Wow. Okay. Apparently my characters aren't gonna be a part of this story. And neither is Cake's. Well I guess I made those apps for nothing then.
Heart of Valor. [Fanfiction] Chapters Released: 12
That's a pretty foolish assumption, Sono. I haven't even used some characters that ARE going to be apart of the story yet.
Sorry. I sorta rushed to that conclusion because I read your last post wrong. Although I still feel that way since our characters still aren't in the OP.
Him. Maybe I should've added characters to the OP when they came into the story, instead of telling everyone who made it in. That'd make it interesting, im sure. But it's too late for now. Don't worry Sono. I WILL need more characters eventually.
I wonder, Cario finds Astran attractive and Astran finds Cario cute despite knowing that she has resentment and disgust. So, if Astran saves Cario from a near death situation that Malk was too busy to save her, that would increase the relationship. It might reach the bit where it doesn't matter if they hate each other by a bit.
I'm glad you're sharing your thoughts, Robo. It's great to see what you all think of the story.
Also, here is a more likely app to be appearing...
Name: Viktor
Gender: Male
Armor: Shattered Ancient Plate Set (Gives less normal defense and lacks the fire resistance.) Shattered because he is double the size of Cario.
Weapons: Fists, charges and special "Showtime" (Showtime is where he jumps high into the air and lands onto a foe or ground if the foe avoided. After he lands, he releases a loud roar which weakens armor defense for 10 seconds.)
Personality: Evil, hates bombers (Especially if they are Commanders), hates females, will make people into his slave if they are caught, pretty cunning, likes eating and drinking.
STATS:
Swordsmanship: 0
Gunning: 0
Bombing: 0
Melee: 10
Stamina: 10
Intelligence: 3
Speed: 5
Cunning: 7
Agility: 5
Very interesting app. Glad you like the story so far!
I honestly like how you've so far told the story, switching perspectives in certain chapters to give some insight on the characters, adding action when it's needed and more little details.
Me wants more.
Also when are you accepting apps for the story? I've seen a few posted and just want the OK on posting my own. :U
P.S Like the mediocre apocalyptic-like mood on how the order is sorta messed up now.
P.S.S Also like how it's not too apocalyptic-like.
P.S.S.S I want to make one of my own fanfics now. o-o
Edit: I want a residential in the game too. l:l
I'm glad you like it, Sho! It always makes me feel better hearing comments like yours. You can make an application whenever you like! Who knows? Maybe it will give me inspiration if it's good enough. But for now, I have no incentive to add characters unless they are key to the plot.
I almost never know what kind of feedback to give for fanfictions. :P
I'm enjoying the read.
Alrighty, here we go.
Name: Radi "Drifter" Alis (Ray-dee A-lis)
Gender: Male
Armor: Cyclops Cap and Fused Demo suit both with mismatched pieces, grime, and splatters of blood.
Weapons: Iron Slug and Polaris
Personality: Silent and lifeless.
STATS:
Swordsmanship:
Gunning: 10
Bombing: 7
Stamina: 10
Intelligence: 0 (Doh)
Speed: 3 (Mostly moves at a slow pace)
Cunning: 0 (Isn't very devious and mostly takes the most straightforward way)
Agility: 0
Bio: (Now here is where it gets interesting...) Radi followed the basic story of most Knights on Cradle, crash landed, joined the Order, and rose in ranks. Though in his career Radi was given the choice of joining a Special Ops. Team tasked with destroying certain depths of the clockworks (same one Astran and Cole are in, y'know, the ones tasked with blowing up the dens?). Radi decided one day to carry out one of these missions on his own. After setting charges he calmly proceeded to the elevator but stumbled into a Wolver Den. His bulky demo armor limited his speed and he was soon covered with Wolvers that were ripping armor and flesh off of him. Then some idiot stepped on the detonation button, /clap. The bombs' blast pushed Radi back off the edge and he fell for 'bout a depth till he hit Emberlight, hard. The blast shattered bones and he was near death. Gremlins in Emberlight were able to repair him by performing a special surgery on him that practically turned him into an emotionless albino ('cause of the use of certain robotic parts on his body for prosthetic limbs and certain parts of the brain(we have brains right?)). Did I mention his severe case of amnesia as well? The Order rejected Radi from permission to re-join the order because of his condition. Radi now stalks the tunnels of the clockworks on a meaningless journey leading him to.. nothing!
I sorta mean for Radi to be more of a background character than main. I also understand I left out some points but if he actually makes it into HoV I was thinking that as the story progresses he will actually gain points depending on the story.
Edit: Made some minor stat and Bio edits.
I agree Sono, that was hilarious.
Very interesting app! Adding a character like that would be very cool.
After going over this app.. I found a heck lot of mistakes. I'll be sure to edit soon. :P
Derp, what was so special 'bout "is capable of incredible smarts"? I guess it was too confuzzling? Should I change that? TELL ME DA ANSWERS. D;
Edit: Heck, I went ahead and changed it. I'm quite impatient.
Hello everyone! This weekend I'm not going to be here, as I'm going to prison camp AGAIN. It's so annoying there.
So I'm going to be gone is weekend, but good news! Long car rides means TONS of free time! When the weekend is over, you can expect two or three chapters ready for posting!
Eccellente il mio amico! E avete programmato In tale legge, per quello che uno Waite macchina di una mente! GIORIEHAEBVEQA
I'm back from prison camp! I didn't get as much writing done as I would like, but I have one chapter done and one half-done. Today I'm going to do the editing for the first one, and I'll release it tonight.
A storm of thoughts and images flashed through her mind. Darting in to find where they belong, but retreating when she tried to reach out to them.
"Cradle. Knight. Monsters. Ozlo. Cold. Metal."
More and more information clicked into her head. She remembered where she was, what
she was, but she hadn't the slightest clue who she was. Suddenly, one obvious thought rang
through her mind.
"Mother."
A yelp was heard from somewhere above her, and cool blue eyes opened in the land of metal. She looked up to see the back of the knight who was standing next to her.
The knight was standing on machinery that was close to eye level with her. When she looked at him, she noticed his chaos cloak and hood. Despite it's appearance, you could see his well built form underneath the cloth. He was tall. At least, from down where she lay.
For some odd reason, she swelled with happiness upon seeing him. She couldn't explain it in anyway, but she knew that she needed to talk with him. Maybe he knew who she was?
Crumpled on the ground, she said, "Hello..." But it sounded more like, "h..lo?.."
She wondered what was wrong with her voices was it always like that? The knight above her
seemed to have heard, because he slowly, cautiously looked down at her. He took a double-
take when he saw her eyes staring into his. He didn't seem to quite believe what he was seeing.
She tried to talk again. "He.lo..hello...? Please ... Help?"
The knight still stared. Did he even hear her? She became frustrated with her situation, and narrowed her eyes a little bit.
Finally, the other knight spoke. "Who are you?"
He didn't say it spitefully or accusingly. He said it gently, and calmly. As if talking or whispering, to a child. The look on his face still told her that he was quite shocked.
She summoned her strength into her voice and said, "I don't know. Who are you?"
The man's shocked expression turned into one of curiosity.
"You...don't know who you are? This is so cliché." He said, rubbing the back of his neck.
The girl wondered what he meant by cliché, and asked him. "You know..." he brought his arm down. "You've woken up in a strange place with no memory. Seems cliché to me. Are you sure you remember nothing?"
"Well..." she started.
He abruptly interrupted. "Oh! I'm sorry! You asked who I am?" She noticed that the new knight stood a little straighter. "My name is Cole, ranking is Vanguard, and I came from up there." He pointed upwards."
Despite the situation, the girl laughed. "You come from 'above' then?" She remembered what a vanguard was, yet she didn't remember any.
Cole let out a good-natured laugh and said, "No, no. Not that kind of above."
He then told her a tale of wolvers and battling. He told her how terrified he was when he feel into the depths below and his current position. He finally explained how he saw her and thought she was dead. To her surprise, she learned from him that she was on a dead tortoise.
The whole time, she awkwardly lay there. When he offered his hand to help her up, she
admitted that she couldn't feel her legs.
"Don't worry about that." Cole encouraged. "I'll be able to help you. When I woke up, I couldn't feel anything for a while." She then hesitated for only a moment before taking his hand. With surprising strength, he hefted her up until she was on her wobbly legs.
"Don't worry, I'm here." he murmured.
For a while they were quite the sight; him balancing her so she could stay upright and her trying not to fall out from under her still weak limbs. After a few minutes, the feeling returned. A small time after that, she could stand without any help.
He finally let go, but she could still feel the warmth of his hands on her shoulder and back.
"Think you can jump?" He said, nodding toward the tortoise.
She looked at it for the first time in its entirety.
It was a huge beast. The top of the shell, which was where she was, had to be at least eight feet off the ground. The shell was rusty, and gray. It had lost any color it might've had when it still breathed. Patches of it were completely worn away, by the sands of time or by battle. Red flakes could be scratched off near the area where the tortoise's head SHOULD of been.
She didn't allow her mind to realize the obvious.
"Yeah. I think so." She said, eager to show her competence.
She watched as he crouched and moved towards the curve of the shell. When he could not go any farther without slipping off, he jumped. He landed on his two feet with no signs of pain. She followed suit and jumped off near the curve with surprising ease. When she landed next to him, the satisfaction on his face was apparent.
"You sure you don't remember anything? You pulled that jump of surprisingly well."
Even though she had just met this knight, his compliment warmed her heart.
"Thanks!" She concentrated, trying to remember anything. "Nothing. I mean, I know basic stuff. Like monsters, and this planet. I also remember armors, and specific people like Captain Ozlo."
Cole frowned thoughtfully. "It sounds to me like you can remember everything, except for things about yourself. Can you remember meeting Ozlo? Or seeing him? Or anyone for that matter?"
She realized that he was right. "No. I remember other people too, but I can't remember ever
talking to them." She searched Cole's eyes for comfort. "Do you have any idea what's wrong
with me?"
He looked down, not able to answer any of the questions she was asking.
"As obvious as it is, you have amnesia. I've never met anyone with amnesia before."
"So..." She continued, trying to find something to talk about. "Where are we?" As she said it, she looked around. They appeared to be in a forest. You could see green and brown everywhere.
She heard things too, things in the trees.
Cole seemed to be ignoring them. "Ever heard of the Gloaming Wildwoods?"
She had heard of it.
She remembered that the Gloaming Wildwoods was a giant place that spanned several depths. Hunters often went there to kill Snarbolaxes. The things were always there, likely to breed in litters. Who knows if the Order would ever be able to completely wipe them out. Again, she remembered all of this information but could not find any way to relate it to herself.
"Yes. I have." she said neutrally.
"Good." he said solemnly. "Then you know what kind of danger we're in." It was then that
she noticed that she had no weapons. None at all. When she looked at Cole she saw that he
was holding no weapons either, but then he said, "I have a Dread Venom Striker in here." He
motioned to his bag.
"You know.." He started. "I never asked if you remembered your name. Do you?"
This was a piece of information she desperately wanted. But no matter how hard she tried, she could not remember.
"Gwenivere. My beautiful Gwenivere."
Gwenivere? It sounded....interesting. Not familiar however. Where had that stray thought come from, anyways? Perhaps a distant memory?
"Um.. Gwen. Call me Gwen."
Cole perked up and smiled. "Good! You remember your name? That's progress!" But Gwen
didn't know if it was truly her name. She figured it would have to do for now.
"Yeah... So now what do we do?" Gwen said, trying to take a more serious tone.
Cole did the same. "We need to find the elevator. Then we can get to the surface and to
Haven."
Then, seemingly for his own benefit, he added, "I hope Astran made it out..." Gwen ignored that.
She hoped whatever he was talking about came true, but they had to focus on the now.
"Well, where's the elevator?" she asked.
He replied with a shrug. "I have no idea. I'm going to try contacting Haven." He then brought his hand to his temple.
After a few seconds, he brought his hand back down, frustrated. "Nothing." He sighed. "My com must've been damaged in my fall. You up for a little hike?"
Definitely not. Here Gwen was, in a strange new world. She had just met a stranger, and
couldn't remember who she was. They had no contact with Haven, and no idea where the
elevator on this depth was.
"Sure." She replied.
------------------------------------
Almost an hour later, Cole looked back at Gwen through the brush. "What's that you're
humming?"
Confused, Gwen replied, "What?"
"For the past five minutes, you've been humming that tune. I've never heard anything like it
before. I didn't mean to stop you, but I had to ask."
Had she been humming? Gwen couldn't tell. If she focused, she thought she could remember
that she had been singing something. "I'm...not sure. I didn't consciously do it."
Cole nodded, and looked forward again. "Maybe it was important to you before. Try to work on restoring your memory. If you remember whatever you were humming, it could connect you to a different memory."
Gwen was about to make a sarcastic remark, when a twig snapped to their left.
The two knights froze in place, waiting for anything to happen. For almost half a minute, nothing did.
Then from almost every direction, hammers flew.
Gwen saw one hit Cole in the head. Although his helmet had protected him, he was knocked unconscious against the forest floor.
Already she was on the floor, hammers still coming. She watched one lodge itself in a tree next to her. With darkness growing around the edges of her vision, she saw a furry face appear. It glared at her while it pulled it's hammer from the tree.
Before she blacked out, she was able to identify their attackers.
Gremlins.
Absotubaley amazing, Val. I give this... Two Thumbs Up.
I'm just as mystified about Gwen as Cole probably is.
A well-written chapter. It's a pity I can't figure out how to properly offer feedback on it. :'(
Very well written chapter, just seemed... Something was missing... Can't figure out what though so great chapter!
Another thing, did Cole drop his Final Flourish or what?
@Sono
When are you going to be able to get on steam? I need youo Sunusoke
@Thinslayer
That was fine, Thin! Thanks for commenting. Glad you liked it. :D
@colray
Yes, he did. Did I forget to add that waaaay back in chapter two? I'm going to check now...
EDIT: "Then, one brave wolver hurled itself at Cole. Dropping his weapon, a gnashing, snarling wolver was in his arms. His body swayed. He was falling after swinging precariously for a second.. "
Yeah, according to this he dropped it back at the wolver den.
Malkalack sighed as he got off of the elevator. The clockworks were cold. Cold and unforgiving.
The mood had changed. But as Malkalack moved forward, he was not alone. Next to him stood the only man crazy enough to accompany.
"So, Malks." He pestered. "How did it feel?"
Malkalack didn't like him. He wasn't sure if anyone liked him.
"How did what feel?" He grunted. His companion let out a comical laugh and slapped him hard on the back. Although it barely registered, as Malkalack's strong form didn't react to it.
The strange character tsked and said, "Abandoning your friends, of course! How did it feel to
trick them?"
"Shut up, Psychord." Malkalack said forcefully. He then started walking away, towards their
objective.
Still, Psychord continued on. "Did you feel bad, lying to them? Deceiving them?" after pausing for a moment, he added.
"Did it feel good to see the terror on their faces?"
Malkalack spun around, put his arm around Psychord's neck, and pushed him into a nearby
wall.
Psychord was lifted a foot off the ground, and Malkalack stared into his face.
He still had that fiendish grin, but you could see a glint of fear in his eyes.
"I may have hurt my friends, but I'm still a better person than you'll ever be." He let the man down, tensing in case a fight was about to break out.
But Psychord made no move for his weapon. His eyes just clouded up, and he sadly looked
at Malkalack.
"Whatever you say, sir. "
He surely was an odd one. But he was the only person crazy enough to join Malkalack.
Suddenly, a call from Kano-Ka appeared in the corner of his vision. He accepted it to see Kano's nervous expression. "Did it work? Did I do everything right?" He asked anxiously.
"Yes," Malkalack replied. "I was able to get away, and Psychord has joined me now." He paused for a moment. "You did good, Kano-Ka."
Psychord just stood somberly, not speaking.
Kano-Ka hesitated on the other end. "Are you sure this is right? Why did we have to trick them?"
Kano was a good soldier. Loyal to the end. If he was convinced it would help the order, he would promote it. Malkalack respected his loyalty and trusted him.
"Cario wouldn't give me the soldiers we needed. As my superior, she would surely have banned me from going." Malkalack answered.
"I still don't know. Won't it be dangerous? What if the both of you never come back?"
The two stood motionless, again realizing the danger in what they were doing.
"If I never come back... Tell Cario I'm sorry. And my family as well. Make sure they're well off."
He looked at Psychord, still silent.
He had nothing to lose.
"But you'll come back, right? You have to believe that." Malkalack heartily agreed, and wished Kano-Ka a friendly farewell before exiting the call.
He stared into Psychord's eyes. "You ready?"
The man simply nodded, and they set off.
Compound 42 awaits.
___________
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Thanks for reading! Make sure to leave a comment below for suggestions praise and criticisms!
This chapter was a short one, because I wanted to focus more on the other knights. It's just to let you know what Malkalack is up to, and you'll be seeing him soon.
BLOOP.
I guess I missed dat part...
Good other chapter, compound 42 seems like it would be a tough place, seeing as Herex might have made the virus thingy there....
What would they need to go back there for?
Also, I never will return *jumps off a cliff*
Two chapters in a short span of time...it's beautiful! T.T
In all seriousness, these were two strong chapters with a lot of added detail to the story. Although I noticed a few small spelling errors here and there, they were indeed few - for the most part, these chapters were strong in word choice and in plot. I appreciate how (even with the obligation to tie in these characters to your story since we gave them to you to use) you have made each character a role in your story and helped to flesh them out individually as each chapter continues on.
You've also done a really great job at knowing what needs to be kept in the dark and what doesn't. I've felt satisfied to a certain extent about info, but I'm itching to know what exactly made Malkalack do what he did and why he's manipulating all these knights to achieve his goal. Why are he and Psychlord going to Compound 42? What lies in wait for our mysterious heroes?! What happened to Cario and Astran? Who is Gwenivere and how did she end up with Cole on top of a Tortodrone? Means I get to wait for further chapters to figure that out! :)
Overall, nicely done!
@Kanoka
Thanks! I'm very glad you liked it! I'm hoping to include Kano-Ka more in the chapters from now on, but I'm having trouble trying to think of important roles for him.
@Psychnade
HUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE
I just noticed that everyone out in the field are in two's now...
Felicity go nomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomnomonomnom~!
Help... a man has a gun to my head, and says he will blow my head off if you don't write more. PLEEEASE! Who will feed my narwhal when I'm gone?
Don't worry Malkalack! I'LL SAVE YOO!
I've got a chapter done, I just need to force my friend to edit it.
EDIT: 'Thank you's' have been added to the OP.
No need to thank me... I just read every chapter like an addict. I don't deserve a Thank You or anything, even though I made an app within 24 hrs of it's conception.
I have the next two chapters ready. I'm just waiting to give them to the editor, then I'll be able to post them.
I'm the editor for HoV. I have nothing to say other than introducing 'masel.
If you wish to criticize my editing on how I format the paragraphs and how I miss a lot of spelling mistakes,
go ahead.
Just a hint, a chapter might be posted soon. Or something. How am I suppost to know? I just edit the stuff to make it ready for all of y'all beautiful people.
So THIS is who is editor is.
Malkalack pokes Someordinarycake. Poke.
Yup yup! HOV 8 tonight! Hope you guys will enjoy it!
Yay! Birthday present for all!
EDIT: Forget I said anything
What? I was planning to make you a birthday present in the form of a story.
Happy birthday.
Awesome! I have one thing... you like your cliff-hangers don't you
Edit: New page :3