Spiral Knights - ---The Reverse Core--- (Accepting)

---The Reverse Core--- (Accepting)

19 replies [Last post]

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 10:43

Whyna

OK, So Ill be making a Spiral Knights Story, wish me luck.

Any apps should have this layout:

Role:
Personality:
Favorite food:
Dislikes:
Gear:

Characters:
Whyna: The protagonist of the series

Personality: A big joker
Favourite food: Gel Core Pie. Yum!
Dislikes: Scale Pie. Ewwww
Gear: Ash small freeze set, Calibur 4* and blizzbrand.

Feron: The lieutenant.

Personality: Bossy
Favourite food: Rocky soup. Eww.
Dislikes: Fun.
Gear: N/A

You can see now that I need more characters.

Entry One: A Vicious Battle and A Vicious Argument

13:07, Scarlet Fortress:

Possessed Kozma: Emergency Revive, Activate!
Whyna: Crap, shes reviving!
Possessed Kozma: Acheron Charge!
Whyna: Argh!
Whyna dodged as the a stream of darkness ran across the room.
Whyna: Blizzbrand Snowstorm!
Whyna watched as a violent gust of icy wind injured Kozma.
Whyna: I shouldn't even be hurting you....
Whyna:...Now where will people get there overpriced rarities from?
Possessed Kozma: Grrr...
Possessed Kozma: Wild Hunting Blade, Activate!
Whyna: Uh Oh.
Whyna: Its now or never!
Whyna: Drakon, Activate!
Drakon: I shouldn't have had so many sinful brews!
Drakon: BRAAAAP!
The drakon burped a huge blast of fire, which Kozma had shielded quickly.
Possessed Kozma: So you want heat, huh?
Possessed Kozma: Glowing Firestorm!
Whyna: Great Glowing Firestorm!
BOOM! BLAST!
Whyna woke from his emergency revive to see Kozma lying on the floor, injured. What possessed her? Then a cat-like humanoid figure emerged from her body.

15:57, Arcade:

Feron: What have you done to Kozma?!
Whyna: She was possessed by this weird creature and started to fight me. I had no choice.
Feron: Very well then.
Kozma: Whats with people always complaining about radiants? I don't sell it for a bad price!
Random Vanguard: No,you rip us off!
Kozma: Leave me alone, I am injured!
Random Vanguard: I don't care!
Random Champion: I'm taking strike!
Random Defender Elite: Me too!

To be continued.....

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 17:03

Pipipipipi

The 4th wall shall be shattered!!!

I'm pretty sure she wasn't actually possessed and was really attacking people because it's the only way she can make them buy her items, lol

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 03:11

Whyna

THAT is why she was possessed!

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 05:19

Whyna

bump

...............

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 13:41

Whyna

..........

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 05:17

Whyna

Is anyone gonna post an

Is anyone gonna post an app?

I'm better off removing this thread.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 16:05

Sonosuke

#Sonosuks

What exactly is the story behind this?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 16:52

Pipipipipi

The 4th wall shall be shattered!!!

I think it's because the story is lacking

it's mainly composed of dialog, short, and not much detail

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:27

Feline-Grenadier

Also agreeing with Pipipipipi.

I can't make a proper critique if you only make one chapter of dialogue and script-style actions. Usually, a good story would be written in prose form, with paragraphs, descriptions, and other formats you'd find in a novel. With the given information, I can assume there's conflict (seriously, what story doesn't have conflict?), but I don't even really know the details behind this. More chapters are needed before I can say anything.

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 06:52

Whyna

Thanks for your help

The reason it was small was because
A: I'm a newbie writer
B: It was meant to be an introduction
C: I am too lazy to write proper speech. Sorry it that was annoying, so this "entry" will be set out properly

@Sonosuke Its about a new enemy uprising, the intro doesn't give much

Entry Two

A Fiendish Plan

16:06, Hidden Lair:

In the throne room lay a tired feline-humanoid queen playing with her dark spells. Then there was a slam on the door.
"Come in."
"Crimson."
"So, did you manage to kill anyone?"
"No, but I managed to get a Spiral Quartermaster injured."
"That will be enough for now...."
"... But they the Spiral Order must pay for their sins!"
"What sins, Violet?"
Just then, the room went silent.

17:09, Haven, Town Square

Whyna was street selling, his normal job. "Materials! Materials for Cheap! Brute Cores for Cheap! Shards for Cheap! Better deal than anyone else, I can tell ya!" No one came. Whyna looked to the AH and saw that they sold it for 10 times more."Ten times cheaper!." Loads of people came."Yay!" exclaimed Whyna. After his day of work he went to the guild hall to rest.

Sat, 02/22/2014 - 04:41

#10

Whyna

bump

sorry for small chapter.

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 03:13

#11

Whyna

BUMP

..................................

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 18:34

#12

Liminori

Err...

I'm not sure this will work.

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 18:59

#13

Sonosuke

#Sonosuks

I'm not sure How this will work.

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 21:18

#14

Feline-Grenadier

...

I need to see more than just dialogue.

A lot more.

A lot, lot, lot more.

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 21:28

#15

Valorai

Heart of Valor

Personally, I thought it was funny. But if you are truly committed to writing this, you need more updates.

Mon, 02/24/2014 - 03:12

#16

Whyna

Note

That was meant to be a small chapter. I'm sorry.

Mon, 02/24/2014 - 06:05

#17

Whyna

Also

From now on, this thread is for APPS ONLY.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 10:39

#18

Whyna

......

I do have no idea HOW this will work when people are only criticizing, no apps.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 11:48

#19

Whyna

Well.

I am moving this thread

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---The Reverse Core--- (Accepting)