Whether you're a new player just wondering how it all works or a veteran looking for a defined set of rules, this simple list which applies to any and every situation is a must-read.
1. All is spam.
2. Spam is all.
3. If it kills you, it was auto-aim.
4. If you die, it was lag.
5. If their weapon is different, it means they have no skill.
6. If their strategy is different, it just means they're a noob.
7. If they have UVs, it means they have no skill.
8. If they don't have UVs, they rely on auto-aim and lag.
9. The leaderboard is meaningless unless you're at the top.
10. If they're winning, they have no life.
11. Your worth is directly proportional to your highest damage score.
12. Handicapping yourself makes you superior regardless of the results.
13. Having an involuntary handicap makes you infinitely superior.
14. If they have a handicap and win anyway, they're hacking.
15. It isn't complaining, it's just making an observation.
16. If you fail in epic proportions, you are entitled to making an aggressive observation.
17. If you win in epic proportions, you weren't even trying.
18. It's not a good game if you lost.
19. You can't hate a guild too much.
20. The metagame is the only game.
21. The striker is the only class.
22. The sword is the only weapon.
23. Comboing is for noobs.
24. Cancelling is for noobs.
25. Bombing is for noobs.
26. Gunning is for noobs.
27. Capping is for noobs.
28. Sportsmanship is for noobs.
29. Only bad players play on the US server.
30. By extension, only bad players live in the US.
31. Every update makes the game worse.
32. Striker is so easy your grandmother could get 40k on her first match.
33. Lag always works to your disadvantage.
34. There is a clone of it. No exceptions.
35. If no clone exists right now, one will be created.
36. Everyone needs to know what you think of the metagame's balance.
37. Everyone needs to know what you think of the match's balance.
Almost correct:
38. If you aren't a skilled player just spam spark of life to win.