Spiral Knights have a religion called "Moonomi" , where their owners would spend like maybe $500-$600 for that one look they wanted, or maybe sell off a kidney for that maid headband (because not everyone knows how to use money) And they would worship gods what constantly give them things they already have and remove things that actually had better potential than the new things, and then the newborns from last week would cry after buying those wings for 60k E, and then finding out their gods were giving out the same wings for about 10 times less. and then there was a man named nick who said, "Let there be sales!.... Let there be Slooms!..... Let there be Tinkinzar!... Let there be Vog!" Unfortunately, no one was there to hear him so he postponed all that, and then there was one person named Tagnus, he ordered the evil Kriss to Let his UV's go, and after that nick gained magical powers where he split the mist energy sea in half so all the squires could pass to the new world, only so they could fall off some random cliff. then Sapphire would bathe in a hot-tub full of energy along with Njruffian and then would throw giant trees at anyone who dared to disturb them, then bronies tried to overthrow them, But they failed, as they were stricken down to the ground. one morning Nick created King Krogmo, who would feast on a very "volatile" Jello every day, no one came out of his house alive after eating his jello..... NO ONE. then one day a Pit boss wearing sunglasses would harass an overtimer named Thomas Anderson, eventually the overtimer got sick of this and had a slow mo battle with him on a rooftop and then a subway train station, then they both went to a party to get cake, which wasn't really there and instead it was a just a Female robot with a bipolar disease. one day some gremlin named Seerus wasn't very "Seerus" about his bills from the weapons depot, so the loan shark named Kozma Decided to send 4 of her goons to take out seerus for not paying his rocket supply bill, seerus himself wondered why he had all those rockets in the first place, as he had devices that re-spawned his ammo, by the time he realized how stupid he was to have a whole grand arsenal that he never used 90% of the time, kozmas goons there already there, he had a huge hammer he wanted to use on them, but it was too heavy so, the 4 knights just shot him with their Glass Launchers, he screamed and finally died hoping no one would find out where his chair is, 2 days later they found his chair which thousands of knights sat on and violated it, also finding an embarrassing catalog of "Nonna's secret" sitting near the strangely placed boxes with confetti and golden coins. alast some guy named vanaduke made a lot of enemies because he would tell every other king how awesome his armor looked, one day they all came a'knockin at his door and just burned the place down, he then climbed up a mountain only to find a spirit named Navi, he found navi annoying, and because of this navi made him fat and gave him a Baron Scepter, ever since, he sat in his room after carving a skull pattern on the floor, and now every day he is harassed by 4 people almost every 5 minutes, if they made him fall down, he would cloak and throw giant stone tokens that would sometimes crush them and when they left he would uncloak and wait again for the next 4 idiots who come to ask him to book their birthday parties and weddings. and so the new age of Unspiraling Knights began.