With the forums back up it's time to announce the winners! They judging process was quite rigorous, involving me reading each of these things once, then shrugging and picking a few at random.
1st Place: jeburk
Entry: I like the new tradechat :)
It loses a little punch with the 30 second delay update, but the joke is original and 100% relevant to Spiral Knights so I have to give it 1st place. It also has just the right amout of cynical sarcasm with the smiley face at the end.
2nd Place: bsjhepo
Entry: A bear walks into a bar. The bear says to the bartender, "I'd like gin.. and tonic." The bartenders says, "Why the long pause?"
This joke is horrible but it's one of my favorites. Plus I think it's actually better when told in text because of the extra subtlety.
3rd Place: spookas
Entry: Pretentious? Moi?
Again, a very bad joke, but also one of my favorites.
Congratulations, you win Crystal Energy. I'll be online around 8:30pm Pacific (that's about 4 hours from this post) to distribute prizes. Winners, if your in game name is different from your forum account, please post in this thread and let me know so I don't give your hard won spoils to an imposter.
Honorable Mentions:
Syro
Entry: K
Just one letter. If it were a full word, this could have won first place. As just a K, it only makes me think how funny it could be.
Foxhound3857
Entry: Only 100 for first place?
With cynicism, a little goes a long way. While I admire the heart of this joke, the delivery just doesn't work.
Thanks for participating, and I hope this contest eroded your faith in comedy as an art form ever so slightly. I may run something like this again, but first I need to get a bit more CE.
K