cause Stun!]
Enemies killed by Curse (Sinister) [Only applies to weapons that can cause Curse!]
Treasure Boxes Broken (Greedy)
Heart Boxes Broken (Healthy)
Minerals Broken Down (Mining) [Counts only the final hit on a Mineral]
Enemies killed simultaneously (Crowd-Controlling) [Counts kills every time an attack kills two or more enemies at once]
Enemies killed with ricochets (Trick-Shooting) [Only applies to Alchemers!]
Enemies killed while trapped (Gravitating) [Only applies to the Graviton and Electron Vortex!]
Oilers Cooled (Firefighting) [Only counts the first Freeze application on each Oiler, only applies to weapons that can cause Freeze]
Boss Tokens Earned (Smiting) [Counts tokens only if it was the last weapon you used on the boss, but you do not have to score the final blow. Not "Bosses Killed" because nobody has the time to kill 10000 bosses.]
Swarm Monsters destroyed (of Evil's Bane) [Adds "of Evil's Bane" at the end, requires a special material from the usual source of Datalogs to be taken to the Sanctuary]

Note that many respawning enemies may not count toward Datalogs!

Suggestions? Compliments? Scathing rebukes?