Spiral Knights - ralph's revenge accepting apps

ralph's revenge accepting apps

15 replies [Last post]

Mon, 12/10/2012 - 09:05

Knight-Of-India

this is a sequel to my previous story so please kindly read my first story because you won't be able to understand this without reading it

link http://forums.spiralknights.com/en/node/67029

chapter 1 ralph

ah this is just another day is my horrible life it has been a decade(10 years)since that stupid war which killed my kind. the rabbit tastes like chicken my home planet is now just a rock so now i am these days traveling in my ship around the galaxy.i hope i find some people who can help me defeat the order i have been wondering for a few days where have the gremlins gone?

MEANWHILE IN THE MOON WHERE THE GREMLINS HAVE TAKEN REFUGE
"No you can't do this my son the last war we fought with order was a disaster.We can't fight another one" said king tinzinkar who had learned from his mistakes but his son hadn't . "forgive me father but i must do this we must claim back our planet from the knights"saying this he took out his knife and killed his own father so that he could become king himself.

Mon, 12/10/2012 - 14:16

Xenonguard

Three words

Spelling and Capitalization

Mon, 12/10/2012 - 18:45

Immortous

GRAMMAR!

@Neon (punctuation too)

Mon, 12/10/2012 - 22:06

Feline-Grenadier

Fixed it.

Chapter 1: Ralph

Ah, it's just another one of those days in my life. A decade ago, my kind was wiped out in that stupid war, my home planet now a hunk of rock. Nowadays, I just float around in my spaceship, looking for someone to help join me and my cause. Where are the Gremlins?

Meanwhile, in a Gremlin-controlled moon...

"No, you can't do this my son! The last war we fought with Order was a disaster! We can't fight another one," cried out King Tinkinzar, who had learned from his mistakes; his son hadn't .
"Forgive me father, I must do this. We must claim back our planet from the knights," his son replied. He took out a wicked blade and impaled his father, and quietly laid the corpse down. He removed the crown from the old gremlin's head, and gently placed it on himself. He was now king.

[Still makes no freaking sense.]

Mon, 12/10/2012 - 22:10

Feline-Grenadier

And so comes the bashing...

Normally, I would be completely fine with grammatical mistakes, punctuation mistakes, etc.
This is WAY TOO MUCH though. You did a whole friggin series with poorly typed paragraphs, which pretty much forced your readers into not reading.
Fix the writing, then come back.

Tue, 12/11/2012 - 00:35

Softhead

He did another story with the bad grammer said before.

Hence.

Fri, 12/21/2012 - 06:41

Knight-Of-India

yes

I agree i really have to fix my grammar.I would like to thank vinny for correcting my grammar.

Fri, 12/21/2012 - 06:37

Knight-Of-India

chapter 2 the teacher

Well it has been a decade since that war.These days i am just a mecha knight who is teaching students.A few rumors,though not from a reliable source, tell that the base of operations or more likely the refuge for the gremlin outcasts have been found but the problem is that unlike the last time the gremlins have build some kind of bomb known as "the nuclear bomb" which has the potential power of destroying an entire city as big as haven and even more but the twist is that they have build it for "defensive" purposes or thats what the emberlight gremlins say.It is said that a few gremlins who were captives in that base of the gremlins escaped and told every single word to chief Fedaro (ozlo was sent back to Ilsola for becoming the head of the entire order and the grand in charge of all planets under the order)but unlike most of the captains of planets under the order or better known as the grand federation he prefers peace.So most probably he will send a small contingent of soldiers this base and ask for unconditional surrender if they refuse then a war starts but all of this will only happen if the rumors are true.Oh my students are coming i should prepare

during the class
"Sir what are gremlins?" asked a curious recruit.
"They are a kind who once ruled cradle but all of them either escaped or died except the ember light gremlins who joined us and are now are friends" said zephyr.
"Sir i have heard once you were under the swarm.isn't it true?" said another student.
"Why yes but i was given a new life thanks to the order" said the the intelligent teacher with a rude gein because those memories were still ih his memory bank and the order forgot to clean it.
"So children today your homework is to learn about vanaduke and how to defeat him though he has been killed a million times by knights but for some reason he always come back" saying that he picked up his divine avenger and left.

Fri, 12/21/2012 - 06:39

Knight-Of-India

grammar

i have fixed my grammar so please read it and tell me if there are still some errors
PS i have only fixed the second chapter i am too lazy to finish other chapters so please don't complain

Fri, 12/21/2012 - 07:26

Xenonguard

Tip

Instead of typing the story directly into the forums, it would help to type the chapter into an external program such as Microsoft Word, which has a spell check and grammar check which will help your presentation greatly. After typing the story and finding everything fine, simply copy and paste what you've written into the forums.

Fri, 12/21/2012 - 11:32

#10

Orangeo

Get google chrome. Built in

Get google chrome. Built in spellchecker, sometimes gives you the wrong word though.

Sun, 12/23/2012 - 06:05

#11

Knight-Of-India

this time i am using google chrome

Sun, 12/23/2012 - 06:30

#12

Knight-Of-India

chapter 3 the discovered

this is my role in the story
______________________________
Well,there are reports that we have been discovered but most people think they all are a hoax.Expect me, I think it would be better if take a ship and runaway. I am more of a coward then a fighter i have heard that a small army of knights coming in a few hours.

On the ship which was carrying the army.....
"Sir, there a few thousand soldiers who are defending the base.Your orders,sir?" said the first mate Gengo."Just land there and don't attack until the enemy does" said captain Fango."yes ,sir" saying that the first mate went to the announcement room and said "All,boarding parties get ready to board, thank you".The parties got ready and marched and in a few minutes met the "new king"."Where is King Tinzinkar?" said the Diplomat."He is dead and now i am the king" said the new king."very well young king the orders wants you to surrender and come to cradle your base shall be used as an outpost" said the diplomat."Very well,i shall surrender" saying this he blinked to the guard near him and told him to go and tell everyone to pack.the contingent had already killed a few soldiers who were going to attack them and this made the point that they were powerful enough to kill the entire race.

Sun, 12/23/2012 - 12:11

#13

Feline-Grenadier

...

Better yet, just type it in Microsoft Word. It fixes grammatical and spelling mistakes.

Also, a dialogue works like this:

A decent example:

"Hello Mr. Jelly, how are you?"

"Fine, how about you, Mr. Lichen?"

"It seems that I'm beginning to protrude these barbs and spikes. They itch."

NOT A GOOD EXAMPLE:
"Hello Mr. Jelly, how are you?""Fine, how about you Mr. Lichen?"It seems that I'm beginning to protrude these barbs and spikes. They itch."

What you want to do is press Enter or Return twice every time the character is done speaking. That spaces out the dialogue.

Mon, 12/24/2012 - 09:34

#14

Knight-Of-India

ty vinny

ty vinny u are really helping me and is the stroy better now?

Sun, 05/05/2013 - 03:44

#15

Knight-Of-India

Well it has been a while

Well it has been a while since i had posted on the thread....

So 4th chapter:-

In the ship the new King was given his own room after all he is a king. He somehow was able to contact the other gremlins and in a few minutes the ship was being taken by gremlins ,of course. By now the knights had made a strong hold in the hanger but for how long could they survive against a entire army of gremlins?

'What should we do,sir?" said gengo.

'We can only hope that the order sends some reinforcements' said the scared Fango.

'Is there any hope for our survival,sir?'

'Most probably not but I have a small idea. Why not use that old escape pod i had built here?'

'But sir that can only carry 10 people and there at least 100 of us here.'

'Yes but at least a few us can survive. Quickly, go and tell all vanguards to get ready to escape. Only vanguards!!'

'So all the vanguards rushed like mad dogs after the captain and "non-vanguards" thought that the gremlins had somehow breached the other exit and they were going to protect it. So, they stood still.

"Quickly,open the hanger before the other knights find out about this!" said the captain.

'Sir,it has been opened!!' said a vanguard.

'But,sir, it can carry only 10 people and we alone are 11.'

' I know' saying this captain took out his peacemaker and put 5 clean shots into the vanguards body.

'Now, does anyone have anymore questions?'

'NO,SIR!!' said everyone except the captain.

'If you want to live get into the escape pod and shut up!'

So the knights left their comrades to die and by the time the realized this.... lets just say they were dead.

And then the proud king said,"My fellow gremlins we have won are first victory against the order!!"

Saying this he stabbed the last of the knights.

MEANWHILE IN SOME DIFFERENT PART OF THE GALAXY.

Ralph had found the last of the Morai. Who had managed to escape the fury of the order but these creatures are still powerful and ready to help him.
'

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ralph's revenge accepting apps