Daylight filtered through the window, as the knight sat down. He places his bottle down and begins to shine his sword. He looks at his surroundings, a sparsely furnished room, with a dented weapons rack laying in the middle. A small, overweight dog lies in the corner, with it's nose over it's tail.
The Spiral Knight sits down wearily, as he begins to digest what had just happened.
Gremlins... in Haven? No, no. Gremlins in the Arcade. Yeah, that happened. He shakes himself out of his thoughts. He had suffered a nasty blow to the head, when a Thwacker had emerged from the elevator and smashed him upside the head.
When did that happen? Just now? No, a day ago. He gets up out of his chair, and pats the dog.
"Good boy... Rover? No, Rex." He says confusedly.
I need to get this head checked out. Head? Was it chest? No, definitely head.
I know I am not Thin, but I feel its the duty of everyone to help out others. The main one is all the fragmentation's that I see, don't get me wrong I do it too, but in this case the fragmentation's are rather willingly done with out care to the Grammatical error's they are making.
Legend
CodeEx:
'Gremlins... in Haven? No, no. Gremlins in the Arcade. Yeah, that happened.' He shakes himself out of his thoughts. He had suffered a nasty blow to the head, when a Thwacker had emerged from the elevator and smashed him upside the head.'When did that happen? Just now? No, a day ago.' He gets up out of his chair, and pats the dog."Good boy... Rover? No, Rex." He says confusedly.'I need to get this head checked out. Head? Was it chest? No, definitely head.'Ex: Fixed
'There are Gremlins...in Haven? No, no Gremlins in the Arcade. Yeah, that happened.' He shakes himself out of his thoughts. He had suffered a nasty blow to the head, when a Thwacker had emerged from the elevator and smashed him upside the head.Reason: The Sentience was fragmented because you had a brake in the dots, however you did not have a full idea. There was a Noun yes, but no verbs or abjectives. You had a describing noun which told us where the Gremlins where but that's it. As for the otherone. Don't just break the no's because they are no's. Keep them in the train of thought as well.
'When did that happen? Just now no, it must have been a day ago.' He gets up out of his chair, and pats the dog.Reason: When you say something like this as if its happening keep everything together and have it flow.
"Good boy...Rover? No, Rex." He says confusedly.Reason: See the before statement.
'I need to get this head checked out. Was it my head or my chest? No, definitely head.'Reason: When you just say head, it sounds wrong, but when said as if describing it all in one line it sounds right.
Anyway hope this helps.