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Heart of Valor. [Fanfiction] Chapters Released: 12

337 replies [Last post]
Tue, 02/18/2014 - 04:31
#51
Kanoka's picture
Kanoka
Definitely a strong start.

A very good first chapter. I appreciate the balance that there is between the character development, the setting, and the background info; the story was also really fluid and fun to read! :) I would love to see more to this story and watch as it progresses!

Now I can also see why my character would be average in this situation - I hadn't seen the premise like this until this first chapter, so it helps to understand where you are coming from.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 05:38
#52
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor

Thanks for the support guys! Chapter 2 is in development! The first chapter has a few errors, and I'd have to rewrite it to fix them, but I'm too lazy to do that,me promise chapter two will be longer and better!

Writing schedule: Chapters will be posted at the end of every day. If I'm having writers block, or being lazy, or just making an extra long chapter, it will be several days.

So... I'm trying to figure out how to start the next chapter. I think I'll try to pick it up with some action. We'll see where that takes me.

EDIT: I forgot to say. Armors don't matter. It completely ends on how thick the armor is, what it's made of, and etc.

Say, the chaos set. It wouldn't protect very well, but it gives great dexterity. The heavy plate armors, as usual, provides great defense but lacks dexterity.

You would not want to be caught wearing a hallow draped armor.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 08:17
#53
Psychnade's picture
Psychnade
Es Goot!

I liked this first chapter, and it made me anxious to read the next! Very nice work!

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 08:32
#54
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor

Thanks Psych, it means a lot to hear that. (Or read.)

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 14:15
#55
Malkalack's picture
Malkalack
Swag IS a virtue

Yaaay! I get to torture people! Oh fun. I remind myself of Trevor Philipps.

@ Valorai I like that you have portrayed Malkalack so cool and stern. Well done.

/pulls out butchers tools

Oh yeah, before I forget. The bit with the Knight and The First Knight confused me. I read it three times trying to understand who was who. But good job!

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 20:51
#56
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor: Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

A bullet slammed intro the chromalisk's skull, crushing it instantly. Blood had started to seep from its wound, eyes growing ever dim. Astran noticed none of this. While the life had pumped free from the unheard chroma, he had already killed another, and badly wounded a wolver. The Valiance that he used was slightly worn; paint had been chipped of, and there were plenty of scratches near the barrel of the gun. It didn't matter though. Astran knew that it wouldn't affect the guns aim or potency.

A wolver jumped in front of him, seemingly new to the battle, and confused. It stared at Astran for a few seconds. Confounded by the wolver coat he was wearing. The said wolver seemed to realize what it was made of, and made a ferocious lunge towards Atran, jaws spread wide. Hoping to take Astran's life force away. It was too fast for Astran to have shot then, and it was too close for him to take a shot now.

Fortunately a grand slash sounded through the air, and a knight retracted his blade from the dead wolver's head and producing an unpleasant sound. The two knights stared at each other for a few moments, until the knight said,

"What, no 'thank you?'" Cole said teasingly. Astran had no idea why they were always together. They were complete opposites. Cole was obnoxious and annoying in Astran's mind. Although he could not deny the prowess and skill of the two when they fought together.

Astran simply glared at Cole. No more words could be said between the two, for another pack of wolvers had started to spring up through the dirt ground. The two knights were located in a wolver den. Astran hated wolvers. Known as vicious creatures, wolvers did not care if they died, as long as the pack was benefited. They were mere distractions from the real enemy; the gremlins. Unfortunately, they were more than distractions. They were a threat.

Many knights have died over the years, although no genocide was more populous than the gremlin's plague that they had fought off ten months ago. Knights were spread thin, and wolvers had proved to be excellent breeders. Their number never seemed to go down, and dens seemed all the more common.

At least the Order didn't have to worry about the jellies anymore.

Cole was suddenly surrounded by wolvers, all wanting to take a bite out of him. He quickly ran through an opening, suffering from a minor bite in his backside. He turned and stabbed at the pack, not bothering to aim. Yelps could be heard but there was no way of knowing if he was killing any of them.

Knowing fully well what wolvers used as attack strategies, he ran to accompany Astran who was fighting off a few more wolvers. One wolver screeched as he was shot in the forehead. Cole decided that Astran could handle himself, so he turned back around the his competitors. They had snuck behind the area where he was before by burrowing or dashing. By now they realized where he had ran, and suddenly Cole had six wolvers running towards him.

He heard a yell behind him. "DUCK!"
Cole ducked. A giant burst of energy erupted from behind him, and Cole watched with gratitude as it struck the pack of wolvers head on. None of them had fallen over dead, but they were obviously wounded now. With a new energy, Cole got up and noticed for the first time the beauty of the clockworks. For a split second, he listened to the cogs grinding, wheels screaming. The depths of the clockworks were a beautiful mystery, always changing.

Feeling the strength in the ground below him and in his own body, he ran forward with a flurry of jabs and strikes. Wolver after wolver fell, their carcasses littering the grassy floor. As he surged forward, grass turned into metal. The rest of the wolvers had retreated onto a catwalk that hung above the clockworks below.

A sudden fear overtook Cole. He didn't like heights. He hated them, actually. Fortunately the wolvers couldn't burrow away here, so he could get Astran. Astran wasn't fond of heights either, although he wasn't as scared as Cole. He could simply pick them off from afar. When looking at the wolvers, he realized that they weren't going to the next grassy platform. Perhaps they wanted the territory the knights were currently in.

Cole looked back Astran. With a completely stoic expression, he was shooting a dead wolver in the head, over and over again. There was a bite mark, and a small red stain on Astran's armor.
When he finished, he stalked over to Cole with not a single shred of gladness for the wolver's defeat. He simply looked ahead, assessed the situation, and continued to shoot them from his current position.

The two wolvers yelped as the barrage of bullets grazed their bodies. One of them leapt forward as the other one was shot dead. Before it reached Cole, he swung his sword from right to left. It hit the wolver in the stomach area, and in effect the wolver careened over the side of the platform. Although it's scream was painfully frightening, a savage part of him roared in triumph after hearing a loud 'splat.'

He promptly backed away from the edge.

"Why didn't you back me up?" Astran said sourly, visibly upset about his wound.

Cole dismissed him with a wave of the hand. "You handled yourself fine. Kirsch will be able to fix that right up." Kirsch was a medic located back in Haven. Back in the old days, there was enough supplies and knights for medics to be able to accompany them into the clockworks. But with so few medics left, they were all in Haven, with a single medic assigned to maybe a dozen squads.

"Will Kirsch be able fix you up after that?" he said angrily, pointing to where the wolver had fallen below. In fear, Cole stepped back even further.

"What's wrong with you? Why would you even think of doing that?" Cole knew that Astran was completely capable of murder. No one would know that he would have done it. Eventually the reasonable part of his brain realized that no matter how much Astran hated Cole, he would not kill such an experienced knight. If times had been different, and the knight population was flourishing, he might have done it.

Astran sighed heavily. Turning back the place of the battle, Cole observed the scene. Multiple dead wolvers were scattered across the area, a chromalisk here or there. It had been completely cleared out. Good

It annoyed the two knights that the Order had to send knights out to try to stop the spreading of wolvers, rather than fight the gremlins and their Crimson Order. This seemed like a foolish task, and they weren't making a dent in the wolver's numbers.

There was only one thing left to do. Astran had left several charges around the area. These charges wouldn't destroy the metal, but it would practically vaporize anything organic. Grass and foliage, mainly. If the wolvers or any beasts tried to settle here, they would have a tough time finding food and shelter.

Refraining from grinning, Astran pulled a wireless remote out of a pocket in his coat.

"Woah woah woah" Cole panicked. "Wait 'till we get clear at least. If you want to blow me up, that's fine, but at least spare yourself." he said, attempting to create a joking mood.

Disgusted, Astran shook his head. "It's not even charged, moron. Besides. If I ever to decide to kill myself, it'll be in a burst of flaming glory." Cole shrugged.

To charge the remote, someone had to press a green button at the bottom of it. This starred the charging. After a full five minutes, the charge would be full, and you could press a big red button at the top of the remote. To the order, safety was a top priority when it came to explosive charges. Couldn't have any accidental deaths.

Astran pressed the green button, and the timer started.

"Well, nothing to do now but w-" Before Cole could finish, a wolver burst from the ground before him and clamped it jaws to his arm He let off a yell, and slashed it's throat open. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see a wolver on Astran's back, and two more attacking him from the front. Expert marksman though he was, the wolver digging into him was throwing off his aim.

Before Cole could help him, four more wolvers erupted around him. He could hear them letting out howls from a short distance away.

"Frag it all!" Cole cursed. Did a wolver escape from before and get help? Or was this a separate pack hoping to claim the dead pack's old land? It didn't matter now. He parried and lunged, carrying on a psychotic dance with the wolvers. For every one that he fell, two more took its place.

'Two minutes.' an internal voice told him. Frag. Had it already been that long? If they didn't get to a safe location soon, they'd have to abandon the charges. The remote would short out if the red button wasn't pressed soon after, to help prevent enemies from recovering them.

A scream sounded to his right. Or his left. Maybe it was behind him? His body was so tired. Each swing of the light sword felt like he was lifting an anvil. The adrenaline had worn off, and the wolvers were advancing on him. For a brief second, Cole looked to his right and saw the origin of the scream.. Astran was down on the ground, limp. Wolvers crawling all over him.
Spurred on by his comrade's fall, A new wave of adrenaline kicked in. With a mighty heave, Cole lifted his sword and ran to Astran. He knocked aside the wolvers off of his friend, but he couldn't keep them at bay. He reached for Astran and lifted him up, silently begging that that was all he needed, a push.

He was terribly wounded. Chunks of him were missing. Blood stained on his coat. But he fought again.

Ten seconds.

Several things happened at once. First, Astran realized how much time they had, and started to run, dodging wolvers that were throwing their bodies at him.
At the same time, wolvers pushed Cole back. Closer to the edge than he would like.

Then, one brave wolver hurled itself at Cole. Dropping his weapon, a gnashing, snarling wolver was in his arms. His body swayed. He was falling after swinging precariously for a second..

His worst fear had come alive. The wolver flew away from him. He was falling. How was this happening? It felt so surreal. Lights flashed by him, too quick to decipher. Before the pressure got to him and knocked Cole out, all he could see on the level he had fallen from was the silhouette of Astran running.

There was a massive 'boom.' And smoke engulfed Astran.

---------
I want to say that I'm sorry. I meant for this chapter to be better and longer, but I had to rush it. I have lots of schoolwork tonight, and I must not fail. Next time will be better, I swear. :3 also, there are some errors in this chapter. I'm in too much of a hurry to fix them.

Make sure to leave your praise, criticism and suggestions in the comments below! It lets me know that you're reading and gives insight on what direction I should take!

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 18:05
#57
Psychnade's picture
Psychnade
Es Verri Goot!

This is more action packed than the last chappie, which is why me gusta. Also, Psychord should suffer from multiple personality disorder, if he isn't already.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 18:56
#58
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor

Thanks Psych!

Everyone, there will be no chapter tomorrow. Production isn't going as smoothly as I hoped, so I'm taking the day off to think about the plot and where I want to go with it. Maybe write a little.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:01
#59
Sonosuke's picture
Sonosuke
#Sonosuks

And already, two guys are supposedly killed off. Supposedly because we don't know if Astran and Cole actually died or not. For all we know, Astran could have just been engulfed in smoke and Cole could have landed on or in Hubert the Jelly.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:03
#60
Sonosuke's picture
Sonosuke
#Sonosuks

As a matter of fact, Cole survived the fall and landed in Hubert. That is now canon.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:26
#61
Colray's picture
Colray
Derpitty Derp

dat was awesome. I dunno about the fear of heights part, but thats cool. Nice portrayal of Cole.

P.S. I hope Cole isn't dead, I don wanna die.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:49
#62
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor

They're dead. I decided that I didn't need them, but i still wanted to include them. This incident will fit into the story.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:07
#63
Colray's picture
Colray
D:

Aww, but you said that Cole would be a good Mediator... :(

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:34
#64
Thinslayer's picture
Thinslayer
!

...Astran is dead?...

-.-

/bored

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 04:37
#65
Kanoka's picture
Kanoka
How sad...T.T

It was a very nice action piece, although the grammar errors were definitely more noticeable this time (I do appreciate that you wanted to get the story out to us as soon as possible, but some of the evident error detracted from my reading of it).

Didn't realize that characters could be (and will be) killed off as the story progresses. I personally wouldn't do that too much, since it makes the story have a negative vibe to it and also seems like a cover up for lack of substantial plot - you actually have a plot in mind, one that's good, so I would just be cautious about making sure that it stands out more than the deaths of prominent or side characters.

Overall, though, not a bad second chapter...although I would get to correcting some of those issues soon. Some of them hurt my eyes a smidge. O.x

/e jokes

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 05:27
#66
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor

*Sigh* I'm terrible at keeping secrets. I was lying, guys. I don't plan for either of them to die. Thin, your /bored made me burst into tears. Don't worry guys, they were never planned to die, I was only joking with you.

If I say something like that and it's not in a chapter or OP, then it's not true.

EDIT: When I saw Cole's post saying that he really hoped his char didn't die, I couldn't resist. :3

EDIT: Tried to fix as many errors as I could.

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 05:30
#67
Sonosuke's picture
Sonosuke
#Sonosuks

Please say Cole landed in Hubert. Or on a couple of other knights at least.

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 05:35
#68
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor

You can find out in the next chapter, Mr. Sonosuks.

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 12:25
#69
Colray's picture
Colray
Derp

Ok then, comment noted and interest renewed...

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 15:22
#70
Thinslayer's picture
Thinslayer
@Valorai

When you "killed off" Astran and Cole in the story, you held my attention. I wanted to find out if they were truly dead.

Lying to us by saying they were dead was kind of a dumb move. I spent a good deal of time creating that character after all the encouragement you offered me, only for you to kill him off on his first appearance...

...that hurt.

Even if we forget the moral issues involved in lying, it's still a dumb move because people who've invested their characters in the story are eager to read it to see what happens to their characters. If the characters die off, there's nothing left to hold their interest.

It would have been better if you'd left their fate a mystery until the next chapter.

Does that clarify things?

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 18:20
#71
Colray's picture
Colray
Derppity derp

I agree with Thin. I liked to create applications for RP like stories, but then you killed him off in the 2nd chapter...
If you hadn't said anything then I would have anticipated the next chapter more. When you just outright said that they died, I almost decided to just leave the thread altogether. Lucky I decided to go check out what you said...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:51
#72
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor

Alright guys, working on the next chapter! Normally I would try to finish tonight, and I still might. Otherwise, I'll probably end up posting a longer one tomorrow.

@Thinslayer and Colray
Oops. I guess that's why I'm in a guild called Impulse. >_<
Anyways, sorry about hurting your feelings. I'll make sure to shut up next time.

Anyways, everyone. I'm hoping to get a few posts to keep a discussion going. What are your thoughts of the story so far? There's not much to talk about yet, but still.
How can I improve? More character development? More details on the setting? Less of either of those? More dialogue? More action? What are your thoughts?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 20:20
#73
Psychnade's picture
Psychnade
Lore

When will all the lore(13 rulers, BABIES) come into play? Also, are there any special enemies we will be facing, like the Brotherhood of Apocrea in my story?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 23:57
#74
Colray's picture
Colray
@Valorai

Apology accepted and forgiven

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 00:03
#75
Thinslayer's picture
Thinslayer
@Valorai

Apology accepted. No more hard feelings. ^_^

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 08:25
#76
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor

I can't give spoilers, Psychnade. ^_^

EDIT: Don't expect them to be coming so soon. It's only the second chapter, after all.

Sat, 02/22/2014 - 09:08
#77
Malkalack's picture
Malkalack
Swag IS a virtue

Dude, I am drooling in anticipation.

Sat, 02/22/2014 - 13:37
#78
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor.

Sorry. Imp just so lazy. I can't seem to find the energy to write.

I PROMISE the next chapter will be out tonight. Probably won't be much action in it, though.

Sat, 02/22/2014 - 13:43
#79
Psychnade's picture
Psychnade
The Next Chappie

Awww, that's a shame...Still looking forward to it though.

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 16:35
#80
Malkalack's picture
Malkalack
Swag IS a virte

Liar!

SMOKEBOMB!

*cough cough* I have *cough cough* made my ninja-like escape. *trips over pedestal*

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 19:35
#81
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor,

:_:

That is all. Editing chapter three tonight.

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 20:21
#82
Sonosuke's picture
Sonosuke
#Sonosuks

/me slaps Val across the face for being lazy.

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 21:34
#83
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor: Chapter 3

There was no sound. There was a calm in the storm. The flames had silenced their everlasting crackles.

"Flame and blade, I now thee wed "

A once beautiful and melodic voice rang throughout the land- now tainted, and strained.

"Go to town and make thy bed"

A body rose through the charred ground, a bright warm light enveloping it.

"Satisfy thy heart's desire"

A foot broke off. The rust and decay taking its toll on the mortal's carcass.

"Stoke the flames of cleansing fire"

Instead of falling, the foot flew back up to the body.

"The wolves of iron say I fell"

A bright flash occurred as the foot reattached itself, the rust and decay retreating into the once-again beating heart.

"Drink their blood and give them hell. "

A small round orb flew throughout the threshold.
A soul. It found the dead knight, and united with it by flying into it's chest.

Bright red eyes flew open in the land of fire.

------------

When a bloody knight strolled into the compound, she was surprised. When he started asking for her, Cario was mortified. Commander Cario could not see his face from the monitor in her small windowless office, but she felt as if she knew him. Obviously he was a significant knight, if he knew where the compound was located.

Technically, the compound was not underground. It was however, under Haven. The compound was the Spiral Order's main location of gathering. This was where commanders, various other leaders, and even Ozlo himself resided.

When the knights first got to Haven, the strangers had been very kind and allowed them the run of the town. Unfortunately, the only places to meet that was not public, was in the Residential area. Apartment blocks after apartment blocks. Plenty of crime and beggars there. For a few weeks, the Order's leaders had met up in that district. So Ozlo (Unofficial leader at the time) asked for the strangers help. He asked for metals and other materials to create a small compound underneath the rock of Haven.

They had accepted, and soon this horrible place had been made.

"Well?" a voice inquired. Cario turned her attention back to the knight before her.

"Oh, um...Sorry." She said meekly. "You may requisition as many knights as you need, so long as It doesn't surpass a dozen."-

"What? A dozen! That's not nearly enough! I need more if we ever hope to succeed!" he raged.

Thankfully her hood disguised her head, because her face was red with embarrassment.
"You know that I can't do anything, Malk. There aren't enough knights available anymore. Maybe a year ago we could've, but even then...it seems like a fool's errand."

Malkalack fumed. "I thought you all wanted to win this war! We can't just let-"

For the first time in a long time, Cario interrupted someone. "Malkalack, I may not be the most optimistic knight, but I am still your commanding officer. You will not bring any knights to that death trap."

Malkalack frowned, but seem to be slightly more pacified. Cario however, was thrilled with herself. For her, standing up to knights- even knights in lower rank, took a lot of effort.

"So-"
Before she could finish her sentence, the metallic double doors swung wide open in her officer. There, standing fifteen feet away was that bloody knight she saw on her monitor. Up close, she could see that his wolver coat was filthy and torn, although his hat remained unharmed yet slightly wet. He was well built, much taller than Cario. Definitely more fearsome than either of the other two in the room.

Malkalack's eyes were wide in shock. His hand self-consciously moved to the hilt of his sword. The two men seemed to glare at each other for a moment.

"Who are you?" Malkalack inquired. The bloody knight seemed to have relaxed.
"Astran Valderis, sir." he gave a mock salute. Cario decided then that she didn't like him. At the same time, she recognized him. It was suspected when she saw him, and hearing his voice and name had confirmed it.

Shot got up from the chair behind her desk and glares at Astran. "Astran Valderis, what do you have to say for yourself?"

A flash of surprise appeared on his face, but it was quickly concealed. It was so sudden that Cario wondered if Malkalack had even seen it.

Hesitantly, he said, "What do you mean?"
Malkalack looked at the two curiously, probably echoing Astran's question in his own head. Cario turned around the pull out a file she had. While she was moving, she quickly flipped a switch on the desk that automatically- and most importantly SILENTLY locked the doors to the room. The funny thing was that Cario didn't even want it installed when the room was first built. But Ozlo persisted. It would be useful now if Astran tried anything funny.

She searched through the file cabinets that cluttered the back wall of the would-be office. Looking through it momentarily, she pulled out a few images from one file. When she turned back she was met with a surprise. Malkalack was looking straight at her, while Astran had moved slightly closer to him. What was he doing?

Cario tossed the pictures across the desk so that the two standing knights could look at them. They mostly involved images of Astran stealing armor, causing fights, and all around disobeying the law.

As Malkalack's eyes moved from picture to picture, his eyes narrowed even more, his grip getting a little tighter on his sword.

Suddenly he snatched up a photo and showed it to Astran with a incredulous look on his face,

"You shot a snipe off of A STRANGER'S SHOULDER?"

"That was NOT me. There's no way to prove it! It could be anyone in a wolver coat and and hat." he said with a perfect poker face. Cario thought that there was no point in lying, but he was right. There was no way to prove it. She knew for a fact that these were of Astran 'Thinslayer' Valderis, but how would she be able to convince others of that?

"You sick piece of scrap!" Malkalack spit. Cario knew there was no way to resolve this now. There was nothing she could do unless she got pictures that would get a complete stranger to identify him correctly. So, she asked him another question.

"Calm down, Malk. We'll sort this out later.. I guess." Her confidence and voice started to wane. She didn't want these two to start a fight in here.
"Astran, why are you here? And for Vog's sake, why are you covered in blood?" Thankfully the blood wasn't dripping, so no cleaning would have to be done.

Astran's face suddenly cleared up, remembering why he was here. "Oh yeah. Me and a other knight were doing our jobs, like we were supposed to, right?"

Cario knew of many jobs that knights had been assigned to. Whether it was gathering materials or killing off monsters, knights had to do it. Who knows how the strangers got any of that stuff before the Isorans came.

But before Cario could ask, Malkalack butted in. "What job?" He said, annoyed and glaring. "Speak up thief. Were you gathering flashy objects, or collecting snipe droppings?"

Astran harrumphed in frustration. "Of course not! Only the most dangerous job of course. Clearing out the wolver dens. So me and this moron go to clear the den. The idiot set off the charge before we even cleared it out! He ran off, leaving me to fight off the beasts- hence the blood, while he set the charges. I killed them all, even with all my injuries. But when the charge was ready, more wolvers attacked us. He panicked, and set of the charge! He nearly killed me!"

He sucked in a deep gulp of breath after giving his obviously prepared summary. Although Cario couldn't know for sure, she felt that this knight made himself the hero.

"Well that's just wonderful. Now get out. Stop pestering your superiors with useless stories. You're alive, aren't you? Report to your medic and get patched up." Malkalack scoffed.

An indignant Astran responded, "Fine. Just thought I'd let you know where Cole fell, but whatever."

He turned to leave, but Cario spoke up. "What? W-what do you mean 'he fell'?"
Cario didn't feel very brave anymore. Did someone die?

Astran shrugged vaguely. "I don't know. He fell. Off the platform. I only saw the idiot for an instant before the smoke from the explosives blinded me."

Malkalack frowned and Cario slumped into her seat. Another knight dead? Is was getting too depressing. Too many have been lost.

"So what are you going to do about it?" Astran asked, sounding as if he was angry at them from some reason.

Cario frowned. "What do you mean 'What am I going to do about it'?"

"Well, you're going to send a search party, aren't you?"

Malkalack frowned. This knight was obviously not the sharpest cutter in the forge. "Why the hell would we do that? Risk more knight's lives to save one that has been lost?"

For a moment, Astran looked at Malkalack, perhaps sizing him up. He then turned to Cario and said, "He's not dead. The fool is accident-prone and unstable, but there's no way that the fall killed him." Astran pointed at Cario accusingly. "Would you really let a knight; probably injured, die alone in the clockworks?"

Cario didn't know what to do. Astran seemed sure that his friend was alive, but could she really spare the resources to find him? If he really was alive?"

"W-well..." Cario said nervously. "If you're s-sure... You can bring two knights with you to help find your friend."

Astran glared at no one in particular. "No way" he said, swinging his arms to look like he was surrendering. "I am DONE with him. He's terrible at fighting. I'm not going to risk my life for him ever again!"

Malkalack's face contorted with disgust. Astran's must've thought he would just lay it on them and leave. "It's your responsibility now, Commander." Astran said mockingly.

"What?" Cario said, shocked. "W-why me?"
But Astran didn't answer. Instead, he turned around and headed toward the locked doors. Cario flipped a switch again, and it became unlocked. She was tired of this conversation, and there was no point in keeping him in here for now.

Then Astran was gone.

"Humph...I'll go with you." Malkalack sighed.

"W-what? You assume I'm going? Do you really think that knight could be alive?"
Cario thought she was fine in battle. An excellent bomber, she was told. But she didn't want to die. Would a journey like this risk her life?

"One thing I know about you, commander, is that you would never let a knight who could be alive die."
Malkalack thought he knew her. She wasn't that brave, was she? But when she thought of a lone injured knight in the clockworks, despair overwhelmed her. If Malkalack would truly come with her, maybe she could be brave enough.

"You don't know me at all, soldier," she gave a meek laugh. "But if you're bent on helping me, I think we'll make it,

------------
Something was calling to him. Astran fell to the ground of his home in the apartment block. His head with ringing. Something was there. He got up and swayed from side to side almost knocking over a table. Did he close the door? No...he didn't think he did.

"Your heart betrays you."

Was that...was that a voice? Who was there? He hoped it wasn't that Commander Cario he talked to earlier. If she found more pictures on him, he'd have to be careful. Lay low for a while.
The ringing doubled in intensity. He stumbled to the ground again and screamed.

It HURT! Why was it hurting?! Who was doing this? Astran curled up, trying to make a small ball. That's all he wanted to be right now. Small and unnoticeable. Why wouldn't it leave him?

"GO."

Astran stood up, and walked out the door.

--------
A special thanks to 'Thinslayer' for providing the poem in the beginning! Great, as always!

@Sono
Hey Sono, where'd you go anyways? I forgot to ask.

To address the lack of chapters recently, I'm a lazy procrastinator. Basically, I've decided to not write on weekends. I think I get lazy because the only thing boring enough to motivate me to write is school.
Huh. So it is useful.
Editing might be lacking in this chapter, as I only skimmed over it. Expect more action in chapter four!

ENDING NOTES: What's wrong with Astran? Is Cole alive? What did Malkalack need soldiers for? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGONBALL Z.

Make sure to leave a comment down below with suggestions! It lets me know that you are reading, and encourages me to write more!

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 21:08
#84
Psychnade's picture
Psychnade
For a non action chapter...

It was actually good for a non action chapter. The dialogue was good, and the exposition and emotion was decently portrayed! Well done!

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 21:14
#85
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor

Thank you Psychnade! It means a lot to me! I realize I have lots of improving to do when it comes to writing, but believe me, I'm trying!

I want to remind everyone to post your thoughts. One of my most negative traits is that I'm an attention hog. If I don't feel as loved as a love puppy, I feel sad. I realize that's a terrible thing, but it's the truth. I've written numerous fanfics before this one, and people have said they were good. I thought that not enough people were commenting, so greedy and self-conscious as I was, I shut it down. I hope that I have overcome this a bit, but take no chances, right? This is one fanfic that I hope I NEVER shut down.

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 21:16
#86
Feline-Grenadier's picture
Feline-Grenadier
:D

Felicity is coming...I bet in at least 2 chapters...5 at most.

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 21:36
#87
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor

Thank-you's to Thinslayer and feline-grenadier have been added at the ends of chapter one and three.

Thanks for your contributions!

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 21:37
#88
Someordinarycake's picture
Someordinarycake
Application for Education

Name: Cake
Gender: Male
Armor: Mercurial Set with an Iron Wolf Costume cover the Mercurial Mail and a happy face carved to the face of Mercurial Helm. (Mercurial Helm not see though, ((Obviously)) )
Weapons: Warmaster Seerus Rocket Hammer, Dark Retribution
Personality: Flamboyant, has a Sharp Tongued, maybe a little too smart for his own good. Has a VERY strong will to protect all that he is close to but works alone in contrast due to losing all guildmates (Everyone he cared for.) in a Wolver Den raid. Is however antisocial much and has an inferiority complex. Very wise, keeps an open mind, impossible to be broken emotionally. Has somewhat leadership qualities. Hates being under pressure, preforms worse than without pressure. Posses unquestionable and unbreakable loyalty but knows what is wrong or right.
STATS:
Swordsmanship: 5/10 Knows how to use his rocket hammer.
Gunslinging: 0/10 Rarely uses a gun
Bombing: 4/10 When a rocket hammer doesn't work, very reliant on bomb. Hasn't used it as much as hammer though.
Stamina: 10/10 Is a friggin tank.
Intelligence: 10/10 may know too much.
Speed: 8/10 (Mercurial Set) 3/10 (Without Mercurial) Self Explanatory.
Cunning: 7/10 Doesn't like pressure, but can come through. Most of the time.
Agility: 5/10 (With Mercurial Set) 1/10 (Without Mercurial)

Personal Note: Don't need to choose me for already known reasons.

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 21:57
#89
Sonosuke's picture
Sonosuke
#Sonosuks

What do you mean "where'd you go anyways?" I'm right here. I just had to throw away my Sacred Ash Tail Robes so people will stop thinking I'm one of the monsters.

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 21:57
#90
Psychnade's picture
Psychnade
Oh yeah, wait...

When does Psychord come in?

Sun, 02/23/2014 - 22:45
#91
Colray's picture
Colray
yay new chapter

I agree with psychnade, it was a very good chapter considering it was a non-action one. Looking forward to the next chaptor

Mon, 02/24/2014 - 05:07
#92
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor

@Feline and Psych

They're both going to be in the story. As for when, you'll just have to be patient.

Psychnade
My App!
Name: Psychord
Gender: Male
Armor: Skolver Coat, Shadowsun Stetson
Weapons: Argent Peacemaker, Sentenza
Personality: A bipolar knight, his two guns represent his ever changing mind.

Psych, can you explain his two personalities a little more? What personalities do his two guns represent?

Mon, 02/24/2014 - 05:12
#93
Kanoka's picture
Kanoka
This was a nice one! :D

I coincide with the others in saying that this chapter's strength was in the dialogue. I enjoyed seeing the relationship between Malkalack and Cario, and even the trio when Astran entered the scene - I do feel personally, though, that Cario gave in way too easily when Astran left the room. Wasn't anything on your part, but I definitely wanted to see what would happen if he found out that the doors were locked in behind him when he entered. :) Looking forward to seeing the next chapter!

Mon, 02/24/2014 - 13:37
#94
Psychnade's picture
Psychnade
Psych's Personality

Well, it's a jekyll/hyde thing, and he really can't be trusted. He's kinda psychotic, and will join whichever side benefits him the most. The Jekyll side is a quiet, but caring knight who defends his allies with ridiculous accuracy. The Hyde side is a sadistic monster who laughs and enjoys other's pain and misery. Both sides are cunning and resourceful.

Mon, 02/24/2014 - 14:19
#95
Malkalack's picture
Malkalack
Swag IS a virtue

I know this is premature, but do I smell a budding romance between Malkalack and Cario? Please say yes.

Mon, 02/24/2014 - 14:40
#96
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor.

Well Malk, I always make up the plot on the go. Things are always changing, and whatever pops into my head first is usually the direction I take.

All I can say is that I encourage you read the next chapter, and keep posting your guesses and hopes. :D

EDIT: I may be able to work with that, Psych. Hopefully.

Mon, 02/24/2014 - 14:45
#97
Malkalack's picture
Malkalack
Swag IS a virtue

I can empathise with you, Valorai. Just read: "Corruption". The ending was very, ah, spur of the moment, to say the least.

Mon, 02/24/2014 - 14:48
#98
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor.

Any chance you could post a link for anyone else who may want to read?

Mon, 02/24/2014 - 14:59
#99
Trolololololololoe's picture
Trolololololololoe
App

Name: Parkour Master Betrayus
Gender: Male
Armor: Tri-Guard armor
Weapons: None
Personality: Has a fiery temper, most of the time acts childish, pretty lonely, hates when people have a crush on him and tends to do hard parkour to help allies such as opening hitting a button or helping them along.

STATS:
Swordsmanship: 0
Gunning: 0
Bombing: 0
Stamina: 10
Intelligence: 5
Speed: 10
Cunning: 5
Agility: 10

Mon, 02/24/2014 - 15:15
#100
Valorai's picture
Valorai
Heart of Valor.

@Betrayus

An interesting app to be sure. I doubt I'll be able to fit you in however.

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