something fanfic or something
I feel like writing a fanfiction (accepting apps)
Thu, 09/05/2013 - 16:27
Thu, 09/05/2013 - 17:01
#2
:D
it's cool that you're starting a fanfic. I started a fanfic a little while ago and I'm pretty new here. Just to let you know, I fully support your work.
Thu, 09/05/2013 - 17:01
#3
Pretend I wrote something clever here
Spiral Knights is a great game to write fanfiction for, because the setting allows for so many different genres. You can do action, adventure, fantasy, sci-fi, horror, cosmic/lovecraftian horror, intrigue, etc. The one issue you'll have is coming up with characters (unless you decide to use an NPC as you main character), but it shouldn't be too hard to come up with something (and if is the community will be more than happy to send you some ideas). Good luck with your planned fanfic!
Thu, 09/05/2013 - 19:29
#4
I'm waiting for that prophetic dream, I don't watch TV much
The biggest trouble I have when I write anything is making up a good title.
I also might run out of steam after something like 5000 words of writing (or less if I don't get well thought out characters) so I might take a while after that work, you know
But I'm just hoping I can think of an idea before the next weekend comes in, because I hate every Saturday that Saturday school can catch me on :(
Anyway TY for your support! :D
Fri, 09/06/2013 - 12:28
#5
Recommendation
Come up with the title when you're done the fanfic, so you don't have to be tied down to what the title describes the fanfic as.
I'm not the best writer, but if you have any more questions, we could meet up in game?
IGN: Artistbma
Fri, 09/06/2013 - 16:12
#6
:P ok
I have another account on Kongregate (IGN: Fullmadman) too
Will edit first post on Sunday describing fanfic
Sat, 09/14/2013 - 10:58
#7
I HATE COMPUTERS
This computer decided to be annoying and delete my prolix summary of a RJP run. AAAAGH. I had it all planned out.
Screw it. I do this tomorrow. Also this serves as a bump
Sat, 09/14/2013 - 04:47
#8
I HATE SWEARING
POW, SMAAAAAAAAAAAASHHHHH!
No, seriously. Don't swear at all on these forums or on any other, even if I'm not there.
Sat, 09/14/2013 - 05:55
#9
Sandwich, you better get rid
Sandwich, you better get rid of that cuss before the GMs see. They ban for stuff like that sometimes.
Sat, 09/14/2013 - 10:59
#10
Auto-control bot
i shall retype the post tonight. :|
Mon, 09/16/2013 - 21:41
#11
NOPE. I'M LAZY. I CAN'T HELP IT.
(A really poor excuse for a) Prologue
He went to the Mission Lobby. Another day, another Royal Jelly Palace run. It was the same thing every day. He had mastered it already, and it got boring. At least it made him a living. Every day, his Acheron slicing through the hordes of jelly and construct in front of him. And toward the Royal Jelly Throne he went.
This usually took him about 30 seconds. Yes, the Royal Jelly himself. He sliced through with little difficulty. At the boxes at the end, he got an Elite Orb of Alchemy. Not bad. But as he stepped onto the elevator, something went wrong. The elevator was malfunctioning, descending down into the bright Core at an alarming rate.
And he crashed. Hard. Onto the hard metal. It was stunning.
Glacial wind tore up the air around him, creating an unbearable torrent of cold. The emergency teleport to Haven was down, as was the minimap. He was undaunted. he stepped on the party button again, slicing through the ice cubes, albeit with much effort. So many ice cubes, he didn't know if he could hold it longer. And finally, he got down to the Throne Room again. He stepped onto the heart pad to catch his breath, exhausted from slicing through all the ice cubs and silversaps. Onto the party button he went. Wait, was that the Royal Jelly?
No. it was white. With a blue crown. This was a yet unknown entity. He had to log it.
Yep. Soft, squishy as the royal jelly. But then he hit its crown. All hell ensued. The jelly, red by the flames of rage, spun across the room, hitting him with such force that he slammed into the gate hard. He fell flat on the ground. Oh god. The minis surrounded his area. He tried to flee, via an emergency escape route designated pre-battle. More minis. He was completely trapped. He tried desperately to contact Spiral HQ. After some effort, he managed to get contact. "Help! They're closing in! There's not much time left... Pl-" That was all he could say before auxiliary power shut down. He fell to the ground, lifeless. The minis wander around, there being no more live knights to kill.
(To all people who read this: Post a rating of 1-10, where 1 is bad and 10 is bad.)
Mon, 09/16/2013 - 22:07
#12
UM
ER UHHH... HUH???
"Post a rating of 1-10, where 1 is bad and 10 is bad."
Um, so uh, 3? 7? 4?
Nice nice, I would recommend slowing the pace just a bit, but its fine. :)
Tue, 09/17/2013 - 16:04
#13
Derp. :3
"(To all people who read this: Post a rating of 1-10, where 1 is bad and 10 is bad.)"
5
And on a side note: Yeah, just slow the pace. Give more detail. Give more feeling. :D
Also: Be more confident with your writing. :3
Post a rating of 1-10, where 1 is bad and 10 is bad?
Oh come on now. :P
Tue, 09/17/2013 - 17:28
#14
Accepting appies nao
But I have yet to decide what for...
Tue, 09/17/2013 - 20:50
#15
btw, write your app however you want
Like this
Name: Peter
Age: 20 (Optional)
Species: Isoran
Gender: Male (Male/Female/Unknown/Hemale/Combination of both (percentages please)/None)
Rank/Position: Champion of the Spiral Knights (Vanguard? Warmaster's Assistant? Alpha Wolver? idk)
Specialty: Sword/Gun (Optional, but don't say "weapons" or "sword/gun/bomb" or "sewing machines". Basically nothing weird or too general.)
Location: Spiral HQ (Optional)
Bio: As a teenager, his parents were killed by the crash of the Skylark. He swore to finish whatever business his parents were going to start. After his military training, he was forcefully dropped onto Cradle, crashing hard and requiring immediate medical attention. However, no one attended to his wounds, so he had to cope and go the rest of the way to Haven himself. He has healed since, and is now going into the Clockworks, trying to go down to the very Core and get his hands on that energy. (Optional, but if you don't do it I'll forcefully assign you one I ensure you won't like and kill you during some point in the fanfic.)'
Other stuff you want me to know: (Optional)
Chapter 1 (BUT ONLY THE FIRST PARAGRAPH)
"So we got connection to this guy, but then we lost it right away. This means that they ran out of power somehow," said Feron to the new
comlink users. "Anyway, we need to organize a rescue team. I'll go organize them right away." He shuffled through the files, trying to find the best fighters for the job. He frowned. Everyone who was on his list was busy. Snap. That meant he had to find other good fighters. He searched through the fighters again, and announced,
(:O SUSPEEEEEEEENNNNNSSSEEEEEEEE yeah I'm bad at this lol)
Tue, 09/17/2013 - 22:40
#16
---
I'd give the Prologue a 7/10, assuming 10 is best. It's a decent set up for a story, but you could go into more description for the combat, etc. (Show, don't tell.) It's just slicing. I realize the guy's done it dozens of times, but detail is still important.
I'd try helping with a title, but it's a bit early into the story to conjure something up.
I might edit in an application here if we get some other people in.
Edit: Ehh, I'll just put it here. :P
Name: Carter.
Species: Isoran.
Gender: Male.
Age: 25
Rank: Champion (never did anything big enough to get the rank of Vanguard)
Visual Description:
- Long black hair, black eyes (eyes seem tired/bored)
- Body looks thin, but knows how to pack a punch
- Slouches slight when walking, usually has hands in pockets
- Stares at the ground while walking in a familiar area, with a face that makes others think he's thinking about something
- Personal Color: Dark Blue
Habits:
- When in a new area, will take one very long look, spotting any details that he can see (usually doesn't pay attention to anyone speaking while doing so)
- Sits down a lot, usually getting distracted by following something with his eyes (a bug crawling on the ground)
- Pokes things. (someone who's being stiff with him, previously mentioned bug, etc.)
- Spends most of his time in his abode
- When walking and talking, won't make eye contact with the person
- Takes note of things he sees others doing, and remembers them (remembers if someone likes/hates something, remembers something odd he saw on the floor)
- Will unknowingly make a barrier from females (blocks them out of view with another person)
- Concerned for squad mates that come along with him, but doesn't show it.
- Uses small amounts of pain to make progress (rolls out of bed and faceplants on the ground to wake himself up)
- Will sit on top of a building, rather than in an alleyway, to spy on something.
Bio: Carter grew up in a normal family, going to a public school. After the first few years, it was obvious that he was one of the smartest there. He had earned respect from the instructors, but he was one that was picked on during the earlier grades. By the time his years of school were over, Carter had taken an interest in fighting. After finishing, he moved out of his parents' house and got into training for Spiral HQ.
During the training courses, he developed some hobbies. He took an interest in physics, and tried putting it to use by messing around in the small space his apartment gave him. He eventually learned how to free run (which he usually didn't do as it attracted attention to him) when he went outside to try.
After several weeks developing the skills needed to become a knight, Carter became a knight of the Spiral Order, though they weren't sure if his way of dealing with the enemy would work. He grew to be one of the best there, although few knew that, as he usually ventured alone.
Personality:
- Intelligent, has much sense and reasoning. Knows when to stop.
- Introverted, prefers to handle things alone - Especially has trouble communicating with females
- Has a sharp tongue
- Will place other's lives in front of his, which surprises them often
- Will usually notice something important, but won't interrupt someone else talking
- Tends to stay away from other knights, but makes friends with AI or animals
- Prefers not to sneak attack and will acknowledge the enemy as an opponent
- Makes gestures instead of speaking sometimes, if it still gets the message through (nods instead of saying yes)
Expendability: Don't really care if he dies or not, but if he does, he takes the killer with him, or at least severely injures the killer.
Equipment:
- A blackened Solid Cobalt Helm and Vitasuit Deluxe, both modified to resist more of a beating (usually takes off helmet). They have the stats of a 3.5* helmet and 4.5* armor.
- Gran Faust, doesn't use shield alongside it.
- Has a pouch with a few items that can occupy him when he's bored (a deck of cards, etc.) as well as a few items of small use (a pocket umbrella)
- Casual Clothing: Gray collared shirt, Black jeans.
Fighting:
- Wields sword one-handed, sacrificed shield for movement.
- Attacks with both the sword and physical attacks (kicks, elbows, etc.), can chain attacks together to hit multiple times in a few seconds, powerful opponent at close range - Will kick as often as his uses his sword.
- Reaction time allows him to even deflect bullets if he gets lucky, but is much more vulnerable against some attacks due to having no shield (explosions)
- Does everything in his power to confuse his opponent, and maintain momentum. Frequently uses spinning attacks, and at least tries to jump around, over, and under his opponent.
Change things if you want, but there's my app. Sorry for the wall of text.
Tue, 09/17/2013 - 21:37
#17
10 is bad, and 1 is bad too.
I shall translate your rating to a 3.5/10
Overall rating you guys have given me so far
Hex: 3
Ise: 5
Player: 3.5
11.5/30
3.83333/10
Tue, 09/17/2013 - 21:46
#18
Intriguing
Sooo 5/10 is the best?
Tue, 09/17/2013 - 22:21
#19
Huh...
Well, Vinny's back, kicked the poor cat Felicity out of the house again...
Anyhow, I'd give it a 5.5 / 10. Not the worst I've seen, but it's an overdone trope. I'm surprised you even managed to milk out my interest.
Since no one ever seems to use my female apps, I'm making you suffer with the rest of the authors I have tortured thus far.
Name : Felicity (No last name)
Age : 16
Species : Knight
Rank : Vanguard - Corporal in military - Corporal in Dezna's division - Honorable Discharge
Specialty : Grenadier.
Location : Haven.
Bio :
One of the survivors of the Skylark-Cradle incident.
Felicity *****, a girl hailing from a rather secluded area of Isora, had a very obscure background during her time there. Though she was registered within Isora's databases, little could be said until she was ushered into the Skylark at the age of 12. Though she didn't appear to have conventional military training, she did understand to a great extent much of the theory and the mechanics of the military. Surprisingly, instead of becoming an officer to supervise and command soldiers, she signed up to be recruited into the normal squads. Four years since the take-off of the Skylark, Felicity finally completed her training with flying colors, and she went into preservation until the crash of the Skylark. Unlike many of her comrades, Felicity's trajectory of the escape pod ended up keeping her in orbit for a couple years, and only very recently she had waken up to the new world of Cradle.
Despite this, she managed to perform flawlessly in many high-risk operations as an individual soldier, and provided excellent support as a grenadier in squad scenarios. Again and again, she had injured her seemingly frail self many times to protect teammates from enemy ordinance. This caught the eye of Dezna, one of the elite Knights in the order who was allowed to command her own company. In a matter of weeks, Felicity was transferred to the Recon Knights, and from there was forcefully advanced into the Recon Rangers. The rather harsh changes meant little to Felicity, and she continued to serve well.
It was only when she was assigned to scout out Compound 42 did she stop her operations. The copious levels of poison, smoke, and fire had weakened her resilient body greatly, and she eventually had to be rescued by none other than Desna herself. Felicity then spent time in heavy rehabilitation, and was honorably discharged for her injuries in duty.
She runs a small bakery now in Haven, still the same small girl as ever. She helps her old comrades not with her deadly bombs and bullets, but now with the scrumptious treats that come from her oven. She isn't hesitant to give tips on bombing and operating as a team, though she would rather discuss such topics in privacy.
Though she officially is banned from any strenuous activities whatsoever, she can occasionally be found in the Training Hall pitching Irontech Destroyers and Electron Vortexes at the bots. Her old set of Mad Bomber suits have been put away in storage, and her custom-painted Omega Shell is the only thing left of her time with the Rangers.
Expectancy : I'd rather that Felicity doesn't die, but plays a somewhat larger part in the story, if not becoming a focal character herself.
Loadout : Mad Bomber - Irontech Destroyer, Electron Vortex, Sentenza - Omega Shell w/ Shadow, Pierce, and Elemental all MAX.
Costume : Custom-made Ranger version of her Loadout, save for a Blazebreak Helmet instead of the Mad Bomber.
Additional notes :
- Outside of her armor, she appears to be a really thin girl weighing only 100 pounds. She is 4'9''. Her hair is dark brown, and her eye color is violet. Her skin rarely sees sunlight, so her complexion is very pale.
- The personal color is also violet, like her eyes.
- She usually wears a brown apron over her white blouse and blue jeans and leather boots. Her hair is tied up into a ponytail.
- She employs the use of a cane to walk around Haven. She also has a spine brace for her Mad Bomber suit.
- Personality - wise, she comes off as a very nice person with a bit of an inferiority complex, always placing herself lower than her peers. She constantly worries about those she know, regardless of how cruel or kind they may be. Occasionally, she falls into a deep episode of unresponse, though it comes usually as she wakes up or goes to sleep.
Tue, 09/17/2013 - 22:22
#20
Huh...
Double post? -_-
Wed, 09/18/2013 - 18:10
#21
YES. A FEMALE. THIS NEEDS MOAR DIVERSITY
Ok you're both accepted.
5.5/10 is the best rating you can give me, so since you didn't recieve it too well I'll just assume you vote 0
I will assume Felicity is a female because of your continuous reference to Fecility as "her"
Shortening these posts for self-reference
Name: Carter.
Species: Isoran.
Gender: Male.
Age: 25
Rank: Champion
Visuals:
- Black hair and eyes
- Strong but looks otherwise
- Slouches slightly when walking
- Stares at the ground while walking in a familiar area, with a face that makes others think he's thinking about something
- Personal Color: Dark Blue
Habits:
- When in a new area, takes an observing looks around ignoring others
- Sits down a lot, usually getting distracted by following something with his eyes (a bug crawling on the ground)
- Pokes things. (someone who's being stiff with him, previously mentioned bug, etc.)
- Spends most of his time in his abode
- When walking and talking, won't make eye contact
- Takes note of things he sees others doing, and remembers them (remembers if someone likes/hates something, remembers something odd he saw on the floor)
- Will unknowingly make a barrier from females (blocks them out of view with another person)
- Concerned for others, but doesn't show it
- Uses small amounts of pain to make progress (rolls out of bed and faceplants on the ground to wake himself up)
- Will sit on top of a building, rather than in an alleyway, to spy on something.
Bio: Carter grew up in a normal family, going to a public school. After the first few years, it was obvious that he was one of the smartest there. He had earned respect from the instructors, but he was one that was picked on during the earlier grades. By the time his years of school were over, Carter had taken an interest in fighting. After finishing, he moved out of his parents' house and got into training for Spiral HQ.
During the training courses, he developed some hobbies. He took an interest in physics, and tried putting it to use by messing around in the small space his apartment gave him. He eventually learned how to free run (which he usually didn't do as it attracted attention to him) when he went outside to try.
After several weeks developing the skills needed to become a knight, Carter became a knight of the Spiral Order, though they weren't sure if his way of dealing with the enemy would work. He grew to be one of the best there, although few knew that, as he usually ventured alone.
Personality:
- Intelligent, has much sense and reasoning. Knows when to stop.
- Introverted, prefers to handle things alone
- Especially has trouble communicating with females
- Has a sharp tongue
- Will place other's lives in front of his, which surprises them often
- Will usually notice something important, but won't interrupt someone else talking
- Tends to stay away from other knights, but makes friends with AI or animals
- Prefers not to sneak attack and will acknowledge the enemy as an opponent
- Makes gestures instead of speaking sometimes, if it still gets the message through (nods instead of saying yes)
Expendability: Isn't going to die until deep into the story
Equipment:
- A blackened Solid Cobalt Helm and Vitasuit Deluxe, both modified to resist more of a beating (usually takes off helmet). They have the stats of a 3.5* helmet and 4.5* armor.
- Gran Faust, doesn't use shield alongside it.
- Has a pouch with a few items that can occupy him when he's bored (a deck of cards, etc.) as well as a few items of small use (a pocket umbrella)
- Casual Clothing: Gray collared shirt, Black jeans.
Fighting:
- Wields sword one-handed, sacrificed shield for movement.
- Attacks with both the sword and physical attacks (kicks, elbows, etc.), can chain attacks together to hit multiple times in a few seconds, powerful opponent at close range - Will kick as often as his uses his sword.
- Reaction time allows him to even deflect bullets if he gets lucky, but is much more vulnerable against some attacks due to having no shield (explosions)
- Does everything in his power to confuse his opponent, and maintain momentum. Frequently uses spinning attacks, and at least tries to jump around, over, and under his opponent.
Name : Felicity (No last name)
Age : 16
Species : Knight
Rank : Vanguard - Corporal in military - Corporal in Dezna's division - Honorable Discharge (Blah blah blah)
Specialty : the most physically powerful soldiers and would lead assaults in the field of battle (copied straight from wikipedia)
Location : Haven. (Bah, humbug)
Bio :
Survived the crash, unnatural knowledge of military, excellent soldier, ex-recon knight, baker, good bomber
Expectancy : I get a Mary Sue feel, may be seriously harmed, but not killed until near end
Loadout : Mad Bomber - Irontech Destroyer, Electron Vortex, Sentenza - Omega Shell w/ Shadow, Pierce, and Elemental all MAX. (Replace Mad Bomber with Chaos, remove UVs from Omega Shell, you're good to go)
Costume : Custom-made Ranger version of her Loadout, save for a Blazebreak Helmet instead of the Mad Bomber.
Additional notes :
- Outside of her armor, she appears to be a really thin girl weighing only 100 pounds. She is 4'9''. Her hair is dark brown, and her eye color is violet. Her skin rarely sees sunlight, so her complexion is very pale.
- The personal color is also violet, like her eyes. (...)
- She usually wears a brown apron. Her hair is tied up into a ponytail.
- She employs the use of a cane to walk around Haven. She also has a spine brace for her Mad Bomber suit.
- Personality - wise, she comes off as a very nice person with a bit of an inferiority complex, always placing herself lower than her peers. She constantly worries about those she know, regardless of how cruel or kind they may be. Occasionally, she falls into a deep episode of unresponse, though it comes usually as she wakes up or goes to sleep.
agug
saoidj
onemoreappplis, though more would be appreciated
Wed, 09/18/2013 - 21:45
#22
---
Judging by the bold text in the middle of my shortened application, Carter's gonna die. :P
Fri, 09/20/2013 - 19:55
#23
bump
plis posty appy i want get writing
Sat, 09/21/2013 - 15:14
#24
Appy for the sandwich...
Name: Flarious
Age: 6
Species: Drakon (Sprite)
Gender: Male
Rank/Position: A high ranked Drakon who knows all moves avalible to him.
Specialty: He's pretty intellegent so he uses anything if it's to cold to light a fire. It was even recorded that he beat down a tier 2 wolver using a large stick he found on the forest floor.
Bio: He was wondering in the clockworks until he managed to stumble into the snarbolaxes lair. Fortunately he was rescued in the nick of time by a solo knight (Who I hope will be in the story) and immeadietly warmed to the knight. From then on he fought with his partner and never left him/her.
Personality: Sometimes a bit of a chatterbox but remains quiet when needed to. He always obeys his master and usually manages to befriend even the most dark hearted souls. Very loyal and intelligent. He often sneezes flames and accidently sets everything ablaze. Apart from this he keeps his fire under control.
Other stuff you want me to know: I kinda hope that you accept him and make him a good part of the story. Just to add, he really likes to eat mini jelly cubes as a snack (useful when going down to the jelly palace. You'll usually find him devouring a few in the corner).
Sat, 09/21/2013 - 21:13
#25
...okay
Flarious belongs to Carter
I will write on Sunday, promise, because it's 10 PM where I live and I'm supposed to be in bed. shhhhh
Sat, 09/21/2013 - 21:16
#26
Hmmm
10 pm you say?
Sat, 09/21/2013 - 21:17
#27
no
the subject line was said by my evil lying alter-ego
Sat, 09/21/2013 - 22:07
#28
---
Looking at Dewca's wording, I think they wanted someone else to own Flarious. Carter's already going to be in the story, and the way it's put makes it seem like Dewca wants someone else to post an app.
"Fortunately he was rescued in the nick of time by a solo knight (Who I hope will be in the story) and immeadietly warmed to the knight."
Dewca had a typo there. :P
Sat, 09/21/2013 - 22:36
#29
Bah fine
.
Sun, 09/22/2013 - 00:41
#30
XD
I don't really mind who Flarious belongs to. As long as Playerman dosen't mind I'm fine with him belonging to anybody.
Sun, 09/22/2013 - 01:15
#31
Application
I never write normal stuff.
I never write normal applications.
Name: Nightsong
Age: 17, 48th cycle
Species: Zephyr
Gender: beyond dusk
Specialty: "The sun is sleeping; I shall survey the world's grieve for him."
Bio: The incarnation of an Autumn breeze, she (I like shes) is the harbinger of sadness and nights; currently young in her 48th cycle of reincarnation and rebirth, she sweeps the world with her abysmal blade which flows darker than the night.
Personality & quotes: "Beauty exists; in sorrow and remorse."
"Destruction is but a lowly form of sorrow."
"Pour in me your sorrow. I shall overflow you with mine."
"Beautiful are losses irrevocable."
"You can forget me, forget my blade; sorrow shall never be forgotten."
"Beautiful the night, graceful what it emblems."
"I am the blanket of the night, soothing souls unto eternity."
Would be great if you could take this app.
Sun, 09/22/2013 - 10:23
#32
........................okay
merpityderp
Mon, 09/23/2013 - 01:33
#33
I'd catch a grenade for ya as long as it won't explode.
I know this is strange and may not fit into the theme of your story, but
It would be great if you could take her in as an observer---narrator to sort out the things unknown to the protagonist narrator.
Mon, 09/23/2013 - 20:57
#34
She's a character whether you like it or not
I'm an idiot and I'm kicking myself for not finding time on both Sunday and today. Bah. I'll do it on Wednesday.
Tue, 09/24/2013 - 15:28
#35
Actually, I changed my mind
She can be both an observer and a character
Wed, 09/25/2013 - 01:57
#36
WHEN IS CHAPTER ONE COMING
WHEN IS CHAPTER ONE COMING OUT?
WHEN IS CHAPTER ONE DAYUM COMING OUT?
Character apps are important, but only if you can write up to the applicant's expectations. So start writing and show them what you're worth.
Wed, 09/25/2013 - 15:40
#37
The brilliant phantom... Application.
Name: Vantix The Creator
Species: Phantom
Gender: Male
Rank: Undead Outcast
Speciality: A dark staff that summons hotrodes to protect their creator. And a knife.
Bio: Vantix is a... Strange character, to say the least. Upon his reserection, he has had a strange relationship with machines. No one knows exactly why, but most guess it is because of the fact the he is insane, a psychopath and a pyromaniac. Did I mention the fact he loves fire? Anyway, at an early stage in his new life he dicided to repair old machinery and create new machinery. Eventually an incident happened with an expirimental lazer and corkscrew and he was banished from his ho...errr...Grave. I really shouldn't mention that incedent. Messy. Blood and gore everywhere. Nightmares for weeks. Children were horrified. Where were we? Oh yes, so finally after many weeks of journeying Vantix finally found a place to call home. An abandoned gremlin pyrotechnics factory. As we speak he is creating napalms, flamethrowers, and hotrodes to wield said weaponry. He also wears a gas mask for some reason.
I'm pretty new to the forums too. I have full confidence that this fanfic will be excellent.
Wed, 09/25/2013 - 18:48
#38
ok
"Peter, Carter, Felicity, and Curtis!" Due to the nature of this mission, no one cheered. Curtis slowly came out. He was a short young knight (now a soldier) who wasn't known by many. The few who knew him liked him, for he was a likable character. A Drakon followed him. The others were legends of the spiral order and if you don't know them by now you should be ashamed.
They headed to the elevator, eager and ready. All of them had the vigor of youth, because they were all 25 or under.
"So we have to rescue this guy who got lost in the chambers of the Ice Queen, right?" Curtis asked. "Yep," replied the others in unison.
"Well then let's go!" They stepped on the elevator, and it instinctively went down.
They heard a deafening crash that broke the elevator. The elevator then slammed again. Bright light radiated from the floor. This was clearly not the Royal jelly Palace, as they all knew.
"Great. We made it into the Core. Now explain to me how we're going to get back up into the Palace?" asked Carter, looking at the wreckage of the elevator, and up the hole the elevator had made crashing into the Core, trying not to look at the other knights however.
"Well, we'd better look around. At this point, we're pretty much stranded," Curtis told him.
A dark force was hiding around, however. Now they had the burden of surviving in addition to getting out of here...
(MECHAO'S APP IS ACCEPTED THANK YOU VERY MUCH)
(ALSO I AM LAZY)
Thu, 09/26/2013 - 07:35
#39
/e is sad like a rotten, cleaved papaya...
Maybe I judged wrong, maybe you haven't posted enough for me to judge, maybe I simply don't appreciate the art of story-telling (and writes loads of cr@p myself), maybe its just a random maybe, but...
I am not totally satisfied by your story.
1. Too much mainstream content. Fighting and farming the Royal Jelly Palace is one of the most mainstream parts of all fanfics (since Vanaduke is probably reserved for mainstream epicness), and even if it somehow malfunctioned TWICE, it doesn't help. It's still a generic run-of-the-mill fanfic that attracts some praise from those who LOVED a detailed Skylark crash, detailed Royal Jelly Palace, or detailed elevator crashed; it never exceeds that point. I hope you have some genuinely out-of-the-box content out soon, else this is going to evolved into another "fun-only" fanfic.
2. Logic...how are the knights supposed to assemble without any prior info, and just go down to rescue a random strange. I know they knew in their real lives, but we don't know. We don't even know what they are, and if I do not read the character applications I don't even know what each guy looks like. Give us some background/description/indication of how the story goes. And are knights supposed to crash down to the core unharmed? Derppp...
3. Dialogues. I can't master that myself, I write too much like shetty shet. Recommend you read Artifice, his dialogues are palpable and real, you could trace threads of the character inside each conversation. Mawashimono's are not bad, but sometimes too epicly fantastical and a lil' bit unrealistic. Of course you could argue that you are writing a fiction in a world where everyone talks like that, but...
4. Description. "A dark force was hiding around, however." was hardly the best introduction for the menacing threat. Especially the "however" in the end which spoils everything...try harder next time, I can't give advice cuz I suck :P
Peeps pls don't **** me up or kick the **** out of me due to this post ><
Thu, 09/26/2013 - 14:15
#40
I'm with vividues
I'm also feeling a little disappointed. It sounds a little too much like the game. Most of the time, when you write a story based on a video game, you'll want to inject a little more reality into your story. For example, artifice's stories (while needing some work on the "show don't tell" and pacing) are both instantly identifiable as based on spiral knights, but have also expanded to encompass more than just the game. This story doesn't do that.
Some advice:
1. Worldbuilding. If you don't what that is, you shouldn't be writing. Right now, this story is a little too close to the source material, and if don't fix that you'll bore people (we come here looking to get away from the grind, not to find more of it).
2. Show don't tell. So many writers here don't do this. If I can come up with a reasonable approximation of a character's initial app by reading their introduction, you are doing it wrong (artifice makes that mistake sometimes, though sometimes I only notice because it stands out from the generally high quality of the rest of his writing).
3. Show don't tell. This is so important, I'm going to mention it twice.
4. Be poetic. You should avoiding saying something like "bob stabbed the gremlin". Being too direct makes your writing dull, too short, and predictable.
5. Minimize combat. Since each battle should have a fair amount of description attached to it, you don't want to run out of interesting ways to describe the action halfway through the book. The fanfic "accidental hero of the galaxy" has an issue with this, because it turns out there is a finite number of ways to rephrase the sentence "commander shepherd shot the bad guy in the head with a sniper rifle".
6. Show, don't tell. I literally cannot overstated how vital not screwing this up is to your success.
Thu, 09/26/2013 - 14:29
#41
Am I late to join?
Name: Antasma
Species: Swarm Overlord
Gender: Unknown
Age: Unknown
Rank: Swarm Master
Speciality: Able to split into clones to hide his charged plasma orbs. He can also summon orbs around him which he can use to eat and give him increased power. He can activate a barrier to protect himself from all damage and slowly restores his health and the only way to deactivated it is by killing all the orbs that are left. He can turn into bats which is used to fly around or attack enemies with.
Expendability: Since he is more of a boss character, he shouldn't die until the end.
Bio: Antasma was born as a swarm leader and will learned his moves as he was growing up. Since swarmed don't age, you can't tell how old they are. Antasma's base was attacked went he was still weak and the knights attacking it where masters at defeating the swarm which resulted in his parents dying. He got really angry and learned the ability to summon orbs that protected him. He usually never leaves the swarm and he usually practices but the odd situation will result Antasma leaving the passage to kill whoever he needed to.
Thu, 09/26/2013 - 15:46
#42
---
Go ahead and edit in the first paragraph of Chapter 1 into the post, can you? Links at the very first post are good too.
Advice so far:
Show, don't tell. I don't think I have to go into this much.
Specific little things: The first (second) paragraph is pretty badly done in terms of showing and telling. Even if they are legends in the Spiral Order, at least a brief introduction is needed.
"Great. We made it to the Core. Now explain..." From that point on is a run-on sentence, fix that.
Please make sure you go through all the criticism, it'll make your writing much better.
Thu, 09/26/2013 - 16:01
#43
...No
You sound extremely condescending here, Battlegrinder. I like the constructive criticism you give but the way you give it to me just comes off as arrogant. I've only started.
And now you're telling me that it looks too much like the game just because of THE FIRST TWO FLIPPIN CHAPTERS? I'll take your opinion with a grain of salt, because you're assuming I'll do this the whole way through.
Also, aren't we SUPPOSED to predict what's coming next? Speculate if the character dies or lives to kill the evil mean Swarm Overlord? This isn't a mystery book you know.
Yes, they are supposed to crash down to the Core unharmed, the Core Caretakers care about safety. ;)
if I do not read the character applications I don't even know what each guy looks like.
A lot of books do that. Deal with it.
Creeper's app is accepted, but he's probably going to be NERFED.
Ok.
Playerman tells me to INCREASE combat content.
Battlegrinder tells me to DECREASE combat content.
Based solely on how much I like these users so far, I'll go with Player's suggestion.
EDITTTTTT: Ok then, I shall revise my Chapter 1 and redo it based of you people's suggestions. :D
Thu, 09/26/2013 - 16:32
#44
Oops
I'm sorry if offended you, it was not my intent. Just to be clear, none of the tips I gave you are referring to issues that your story has, they're just things that I see new writers screw up often enough that I felt they warranted a mention. Secondly, while I was disappointed by the story so far, I actually like the concept and general atmosphere that you have set up, and hope to see more of it.
Regarding the two comments that seem to be referring to me, I again apologize for offending you.
Character apps: most good books don't do that. In fact, the best ones leave character descriptions sparse enough that fans will continue to discuss their unique interpretation of the character from now until the heat death of the universe. Good characters are descried by thier actions, not by the narrator or other characters. For example, if you have a character who is very strong, the phrase "Strongy Mcstrongdude was strong" should never appear in your book. Instead, you have him lift heavy things, perform feats of great strength, and so on, and let the reader take note of his ability to do such things.
Combat: I haven't seen enough of your work to know if you need to scale it back or not. The point of my advice was to refrain from going into exhaustive detail for every single fight, lest you bore your readers.
Thu, 09/26/2013 - 17:10
#45
...
Well, I can't really give you a fair criticism since you're on your "writer's block mode", like many of us here, so I'll just say you were lazy. Your prologue was meh (I was being suspiciously nice, of course ;U;), so I didn't expect anything huge from you.
Also, Grinder, Vivideus's style of writing fanficts isn't a rubric for other writers. If Sandy doesn't want to detract from the original SK, so be it. I find it harder to keep to the source material nowadays while still making it interesting, rather than making scratch material. Figures that people try a lot for individuality these days...
But, I do agree with you guys on the fact that I'd like a little more of everything. I know Sandwich is probably a good writer, but all of this thing takes time. And since we're in the middle of the school year (for most of us, at least), I won't expect anything great from anyone, not even Vivideus.
Thu, 09/26/2013 - 17:33
#46
@Vinnydime
Thanks for the advice. I wasn't trying to apply vivideus's rules to the story, however. It just sounded like the story was too grounded in the rules of the game, and thats a genre that's hard to pull off (I think mogworld is the only book that's really done it right).
Fri, 09/27/2013 - 03:34
#47
@allrandomandnonrandompeeps
1. I don't have rules. Just opinion. And the phrase "style of writing fanfics" is a blatant conviction; I only have one fanfic writing atm, and its my only one; haven't done any before this...have to confess that I am writing beyond my limits :P
2. "Middle of the school year"? It's still the first month for me, and btw, school is never as important as SK...or some other random stuff.
3. I think I agree with battlegrindah on the point that you shouldn't write extensive combat scenes...too frequently. At some occasions its ok, entertaining, just don't do that every time. By the way, I have to confess that I never find your combat scenes too "mehly" (I am deliberately ambiguous here, beware!). So try harder...
4. It depends on whether your characters are "integral" or not; if they are not integral, then it's fine...If I substitute Jack for Jill, the story will still work, all I need to do is to replace the "shes" for "hes". But the story tends to goes shallow, follows the plot but not much else. People might find it easier to write if you create your own characters, to make them fit into the story instead of fitting the story into the character apps.
5. Vinny you are not a noob. You are a bawsslike stuffy... :<
6. Just to ask again, does no one read my fanfic? :<
Edit: I truly believe myself to be a blatant failure since I altogether failed to notice the line that the epic Knights were "the legends of the Order." Oh, if everyone is a legend, then a legend isn't a legend anymore...its just paratypical lulz
Fri, 09/27/2013 - 15:06
#48
WARNING. WARNING.
Not everyone is a legend. These were the days when SL was newly discovered.
I have a lot of work to do, so don't expect anything from me until... bah. I don't know. I HAVE WRITER'S BLOCK
Mon, 09/30/2013 - 17:56
#49
...
I finished my homework, but this case of writer's block is extremely severe.
I have the beginning planned out, now I need to think of the end. It's not easy with writer's block nagging me.
Mon, 10/14/2013 - 14:11
#50
So...
Is that writers block gone yet? I personally never had it but I have never made a fanfic. I see this fanfic being great, just kinda taking a long time.
First off I have something to say to you: Welcome to the Forums! I can tell you are new because,
A. I have never seen you before.
B. Your first day, you commented on any thread you could get your hands on. (Maybe more like your fingers, but whatever. :D)
With that out of the way, it is wonderful that you want to start a fanfic, it is jolly good fun as well. It also requires a lot of dedication. But, it's all good when you receive the positive feedback, from the great people of the forums.
As for the fanfic, I have no idea what you should do, honestly. Maybe God will send you a prophetic dream or something. Or maybe you are watching TV and BAM! fantabulous idea. What you should do, though is plan EVERYTHING out before hand. I learned that the hard way with my fanfic. So many holes, my gosh. ._. Anyways, the thing is, be prepared. But don't let all of this 'technical' stuff bring you down. It's a lot of fun. You don't even have to post that often, haha. You can leave your thread for a year and people will stop caring after a month or so. *cries in a corner* So yeah. Umm, I'm not sure how to close this. Isekuube gives Sandwich-Hero the best of luck.