Spiral Knights - Rules of Lockdown

Rules of Lockdown

17 replies [Last post]

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:02

Alphappy

Whether you're a new player just wondering how it all works or a veteran looking for a defined set of rules, this simple list which applies to any and every situation is a must-read.

1. All is spam.
2. Spam is all.
3. If it kills you, it was auto-aim.
4. If you die, it was lag.
5. If their weapon is different, it means they have no skill.
6. If their strategy is different, it just means they're a noob.
7. If they have UVs, it means they have no skill.
8. If they don't have UVs, they rely on auto-aim and lag.
9. The leaderboard is meaningless unless you're at the top.
10. If they're winning, they have no life.
11. Your worth is directly proportional to your highest damage score.
12. Handicapping yourself makes you superior regardless of the results.
13. Having an involuntary handicap makes you infinitely superior.
14. If they have a handicap and win anyway, they're hacking.
15. It isn't complaining, it's just making an observation.
16. If you fail in epic proportions, you are entitled to making an aggressive observation.
17. If you win in epic proportions, you weren't even trying.
18. It's not a good game if you lost.
19. You can't hate a guild too much.
20. The metagame is the only game.
21. The striker is the only class.
22. The sword is the only weapon.
23. Comboing is for noobs.
24. Cancelling is for noobs.
25. Bombing is for noobs.
26. Gunning is for noobs.
27. Capping is for noobs.
28. Sportsmanship is for noobs.
29. Only bad players play on the US server.
30. By extension, only bad players live in the US.
31. Every update makes the game worse.
32. Striker is so easy your grandmother could get 40k on her first match.
33. Lag always works to your disadvantage.
34. There is a clone of it. No exceptions.
35. If no clone exists right now, one will be created.
36. Everyone needs to know what you think of the metagame's balance.
37. Everyone needs to know what you think of the match's balance.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 19:22

Njthug

Shakira Shakira I never knew she could dance like this oh baby

Almost correct:

38. If you aren't a skilled player just spam spark of life to win.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 22:30

Mayaura

This was funny, ty

39. If you didn't screenshoot it and post it, it didn't happen.
40. If anyone leaves, they ragequit, except when you do it.
41. The insults you say are "good-natured trash talk", while the insults other people say are "toxic bad sportsmanship."

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 22:46

Zeddy

42. If you don't type "/lol" or "/yawn" after every victory, you are not a decent human being.
43. If you don't type "jajajajajajajajajaja" at least twice per five seconds, people will forget how important you are.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 23:03

Leekcoco

44. Everyone with a Polaris or haze bomb equipped is a spammer noob unless they're on your team.

Thu, 12/12/2013 - 23:13

Alphappy

@Zeddy

Doggone it, these could've been rules 21a and 21b. I can't believe I missed that.

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 01:12

Scirio

45. ASI equals skill.

45. ASI equals skill.
46. Killing 1 person with a brandish charge is considered charge spam against the entire team.
47. In fact, charges are for noobs.
48. If you're too fast for them, it's AT.
49. If the enemy isn't in jemps, imperv or 21 they're noods and weak.

Aaaaaand..

50. Asking someone to stop spamming polaris will make everyone who owns a polaris join the spam for the next 5 matches.

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 01:31

Darkcub

51. Contri is the best

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 08:04

Whimsicality

52. Unknown noob.
53. Unknown noob trash.
54. Omg shut up u unknown noob
55. I spent $5000 this game sucks
56. Lag.
57. Unknown noob.
58. Pay for a horrible screen capture device and record every game in 1080p+ at 60 fps or you are forever a nooblord.
59. If your life accomplishments don't include playing Lockdown 24/7, you are unfit to live.
60. Lag.
61. Look at this 100k damage I got
62. I wasn't even trying
63. Wow guns op
64. Unknown noob.
65. Clone noob.
66. Lag.
67. Equine bodily fluids drown us all.
68. lag.
69. Alguem BR??? Mordekaiser es numero uno huehuehuehuehue. Me play Mid or me repot u.

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 08:41

Shadowstarkirby

70. Running away makes you a noob.
71. Dodging makes you a noob.
72. Using statuses makes you a noob.
73. Hybriding makes you a noob.
74. Striker is OP.
75. Guardian is OP.
76. Recon is OP.
77. Interrupting 1v1s makes you a noob.
78. Every game is a "gg".
78. Every game is a "bg".
79. /lol-ing a player that has been killing you the past 5 minutes makes you feel good about yourself.
80. Being a team gimping hipster with proto weapons makes you a cool guy that doesn't afraid of anything.

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 09:45

#10

Son-Of-Hades

81. Only claim you were

81. Only claim you were trying when you get 20k+ damage. Once getting 20k+, immediately stop playing because you're bored of playing with noobs.
82. When you kill somebody who's good, regardless of whether it was 1v1 or 2v1 or 3v1 etc., spam the party chat and brag about how amazing you are
83. When you're lagging, continue playing multiple matches so you can continue complaining to everyone about how bad your lag is
84. If you know the other team is better than you, put on a troll set and claim that you only die because you're not trying
85. The only way to win in Guild Lockdown is to turn on AT and spam polaris
86. Acheron damage is only OP when you're playing against it

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 12:12

#11

Erlandr

a lot of these are

a lot of these are true...

you guys don't have to post under the guise of a joke :/

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 13:23

#12

Blue-Flood

I love you guys :)

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 14:01

#13

Bluencool

...

Rule 87: If you encounter a bomber and the only gun you have is Proto Gun, use Proto Gun.
Rule 88: The only guns you are allowed to use are Polaris, Sentenza and Valiance as 3rd/4th weapons. You can't equip 2 guns at the same time.
Rule 89: You may use Polaris but others may not.
Rule 90: If you have Skolver set, don't use charge attacks.
Rule 91: If you have Snarbolax set, don't use charge attacks.
Rule 92: If you have Chaos set, don't use charge attacks.
Rule 93: If you have another set/armor/helm, vendor it. Don't use charge attacks.
Rule 94: Don't use charge attacks.
Rule 95: Chaos is only there so you have an excuse for dying to a peasant spammer.

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 19:45

#14

Alphappy

@Erlandr

This isn't a joke.

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 21:31

#15

Mamonchter

Bread Trolling

Rule 97: I missed Rule 96.
Rule 98: Edit.

Fri, 12/13/2013 - 21:42

#16

Skold-The-Drac

Rule 100

PvE is for noobs who don't yet worship contri.
Rule 99: the coliseum thread is for noob AA Polaris spammers

Sat, 12/14/2013 - 01:34

#17

Blaccklotus

I suck.

I so suck in Lockdown.

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Rules of Lockdown