Someone should deck Dahall with a heavy gold pun-ch.
If every food you touch turns into gold, you Midas well go on a 24 carrot diet.

Caring for your computer:
An Apple a day keeps the PC-Doctor away. That being said, big Macs still aren't very healthy. Every computer is vulnerable to viruses, so it is important to keep your desktop clean. In the event that your computer catches a virus, try giving it a tablet. Make sure it gets lots of sleep and try to limit the number of times you need to boot it. If you're using a laptop, make sure you have Trojan protection. Those nasty viruses reproduce quickly when they get in your system and can quickly render your computer unproductive. Above all, only visit trusted and secure sites when exploring the internet.

Pokemon:
Catching a wild Kyurem with only a level 100 Shuckle takes a lot of balls.
Never play hide and seek with Ash's Pokemon. They always Pikachu when they're counting.
Since Ho-oh always carries a sacred Ash, people sometimes wonder what led to Ash Ketchum's fall from glory.
If Koffing evolves into Weezing, when does Weezing evolve into Asphyxiation?

General:
Anyone who claims one person can make a difference has not yet mastered basic arithmetic.
Einstein wasn't a genius, he was just relatively more creative.
I Kant stand philosophy at all. It's like listening to people talk about Playdoh.
Life, in a nutshell, is a seed.
You can't understand basic chemistry without understanding acidic chemistry.
All baby Spiral Knights sleep in a Cradle.

Anyway, I'm gonna Winmillion crowns outta these Devilites

Hey did you here about the kidnapping? Don't worry, he woke up.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
Some people's noses and feet are built backwards;their feet smell and their noses run( I don't know if this qualifies as a pun...)
Seven days without a pun makes one weak.

/me is terrible at puns ;_;

Lotion manufacturers like being creamated when they die.
Infinity is not in finity.
Liechtenstein's insane, it has a city of a Silums.
Mathematicians enjoy going to Mobius strip clubs at times.
The fish was laughed at for failing to get a mark above C.
Speaking of fish, where do they store their money? In the river bank, of course.

Someone loaded a community fountain with dish soap. I guess the magnitude of such a prank didn't dawn on him.
Flagella are ridiculous but the other kind of hairy protrusion on a cell is even cilia.
Why are there no knock-knock jokes about freedom? Because freedom rings.
Is there a month between April and June? Maybe.
What does Spanish milk say? Soy milk.
The Soviet Onion: Layers and Layers of Communist Propaganda
What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
Why did Jack get arrested? For bean stalking.
Did you hear about the one with the three holes? No? Well, well, well.
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
What's a baker's favorite type of dog? A purebread.
I tried to steal some metal, but the coppers put me in irons.
Why did the two crows get arrested? For attempted murder.
A raven has four pinion feathers and a crow has five. You could say the difference between them is a matter of a pinion.
Who was the least guilty President? Lincoln - he was in a cent.
When Halloween came around, I noticed my friend suddenly developed an obsession for skeletons. He assured me that was inside him all along.

is "kkl"

You enter a pun contest. You write ten puns to see which one out of the ten will win. No pun in ten did.

You try to buy a car, but you get discriminated for your skin color. The car dealership owner eventually trips, and he goes to to the hospital. That's bad CARma.

The only ones I could think of.