>empty all items in all item slots to PRANCE AROUND LIKE A PONY before picking them up.
Then proceed to pick up all the items, eat a spicy bolted screw, Asks WTF STORE CREDITS ARE USED FOR and walks through the metal detector before offending another persons PROSTHETIC BUTT.

Over taken by wild urges you DUMP all your item slots and STRUT YOUR STUFF like an INFANT STALLION, losing any SERIOUS BUSINESS you had going. As you res-store all your items, your stomach rumbles and you really wish you had that PIZZA SLICE. With no other food source available you attempt to eat a SPICY BOLTED SCREW. While the spicy juice and seasonings are delicious, the hard metal of the BOLTED SCREW chips a tooth. With your mouth in a bit of pain, you spit it out and make RUDE GESTURE. In a sour mood you ask the stunned NC what STORE CREDITS are good for as you walk through the METAL DETECTOR.

He stammers that because shop-lifting is so RAMPANT, they have two methods to dissuade HOOLIGANS. One are the SECURITY GUARDS, who may or may not be a bit overboard when dealing with law-breakers. The second is that MOST ITEMS, such as that LONG RANGE ASSAULT WEAPON you have in your hand, if not checked out or bought, would not fire. Your bag for instance has a secret pocket that you cannot unzip until it is bought as well. That kinda sucks for you.

>SECURITY GUARD prepares to AGGRESS!

You are the SECURITY GUARD. You have been told that you are a very CONFRONTING person and usually back here watching employee's leaving and entering the EMPLOYEE LOUNGE, and usually its very intres- OH GOD YOUR BORED OF IT. You have a blunt NIGHTBAT, FLASHLIGHT, ID, and a SET OF KEYS attached to your belt. And now your dealing with STRANGE AGGRESSIVE CUSTOMER. He even brought that COWARDLY, TRAIN-WRECK OF A TOTALLY NOT CUTE CASHIER. I-its not like you like him or anything.

You had been wary of the CUSTOMER when they had gone on a long imposing rant about CRUSADERADICATION, BADGES, AND SATANIC DEMONS, but now with the sudden PONY DANCING you are very agitated for being even slightly afraid of him! All you need is an excuse to beat him senseless...

BEEP BEEP BEEP. Your METAL DETECTOR usually picks up metal, but it also warns you if someone is carrying anything LETHAL. Excuse found, time to AGGRESS.
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>[SECURITY GUARD:INPUT COMMAND]

>INVENTORY MENU:
Belt pouch front: FLASH LIGHT!
Side right pouch: ID
Side left pouch: Ring of keys
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>Offend more PROSTHETIC BUTTS.
Tears are being shed for PROSTHETIC BUTTS today. So. Many. Tears.