Here is my entry for Xairathan's contest!
Apologies to all Codename readers. I spent all my spare writing time working on this fic to submit it in time, but now that I'm done, I can focus that time into finishing the new chapter.
Please bear with me. I promise to have it out sometime soon.
For several minutes after reading this (after I had shaken off the vague urge to cry at the ending, because I am a sentimental person), I sat here unable to decide how to comment upon it because I couldn't think of the words to properly convey what I thought without sounding as though I were offering hollow praise.
... I'm still impressed enough with it that for now, suffice to say that I loved it, and I'll come back with some more solid commentary later.
This...is...
I dropped my sandwich. Thats how awesome it was.
Quite the epic. They do indeed exist sadly. Sacrifice... Pain... Tragedy... Injustice... There are few ways for one to express these in words... if there are any at all. If ways exist, a story is one. Even one that never took place could succeed in that. Well done, Psychodestroyer.
Really? THAT good?
I'm willing to bet there were some details that could've been developed more to make this story even better, but really, wow, it was THAT good to you guys?
You guys surprise me. I didn't think it was...wow...Uh, I'm at a loss of words myself believe it or not.
I feel like a sadist for always writing tragedy stories. But to be honest, even I get a little upset at the parts I write.
.....
I'll go work on Codename now. Hopefully you guys will find it less sad, after I update the next chapter when I finish it.
EDIT: Just a minor edit to the story. Punctuation error corrected and changed 'Sacrifices were' to 'Sacrifices are'. I think it makes more sense that way.
Oh my GOSH! That was really good, sad.. but AWESOME! 'Nuff said! :D
~Lord Ice "Don't do it!" "I have to..."
Thanks.
Who can guess who that gremlin was? It was never mentioned, but I'll bet it was implied enough for you guys to get it.
Tinkinzar. If it was Seerus, his description would be more specific.
Hands Down Xairathan's defenetly going to comment.
This.... has to be..... one of the GREATEST FANFICS EVER. I loved it that much.
Alright, it's been most of the day and so I am back, as I said I would be, with actual constructive commentary.
I particularly enjoyed your depiction of Aden and Mary's relationship; the reader is able to pick up a lot of the tone of it in a short time, and makes it clear with his not having said anything as they parted that they won't be together again (even if the title hadn't been there to spell it out). At that point, the reader is just waiting to see how it pans out, and I think it adds to the overall tension of the story.
The fight scenes were also well-done; they made it feel like it was a genuine siege of a defended position without making it a bloodbath or overpowering anyone too much. The presence of Tinkizar (who seemed, to me, the obvious person based on your vague description) also gave the battle a sort of finality; the enemies were not going to turn and run away given x amount of resistance.
The epilogue section also seemed particularly important; that was actually the part that nearly brought on the tears, rather than anything else. I guess the tragedy itself is never as sad as the aftermath.
Yeah, I kinda hoped the earlier parts would imply the relationship between Aden and Mary enough for some to know there WAS a relationship, so I added the part about the rings just in case.
Unlike this story, Codename involves a seemingly OP knight who can fight whole armies on his own. Sounds a little far-fetched, so I made sure I included more than one knight, and added the fact they they were elites. So they had more of a chance of achieving such a feat.
But with the sort of ending I had planned, they couldn't NOT die.
Yeah, I was trying to imply 'ol Tinkerbell. I don't know all too much about him, so I left his description vague. I thought it'd be better that way.
And what army doesn't disperse when the leader gets floored? There had to be some finality, so I though the death of Tinkinzar should do it nicely.
I think I need to stop with the semi-philosophical phrasing. For someone my age, I sound like a tryhard-something. But I did design that epilogue to be somewhat depressing while tying up the story.
But honestly, wow. I didn't know it was THAT good. I don't write plans for what I write, I just write. I read the conditions I had to fulfill, then though of part of a plot line; an essential part to my story. From there, the story more or less wrote itself. I just supplied the words.
Why do you have to make me cry?
lol I really enjoyed your story man.
Well done.
I'm looking forward to you getting back
to Codename XD
Sometimes stories do just write themselves, although if something writes itself for me, it's usually just a scene.
I really need to get on to reading Codename ... you started the series before I joined the forums, so I've been meaning to go back and start at the beginning.
While I didn't react as heavily as everyone else in this thread seemed to, I will admit that it isn't a bad story. The relationship between Mary and Aden seemed natural enough to make me feel bad when Aden blows himself up and Mary picks up his sword later on.
...HOWEVER.
I kinda get a similar feeling like Titanic with this. With a title like Sacrifice, you KNOW that he's going to bite the dust, and I ended up flying over a big portion of the war scenes because of it. I just didn't find these scenes very interesting.
And all that talk about sacrifices and scars at the end felt like it was pushing it a little. It would probably have the same effect, maybe even enhance it, if the ending was really just Mary landing on the planet again and finding Aden's sword before breaking down in tears. Nothing else. No talking about some legend or how wounds never heal, just a woman remembering and crying for her lost one.
But, like I said, I have read far worse stories in the Vault (one I ended up feeling like I have to fix it and ended up writing a longer fic than the one it was aimed at) and this is, for the most part, nicely written. But I doubt I would've dropped my sandwich for it.
Criticism noted and appreciated.
However:
With this story, the point is less of a 'what', and more of a 'how'. Yeah, it's kinda obvious someone's gonna die, probably Aden, the question is: 'HOW' will he go.
Moreover, HOW will his death impact on Mary in the short term, and how will she react when she realizes he's actually dead.
The ending part was to more tie the story up. I don't think it's enough for me to have a meaning implied through the whole story, for a one-shot like this anyway, and not relate directly back to it at the end. As with all forms of writing, I believe the ending holds significance, so if there's a meaning in the story, a point the story was created around, then it must be mentioned at the end. It wouldn't be enough to do something like:
"He had broken her heart.
At that moment, she cried.
Collapsing to the floor in front of the broken sword, she cried, the dry winds of Cradle swirling the dust of the place that now holds no life, as the story finally comes to an end"
It's probably a bit sad, but the original ending I think hold more meaning, and kind of focuses the emotional impacts further back in the story. It doesn't literally focus there, but it ties it up there and gives some sort of weak finality, so the story is less of 'sad story' and more of 'THAT was sad...'
Difference being that the result is more character specific than general. General is too widespread.
The legend was supposed to be a symbol of how they were remembered. They are remembered, but their story may fade with time, and even if it doesn't, the pain isn't really there. The feeling of loss-of being scarred by the loss isn't there, so it means less to them. You should know the sort of feeling, or you could find out yourself if you don't.
I tried to focus less on the fights in this story. I'm a bit of an action fanatic, but I didn't want that to get in the way of the meaning of my story.
Overall, this story was supposed to be more of a...would you call it sentimental? story than an action story. It was supposed to fit in Xairathan's romance category, so I didn't want to make a hardcore war scene that would completely blot out the main purpose of the story.
@Tevokkia If you don't like One-man-army slaughterfests, then Codename Part 1 is less likely to fit your tastes. It may still, but less likely.
Part 2 would probably be better in your opinon. My guess anyway, seeing as my main character doesn't COMLETELY tear up the field.
...Owait, he does, literally, but it's balanced.
Maybe I should have been a little clearer...
First of all, I did not expect John Woo style action scenes in the least. I'm aware that this is not the point of the story. However, that doesn't mean that they don't have to be engaging. After all, I still should be able to care about something during the war scenes. And since I only really know Aden out of the five, it's hard to do so.
Also, what I meant with "keep the ending simple" is not "just cut out the parts and leave the rest as it is". The part with the legend might actually work in some way, but not by just mentioning it, but rather by having some people talk about it in the background.
However, the scar thing is pushing it. You should give the reader some freedom to decide for himself how severe this experience was for her. The reader can find the scene sadder than you'll ever be able to describe it.
..... OH. MY. GOD. THAT... WAS... AWESOME! GREAT STORY,BRO!
~Vot Abbot, Ace's friend and avid fanfic reader
A Perfect blend of a bit of love, action, and tragedy. A great read.
~ Ace Braver, ice cream fan and avid fanfic reader
Suffice to say.... PEFECT! INSPIRING! Its a great tale of the fearless, valiant heroes who would so selflessly choose to die for their peoples safety. Keep up the good work!
Wa-wa-wait, what choo' doin'? Stealing my name! Shame on you Kaiju. DX
this was just plain amazing.... i've been reading your codename fanfics, just recently, and i think this was awesoome. but it didn't really hit me that hard at the end, idk... i felt that it wasn't really that sad, it didn't make me cry, but it was epic...i feel that movies are better at portraying these types of things though lol, with some epic music and an epic narrator and epic voices.
No worries, we all feel emotions in varying degrees.
I'm glad you liked it. Thanks!
"There were five of them in total. Just enough to do what needed to be done. There was Altar the Snarbolax Knight, Gaminhon the Bomber, Pravion the Marksman, Dramn the Crusader…
And him. Aden of the Order."
Noble Squad/Team!
All die, city/planet they defend is glassed/destroyed, but Noble Team lost their war, Noble SQUAD won.
Halo reference?
I don't know who Noble Team/squad is, so no, I didn't get inspiration from there.
I just wanted to point out somthing UNINTETIONALY related.
Just seemed odd. Yet again, I am a Game adict.
I will name those elite knights Noble Squad now.
...
...
HOW??????
You write such epic stories with emotion and romance and stuff like that while still having a lot of action and adventure and the such like... All I can do is write dry stories about war and explosions. XP
That aside, great job! I can't believe I never saw this when you first put it up.
I dunno, I read a lot of those kind of stories.
I THINK it's due to you having a more positive attitude, so your stories are less dark and more humour based. However, mine are the opposite, being more tragic and with less humour.
Unfortunately for you, tragedy-based stories tends to seem more epic than humour, because of the heavy emphasis on emotions. Your story can be crackup and all, but a sad story is more likely to 'connect' with your emotions.
At least, that's what I think.
I read/see a lot of failed romance stories. (I feel weird saying that.) There was that implied one in Digimon, and one in Teen Titans, so I looked them up on Fanfiction.net. I liked them, so I read through every single one of them in their section.
A lot of them didn't end well. Sometimes they end up getting hit by trucks or something.
Also, I tend to plan out a whole story in my head, then fill it out with characters and detail. It's like thinking up checkpoints (Must-haves in your story), then writing the story around them.
Your stories use characters thought up by other players, so you have a little more trouble than I do trying to fit them into your story the way you want. Because of that, your story alternates it's focus between all of the characters, so you never really think out the story following a single/group of character(s).
On the other hand, mine use pre-thought characters (I plan to use the player-submitted ones in later stories, after I finish Part 3 of Codename), so I know 'who' they are better, and I focus on the main group of characters, so all my thought flow more easily.
TL;DR: I think in different ways than you do, usually more morbid ways, and unfortunately, sad stories are more emotionally engaging so they seem more epic than humour stories, and your story alternates between focuses, so thoughts usually end up scattered.
Your stories are probably just as good as mine, it's just that mine are more emotional, so you feel it more.
I also watch a lot of awesome battle cartoons/anime/movies, like Medabots, Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Zoids, and play a lot a epic games like Gundam etc, as well as a lot of not-so-well-known shows that I don't particularly take an interest in, although they do have some epic combat scenes I can learn from.
Here's some Medabot samples:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=conVW6C-aMA&feature=youtu.be&t=6m35s
Excuse the poor visuals/audio, but you may recognize the scene that inspired that scene in Codename 2 where Max owns that Robot Ninja (the scene where the shield broke.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBMvkpgxYQk&feature=youtu.be&t=5m48s
Slightly sad, but I still find it inspiring scene. Pity he gets owned so bad.
Funny, huh. You say that I have a more positive atitude, yet I write stuff with lots of death. XPI think I get it though.
Do you read my new story? I haven't seen you post, and I need new readers. :3
/sigh
im feeling depressed...
everyones story is better than mine, i busted 60k on a toasty pipe i can't equip, RotH is full of crap, and its almost time for school again. ._.
On a more positive note psycho, i love your stories. I'll always be your number 1 fan xD. maybe you could give me some tips? :D
@LoN You write about death, but as far as I've seen, you take it lightly. Like "He shoved the sword through the guy's head and it exploded" sort of lightly, with a little followup.
I tend to write further in depth about what happens before and after, so yeah, my fix is worse than yours.
Not that that's a bad thing, I just take the whole concept of death more heavily than you seem to, so meh.
Can you post a link to your new story? I'm not sure which is the 'new' one.
@Shadownox
I haven't managed to read all of it, but as far as I've seen, your story is more humour based as well. Like I said earlier, that's not a bad thing.
I can't really teach you how to write well, because I'm not perfect at it either.
The best I can do is advise you a bit.
For one, separate your text into more defined paragraphs. Don't worry about paragraphing into one-liners, that's fine. Paragraph at everything new, so like text-to-speech=paragraph. Dude left the house slamming the door-to-outside environment=new paragraph.
I'd ask you to go more in-depth with some of your descriptions, but that's the thing about humour stories; they're light and easier to read. Go further in depth only if you plan to make your story more serious.
Overall, not all stories need to be hardcore/epic. Yeah, it's awesome to read when they are for some of us, but there are others who would rather read something where stuff doesn't blow up every 10 minutes. Some people prefer the lightness of a comedy story, and some prefer hardcore action. Whatever is your preference, learn the techniques you need for yours by reading similar stories and other such material. Like I got all my battle-related stuff comes from all the games I play/movies I watch and all the romance related stuff comes from all the books I read/cartoons (relevant ones) I watch.
http://forums.spiralknights.com/en/node/41260
It sort of jumps into the action pretty quick. But I have a prelude to it that explains most of the stuff. Sort of. With each new addition, I have to update the prelude. XP And then there's all those boss bios I had been writing... Anyway, everything gets explained sooner or later.
Awhile ago someone posted on my fanfic that my writing reminded me of yours. I can confidently say that, that statement, is a huge lie...because your writing far surpasses mine and is inspirational to say the least. I like to think that the treasure vault has writing and art "titans" This includes Happy for his ETD comic, and obviously you Psycho, if it were not for you i would have never started "Artini's Jornals," and i probably would have never finished them if not for this story right here. If I had to say ONE piece of advice though, is that the final few lines on sacrifice were a tad awkward. If you could have incorporated those lines into the story more it would be that much better :). Keep being awesome!
- Varsian
All I can say is that your whole post was a lie except for that bit about the last two lines. I had no better way to say it so yes, they are likely to be pretty awkward :P
But come on, I can't be THAT great, there are plenty of good writers out there in the vault, you just need to find them.
Sadly, I have not read your story, but I'll try and find time to check it out. It may be a while, school's starting tomorrow :/
Haps EtD IS great. There's no two ways about that.
And 'awesome' is not a word that can be used to describe me :P It's too positive.
You give yourself far too little credit, I think you are a very good writer. I'll give type out what i think later...for now i sleep.
"You give yourself far too little credit"
That's my job, otherwise I'll begin to get cocky.
This is a magnificent piece, Psycho! I am sitting here, in my lovely wooden chair, just smiling to death at how great this lovely story is. To mention a few of my favorite moments:
1. The fact that, as others have said, you were able to build upon Aden and Mary's relationship so well without having to explicitly state just exactly the "type" of relationship they had...I've never seen a Spiral fan-fict in which there is a couple involved; I'd be interested to hear how you would have pictured their wedding. The one reason I state this is because it truly was the centerpoint of the emotional aspect...I was actually talking to my best friend the other day, and we were discussing how often times we can tell if something is wrong, even if we say that we're alright, but our trust for one another is so strong that we don't doubt that what the person says is what they mean to say at the time. You so accurately depicted that with their relationship, and I wanted to let you know that you built that very well.
2. I liked how the battle scenes weren't the primary focus of the story, but more so the medium that you used to put your story into focus. I was so enthralled by the story that I too was very surprised when Pravion came out of nowhere and helped the team...it was precisely the type of moment that I love in stories.
3. The organization in the story in terms of layout was superb. The order in which the knights died was perfect, and I appreciated how you gave each of them their own little piece of rememberance...well, except for dear Dramn. :P They all built on one another, and you could tell what their personalities were like just based on their last response:
Altar the Snarbolax Knight - The strong, enduring knight who always seeks to do the best he can to save others.
Gaminhon the Bomber - The valiant, dedicated lieutenent that still remembers etiquette in his final breaths.
Pravion the Marksman - The alert, loyal friend who works his hardest until the very end.
Dramn the Crusader - The one who dies without acknowledgement; the martyr.
One last note with this same topic...I noticed that both Altar and Gaminhon had a lot of respect for Aden, and that while Pravion was Aden's friend he still had much respect for him. I like how you made that evident in the dialogue, as well as in the primary reception of Aden before the battle.
Overall, this was a really, really great read. I can understand wanting to remain humble, but also remember to take a compliment...I do the same thing sometimes, and I sometimes forget to take the words to heart. Well done.
It was a GREEEAT!! Story.
Some parts of It made me laugh, probably I have a shallow sense of humor(was that the term?)
Wow, thanks. I appreciate the time it took to write your post, and I'm happy that you enjoyed it so much ^^
I wouldn't really know about the wedding thing, my personal knowledge of that is very limited.
As for Pravion coming in out of nowhere, really, I was just hoping no-one would notice he was gone before he could come in and save someone.
Dramn's death wasn't developed on kind of to give the idea that they didn't have time to properly note his death, unlike the others where they come either as a shock like Gaminhon's, or a sense of failure with Altar. His death was more like a mid-battle casualty; you know it, but don't have time for it.
Unlike the others where the emotional shock is too much to NOT respond to, at least, it's SUPPOSED to be.
Besides, it DID make you remember him, which was a nice bonus effect.
I tried to incorporate that 'extra sense' thing in. I wasn't really too sure about it, but it's nice knowing I succeeded.
You and your friend are lucky, you guys have that sort of bond. I don't know anyone like that; at the most, I can try and read their body language to get a grip on the current situation.
@Lunaice I'm guessing some parts you laughed at were:
-The joke about the Kat in the first few lines.
-The cute little blue Snipe.
-Where the wolver get's sniped.
-The gremlins across the road get sniped "Ok, so maybe Pravion wasn't doing so bad."
-Aden blowing Haven up. "We were never going to win the war. We just needed to stall you long enough"
I appreciate the praise, I really do. I just feel that somehow, something isn't quite right. Yes, some parts even I think are awesome to imagine while reading, but somehow, it doesn't seem enough, whether it's the quantity of text in the line or the depth of the description...I don't know...
S'cuse me while I edit it a bit, I found some minor errors, spelling and grammar-wise.
Words are nothing but a median. Great writing isn't about what words you use or how well spell them or even how they work together, it's about what they convey to the reader. In the end language is truly nothing, without us it has no meaning, and it does not matter how well you use it just that your point get across. Language can only go so far, do you know what two is in spanish? it's two, and although that might sound wierd each language has it's own concepts on words and it's meanings and some times they just can't convert. These things are called idioms, words or phrases that don't translate in-between languages. There is also the fact that if you don't know the right meaning of a word it could change the meaning of a sentence. The truth is i have trouble understanding meanings sometimes.
Enough with the rambling. Even though this may not mean much givin what i just said, i think you are a good story teller, part of being a good story teller is not just thinking of a good story but also thinking of a way to best tell it. Calling you great would probably be wrong but i think you tell very interesting stories and ultimatly a writer comes upon the thought that it will never be good enough but that won't change the fact that your stories are great and that people enjoy reading them. Reading your stories gets me wanting to write something as wonderfull and although it may never be as good i want to do it, i have something i want to write about but it may never come to be but because of your insiration i get to enjoy my story weather or not i write it down or not, because ultimatly it is the writer who likes the stories best. You get to experience all the joys and worries of creating something out of nothing and then shape it to your will and be there for everything, written or not.
I'm done, your opinion of your yourself won't change the fact that i think you tell great stories and hope you continue to write such great stuff.
It's nice knowing I can do some things right, and to be honest, I've always been pretty good at English as a subject in school. My Recount of Cross Country was put in the school newsletter (mind you, reading through it then, I noticed some errors I can't believe I let slip), my teacher told me that I was writing at secondary school level, and in high school, I get the upper band of marks for almost anything that involves some creative writing. An Empathetic on O'Brien from the book 1984 scored me full marks in the EYE's, and I was more or less famous in my class for writing a 90% 1st equal in the class response to a news article.
I say that without boast, because even with all that, I try not to let it go to my head.
My creative writing may be good, but as a whole, it's inconsistent. If I let myself believe that I'm doing well enough to stop trying to learn more and better things, my writing will never improve.
Regardless, it's true I like my stories. Even if I don't find them perfect, I like the way I managed to present certain bits. Even I get upset sometimes when my character dies, even though I wrote it that way.
I'm a fairly emotional person, so by understanding emotions more thoroughly, it makes it easier to put things into words how I want it.
For instance, I read a lot of tragic stories on Fanfiction.Net. As crazy as it may sound, while reading them, and feeling the sadness in the story, it felt like a weight on my heart.
I'm not exaggerating, it literally felt heavy.
By understanding, you get a better idea of what you're dealing with, and by expanding your vocabulary, you find the right words to express that understanding.
For those of you writing, or trying to write a story, I applaud you for your effort. It's not easy, writing something you can feel truly proud of, but if you're happy with it, then you've achieved something.
Good luck to all the aspiring writers out there. All it took for me was a little incentive, and I wrote a story. Since then, I've written a few more.
Words are the gateway to our minds. With a little work, you can express your mind in whatever way you want in your story.
Good luck!
Wow, what a great fanfic! I'd heap more praise on it, but pretty much everything I would say has already been said. Still, nice fanfic, and I hope you can roll out more writing of this caliber later on.
Time to retreat back to the grimdark ghetto!
I was writing Codename up until a month or two ago. They should still be on the wiki list under my name.
Been writing that ever since One is all it takes. Sacrifice was written close to my last update of Part 3.
You may be interested in that, although the quality varies due to the time writing it was spread across.
I've read some of it, and I'll get around to the rest later. Will you continue on it soon?
Hard to say, I'm a tad behind at school, and I need to keep up; midyears are in a few weeks, and I can't afford to slip up like I did with the Common tests, which is what got it suspended in the first place.
I'll get back to it as soon as possible, but for now, my focus needs to be elsewhere.
I still haven't forgotten WHAT I'm going to write, so don't worry about it. I'll get there.
Sacrifices are always painful.
They had been betrayed. The Gremlins of Emberlite suddenly attacked, and Moorcroft conjured up hordes of undead and fiendish creatures to aid the assault.
If the situation wasn’t so dire, half of Haven would have shaken their heads in mockery. “I knew we couldn’t trust that Kat.”
But there was no time for jokes. Within a day, Haven was overrun by creatures of every kind. It seemed that they had planned this from the start, gathering and organising their forces all for this one moment.
Swiftly, plans were made. The Spiral Order prepped the Skylark for take-off, it’s repairs rushed to completion, but good enough for sustained flight in space or a moderately dense atmosphere.
There was, however, one small issue that still needed to be taken care of.
Aden activated his comm on a private line. A light tone indicated the line was now active.
“Aden? Where are you?” A female voice spoke over the line, her voice laced with worry.
“Don’t worry Mary, I’m on my way. Just make sure your preparations for the boarding of the Skylark are complete and your place is secure.” Aden replied, his Azure guardian set clinking with his every hurried step..
Mary giggled. “You’ve been fighting so long, you still sound like a soldier on the battlefield” She teased.
Aden sighed. “Yeah, no surprises there.”
Mary picked up on his tone. “What’s the matter? You sound depressed.”
He chuckled lightly. Mary would have picked up the subtle change in tone. He should have expected no less, but recent events had clouded his judgement.
“Nonono, I’m just fine. The stress is making you imagine things.” How he hated lying to her.
“…If you say so…” Her voice held skepticism , but she trusted him. She trusted him all those years ago, when they were but kids play-fighting with sticks.
When they grew up and she started dating other guys, he trusted her to not rush her choice.
She trusted him to be there when she needed him, and he was, every time she made the wrong choice.
Even as the Skylark was going down, she trusted him when he told her to get in that pod. She would be safe in there, he had told her. He had said with a smile: “See you on the other side”. And she trusted him.
She would always trust him.
Aden smiled. “Well then, why don’t I ‘say so’ to your face?”
Mary gasped and spun around. Even through the massive crowd of knights marching aboard the Skylark, she could see him. Smiling as he walked up to her.
Darting the last few steps, she leapt into a hug with him, embracing warmly as the busy crowds walked past, barely noticing the happy reunion between an Azure Guardian and a Wolver-wearer.
They stayed that way for a few moments before the loudspeaker beeped, signalling an announcement.
[Attention all personnel, please complete boarding procedures. Takeoff will commence shortly.]
Another beep signalled the end of the announcement, and Mary looked at Aden.
“…I guess we should get boarding then.” It was more of a question than a statement.
Aden released her from his grip. “Go without me. I have some stuff to clear up down here.”
Mary sighed. “Do you have to?” She whined childishly.
“Official Spiral Order stuff. What else would I leave you for?” He replied with a laugh.
Abruptly, the crowd around them thickened and surged, separating them from each other.
Mary struggled to keep her head above the crowd. “Find me when you get back!” She called out. “I’ll be waiting!”
Aden just waved. No words, just a smile, and a wave.
“ADEN!?” Mary was confused. Why hadn’t he said anything!? “ADEN!!”
The last she saw of him was a smiling face, which she swore turned into a sad frown, before the crowd pushed her forward, and she fell down on the floor in the immense hull of the Skylark. She didn’t even bother getting up.
She was worried now. She trusted him, his every word. But it wasn’t something he said.
It was something he hadn’t said.
* * *
Aden stood there for minutes after he lost sight of her. Slowly, he turned and walked back into Haven.
He knew she trusted him. Ever since they were children, she trusted him. And he trusted her to know that he would be there for he when she needed him.
He hated betraying that trust.
So far, his record was fairly clean. Aside from a few scrapes, he had maintained his credibility. Even when she found out that he used a damaged Escape pod to leave the Skylark when it went down, she trusted that he knew that it would make it.
All because he promised to see her when it was over.
Making a sacrifice was always painful. He lightly touched the scar on his left arm that was caused by debris when his pod burst into flames, just before impact. His condition was critical, but he pulled through. He had to fulfil his promise.
But the scar was a scary reminder that he almost didn’t.
She should know he wouldn’t always be able to keep his promises. That’s the way life went. But she trusted him too much.
He closed his eyes. He hated even knowing she was going to be in pain.
And after this, there would be a lot of pain.
He opened the flap to the central command tent, where the elite soldiers of the Spiral Order were seated.
“…You’ve joined us Aden.” A Snarbolax knight spoke first, his voice conveying sympathy.
Aden merely nodded.
There were five of them in total. Just enough to do what needed to be done. There was Altar the Snarbolax Knight, Gaminhon the Bomber, Pravion the Marksman, Dramn the Crusader…
And him. Aden of the Order.
Gaminhon stretched in his Mercurial Bomber armour. “Well boys, let’s get this show on the road.”
Pravion nodded, his replacing his Nameless Hat back on his head. “...Time to party.”
Dramn grunted, his Almarian Crusader armour clinking with his every movement. “Let’s not waste our time waiting.”
They all looked at Aden. As leader, he should dictate their official move.
He drew a deep breath. “Friends, we have come a long way since we first crashed here on Cradle. Our battle has been a rough and ongoing one, and no doubt you still feel the pain of sacrifices you may have made.”
Each of the assembled knights bowed their head. Whether it was a friend abandoned, a help not given or a loved one lost, they've had their fair share of sacrifice.
Aden touched his scar again. “The Strangers have been kind to us. They gave us the time and tools we need, so let’s not waste it.”
He drew his Leviathan, the blade gleaming in the dim tent. “Now it’s our turn. I cannot guarantee any one of you survival. All I ask of you is to honour your fellow knights. Honour the sacrifices they have made, the sacrifices anyone you know or even don’t know have made.”
As he spoke, they each rose to their feet, their faces with stern resolve and determination.
“Now is the time we honour all the sacrifices made! For any of us! For all of us! Let us strike without fear, and show these creatures once and for all, that we are SPIRAL KNIGHTS!” Aden roared, raising his sword high.
The others roared with him, and they could all see that none of them had any intent of turning back now.
After the chorus died down, Aden sheathed his sword. “…It’s time, my friends, to once more step into the field of battle.”
Silently, they filed out of the tent and stood by the entrance to Haven. Altar kneeled and pressed his fingertips to the ground, as Pravion sought a high vantage point.
“…Can you feel them?” Aden asked his dark friend.
The only reply he received was a nod, before Pravion called out.
“HERE THEY COME!”
* * *
Mary fidgeted with the ring on her finger. The Skylark was huge, but with the added population of the Strangers, it had suddenly become a bit cramped.
A blue Snipe hopped onto her lap and peered up at her, it’s cute eyes just easing her stress.
She patted it, and looked out the window.
“Aden…be safe…”
* * *
Aden felt the ring under his gauntlet one last time before he drew his sword.
Pravion had already started, firing whatever he had at the oncoming masses of Gremlins and their Constructs, as well as almost every single one of the hostile creatures that they had seen on this planet.
An army. And it was coming for them.
Gaminhon glanced at Aden; a question, to which he nodded.
With the press of a button, several explosions engulfed the first line of offenders, their bodies vaporized or sent flying in all directions. The lines behind them flinched, but ultimately, strode on.
Aden grimaced. He had hoped the remote-activated blast bombs would have caused more disruption, or at least stalled them for a little longer. Alas, it was not to be.
“Bring long range weapons to bear!” He ordered, picking up his Valiance from the ground and levelling it at the oncoming enemy forces.
Pravion dropped down from his tower and stood by Aden, his dual Blitz needles humming with power as he charged their energy.
Altar pulled out his Sentenza, while Dramn just charged his Gran Faust.
“…Steady…” Aden called over the low rumbling, waiting for them to draw closer.
“Steady…” Now he was saying it more for himself, as if he could feel his resolve slipping away with every step their enemy took.
Quickly, he clamped the feeling down. He had no time for weakness.
“FIRE!” He pumped the trigger of his gun, as his allies all unleashed all their attacks, alternating fire to cover their reloading as they mowed down the steady stream of attackers.
Gaminhon did what he could, lobbing Gravitons and Electron Vortexes as far as he could in an attempt to slow the enemy down.
Aden kept up a steady stream of fire as he concentrated on the enemies weak points. A mecha knight’s leg here, a Scorcher’s backpack there; it was hard to keep track of targets, but he needed to do what had to be done.
Altar glanced over his shoulder. “Enemy incursion to our flank! They’ve entered Haven!” He warned them.
“Haven is our battlefield, knights!” Aden roared over the din. “Altar, Dramn, with me! Pravion, to your tower. Gaminhon, provide supporting fire!”
They didn’t even acknowledge the command, their only response being to run to their newly assigned positions and recommencing the attack.
Altar charged forward, his Glacius flashing blue as he slashed continuously at enemies that surrounded him. Unfortunately, he was looking more in a single direction, so didn’t notice a Mecha Knight creeping up behind him…
“…Look out!” Gaminhon called out, tossing something to aid his ally.
Altar glanced back briefly, before rolling out of the way as a Heavy Deconstructor planted itself onto the back of the Mecha Knight.
Altar gave a quick thumbs up to Gamninhon after the debris cleared; a thanks for the backup.
Gaminhon smiled. “Hey, no pro-hurk!” He gurgled as a Polyp Spike tore through his chest.
“Gamin, NO!” Aden, quickly disposed his crowd before dashing over to Gaminhon.
“Sir! Cover your own back! I got-AGH!!” Gaminhon screamed as a rocket hit him square in the back. His lifesigns had flatlined before he hit the wall.
Aden stopped. “No…” Gaminhon was down.
He snapped back to reality. He still had the rest of his team. “Team, we are a man down! I repeat, Gaminhon has been taken down!”
He could feel the pause in the air as the message was received, its actuality verified, and the message hit home.
Then time surged forward again, as their attack intensified, their brutality multiplied, their anger of their comrade’s death bringing them all to a fury.
In a moment, the sounds of battle ceased.
Aden lowered his gun. “The enemy has fallen back. I think we managed to scare them off. For now anyway.”
He glanced up. “Pravion? Tactical.”
“As you have already stated, the enemy was surprised by our sudden increase in ferocity and has backed down to regroup. Judging by estimated casualties and the orderliness of their retreat, I predict re-entrance to the field sometime soon. ETA 8 minutes.” Pravion supplied.
Aden acknowledged the update with a nod. “Good. Pay your respects, then find a more secure area. We’re heading further in.”
Everyone nodded in acknowledgement.
Respects were paid to the dead bomber. Sadly, the dead do not fight wars.
But they would make good on his sacrifice.
They had set up a new area in front of the auction house. They had put up barricades and now had a stockpile of explosives by their side, as well as a few guns.
The three knights looked at each other. Aden nodded, and Altar and Dramn went around the back. They were now covered on all sides.
“Look guys, I don’t think we can keep this up much longer.” Altar mumbled into his com.
Aden sighed. “’How long’ doesn’t matter at this point. Now, we just do our part as best as we can.”
At that moment, they all shared a thought. A single thought, but each knew it was true.
That’s all we can do now.
* * *
[Preparations for the Skylark complete. All passengers please secure yourselves for takeoff.]
Mary looked around. She was beginning to get worried; Aden was still nowhere to be seen.
She shook her head. She had to remind herself who she was thinking about. This was Aden of the Order she was talking about. Whatever was going on, he could handle it.
* * *
“Dammit! Dramn’s down!” Aden roared into the com, striking a Retrode with the bladed side of his Valiance.
However, he swung it too far and it got embedded in a Lumber’s clubbing arm.
“…Aw cra-WHUMPH!” He gasped as the lumber lifted it’s arm and smashed him heavily into a wall. The impact dislodged him, but he was winded and dazed.
His vision swam in front of him. He couldn’t make sense of what his eyes was showing him. Squinting, he could see something: A brown, fuzzy streak, or was it a blob? He couldn’t tell.
Shaking his head, his focus cleared slightly, as the brown fuzz drew closer. As it did, he could make out more detail; a head, four limbs, a tail…and…teeth?
He snapped to attention, suddenly realizing that was going on. But it was too late, the wolver had already leapt into the air, its jaws open wide as Aden struggled to lift his shield…
BOOM! The wolver yelped as it was smacked aside by a flying projectile; a large shell fired at high speed effectively eliminating it as a threat.
Aden heaved a sigh of relief. He had totally forgotten Pravion and his modified Callahan. Attaching a longer barrel behind the main one, adding a shoulder support, a scope and a few other bulky additions, it was now effectively a high powered sniper cannon.
Thanking the hidden Sniper, Aden refocused his attention. Dramn was down, Altar was struggling, and Pravion was having some trouble keeping each of THEM out of trouble.
Another two gremlins dropped dead across the road, each of their skulls smashed in by a heavy projectile.
Ok, maybe Pravion wasn’t doing so bad.
“Agh-SIR!” Altar grunted, interrupting his thoughts.
Altar was pinned down by some fiends and wolvers. His shield having been knocked to the side, he was fending them off with his Barbarous Thorn blade, but he couldn’t keep up the defence.
Aden relieved him of his burden with a quick spinning slash, scattering the enemies away with a powerful stroke. Altar seized the moment and grabbed his shield.
“Thanks sir. If you didn’t help, I’d be gone by now.” He said, nursing his leg.
Aden glanced down. “You’re injured.” He pointed out.
“Only a flesh wound sir. The war goes on.” Altar replied, straitening.
Before he could reply, there was a massive roar. The entire battlefield stopped as the roar escalated.
The ground shook. Lumbers toppled, gremlins fell to their knees, the knights themselves bracing themselves against their weapons as they looked on in awe.
Rising out of the ground, the Skylark began it’s accent to the heavens, laden with Knights and Strangers. The Spiral Knights were finally going home.
But their mission was not over yet.
A tall, menacing gremlin stood atop a high building. His fur was ragged and worn, but his clothes were that of a sovereign. “Creatures of Cradle! Your enemy escapes! Stop them and DESTROY them at all costs!”
The knights snapped back to reality as the army roared and surged, renewing their attack on them.
Altar parried a flying thwack hammer, then impaled a wolver, swaying his body to accommodate his injury.
Aden covered him as best as he could, shielding what Altar couldn’t protect himself and batting aside other flying projectiles.
Glancing up, he saw Pravion duelling with some other monsters. Makeshift Sniper rifle in one hand, Autogun in the other, he fired off a few precise shots, nailing a Retrode and sending it toppling, while emptying whole clips of his Autogun into Chromalisks that tried to scale the walls.
Despite that, Pravion failed to notice the Mecha Knight shambling up the trapdoor behind him.
“Prav, behi…” Aden didn’t even got to finish his sentence.
Pravion spun around, clipping the construct’s head with the main barrel of his rifle and ending with his Autogun poking into its gut.
“Ngh-AGGH!” Altar screamed, a Jelly cube’s spikes digging painfully into his leg, before he was pelted with all sorts of furniture and appliances.
Aden looked on in shock. He failed. He was supposed to be guarding him, watching his back, and he failed him.
“Get AWAY!.” He roared, smashing everything aside with his sword, before hacking, slashing, chopping, landing blow after blow after blow…
Until the ground around him was silent.
Altar coughed as Aden kneeled beside him. “I’m sorry…sir *ack* I cou-couldn’t…”
Aden failed to keep the tears from flowing. “No Al. This was my fault. I failed you. I failed to keep myself from being distracted. I failed to keep you from dying.” He didn’t even have the sense to wipe the tears from his eyes.
Altar chuckled weakly. “Sir…don’t…don’t be too hard on yourself…This…this moment always lay in my future sir. If there was…If there was one thing we all have…In common…it’s that death always waits for us at the end…Sir, I was always going to die. It’s just…” He coughed again, his voice fading as he became weaker.
“It’s just a matter… of…time…” Altar’s hand went limp, as Aden bowed his head.
*BRRRRRAAACK!* The sudden noise over his shoulder made him jump, his eyes only just registering the Retrode in front of him a split second before its face was pelted by small green bullets.
He spun around, seeing Pravion reload his Autogun as he walked over to him.
“Sir. With all due respect, pull yourself together. We can’t afford weakness now.” Pravion pulled out a Blitz needle, hefting it in his free hand.
Aden nodded, then turned to face the enemies that had now surrounded them.
“…Think we can take ‘em?” Pravion asked casually.
Aden grinned. “Just like old times my friend.” He said, pulling out his Valiance and readying his Leviathan.
“Yeah…” They both smiled.
“NOW.”
The crowd rushed them, and Aden ducked over as Pravion rolled over his back, cycling into a chain-fire of bullets, mowing down the crowd around them. Aden ducked into a wide, arcing backhand slash as he fired off several shots with his left hand, blowing the head off a Mecha knight and nailing a few gremlins in the torso.
Pravion punched a Lumber with his Blitz, before dodging sideways and climbing onto it’s back, emptying a clip into its head. As it fell, he stayed on it, using it as a vantage point to continue his assault.
Aden brough down the bladed edge of his Valiance on a Mecha knight, cleaving it to its torso and let loose a few shots, each clipping some random creatures behind it before swinging the gun, Mecha knight and all, at Pravion, who ducked and returned fire, spraying the enemies around Aden.
Aden flipped over Pravion, a heavy downcut cleaving a Lumber to its waist, as Pravion ducked and continued spraying. Aden continued spinning his sword in crazy arcs, deflecting bullets and cutting down the wave of creatures, and at the same time, swung his Valiance like a sword, pulling the trigger for extra damage.
A flying thwack hammer clipped Pravion’s leg, said knight sinking to one knee while still keeping up the assault.
“Sir…Aden, I can’t…” He grunted, as his vision swam, his suit’s power draining fast.
Aden glanced down and swore. The Thwack hammer clipped Pravion’s fuel line.
“Get up Pravion! I’ll get you to safety!” He yelled, swiping away the mob that surrounded him.
Pravion coughed. “Too late for that sir…I can’t hold on any longer… see you on the other side…”
Aden cursed as his final teammate’s lifesigns flatlined.
“That’s IT!” Aden roared.
“Come and get me you beasts! I challenge you! I mock you! I defy you! I dare you to try and put me to rest. But I assure you, I will not fall without fighting!” He renewed his attack, smashing constructs head with his sword, clubbing them with his gun as they continued to swarm on him. Yet, he fought on, never backing down.
A thwack hammer hit his knee, a deskchair on his back. He grimaced and winced, but he stayed standing, every hit turning up the fire of his rage.
Out of nowhere, a rocket slammed into him, knocking him clean off his feet with the explosion, fetching him up against the wall.
Aden struggled, but his limbs no-longer obeyed his commands. He could barely move his arms, let alone the weapons they carried. Dropping the gun and stabbing his sword into the dirt, he put a hand to his chest, feeling the sticky ooze that was seeping out.
The worn out gremlin walked up to him, kneeling by his weak form.
“…Fool.” He grinned. “Your loss was inevitable. Were you really so stupid? Did you really think you would ever defeat us? You have fallen, and your precious Skylark is next.”
Aden coughed, drawing in a deep breath, before letting out a laugh.
The gremlin was taken aback. “What’s so funny?” he shot back, narrowing his eyes.
“What you don’t understand gremlin, is that we knew we were never going to win the war.” He grinned. “We just had to stall you long enough.”
“What are you…” He gasped, finally noticing the remote clasped in Aden’s hand.
He didn’t even have time to scream. The explosion enveloped him, his army, and the whole of Haven in a sphere of light.
* * *
Mary jerked her head up. Looking out of the window, she saw Haven explode in a fantastic light display, the whole area seeming to bloom into a massive yellow bubble.
As she gaped in awe, she heard someone talking to her. Spinning around, she came face to face with a startled Vatel.
“What’s the matter little one? You look as if you are searching for something.” Vatel spoke lightly.
Mary paused. “…it’s nothing, for a moment, I thought I heard someone say ‘I’m sorry’.”
She looked out the window again. Soon, she would see Aden again, back on the familiar ground of their home planet after so long.
She couldn’t wait.
* * * * * * * * * * ** * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
…..
It had been two years since she had left Cradle. Now, Mary found herself staring upon its surface once more.
Two years since she had heard what had truly happened to Aden.
Of course, she cried. It was then she finally understood why he didn’t promise her anything. He knew he wouldn’t be able to keep it.
“…Idiot.” She murmured as the small plane touched down.
Stepping out, she could still make out the crater the explosion of Haven had made. Heavy storms and geological shifts had blown dust into the once great crater that marked the battle for the survival of the Spiral Knights. There were even legends about that day.
A legend of five warriors who fought to the death to protect those who sought to find their old lives, as well as those seeking new ones. They laid their lives down and fought against the hordes of Cradle, like the heroes they were, sacrificing their lives to do what was needed.
The legend was loved by all. But for those who lived it, there was no love, only pain.
Mary walked through the remains of the crater. There were some ‘hills’ that had not been destroyed in the blast. But she knew what she was looking for.
There, in the centre of the crater, was a Leviathan. Cracks splayed across its surface, large chunks missing from its edge.
It was the last remaining piece of evidence that proved Aden of the Order once existed.
She stood there, gaping at it.
Two years since she had left Cradle. Two years since she had landed on her home planet, Aden nowhere in sight. Two years since she had found out where he was, and what he had done.
He had broken her heart.
At that moment, she cried. Collapsing to the floor in front of the broken sword, she cried.
Sacrifices are always painful. They hurt those around us, and scar all we know.
Scars fade with time. Your memory fades, people forget what you did, and even the people who knew you forget who you were.
But scars of the heart-of the soul…
Those will never leave us.
END