Love the story, and the characters are pretty great as well.
As far as grammar errors go, about 3/5 of the way down in chapter 11, you wrote "...his face was inches from Cross'. " You always put an " 's " on the owner's name unless it's plural AND ends in an " s " already. Examples: Men's restroom, Thomas's coal, Players' Gatorade. Cross is one of those words where it looks weird to add the extra "s", but it's needed nonetheless. My name IRL ends in "s", and so I ran into this problem back in preschool when they taught us how to write our names in possessive form. However, I don't think anyone else cares. I just get nitpicky about this.
remember when you said put a :3 when you say something stupid or ruin something by being stupid? I think you should have put a few thousand there.
But O_O...O_-...O_O,...,O_O,...;_; That chapter makes me think of what i was talking to Isekuube about yesterday...I think he might regret his choice. It was saving a person's life... And caaaannnnnnooooottttt wait for the next chapter! It's a really really really good story, and your pulling it in ways I could have never imagined :D
P.S. Oh, yeah, I'm Angelic Tear from earlier. I can't be bother to change accounts now.
New page! :D